Am I crazy? I looked after my in laws for 6 years. At the time I barely knew them they lived 1500 miles away?
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Am I crazy? I looked after my in laws for 6 years. At the time I barely knew them they lived 1500 miles away?
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I have been married for 20 plus years and for the first time ever I asked him to stay with my father for 2 nights, he is competent bet 86 years old and my sister is afraid to leave him alone for 2 nights. He vehemently opposed it and only after I had a huge fit telling him about how he can't give up 2 nights in his life when I gave six years. After 3 days of arguing he finally said yes, but I don't even want him to do it now. I am crushingly hurt that he has so little consideration for the effort I put in to take care of his parents. They both lived to over ninety. I honestly feel like my marriage is over is it?
Additional Details
to strtovr you have hit the nail on the head. as well as taking care of his parents I also helped to raise his two kids and deal with a sister who had uncontrolled bipolar disease. His whole family are takers. No matter what I do it's never enough. I had a breakdown 4 years ago and everytime I disagree with him I'm "not well": I left him for six months and just returned in Dec. he convinced me that he really understoon and would be there for me, that lasted 90 days and now we're back to business as usual.
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Tish
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First of all you have every right to feel the way you do. Second of all maybe he doesn't feel capable of watching after your father. Maybe he feels like if something took a turn for the worst he wouldn't be confident to make the correct decisions especially if there was an emergency! Maybe you should explore the reason of why he honestly didn't want to do it. If they are completely selfish then you should share how much that hurt you and how the situation could be mended. I know it's tough and hard but don't throw in the towel based off one event. |
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It's Me U Mutha
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ya but ur dad looked after u wen u were a little kid |
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Douglas B
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That's up to you, if you want to throw 20 plus years away for one petty spat. To let you in on one thing though, I would have felt odd and awkward having to stay with my father in law, feeling that I might get something wrong or whatever, but I wouldn't have fought it like he did. It was a big mistake on his part and I hope that you can both view it as that and find a way to mend this problem area. |
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Soon 2 Be Mrs. Pumpernickle
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You might want to calm down and look at his side too. Is it possible that your husband is afraid he can't offer the best care for your father? I don't think it's about not wanting to help you, but rather him being afraid of failing you. don't let this ruin your marriage. It's not worth throwing a marriage of over 20 years down the drain because you two aren't able to see the other side. Please reconsider and talk to your husband, without arguing. |
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curiouscanadian
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Don't ask his permission - just say this is the way it is right now and if you don't like it you know what you can do! This is my Dad we are talking about and I am not about to let you get in the way of me caring for him when he needs it. Yes you must not back out now - if only to prove a point. Your husband is acting in a very selfish manner and needs to be reigned in a bit otherwise he will think he can get away with this everytime a conflict comes up. |
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