Am I naive to be involved with an older man (early 40s - I

Ms_S

Look, I am 24 and married to a 41yrold man, we met three years ago. He was never married before me, and he didnt have any children, but trust me he had baggage enough. Anyone that much older than you has almost an extra lifetime of baggage than you do. This guy has a lot, 2 kids and an ex who will always be in his life and yours because of the kids. And presumably you are going to get a lot of c-r-a-p from the daughters for dating their dad. I would give my dad stick if he started to date someone my age. I would only get involved with him if you really love him, or you really think this could work. Or if you just want a casual affair and you think you can manage keeping it from his kids and ex.

This is a ticking timebomb, stay away unless you reeeeeeaaallly know what you are getting yourself in for.

Good luck.

Barney R

Don't judge anything on age.
If it is right, go for it.

Flower Girl

My husband is 13 years my senior, has 3 kids. But the oldest one is 26 and I am mid 30's. It could work, but alot of it depends on the attitude of the children.

Explorer

no you are not, he will probably treat you far better than younger guys.
I say enjoy your time together

square_dotzz

Just by you considering some type of relationship with this man .. he must feel as if all his Christmas' have come at once. What an ego boost for him. He has an history and daughters your age - long term would be very difficult to make it work. Surely there are some young men your own age that can offer you more .. I am sure you deserve it !!

Bobby D

Wait until after the divorce. If you two hit it off after that, go for it!

Chefed#1

It all depends on if he is honest with you . I had a girl 26 years younger than me .We mutually agreed to part because she wanted to party all the time .She also wanted a younger partner .I would of taken care of her had we fallen in love.

Brian Da Dog

As long as you accept this for what it is. You are the piece on the side and nothing more. Do not look to make a long term relationship out of this. This man will look to do that with someone closer to his age when he becomes bored with you.

m d

Age is just a number, the real issue is maturity level. I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as you and he feel comfortable around each other what dose it matter what the hell the rest of the world thinks?

justanotherone

Only you know the answer to that. Is he placing all the blame on the ex-wife for the divorce? Or is he accepting his part of the responsibility? How long has he been separated from the ex? Is he close to his children?

If he is playing the victim in the divorce, chances are he's not a keeper. If he and his wife are just recently, within the past year, separating & divorcing, then statistically, it's not going to last with you. If he's close to his daughters, and they hate you, do you really want to get in the middle of that situation?

Of course, he may be a great guy. I wouldn't make any wedding plans anytime soon, but it's okay to get to know him, become great friends, and help support him through this time.

Sorry deleted

The old (I'm divorcing my wife) trick hey.

prettyblueeyes101010

You should wait to be involved with him until after the divorce is final. His wife can use you as leverage to get more financial gain.

Terry C.

Yup...because you will realize that 20 years is like another generation(i.e. you are in his daughters' generation, not his), and that ultimately you don't have anything in common...Translation-

You=His Trophy Girlfriend/Potential Trophy Wife

Reo

Love has no age so if you feel that you want to pursue a relationship with him you just need to do one thing. Make certain he is divorced before you go further. If you don't there could be one Heep of a mess on your hands and you don't want that do you?

Lydia

Pretty much, but also leaning to the stupid stage. There is something wrong with HIM if he wants a girl as young as you. And you, why would you want to date someone who could be your father -- ewww, the ick factor...
Plus, no matter the age, you shouldn't be dating anyone unless they are at least one year past the divorce being finalized.
You are his rebound honey.

stoppdemadness2003

Always use caution. This guy is rebounding right now. As for the age, well it can be difficult for both of you with that many years between you. Your interests are so different and although right now you both think you are in love, wait 10 years and see how you feel about being 30 and married to a 50 something man who is tired and settling into his ways and you still needing to sew wild oats. Not a good Combo. Good Luck..

fatgirlagain

Do you really want a ready made family? I dont think this is the best opportunity out there for you!

MisMischievous

You will probably end up with the short end of the stick, but it's up to you. He certainly gets a big boost to his ego with a 'half his age gal' when he reenters the dating game legally. Plus you will be caught in the middle of all the divorce mess which is likely to be unpleasant at best. Age difference relationships can be unusual to deal with any way and this situation just intensifies the trouble.

The fact that you asked the question the way you did....says alot. You already know the answer.

ellie

I think you should do what you feel is right for yourself and also for your partner although the few people ihave known that had a relationship with a man so much older turns into trouble. my sister married a man 27 yrs. older than herself he had 3 teenage children and she was always placed on back burner, children were jealous, would not respect her fighting and hard times came and then divorce. in your case his children are your age, i think there could be problems, you might very well be running into trouble. remember that his children will always come before you, especially because they are not yours, they could also have issues with there father because he is having a relationship with someone there age.have to look at all sides. I still believe though that if you feel it could work and it makes all happy then give it a shot, you should also keep in mind that the relationship can go down. he might also be looking for an imediate replacement for his wife, i think it is to soon and dangerous to be involved in this relationship the first one is not even over yet, give this more thought. good luck

myhomesara

If You think that this is what u really want then it is your choice to make. Your life is your own and so is your destiny.... anyway i wish u luck

justmebackagain

42 year old man here, sweet heart, you are being used.
think about the way his daughters must feel about that, not good, and still he carries on with you, if he cant respect his daughters,,what chance have you got

lost.in.love

Good luck. He'll probably do the same thing to you in a few years (obviously you helped him cheat on his wife which lead to this divorce), but you'll be too old to divorce or too far in a hole so you'll just forgive him and stay married. Have fun being secretly hated by step daughters the same age as you.

V D W C D

i'm 21 and my married man is 55!

You ask, I answer

yup. and since he's not divorced yet, he is cheating with a young woman in the eyes of the court. not to mention you are the same age as his kids.

Tommy S

If he didn't have the ex-wife and kids I would say go for it. But I only see problems coming for you as it is now.

iloveyou

you're not naive. you just have low self esteem. why date someone who has so much baggage?
yuck.
if i was young in my 20s would either focus on school or date a man late 20s to early 30s who never got married, with no kids or baggage so we can build a life together and enjoy each others company.
people with baggage usually have bad habits that are contagious.
u can date him if u want. maybe you feel sorry for him, who knows. personally if i liked myself, id want someone more like me= no baggage, around my age.

ESL

if you're doubting enough to be asking that question on Yahoo Answers, you should avoid this relationship. Also, the above person is right -- at least wait til the divorce is final.

You should also think about how the rest of his family (kids, etc.) are going to treat you if it lasts....

justwonderingwhatever

I don't think so. I've always been attracted to an older man. If you have feelings for him..go for it!

Sariel V

I would not be surprised if you two were to undergo a divorce a couple of years from now. (maybe less)

Moxie Crimefighter

Naive...no, not really...you are both probably the same maturity wise.

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