Am I over-reacting about his contact with other girls?

Open and honest communication is the best way to handle it. Do not attack him because when guys are attacked they get defensive and shut down. Just tell him the truth. HE left HIS email on your computer and you happened to see it. Then after seeing the "Hi Honey" email you looked further, just as anyone else would have. Tell him you understand that at the time you were having problems, but it still hurts you. Ask him what his relationships are with these girls and just discuss where the two of you are at. Remind him that he is not trapped with you and if thats what he wants (the ex or the other girls) then show him the door, but if he wants to be with you and work through you "difficult times" he can't be running to the comfort of his ex's arms everytime something happens. Every relationship requires work and communication. Relationships are built on trust and sneaking around behind your partners back and hiding things like this is not health for either of you. Good Luck!

confused<3

Talk to him! Communication is the only thing that is going to save your relationship especially now that there are trust issues.

HIS!

Confront him. I'm assuming you're married so this needs to be addressed and you deserve some truthful answers. A married man with character doesn't run to old (or any) other woman when he's having trouble at home. Home is what is most important. He really needs to grow up. And he can if he wants to, but he needs to be confronted. He could really use a mentor (a man) who will hold him accountable. Most of those relatioships involve Bible studies and/or church. I don't know if that's an option with you guys, but you might consider it.

gummystar_00

no you're not
better talk to him about it

NY Lonestar

you reading his email was a normal reaction. wrong as it may be, you can't beat yourself up over it. perhaps it was meant to be that way. maybe he even intentionally left it open so you could read it. some men will set us women up to be the bad guy to end the relationship, cuz then it gives them a reason to run to another woman, or to blame us for the break up. it's easier for some men to walk away when we're the ones telling them to leave. I know from experience. I say get out while the getting is good. Trust is something every relationship needs....do you want to spend the rest of your life doubting that he is being sincere when you know he's speaking with women on the internet? you deserve better. good luck!

LOVELY25

Girl leave him he will do nothing but hurt you more and more. Tell him to go be with her. Make sure you let him know you know about the email he sent her.

CottonCandy

It's funny that I found this because I went through the same with my husband when we were having problems. Of course, we were already married and had been for years, so it was work it out or get divorced-you have it a little easier here; you can just leave. I don't know how long you've been together, but you obviously feel this is worth saving or you would have just walked out. Are you living together? Anyway, in my opinion, you should do one of two things:

1. If you have access to his email (which some will argue is an invasion of privacy, but he left it open!), then I would keep an eye on it to see if he really isn't talking to anyone anymore. If he isn't, just leave it alone since you were having issues and you were going to leave, but decided to stay.

2. You could confront him about it. He will probably get upset that you read his emails and get defensive, too. He may even throw things in your face. Maybe tell him you didn't mean to invade his privacy, but he left it open and you want to make sure this is not going to continue. If you do this, LET HIM TALK before giving all the info you know...you might just catch him in a lie.

The point is, if you are going to dwell on the past, you mind as well just leave. Saying you'll stay means letting it go and moving on. Now, if it continues, then leave. Also ask yourself, if you were to find out he was still doing this, would you still stay? If so then there's no point in even bringing it up because you're not going to act on it anyway.

Love Me

no way.. i agree that he's looking for someone else then let you go.. come on dating websites, yeah he was definately looking for someone else...

JBoogy

You are in no way overreacting! Every marraige/relationship has problems and unless both partners agree to work on things it will never get better with one person trying. Just because you went through difficult times together doesnt mean that gives your husband the right to go searching dating sites and lusting around with his highschool sweetheart.... He is cheating on you emotionally atleast if not physically. because you mentioned something about him saying : "when we're in each other's arms" therefore he has met with her...... you dont need this crap honey...there are too many other men out there thaty will treat you better and respect you and not cheat on you...why try if he isnt? really! you are wasting your time.. in my opinion you should have gone out the door when you were going to originally he saounds like a real a$s! Be strong and take care of what you need , let him go on with that women and hurt her instead of you,,,i have news for her , if he is cheating on you with her what does she think he will do to her....it's those stupid women who fall for that crap that make the rest of us look bad! anyway....Good Luck!

Jeremy

He should not be sending and receiving emails like this to any female - especially an old fling. And meeting that fling for a weekend?? You're certainly not over-reacting - you need to talk to him about this. You and your husband need to solidify your relationship - nail down where it stands, get on the road of rebuilding it, and avoid placing yourselves in dangerous situations (i.e. meeting old sweethearts for the weekend).

Jaime S

You're hurt, I don't think that being hurt by his behavior is an overreaction. You have to let him know that it feels like a betrayal that when you were in fact NOT seperated he felt the need to romantically interact with other women, remind him how he would feel if he read those same things from your ex. Let him know it is never ok to stray when things are bad and that is when he should be putting extra attention to your relationship and if he puts his attention on other women instead, you all are dommed for failure. Make sure this relationship is what he wants and just be honest about your feelings. He will never learn from his mistakes unless he knows how it hurt you. And remember we are all human and make mistakes. So don't leave if you still love him, give him a chance to be sorry and make it up to you. You can forgive, it takes time, but it can happen. I always like to write all my feelings out on paper and then give it to him. This might help you get everything out. Good luck!!

arkiegirl

First of all.. He does not respect you in any way shape or form. If he did, he would not be spending his time, telling an ex-girlfriend how "miserable" you make him. My advice, tell him he needs to make a choice.. either leave, or ditch the computer and make a REAL effort to work on your marriage.

Also, in regards to Christian counseling.. I am a Baptist as well. And I can tell you first hand, that just because a person knows the Lord as their Savior, does not give them a "free pass" on their own wrong-doings. Being saved does not mean that we can do what we want, and never have to worry about consequences. I'm not sure of your beliefs, but I can promise you this.. Your husband will not get away with what he has done to you. It may not be now, or even next year.. but he will reap what he has sows.. the good and the bad. So, it's not like he can just pray for forgiveness, and get away with it. That's not how it works.. Yes, the Lord WILL forgive, as He always does, however that does not mean that your husband won't be repremanded in some way.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time with your husband. I know it sounds cliche, but if you love him.. and you really want to make things work, then you two are going to have to put a lot of effort into your marriage, and really make some changes. I think the main thing right now (if you choose to stay), is that the computer needs to go.. at the very least, internet access needs to be shut off.

I'm not one to support divorce.. but given your husband's actions, I wouldn't blame you one bit if you leave him. Especially if he shows no interest in changing and making things work.

Just talk to him, and tell him what you want.. and what you will/will not stand for. Let him know that you are not going to put up with him talking about you that way to anyone. Also, he needs to stop all communications with those women.. since it's pretty obvious what his intentions are with them.

I wish you the best of luck.

SLICK

leave now, its all over. he is using you for a place to call home.save the emails and see a divorce lawyer. then you will really make him feel miserable

anitomic

Talk to him. If he needs to confide in OTHER women or men (whatever) about you being horrible, and if he feels the NEED TO BE IN HER ARMS, I sincerely hope you'll leave him. Don't let him torture you..

shorty

First of all you need to talk to him directly and find out how he feels about your relationship. Find out where you guys stand.
If it bothers you that much to know he is talking to his ex's, then i would definitley bring it up to him an let him know how you feel. Be honest no matter what, it will help in the end.

tjnstlouismo

Your husband is simply a liar and a cheat. He won't change, my guess is that he has always been this way. No matter what the truth is, he will always tell his g/f's that things are bad with you, its how he justifies his behavior.

The question is, why do you have so little self respect that when faced with this you consider staying? You might want to get some counseling to figure that out.

bestadvicechick

Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I would feel absolutely hurt, angry and betrayed. When a couple goes through a "rough patch," it doesn't give each of them permission to immediately go out & try to find other people. To me, that should only happen AFTER the divorce! You can't truly commit yourself to making your marriage better if you're also out on the internet trolling for a piece. I would be very upset. Have you confronted him with any of this? I'm not sure I would. I think I would give him all the rope and he can hang himself....as they say. By that, I mean I would let him tell his lie, go off on his weekend, then see if he has the affair he seems to be planning. If he does, then that shows you his TRUE colors. Because let's face it, if you confront him,he'll just tell you "oh she doesn't mean anything" or "it's just talk, you know I'd never cheat on you." That's bull. I'd wait to see what he does.

Neva N

"When we're in each others arms"!!! Sounds like he's already made physical contact with her. If you think you can trust him, give him a shot, if you don't, get out. That 's a matter for you to decide. Intuition is not paranoia.

Blu

Sounds like he has been planning a get away trip for awhile now. Dating Websites, his Ex? Yeah somethings up with him and you need to be straight forward with him and find out what it is. If he loves you and wants to really make your relationship work, then he should be willing to talk to you and not go off on some Internet and make plans, talk intimately with anyone. You may want to think hard on this one, because the next fight you 2 have, he will be back on the computer telling his ex or whoever that he can't wait to be in their arms.

Tweek

get out now just leave
deal with the pain it gets easier
trust me on this
even if you do manage to work stuff out you will have resentments. Its a very difficult thing to forget and get over.

not to mention major trust issues on both your parts.
without trust you really dont have much of a relationship.

CatNip

How obvious does he have to make it: your relationship with him isn't that serious. Oh, he'll say and do all the "right" things to make you think so, but in the end, the relationship is dead.
He is in this waiting mode, until he can find something better.

pinky

First and foremost, print them out and put them in a safe deposit box (just in case you need them at some point) Have the bill sent to your office or rent a PO box for it.
The emails stopped in September and he still has them? This is weird. Seems he may have stopped his activities but is not willing to let the fantasy go.
Make him delete the emails in your presence and then empty the deleted box. Then shut down the computer for a while. This is considering that you want to save the marriage.
Did you check his sent emails to be sure?
Ask him what he intends to do to gain your trust. We normally make it to easy on them by telling them 1-2-3 what to do. Make him figure this out and let him work on it. Don't let him off easily.

Coco

First of all,tou shouldn't have read his emails without his knowlege.It's invasion of his personal space{he can hold it against you later}
Well,i'm stomped.I think you should just talk to him.There's really no excuse for what he did.Don't be bothered about the chicks from tha dating sites{nothing going on there} u should be more concerned aboutthe ex
i'd raise hell.But you aren't me so think over what you're going to say and approach him very calmly and rationally
Making him something to eat while you talk might also be a good idea.:-}

Can questions be sumed up in few words this is long what i scan thru you should not spy on your hubby either you trust him are you dont if you dont move on he may have left it open so you could read it get on your job are clock out

KingDavid

This is a hard situation. No long ago my wife and I were having problems and one she left her email log in. She have been writing to her mother all this horrible stuff about me. I couldn't believe what I was reading. First because it was not true, second because she was being so sweet to me. I know what you read is not going to get out of your head anytime soon. Only time will take care of that. The biggest issue here is him talking to other women. You need to talk. Confront him about it and I think a trial separation period between you to will do a lot of good. Sometimes time away is needed. You had the right idea to begin with....good luck!

OOO K 611

No need to babysit!!! If you love him keep forgiving him because the next guy will cheat on you too or worse. What you should do is grow up and deal with reality. You want someone you can trust get a dog. Here I'll help you with the facts of life you obviously haven't learned yet:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins all relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. I don't lie.
...k

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