Am I the only woman......?

Kim

I do that. My daughter is great, husband does everything he can for me, but when I get home from a long day, i see everything that needs to be done. Try to divide myself into a dozen to get it all done and still be a mom, a wife and a lover. Damn the stress from just walking in the front door some days is just a total mood Killer. Id love to go home and be cheery and happy,but by the time you Rush around like a mad woman, your quite pissy.

FatElvis

I am so glad I'm not married to you. I just might have to buy my wife flowers because she's not like you.

Whoa_Phat

Are you my wife?
You can talk to me about it later tonight, I really want to help BC I love you very much and I really don't appreciate being unappreciated, and yelled at all the time. I work hard for you, the kids and the household and wnat to make things better for you.

Clarissa

I used to always use the drive from work to home as a transition period and make sure I centered myself to change from 'supervisor' (or whatever it is you do for a living) to 'mom'. I would deep breathe and try to leave all the work b.s. at work so I could focus on family.

It sound like it's just the reverse for you....do you feel appreciated at home or is just flat out pissing you off that you go to work every day and then come home to more work? That is incredibly frustrating and I used to do that when my ex wouldn't lift a finger at home..........

P S

You are one of the busiest women by you have to give your children your affectionate, sincere & devoted love which will generate a deep bonding with them. Try tobe physically & emotionally with them for your bright future.

insanevictor

do you feel happy at home? or do u sometimes feel sufficated, like if no one appreciates you, or you just feel this act of Anxiety that you cant controll... maybe your not as Thrilled to come home as you use to be for X number of reasons...try figuring out why that reason is.. or if anything, break from the routine and do something diff. after work, i really hope you get something solve, good luck

Dino

Wow, first it bothers me just a bit that it doesn't bother you that you might trash out your husband - troubling.

I have a suggestion. I'm going to assume (I know, that's bad!) that your mood is attached to stress at work, or perhaps stress from trying to be supermom (stress from trying to do it all), or perhaps stress at home. I would encourage you to take that "poison" and mentally throw it in a field as you travel to your home. Literally picture yourself throwing your stressful feelings, your anger, and your venom into that field and leave it there. Then when you arrive home you won't have it any more, therefore none to fling at your family. I would also suggest not jumping right into being mom, and cooking or what ever other demands are on you. I say relax for a few minutes. Explain to the family that dinner is going to be later, but they get a better mom out of the deal. Also, make dinner prep a group activity - everyone eats it, so everyone can help prepare it and help clean it up. Once they see the new you, they're going to jump in and help just to keep this awesome new lady in the house.

Now what's the deal with you and your husband?

thegirlwholovedbrains

I think you're actually venting your frustration from your day at work on the "safe" people in your life. Either that... or the commute is getting to you. Are you a road rager? I don't mean do you act on it... but does it make you crazy when you get cut off etc?

Try stopping on the way home... just do 5 minutes in a coffee shop, tea shop, wine shop, florist, greenhouse, in the nail polish aisle at CVS...

Or have a glass of wine as soon as you walk in...

Or listen to relaxing music on the way home... or something you love that puts you in a good mood...

Try changing out of your work clothes before you leave work... or go to the gym on the way home... or just change your clothes as soon as you walk in if you don't normally do so. Sometimes just changing into your "Mom/Honey mode" and getting out of the power suit is enough to change your mood.

Have pictures of the kids in the car... a picture of a romantic trip or moment between you and hubby... or something they made for you when they were in preschool... just a reminder that they're cherished and not to be used as targets.

If you're really struggling and it just won't work, try a few sessions with a counselor. It's not painful and there might be a simple mind trick that you can use (once you've figured out why you're doing this) to just trigger your better side for those who love you the most.

Best to you...

xzone fan..

that,s normal because every one hate rush hour.

seattleman

Yep, it's bad and you're not the only one. What happens is that we sometimes take those that we love for granted and we vent our stress onto them. It is like kicking the dog.

If you think about the fact that this is selfish behavior and that you've got your priorities backwards...maybe you can bring yourself out of this funk, but in any event, there is no excuse for abusing your children like this. Such treatment sets them up for a similar life on an emotional rollercoaster.

Maybe you should try counseling? Where your husband may be able to fend for himself or make his own decision about your relationship, starting right now, your children deserve a loving mother, so get it together.

Mr nice guy 2U

I have to believe that not caring if your nasty to your husband may be the problem you are nasty to begin with. why would you not care if your rotten to the man you are spending the rest of your life with. Or are you not going to keep your vows either? If you don't care about making your husband upset I guess there are problems between you two and that is causing your anger

bluelitttt

do you drink on the way home, sure sounds it
better go get some help before your driving home to a empty appartment

farmergirl100904

That doesn't happen to me, but I have experienced similar "anger triggers". No matter what I do, or what the other person does, just being around them irritates the living daylight out of me. I don't know why that happens!

LindaLou

Use the ride home as a time to relax. Turn off the radio and meditate (keep your eyes open though) by setting out your intentions for the remainder of your day. Intend for peaceful, harmonious interactions with and relationships with your family and whatever else you want. It may not happen immediately, it may be something you need to do for a couple of weeks before you see a change, but I guarantee that over time you will become a happier person and much more pleasant for your family to be around.

You may seriously want to use your employee assistance program. You probably start thinking about the problems you have to confront at home and get worked up. Also, there are some drugs that you may want to talk with a DR about for short term use ie 4 weeks like wellbutrin (sp?) that may help adjust your response time. Good Luck

bina64davis

Holy Crap! I swear I thought this was only me. But usually I enjoy the ride home, but once I walk in the door, I'm pissy. I sometimes think it's because I psych myself out with thoughts like "Oh God, I wonder if the kitchen is going to be a mess. I wonder if my kids are in a good mood. I wonder who is going to want what from me that I can't provide". I'm interested in seeing what the others have to say.

GREAT question!

Panther

U r having a depression I guess :(
Hard and difficult job? Many responsibilities? Personal problems? Family problems?...
U know what? start to think about urself a bit. Depression isn't an easy thing to get over. Sweetie u need a break! U need to go for a holyday or camping ALONE. Try to relax and rest a bit and then u'll have strength to think about what's going on and how to fix it. I know u can do it; u just need a break to get over the huge depression u r having now.

Good luck to u!

qurious

Before a solution can be applied, you might consider when this behavior began, why it doesn't bother you that you're mean and nasty to your husband, why it does bother you that you're ugly to your children, and why you become transformed on the way home. All this is, is learned behavior. You must know it's not fitting behavior at work, so why is it OK at home? or on the way home?To put your behavior into words, it's Ok to be nice anywhere else except home. Find out why.

realistic

Does your husband know that it doesnt bother you to be mean to him. Maybe you should tell him so he could find a sane woman who does not abuse her children.

zenÃ¨

don't feel alone cause i am in the same boat. the best thing to do is to discover the cause of you feeling that way. then you can try to see if you can't fix the cause. something is making you upset and makes you feel so down and upset. That causes you to feel that nothing in youre life or yourself makes you feel happy. It's hard to keep in but if you wanna burst walk out room and when you feel better go back cause the kids are the easiet way cause they don't back chat or hold anything against you, but cause them to feel unsafe. So walk away when feel angry and find out the cause of making you feel that way when home, cause something bothers you that makes you angry. maybe you and your husband must also get a time just for the 2 of you cause with kids that happens seldom and makes you feel unwanted and frustrated.

pwwatson8888

Obviously not by the other respondents but you have some serious issues you need to look at. Anger for no reason (you said you can have a good day at work) is not for no reason it is for an unknown reeason. Stress, aggression or something which comes out in your driving. Medically you should try St John's Wort tablets as these are non prescription and work great. But you also need to talk to someone, preferably a close friend who thinks you have a sunny disposition. Maybe a priest / vicar if you know any but I assume you don't or you would know that anger is one of the seven deadly sins. It is deadly not only because it raises your blood pressure and damages your heart over the long term but also as it corrodes relationships as you can see for yourself. Maybe you have power at work and feel disempowered at home? I don't know. You need to ask yourself what makes you angry and why because both your marriage and your health are at risk. The one good thing is you are scared by this and hemce asked the question. Good luck to you.

maddogcrog

wow! are you sure your happy at home... are you sure you are in love with your Husband! I think your not happy at home!!!

HAPPY BORI

you"re stress dear .change the routine before go home as soon as you get home take a bath tub relax then keep it up with the kids.

Caroline

I don't think you are the only one- I get the same way, I think it's the pressures at work where we cannot let it go and erupt or else it may costs us our job- so we take it out later on our family. You need to find a way to channel this anger and turn into something positive. Have you considered going to the gym to let the steam off? Or try running for half hour, it will also help you clear your mind. Added bonus- you will be in great shape!

PROUD OKIEFAN!

OK MRS. BALDWIN, THIS IS WHAT I THINK...YOU'RE NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO HAS'NT HAD A BAD DAY OR EVEN BAD DAYS? I'M ON EDGE RIGHT NOW CAUSE WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING IS FACE TO FACE DEALING WITH PEOPLE, BOY WHAT A NIGHTMARE SOMETIMES! TRY AND TAKE A FEW DEEP BREATHS BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE HOUSE AND MAYBE TRY AND REVERSE ROLES
SO YOU'LL KNOW HOW THEY MIGHT FEEL!..GOOD LUCK!

dad

I f you know that your doing this then you either need some sort of counseling or stay away from the children . Don't you think we have more then our share of dysfunctional kids . i think your husband needs to put the pants on and show you how it feels . when your kids grow there going to be the same to you not that you don't deserve it

coldkiss

I am the same way, I have the best job but by the time I get home I am spitting nails-for no reason! I honestly do not understand it. My mom suggested a mood lightener, but I havent tried it.

daisydownsouth

I know just what you mean, although I am not ugly to my child I am horrible to my husband. It is like as soon as I get off work and get home and he asks me how my day was I want to rip his freakin head off. I am a hairstylist and I talk to alot of people during the day and I want to come home, kick my shoes off and have peace and quiet for the rest of the night. I feel sorry for my husband but I cant help it. Lately, I have been going to my room as soon as I get home and take a bubble bath and relax for a little while and both my husband and my son know not to bother me and when I come out I am o.k. I thought I was the only woman that does this, Try some alone time when you get home maybe that will help.

mzadamz

You are not the only woman that does this. I think the reason that it happens is that many of us are thinking of all the things that we must do at work the next day as well as the things we must take care of at home because we are responsible moms. By the time we get there, we have ourselves so worked up, we just snap. It doesn't mean you are a bad mother. It doesn't mean that you are a bad wife. What it means is that you are really really stressed out. Drive home slowly. Don't worry about ppl passing you on the freeway or highway. Just drive 55. Listen to relaxing music on the way. One night a week, order pizza. Treat yourself to a pedicure or manicure once every few weeks. GARDEN. YOGA. Get a massage. Do something for YOU. If you don't take care of yourself, you will never be able to give your family the best.

When you feel the explosion coming, walk away. This is difficult but you must train yourself. If something makes you angry(ie. kids didn't do chores) when you walk in the door. Write it on a note pad and say "I expect this to be done now." Or write down what is upsetting you and say "What can we do to change this" Don't scream. I'm certain that this new action will get their attention louder than anything you've ever said. They will be shocked at the change.(And probably a little scared)

Mzkaren

Do you have a favorite band? Mine is Heart. If I am feeling a bit stressed, I pop in a tape, roll down the windows and crank it up, sing along. That way, I don't think about what I have to do when I get home.

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