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*Swimfan48*
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If his kids want to see him....and he wants you to have a relationship with them....then you should try....Many people in that sort of situation feel like an outsider when the kids are around....It is even that way for people that just marry into a family....They are not bonded to the family....BUT you need to make an effort....You do not need to go out of your way, to see them or spend time with them....BUT if he cares for them you should try at least seem like you care....at least when they are around....
He came with baggage and you need to take it....BUT if they go out of their way to NOT spend time with you....or are not nice to you....You should just try to tolerate them when they are around.... |
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joyceeleann
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wow..your relationship isn't gonna last...those kids are his life...Your just the wife..You won't win. |
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Colleen O
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You'd better learn to accept your husband's children because they will ALWAYS be his children. If you couldn't accept them then you should never have married him. If you can't accept them then you obviously do NOT love your husband because they ARE a part of him and not accepting THEM is not accepting that part of your husband. |
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Bobby D
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If the kids are important to him, they should be important to you. If that isn't possible, you could at LEAST tolerate them. |
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Rich B.
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He is right, you are disturbed. Does family mean nothing to you? Does his life mean nothing to you? What? Your going to expect him to seperate his past from his future and orbit your sunlight? Not only is that light too dim but he is who he is because of his past, not in spite of it.
You need to look at yourself. Hard. |
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dragonflykagerou84
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You married him, wether you like it or not they are your family. Just because they are "of age" and from a previous relationship gives you no right to hate them. Don't be a wicked stepmother, don't be bitter, you will be happier to accept them and create some sort of bond, even if its just respecting them. |
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seventhyearfalling
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You accepted him.
In doing that, you accepted all of him - including the distended parts of him (his kids) you may not get along with.
You don't have to like them - but accept them as part of his life.
If he loves them it's something you need to do. |
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Marge
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You married him yes but if wants his children around in his life make it easier for both of you by accepting them. They are his blood. |
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firefly tattoo ~*o*~
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they will still be HIS kids even when you are the ex-wife!!! my dad divorced his wife 'cause of the same thing and hopefully if your husband has any backbone at all he will do the same thing. those are his kids. You need to put yourself in his situation. Your husband is right you are disturbed! |
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Sparkles
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I give your marriage a year if that with such a selfish attitude. |
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Takkuso
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You may not love your husband's previous life, but his children are not "previous." Children thoroughly affect a person's past, present and future.
You say the children have their own "life and parents", but you fail to realize that their "own parents" includes your husband. They may be of age, but they will always be your husband's children; and now that you've married him, they are your step-children.
It's hard to hear, but you're almost guaranteed to come in second place if you force him to choose between his new wife, and his children. It sounds bad, but there is a solution: Don't make him choose. Accept his /present/ life as it is - a man with three children. If you do this for him, not only will you relieve him from a lot of family stress, but he will love you more because of your willingness to make sacrifices for his betterment. |
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Lynn
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The first thing is that, yes, you did marry him.
But you married him and everything that comes with him.
His previous life may not have been yours, but his kids will always be a part of his life.
Although they may take some time to warm up to you, I suggest that you be there to accept them into your life, when that time comes. That will impress your husband that you're willing to take that step in accepting his children as well as may very well bring you closer to your husband. |
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Amy D
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the kids come with the marriage you should have discussed this before you ever talked about marriage |
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Born Again Atheist
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It depends on the situation. Do the kids visit/call often? Are they involved with most of the holidays? Are they good kids? Do they treat you with respect? You didn't really give very much information on your situation. If you generally don't want to have to deal with his other family then that is a serious problem. It can and may lead to divorce in the future. |
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xsplodeit
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I CANT BELIEVE HE MARRIED YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIS KIDS................. I DO NOT THINK YOU WILL LAST! |
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FredHH
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yes you are wrong.
But you're selfish, so we expected you to be.
and your first marriage (and probally 7 subsequent ones) failed...
As will this one. |
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Mika
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When you marry someone, you have to take the whole package. You can't just pick and choose which parts to keep in your life and which ones not to. If you are going to make this work, then you are going to have to accept his family. At least try to get to know his kids before writing them off so quickly. Whether you like it or not, his kids are part of his life, and, now that you are married, part of your life. |
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SHANNDEE
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pack up your nightie, natasha -- your marriage is Over with a capital O. |
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Possum
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In my opinion you are wrong, but that is just my opinion. What counts is your husband's opinion of your feelings on the subject. Seems to me he wants a relationship with his children and he is entitled to that. Why should you mind his seeing and having his children even though they are older, in your home? Yes, you married him, but assuming you knew he had children from a previous marriage at the time you said you would marry him, you should have expected to be a good stepmother and stepgrandmother, if the shoe fits.
You say you love him? Then, why on earth would you want to keep him away from his family? That just does not make sense to me at all. Here is my prediction: if you do not change your outlook with regard to his family, then he may choose his family over you one day and leave you because you were not a loving wife after all. I am divorced, but still love all my neices, nephews, and even former in-laws. The marriage problems were with him, not his family. The same applies here, the problems he had were with his former spouse, and not his family, presumably. And you, sorry to say, are not in a position to keep his family away from him. That is not love. It is called dictatorship! |
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♥Care♥
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Yes, you are wrong - plain and simple. They are his children. If you have any desire to stay married to this man you need to get over it and accept these children. Why don't YOU be the bigger one and show them what a nice person you are??? |
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swati_chhavi
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awake ur conscience |
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So you think you know me!?
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When you marry you get the whole package, kids and all! You knew when you married him that he had children. Sooner or later they would come back into his life one way or another. On your end I think you should be alittle more open minded and learn to at least get along with them in everyone's presence! |
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Christina
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i think you are setting yourself up to have a lonely life. it is not right of you. you are suppose to accept your hubby with everything he has and any luggage. he accepted you with all your flaws. you re definitly in the wrong. |
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lisa s
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well i can't judge u..because my b/f has a daughter that don't really care for me too but she want even give me a chance to get to know her either..but if they want to give u a chance why not give them one..get to know them recardless if they didn't come to your wedding...you should know how kids are....they probably think u took their daddy away from them...just try and talk to them..and rememeber give them a chance and if it don't work at least u can say that u tried and that they are the ones that would not give u a chance...it might be that they think that u don't really care to much for them..but u are married to the dad of them i think u should at least try to get to know them better...let your husband see that u are willing to give them a try..good luck |
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luckystar
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im sorry to say this but you are wrong. when you marry him
you also marry his children as well. you cant not say that
you love him but dont wont his children around that not a
good thing, if you truly feel as you do then you should not
have marry him. the children are part of the package. regardless if they came to the wedding or not. |
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Americka S
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It would be nie if you wanted to have a relatinship with them, but it has to be mutual on their part too. So since their of age I say no you guys don'r hae to be friends. But realize they are his kids for life, they came before you and will be there after you. |
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xolaunicaox
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If you love him..you love all that comes with him. It's wrong to not accpet every part of his life because if you knew you couldn't handle it, it should have been a reason to reconsider marriage. At this point it is what you make it; either you sick it up and accept it and show your husband that are behind him in EVERY aspect of his life...or you don't and let it cause constant conflict in your relationship...because it will never go away...he'll always be their father..he doesn't always haev to be your husband. And if he's a good man you don't want to put him in a position where he'll feel that he has to choose..because i'm sure it wont be you. |
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Nedra E
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You are unrealistic.
When you marry someone, you marry all of him, including his relationship with his children. They ARE his children and it would be wrong of you to cut them out of his life. Even if you don't accept them, you have no right to interfere with their relationship with their dad, any more than it would be their right to interfere with your marital relationship.
I find it sad that you don't accept them. If you love HIM, you should want to be at least cordial to them as they are a part of him, and very important to him and he is very important to them.
You need counseling to learn why you want to separate your husband from the children he loves and wants to have a relationship with.
They are NOT part of his previous life. They are part of his Past, his CURRENT life and his future life as well.
If his kids didn't want to come to the wedding then there's more to this than you have said. If they didn't come because they rejected you, then THEY ALSO have a problem. |
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Annie Oakley
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Yes, you are wrong. You married a man with children. If you couldn't accept them and love them, you should not have married him. They are part of him. You are very selfish. I think you are disturbed. He deserves a better wife than you. It's pitiful that you would shut your own husband's children out. You said: "I just want him." You sound like a little whiney crybaby. There are hundreds of single women who would love to get their hands on your husband, and would love to love those kids of his. What a wicked stepmother you are. |
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Mama of 2 boys and baby girl!
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I can see your side ...especially since the kids are older, you married him, not those kids, but for whats its worth you probaly have to tolerate them cuz they will always be around ya know. |
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geeksball
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I like this. You are married to a guy who already thinks you are "disturbed".
That's pretty negative at this stage. I don't give you much hope, particularly when you are writing strangers for advice, and not TALKING TO YOUR HUSBAND.
This relationship is doomed. End the pain quickly, or suffer slowly for the next 10 years.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
PS Unlike MOST of the posters here, I don't think it's your fault. This was not perceived as a problem early on - but why should YOU have to change to fit in with those stupid kids? Look - you made a bad choice - happens every day. Gather your self-image, admit the mistake and find a better partner.
Why waste your time? |
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