Am i being unfair or is he using me?
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Am i being unfair or is he using me?
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I have been in a relationship for nearly 8yrs with a guy from Iraq - he was an asylum seeker and i was a single parent with 3 kids age 9,10 & 11. Throughout this time he has worked (albeit he shouldn't have) he contributed 30% of the utilities while i paid for everything else - including mortgage, loans for house improvements, credit cards, extra food shopping etc
he has always kept 50% of hi wage plus any tips he makes as he is a waiter - my pay usually gets sepnt on everything the house/children need.
My problems is this - kids are now nearly 19, 18 and 17 - we also have a 5yr old together. he now has his leave to remain so is able to work legally. instead of prioritising us (the family) and contributing more of his pay to help pay of the bills/debt acrued over the past 7 1/2yrs, he is buying himself a car and going to visit his family who he has not seen for twenty plus years in Iraq. he states that this is his right - he had initially expected me to pay for both using credit cards but has now accepted that if he wants these things he has to pay for them. He also believes that my three older children should contribute more of their pay (they already pay 10% of their wage/training allowance which i feel is proportionate) or move out! he resents the older two in particular as he feels they shouldn't be able to live of 'us' for free - i feel it is because threy are near adult and a threat to his perceived ego. They also see him living off me for free.
I feel that me and the family should come first, over our time together we have accrued debt, had to have the attic converted to accommodate another child, forgone any kind of holidays, lived from month to month on credit cards - all the debt is in my name.
He would like his proportion of contribution to come off the mortgage rather than the basic utilities/food as he wants the house to be his also - however, he has never bought anything at all for the house, this includes all of its contents.
am i being fair or is he being unfair?
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