Anybody out ther have any experience with a Narcissistic spouse?

daffodil

I am married to a Narcissistic spouse and have a Narcissistic daughter. I had hope with my husband until he cheated on me and blamed me for it because I don't believe he knows everything about everything and am therefore not respecting him so I deserve it. We are currently divorcing.
My daughter I will never give up on. It's just different when it's your child. She continues to wreak havoc on my life, her husband's life as well as her inlaws. She has a new baby and I fear for this childs future and that is another reason why I can't give up hope on her.
I sought counseling as well and was told that unless they perceive they have a problem it's no use in even trying.
I really feel for you. Take care of yourself. There are message boards online that deal with the spouses and children of these people. If only they'd get help. They'd be happier and so would everyone around them.
I googled and found these links as well as many others. They've helped me to understand this situation and realize I wasn't alone or going insane. Hope they help you as well.

I've been with my narcissistic boyfriend for seven years and living with him for the last 4 of those years. And he has not changed, if anything he is even more self involved than before. Being with him for so long has really lessened my quality of life and one day I am going to leave him because it's always going to be a one sided relationship .I gave up 3 years ago and I've just been living with him but I've blocked him out. I had hope for 4 years that he would get better , and he's still the same. He said himself he will never change.

In my opinion these people do not change , they don't want to change because they think in their deluded minds that they are perfect .

But my bf isn't only a narcissist, he's also a compulsive liar, emotional/verbal abuser, master manipulator, controller, and I suspect cheater but he has a way of making you think you are crazy when you know for a fact that you are right .

It's hard being with a narcissist , because they put themselves before anyone and everything else and what they want and there needs are always more important to them .The only time he has ever done anything nice for me, is when he was going to get something out of it for himself. It's always about him, even when I had surgery he didn't care and made the entire day about how tired HE was, he didn't even care or ask how I was after surgery , he just said I'm tired I'm going home to sleep . I hate him so much I'm making myself mad just typing this out, it's unbelievable how selfish some people can be . He refuses to give me any affection , but throws a hissy fit when he doesn't get what he wants .They always get what they want, even if that means hurting others to get it . I'm just thankful I never had kids with this disgusting man .

Logana

Yes, mirroring their abuse often helps, but don't let him know that you are deliberately mirroring him.

Being emotionally unavailable also helps.

Withholding affection can work.

Basically you have to manipulate them into behaving the way you want.

Trouble is you will never have a mutually supportive and loving relationship with a narcissist.

Good luck

something fishy

first rule he needs to want to help himself!

Baby's got blue eyes

Uh oh. For the past 3 years, I thought my husband was being incredibly selfish, hurtful, manipulative, deceiving, telling lots of lies, particularly about himself, self-centred, immature, etc. I have struggled with the hurt he causes, but forgiven him many times because I love him. But I just googled Narcissistic Personality Disorder.. and WOW it sounds like him exactly! I continue to show him every day how much I love him, and he continues to be selfish and secretive and unsupportive. He says he loves me and can change, but he never does. He lives on "planet me". I think our marriage will last only as long as I can put up with it.

â™¥â™¥Disposibleâ™¥â™¥Kissesâ™¥â™¥

Oh my Cullen! You've got a crazy one.

raine

My husband is a self proclaimed narcissist. The stuff I read about NPD totally fits him. When I made him go get diagnosed, they said it was closer to sczhoid personality disorder, which sounded quite similar to me. But my husband is very manipulative, very arrogant, unpredictable, and lacks normal emotions. I thought about divorce before, but I am apparently attracted to several of those traits that would make him a narcissist. So, I'd rather stay with the one I'm already familiar with then just end up dating another. As another user said, and I believe I read it somewhere, you can't really fix NPD with drugs or therapy. Therapy doesn't work, because they don't think there is anything wrong and therefore there is nothing to fix. My husband has gone to counseling with me, and pretty much does go along with the things like counseling that I want us to do, even if he claims it's pointless, he still goes and I appreciate that.

I can relate to the bad anniversary thing. On our last anniversary, he stole all the money out of the checking account, got on a bus and disappeared on Kansas. leaving me a message on the answering machine telling me not to look for him.

We were going to get divorced in January, but we decided that this is the last chance, we'll see where it gets us. We're both doing things to change our ways and treat each other better. He's actually humble and apolegetic and supportive nowadays. Thank God! Some things still feel hard. But we'll see where this takes us. I'm actually feeling optomistic about our future and marriage for the first time in a really long time.

John J

I have tried for the last 8 years. Things in that time have only got worse. It seems like the more you try the worse it is. I think every day how can i make it better,sadly i think the only way is to move on

renquist_13

did they try to marry themselves?

Shannon

Well that counselor bold-faced lied to you.
He can change, but he has to want to.
What is true, is *you* cannot change him.
But you can change you; you have to stop enabling him.
It can take years, but he can change.

He was likely neglected growing up so he effectively had to be his own role-model.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: