Anyone there I need to help my friend she is in tears right now...?

Lets try this again....
Had my eyes opened on here the other day and now I need some more help. I talked with my friend and told her to just give it time but she doesn't want to. She has been living with her fiance for a year now and he still doesn't want to set a date. They are both divorced from very bad marriages but have been great together. They have fun and get along great. Now with looking at it from a different point of view I see that he will be ready when he is ready. She doesn't want to wait and says that he should be able to marry her if he can live with her but all in all I think it stems from the extremely bad marriage he was in and he needs more time.

I know that one answer the other day was he needed to play the field and is going to break her heart but he already played the field for two years and I don't think that has anything to do with it.

She is thinking of leaving him cause she says she feels that he doesn't want the same thing that she wants. She wants a commitment to the relationship other than just being his gf/fiance. I truly believe that he will marry her and isn't in it just for the time being if she just gives it time.

What are your thoughts and what can I tell her to make her see that it is just something that needs a little time?
Additional Details
For the record I am married and this is not about me. I am trying to help two friends who are really good together and right for each other. Again so that you know I am happily married I need some help for my friend not for me!

Sue C

IF they truly do love one another, I feel they WILL get married in due time. Men seem to take things a lot different from we women do, & for some reason I feel they tend to hold on to the "hurt" longer, & are afraid to take chances again unlike we are. IF they've had NO problems up until now, I don't understand why she just cannot wait it out a bit longer & give him the time he seems to need. I honestly do NOT feel it's anything against her, he's just being extra cautious & I feel this IS a male trait. If they did break up, I honestly believe she would be one lonely sad person because you KNOW she would NOT be out looking for anyone else, she already has one she loves. So I do not understand her reasoning on just waiting it out, knowing in the end, they WILL get married. After all, she IS his fiance, which IS the next step to marriage. Tell her just to have a bit more patience, & she w/NOT regret it in the long run. Don't cut off her nose to spite her face type of thing. Breaking up w/him is NOT going to prove a thing other than make two people miserable. Let her know she has you for all the support she needs & just more patience. Best to you...:)

beenthere

What are your reasons for thinking that he will marry her? Why would he? He has all of the benefits of marriage without any of the problems that lead to his divorce.

They have both been in bad marriages and she has overcome that and is ready to make a commitment to this boy. He, on the other hand, is happy with all of the benefits with none of the commitment. When he grows up he will probably get married. At this time, he does not want to repeat his earlier mistake. He needs to be honest with both himself and her about his reasons for not wanting to get married. She needs to know the truth so that she can go on with her life. If he does not want to commit, she needs to make her decision based on that fact.

It might be a good idea for her to live on her own. That will force him to decide if he wants to go on without her or if he really loves her and wants to marry her.

Psycho Therapist

I think you're girl should read some Sherry Argov

Why men love bi*ches
and
Why men marry bi*ches.

These books are great. funny and true. Your girl just needs to be a bit patient. You guys go check these at the book store and come up with a strategy. He won't know what hit him.

Good Luck.

huckleberrymoe

Here's what I think, you know wayyyy too much about this man and his life to be just the friend of the girlfriend. You are the woman in question.
start by being honest it goes a long way.
Next... The relationship can't possibly be as good as you say it is if you are crying all the time and you are thinking of leaving him, don't bull sht experienced adults we've seen a lot of sht!
You were in one bad marriage and you're about to be in another one. Go back to school get a degree and a career and then put this much focus on men. If you get lonely along the way there are always bars and plenty of lonely guys at the bars.

KRIS

what you should do is mind your own business. she knows how much time she is willing to wait for a guy that's got commitment issues. personally i think she has already waited one year too many!!! keep your nose out if it and let her make her own decisions!!!

Lprod

Oh so your friend is with you....? Then I guess she can read all the responses we've already posted. Why is she crying??? She does NOT want to wait.... she's UNHAPPY with her current situation. He's not going to change overnight.... so what are you looking for by posting this question over and over?? If you are going to post it till someone tells her what she wants to hear, then you're in for a loooooong night in Y!A. Friends' duty is make us come to our senses, be objective and then RESPECT our feelings and decisions. Be there for us, lend us their shoulder to cry.... and THAT'S IT. The rest is up to her. Make sure she sees this msg.

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