Are My Smoking Rules Going 2 Far?

cjmessy

You are not going to far. You are well within your right to set rules as to what you will allow your children to be exposed to. Smoking is very dangerous to their health, and allowing family members to smoke weed in front of them is out of the question. You will just have to stick to your guns on this one. You can not back down on such an important issue.

Didn't read the part on calling the cops at first. Don't do that. Seriously, you can't force him to quit, just filter those things out of your kids lives.

redhead27

First off... you can't control what your husband or his family does. Calling the cops will do nothing but make you look stupid, serously. If he wants to smoke and not listen to your rules, then thats his problem. You have children now, so rules change in the house...

I highly suggest counseling for both of you, also do some research on the health effects smoking cig and weed has on children... maybe he'll get the picture when he learns his habits could be detrimental to his childs health.

From my standpoint though, weed is a drug, its an illegal drug and no kid should be around that. Nobody should be doing any drugs around my kid, and my kid is my responsibility. So if I can't control what someone does around my child, then I would start controlling what environment my child is in.

Isis

Calling the cops on your husband will not help, in fact I think it will only make things worst. I don't think your going too far with your rules at all. I used to be a party animal and smoked weed and cigarettes everyday and constantly. My mother always put a lot of pressure on me to quit and when she finally came to terms with the fact that I'd probably be a smoker for ever she stopped. Shortly after that, I quit everything. I don't know if there was a connection or not, I just didn't really want to anymore. My husband smokes weed and cigarettes, I've made it very clear that when I have children he can not smoke anything in our home or new our children. The first cigarette I ever smoked I stole from my mother. If she could, why couldn't I. I wanted to be grown up like she was. So with this in mind, I won't have that kind of behavior around my kids. If when they are older they decide to smoke I'll deal with that then but at least I'll know it had nothing to do with me.

** Also, calling the cops on him will forever put this on his history, making any new job more difficult to obtain, or a bank loan or a house lease. If he fails his tests they can send him to jail and take the kids away if they find out you have any drugs in your system. Weed can stay in your blood for up to 6 months. And if his parents get mad and say that you do drugs too they will take your kids away. Just try to deal this within the home.

Shawneto1

Just let the kids smoke weed! They will eventually!

Awesome Austi

I think your rules are completely acceptable.
But don't call the cops.. that will definently put a strain on your marriage. Plus, It's not very nice.

Sassafras and Mustard

Calling the cops on your husband would be a HUGE mistake. He might not go to jail, but do you honestly think he would ever forgive you? He would resent your betrayal and probably consider leaving you before he would consider giving up smoking.

Evie's Alter Ego

If you call the cops, it will be a big deal. Do you not understand that employers do back ground checks on potential employees? You could be damning him...NO LOL!

Good for you for quitting smoking, and I would be the same way with the kids. They don't need to be around the weed especially. But relax a bit. People will resent you if you're not careful...

Conflicted

Honey, he WOULD go to jail.

You have every right to say whether the kids can spend the night at someone's house if you don't approve of their actions in front of the kids. Whether you participated in that action in the past is of no consequence.

Scott

You are doing the right thing. You are looking our for the health and welfare of your children, so don't worry about what they think.

Calling the cops on him would probably lead to more problems, so unless he is doing it in the house and/or around the children, you probably should not do that.

ouragon

You are a sanctimonious hypocrite. Being a bad example was fine a month ago. You just want to control everyone. I'll bet you're impossible to live with.

Your husband WOULD get taken to jail. In TX, Child Protective Services get involved if a parent smokes pot in front of a child. I saw two women on the news about a month ago who had their children taken away for it.

FireBall

if you want your husband to stop then look up some health problems that it might cause to your kids. And tell him that more than 1000 people die early from just being around smoke, and that's a fact

bootsontheroad

First, did your husband say he would go along with the rule in HIS home too. You act like you are the only one that gets to make any decision. Yes, you went too far in telling people how they can live in their home. You do not like the fact that they smoke, then do not let the kids stay overnight. That is a sane rule. You must be getting something out of the kids staying overnight or it would not be an issue.

You are self indulging and self centered, I would kick you to the curb and have custody of the kids.

Ivonne

if you think calling the cops is going to work then you go girl! no matter how much u love your husband as a parent especially as a mother u MUST always put your kids first. u know your not telling him to quit because of your own selfish reasons so dont feel bad or discouraged. the worst thing that could happen is if one of your kids start smoking and get cancer simply because u as parents set them a bad example. i respect your rules because i think it was a very considerate thing to do. you need to make it very clear with your husband that u are being very serious and will not let his habit ruin the health of your offspring. and if he is not mature enough to except that your going to have to start giving ultimatums good luck hunny i hope everything works out well for you let me know what happens p.s i think it shows u are a very kind and caring mother by doing this because i know drugs can be very hard to quit especially when your body is used to it. dont bend the rules keep them the way u have them and dont let no one change your mind x

TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

Can you say control freak. It's not YOUR house. It's you and your husband's house so you need to compomise and that may mean not getting your way. Also they are not YOUR kids. They are you and your husband's kids. Again you two need to compromise and decide together.

Kriztofer

First, I want to commend you on the sacrifice you made for your family, I am sure it was difficult and although you didnt quit as soon as you could/should have, you did it nonetheless (better later than never)
This is a selfless act more parents need to be doing.

Second the father should be doing the same, not only is smoking damaging to a family and relationship, its also damaging to the health, not only him, but of others around him.
Your husband should understand this and if he doesnt he needs to be educated.
This may be the most extreme case, but what good is a father if he is dead from lung cancer?

Making rules may not be the best thing, but instead make goals, let him know you want to help him quit and you want to make his lifestyle healther, not only for him but for the entire family.
If you talk to him, listen to him, sympathise with him and educate him, instead of making rules and being "the man of the house" it may actually work. (rules should be set by both parents, not one)
Talk to him about it and listen to why he does smoke, then point out the horrible side effects that is caused by smoking.
There is a certain responsibility that goes with being a parent and unfortunatly in this day and age it is not widely recognized.

good luck and good health to your family

PS. The user who called you a hypocrite is probably a smoker and doesnt have the resolve or willpower to make such a sacrifice and is thus jealous by your ability to quit.

Alice W

If your husband and his parents loved your kids they would follow the rule that you have set to no smoking around the kids. There is nothing wrong with wanting your children to have smoke free lungs. Its not like your telling them not to breath around the kids or not to eat with their mouth open around the kids. They are the ones making the bigger deal out of it. They are your children and you continue to keep them safe and healthy. Good for you!

Psycho Therapist

Definitely do not call the cops. You used to smoke yourself. Your husband may come around, but he needs more time. You cannot force sudden rules without there being animosity. If he's not smoking in the house, then let him know how proud you are. that's quite an accomplishment. congratulations on your quitting as well. good job. it's a hard habit to break

Trust in his parents to do the right thing. If they care about being a part of your life, and the life of their grandchildren, they will respect your wishes and not smoke around the little ones. If not, you are well within your rights to keep them home. Give them the chance to do the right thing. By taking away visitation, you are putting your husband in the middle of a power struggle. that's never good either. Trust in each other is the key factor in relationships being successful. good luck.

BloggingPrincess

I agree that you can't tell your parents what to do in their own home, and I also agree that you can choose to keep your kids out of that environment. However, you're going to have to practice a LOT of diplomacy and compromise because those are big ticket items you're asking your parents and inlaws to give up..smoking in their own home, or seeing their grandchildren.

Seeing it from their point of view, you're changing the rules on them, suddenly imposing restrictions they have never dealt with before, and also a daughter (in-law) who has taken a sudden interest in their health because of changes in her own life. They probably don't want to be preached to, and if you try to see things their way and stop preaching to them (and trust me...even if you're not taking a preachy tone, most ex-smokers are HUGE preachers of a new healthy lifestyle that many are not yet ready or willing to embrace), perhaps they would be willing to compromise and maybe smoke outside or inside in a designated area in their house where the kids aren't allowed while the kids are visiting.

Take a look at your enthusiasm for your new healthy lifestyle and make sure you're not coming across as preachy. Everyone is NOT going to jump on the nonsmoking bandwagon with you right now, no matter how much you want them to be.

Jay Nay

u have a very valid point; stick to what you believe in. there is absolutely NO reason to smoke cigs or weed around kids. it should be done behind closed doors if done at all, then again i don't believe doing it at all. i am so sick of being around people's small kids covered in smoke, it is so disgusting and BAD for them. if a parent, aunt, uncle or grandparent doesn't love a child enough to go out of the home to smoke when they are around, that is VERY sad!
you rule is a smart one!
as your man how much longer he plans on being a loser, so u know how long u have to wait for things to change...
your kids come 1st, if he can't see that then maybe you need to think about things and your life.

good luck

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