Are me and my fiancee too young?

David T

I was 20 and my wife was 19 when we got married 31 years ago.

Go for it you crazy kids.

Kitty

You guys ARE young. But whether or not you can "make it" doesn't have to have anything to do with age. Often, people will "bash" you no matter what (you can be "too young", "too old", "too rich", "too poor", "too this", "too that"). If you are mature enough, you will have confidence in your decisions, and will stand by them. It doesn't sound like he has this confidence; perhaps YOU are not "too young", but he is. You can't get him to realize anything, he has to walk the path to confidence on his own.

doll baby

sorry, but the only guarantees in life are death and taxes

buffalove

i dunno because you sound too young to me, too.
why do you have to get married right now in order to prove that you love eachother? it's just that a lot changes in your early 20s. a lot. and how can you be certain that you'll be the same person when all is said and done? good luck, though.

MeggyG

If your fiancee is having second thoughts, then you need to respect that and not try to convince him otherwise. I got married at 20 and it was a really bad idea. I was blinded by love and missed the fact that our values, goals, priorities, and life dreams did not match up. Just because you "love" each other and get along now doesn't really count for much. If you are really serious about getting married, then I would suggest you go to some sort of premarital counseling together for 6 months to a year before you actually get married. Let someone else take you through uncomfortable hypothetical situations and see if you really mesh well for the long haul. Frankly, most 21 year old guys are just not ready. However, I know that the feeling of love is a powerful thing and I probably won't change your mind here. Please at least get some counselling, because if I could go back to myself at 20 I would kick my own a$$.

Ms. M

Only you guys know if it will work but if he's changing his mind then don't push him on the subject or you will just push him away.

jerk magnet

well, only thing i can say is i was married at 20, thinking i was going to be married for the rest of my life. At 7 years i realized we were not evolving the same direction.

You grow so much in those early 20's that so much can change that you never saw coming. It is not the same for all people of course, but i just say you dont truly know how to handle some of the issues that may arise after some wisdom under your belt. Just try engaged for a few years and make sure.

I know it is soo important at the time to get married and prove it no matter what people say, but you have a long life ahead of you, hopefully together. What is another year to learn more about the world around you.

lil pumpkin

Only the two of you know if you are ready to be together forever. I have friends who are 21 and very established in life and others who are 26 and going nowhere. Every person is different and only you two determine your outcome.

Jessie H

Tell them when they start to support you, they can make your decisions for you.

karate

The problem is that you arguing what you want. Ignoring facts because of it. Here is the most truthful bit of advice that most parents and older couples will give but is usually ignored because of love and passion: If your love will last for eternity than it will certainly last for 3 years. Have a very long engagement. If you still both are ready then, go ahead. You'll still have a good 50 or 60 years to enjoy eachother as man and wife. But, no matter what you do, don't bring a baby into this business for 4 or 5 years. If you're are wrong (and every statistic on the planet says you are) the last thing you want is to put a child in the middle of it.

WORKING OLDER SMARTER BLONDE

sorry girlfriend

you can not change facts.

you are young.

mitijan

If you really love your fiance then if you wait two more years you would still love each other right??

When we are 20 there are still alot of things that we have not cemented in our heads and alot of moral changes take place at that time.

Waiting until your both more secure in your personalities would be great!

Despite how easy it is to get divorced marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly.

sunflowergal

no one can make a decision for another, but the people that are telling you this are coming from experience, not just cause they don't have faith in you. Would I say you're too young? Heck yeah.. Only you 2 can make it or break it. If he's now having doubts, you better sit back and wait until he's absolutely sure. If you back off from him a bit about the marriage deal, and make out like things are good just the way they are, you're in no hurry to settle down, he'll come around alot sooner than if you press him. Reverse psychology.

**prIncEsS gIrL***

first of all you shouldnt have to convince your fiance that he should marry you. and what he cant ignore what people say. you are clearly the stronger one in the relationship. but no your not to young

Ferne

Lana...You and your fiancee are to young.

From the ages of 20 to 30...you and he will grow and change in ways that you cannot fathom right now.

True love will wait...it will be there later.

I know this is not what you want to hear...but it's just the facts Ma'am, just the facts.

NONAME

Why do u wanna be w/ a man who is so easily persuaded?? If someone can change his mind like that then u have to ask urself does he love u?? If he does nothing will stand in his way!!

new_mom

Wait a few more years. I had friends who got married at 20 and 21 who said the exact same thing that you are saying now. They are now 24 and 25 and going through a divorce.
Seriously, you ARE too young.

bwah-ha-ha

A lot of people when they say "You're too young!" are speaking from experience, either from their own experience or from things they have observed. By today's standards, you are younger than the normal marrying age (late 20's - early 30's)... so by those standards you are too young. The divorce rates have gone up and up and up over the past few decades, so I think that probably plays into a lot of peoples opinions of what is too young. Also, young people are becoming more and more educated, and there are more and more oportunities than there were in the past, and it's easier to get an education and gain life experiences before settling into married life. That does not mean that married people don't still go to school and gather valuable experiences, it's just a lot harder. So, that also plays into people's opinion of what is too young.

If you and your boyfriend are serious about tying the knot, then take steps to seriously discover and discern if it is the right thing, and the right time for both of you. Because it would be awful for either of you to get married now at 20 & 21, and then realize as you approach 30 that you just spent your 20's stuck at home worrying about bills and changing diapers, when you could have been going to school, traveling, and saving money.... because you will most likely observe a lot of people throughout your twenties and thirties who are doing those things. -you do not want to resent each other down the road.

Also, understand that marriage is not equal to constant happiness. That is why they talk about the "good times" and the "bad times". Marraige is a sacrament, and at the root of the word is sacrifice, so understand that getting married means sacrificing certain things, to make and keep the promise you make in marraige to your spouse. the fact that it's a scrament, means you are making a promise to God as well.

Personally, I think marraige is a noble pursuit, and my wife & I got married relatively younger than the norm. We've been together since they day we met, and were engaged 6 months after that. So I feel like I know what it's like to "just know" it's right. maybe you guys have that same feeling. So far, so good with us.

See if you can find an objective person to talk to, either a priest, or if that's not your thing, look for a family therapist. You can tell them you want to get married, but you would like some help discerning whether it is for the right reasons, and the right time given your reasons.

One of the key points is to find someone objective, because I'm sure you guys are hearing "you're too young" from very biased people, I'm sure they've got your best interest in mind, but ultimately it's up to you guys. You are adults, and in the past people used to get married at your age all the time. Good luck to you!

orcastrated

im 23 and my fiancee is 20!!! and we get people saying the same thing. but who cares it only should matter how you 2 feel, not others

Jennifer G

If you are meant to be, you can definitely wait a little longer. I know it is tough to do, but I realized after I got married, that we were entirely too young, and both of us had different ideas about what it meant to be married. If you push to hard to get down the aisle, you might get what you want, but may not like the result. Be careful what you wish for. If you really insist that this is the right time, I would go through extensive premarital counseling with a religious leader or a psycologist so you can both sit down and deal with any issues (including cold feet) If you can't hammer out any issues and/or don't feel comfortable doing this, I would rethink the speed that your relationship is going. I got married at 20 and was divorced by 24. It actually only lasted a few weeks before I realized I made a huge mistake.Then he was overseas, so it took a few more years before he came back and we had the chance to really think about whether we wanted to make a go of it since we were on the same continent, and after about 3 weeks, it was painfully obvious we had no business getting married in the first place. Just remember... Nothing changes when you get married... so if you think your relationship will get better, or any issues you have are going to disolve, you are getting married for the wrong reason.

lady31

I knew that I was going to marry my husband when I was really young. I told a friend that I would marry him when I was 13 and he didn't know I existed. NOW, I got married at 20 and we've been married for 12 years.

You will know if you are ready. Have you finished college. When we got married, my husband was already an Engineer. We made it through his college days and I went too, but didn't graduate.

pinkgoddess725

Not too young to be engaged, but don't plan a wedding right away. Relax and enjoy your youth-it'll be gone before you know it. No neeed to rush into adult things, they'll still be there in a few years, and if you and your fiancee still want to get married, then do it!

BTW- Congrats on your engagement!

~I Love Allen~

you cant make him relize it he has to do it on his own but maby you can show him do something special for him good luck and i ope everything works out

Red

Just talk to him and tell him how you feel. I have seen young marriages last for years and years. My kids father parents were married 35 years. It happens. Just show him that you are the one. If he doesnt listen after that and he lets everyone interfere with you and his relationship then maybe JUST maybe he isnt the one for you.

Good Luck

FBI(female body inspector)

if you think you are thewn you are you got time let the relationship grow

J1983

i got married when i was 19. i didn't tell anyone so no one had the chance to say that i was too young. i would have done it anyway no matter what anyone said because you think you know it all when you are 19 or 20. if you fiancee is starting to think that you are too young maybe you should wait it out a little. you can still be engaged, just a long engagement. you should have to make him realize anything, an engagement should be a happy time for both of you. Needless to say we were seperated 6 months later, and then divorced! Enjoy yourselves and eachother for a few years!

oh_jo123

well the odds aren't in ur favor but if you believe you can make it work and are willing to put the effort into it then by all means go for it

adever23

Let me tell you something I married my husban when I was 19 and we met in january and engaged in febuary and married in august all in the same year we have been married for 3 years and we have a 14 month old and another one on the way so if this guy truely is in live with then he wouldn't be so bothered by what other people are saying thats the thing sometimes you can't listen to other people because they are not in the relationship so they really don't know how you feel and your guy feels so I say if you are ready to get married I say go for it........ Don't let other people tell you what to do....

marcia f

Your both to young.

Well, I don't know if you are too young because I don't know at what level of maturity either of you are. However, if people who know you do think you are too young then maybe you need to step back and assess why they are saying this. Maybe the two of you have some things you need to work on before you say "I do."

Let me ask you some things and you just think over the answers:

Are either or both of you in college? It might be better to get your education out of the way first.

Are you both working and are you making enough money to live independently of your families?

Do you know how to budget? Money problems are the biggest killer of marriages.

Have you discussed having children? Do you both want them? Have you agreed upon when you will start a family, how many children you want (if any), and how you will raise them? These are things you need to decide before you marry and start a family.

Do you know how to resolved conflicts that will come up in a marriage? Do you understand that it is not going to be all flowers, hearts, and romance?

You two are young enough that you would benefit from premarital counseling. Your church may offer it. It is simply a class that helps engaged couples understand the commitment that goes into marriage and helps them prepare for it. I would highly recommend this.

Then when you have done all you can to make sure you both are ready to take this step, go for it and be happy and don't worry what everyone else thinks.

If he's letting himself be pressured into going against what he thinks is best, that's a pretty good sign that he's not ready. And if he thinks they have good points, you can demonstrate that you're ready by hearing him out and working through those concerns without pressuring him. Trying to force the issue when he's having doubts (even silly ones) is a good way to ensure you won't make it.

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