Baby with a married man...I didnt know!!?

jude

how could u have had a child by someone u didn't even live with? anyway, get your child support, if he wants to come see his child i would let him, if u dislike his wife u don't have to let your child go to his house unless he gets visitation and then theres nothing u can do about that. focus on your child first, instead of disliking his wife, because she's a victim too.

eryca k

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Sounds like you're not to ready to let him go either.

If he wants to spend time with the baby you should meet him at a public place. Don't let him in your house anymore. Let him go.

mochabiznswmn

Ok first of all don't focus on him, focus on you and the baby and the sad part.. why are you not trusting the other woman when he is the one that betrayed both of you not her!! And yes, you all have a lot more arguments to come bc she is HIS WIFE..not just a baby momma big difference..and I am sure that there were signs, we as women just refuse to acknowledge the red flags sometimes,,,but just know that we all make mistakes..the sad part is that in the end someone is going to be short and my advice for you let her see him bc in the end the wife may have such a tight rope on him that he may not come around again..it is sad but that is he reality in some of these situations and my advice for you..MORE HOMEWORK, BACKGROUNDS,CREDIT CHECKS, and HIV TEST...you were with him almost a year and no condoms with no homework completed?? Kinda soon don't ya think....just know that right now all the power is in the wife's hands and he is not gonna let that go too fast and he is going to do all that he can to fix that..so focus on you and your baby and get you together and don't dwell on the pat obviously that was all a lie and a part of his game...MOVE ON, LOVE YOU AND YOUR BABY AND WAIT FOR THAT RIGHT MAN TO REALLY LOVE AND RESPECT YOU and do your homework..KEEP GOD FIRST, LATER FOR THAT JOKER!!

januckey

How is it possible that you had no idea that he was married? Surely there were some clues SOMEWHERE that SOMETHING wasn't right...

Bored!

How sick - he has no right to either of you women. but no doubt you both want the player.

Take him to court for CSA

labellemere

Offer this...I think an court would agree.
He gets supervised visits at a public location due to the emotional trauma this unorthodox situation could cause a child (both yours and his).

What does his wife think of this?

Anita

CORRECTION:

She is not "the wife"

She is "HIS Wife"........

Chelsey M

It's definitely not good to be a situation that will be harmful to your emotional well-being. Maybe you should have done your homework, but ultimately, this was not your fault. You didn't know he was married, he lied to you, you were in a relationship, and you have every right to be angry with him. His wife is angry with him too, and is taking it out on you, because that's easier.

The best thing to do would probably be to tell him you want some space. Maybe write an short apology note to his wife, going into no more detail than you were not aware he was married, you never would have entered into a relationship with him had you known, and you have no interest in breaking up their marriage now. That way if you do choose to have interactions with them in the future you've at least made an effort to smooth things over with her. You have to be comfortable with that though, it's up to you, maybe you think it would be inappropriate. But do tell him that you're hurt and need some space to decide what you are comfortable doing. You need time to heal, this was a blow to you. You're never going to be able to do that while he's a part of your life, no matter how difficult it is for either of you. You have to think about your child, and be confident that you won't be distressed around your daughter or sending her into a stressful situation at their home. Unless there is a formal, court-ordered agreement you are not required to let him see her at all. You have the rest of her life to come to a happy balance. Giving things some time to cool down now won't prevent her from having a relationship with her father later. Even a month or two would be healthy for you and won't be detrimental to your child. When a father deploys children won't see him for a year or more. They still come home and have good relationships with them. You are his child's mother, his child lives with you, so you will always "be in the picture" and that cannot just be written off. Your feelings cannot be dismissed for the sake of a baby that, honestly, is too young to care. But she will pick up on your emotions. I would suggest some counseling (just for you, not together) if you can afford it. This is a big thing to get over, and have a new baby besides. After a year of having the connection of a child with this man, the bomb drops. That's terrible. You can at least wait until you're actually getting support. Spend the time till then considering how you would be comfortable letting him spend time with her, if you can be.

I disagree with everyone who is blaming you for being dumb. Men can be expert liars sometimes. Women too. We don't know everything about your situation, we weren't there, and you shouldn't have to justify to us how this happened. We have no idea what he or she or you are like besides this tiny glimpse, and making presumptions about this situation beyond what we've been told is unfair. We weren't asked for an opinion on what happened, we were asked what we thought you should do with the situation you now have. People should remember that. They render any advice they offer useless when they hurl it with insults.

Just U

first how did you not tknow he was amrried and lived with his wife. heres some clues to look for. did you have his HOME # have you been to his HOUSE do you go see HIS FAMILY for holidays DO he know you outside of the BEDROOM with all that being said i am willing to bet my life saving child which isnt much like $212 that you KNEW he was married.. Stop fooling yourself with that one because thats all your fooling is YOU> ok after that being said i feel you on the not wanting to let your daughter go to his house with his wife alone and i wouldnt let mine either. What you have to do is let him see her and be apart of her life. Its not her fault you had her for someone else husband. You already said he does a good job with her so let him. When shes older enough to talk for herself and tell you if something is wrong then let her be alone with him right now hes a big fat liar and you dont know anything about his bitter wife so dont let your child be alone with them. tell him hes welcome to see her whenever but not at his house and thats your final answer. tell him he has the final answer with being a cheat and you have the final answer with the well being of your child.

AKAO4D

I am The Other Woman in my situation too. However, i am not emotionally invested in this relationship. Also, no babies here. I would like to ask you one question. Is it over between you and the married man? Until you make the decision that it is over, you will be will angry and constantly having battles with his wife. In these situations, the married person has no intention of leaving the wife and family. If you don't understand anything else, understand that! Don't stay mad because he lied to you. Its done. The most important things here is you and your child. If I were you, I would call child support and see what your rights are and find out his responsibilities. Ask them about visitation rights because that's a right you cannot deny him and should not deny your child. Get quiet for awhile and think about your life and the life you want your child. Before making any decisions, you must be emotionally clear headed. If you make plans to get back at him, you will not make the best decisions. Once you are clear headed and are ready to move on. Forgive him and tell him civilly what you want for your child. This has nothing to do with you. If he comes up with figures less than what child support says he should be paying call Legal Aid and begin enforcement. Remember when he gets raises, your child should get a raise. Tell them you would like him to have public location visitation rights with his daughter. Get any papers together supporting your side of your arguments. You will need them for evidence. Remember to speak civilly from this point on to him and his wife. It will go a long way in the court system if you have to deal with it.
Now put your winner shoes on and get on with the business of living you and your child's lives.

Good luck and Godspeed to ya...

hardcoded74

Be all like you G that kid aint even yours.

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