Been married for 4 months. Fighting all the time. What should we do?

katiebug

be nice be nice be nice!!!
If you are nice to him (even when he is being "mean" to you) he will start being nice to you. You need to make him feel important and loved. If you are gaining a lot of weight it is probably freaking him out. Tell him what you are going to do about it and do it. Be consistent so that he knows you are working on it. Make him the most important person in your life and your family second.
Men are pretty simple, they just want to be loved and cared for.
It takes two to tango, so the minute the "arguing" starts, just think of positive loving and supportive things to say back..he won't continue to be mean or argue if you do this.
good luck, a good marriage takes work, it doesn't come easy.

teach

Did you get premarital counseling? Go get marriage counseling - it surely helped us!

Advice giver

Go to a marriage counselor. First try to work things out the old fashioned way. Sit down and talk over things. Do not accuse or verbal assault him or make him feel cornered. Tell him about how he hurts you sometimes and what you think you seem to be fighting about and how it makes you feel. And then let him speak. ANd dont interrupt ...Think of ways to get along better. if this doesnt work off you go to the counselor they really do work. they help open up communication roads and help guide you so ur dont fight and help mediate so one doesnt verbally bash or corner the other

aloneinyourinsanity

The first 5 years of marriage are the roughest. You need to talk to him about the things he says in anger, express that even if he is angry there are btter ways of dealing with it than to make threats. Eventually if he keeps making this threat and not acting on it you wont even care anymore. Explain that he should not say anything that he doesnt truly mean, bad or good.

David C

go see a counselor

istill_luvA

Wow! Four months isn't long...I think you should see a couseler and work out whatever is wrong.

Natasha

Sounds like my life only we are married 4 years. He says so many mean things to me about my weight and other things too. My self esteem is gone. It wears you down. I am now going back to school and bettering myself. Do something for you whether it is school, a makeover or whatever. It won't get better. Good luck

autumn8384

Do ya'll go to chruch

jules

I have been with my husband ten years and it only gets worse. I have already made plans to leave as soon as this semester in college is over. I will have my degree, been promised a job, and a place to live. We have been counseled, consoled, talked about, been to church, and whatever else poeple say work. Eventually you will grow to hate him. Nip it in the bud and leave. we have been through violence, never stops. get out while you still can, some women die from husbands like this. I will not be 1 of them. These kind of men are selfish, have no moral standards, and jealous of the relationship between you and your family. He has no right to say anything about your weight, he probably the reason you have gained weight. Food seems to give the satisfaction and a good feeling while eating. Girl I could go on and on. LEAVE HIM!! A woman doesn't have to have a man to survive in this world, get a real life. one you deserve, be happy, and love yourself. GOOD LUCK!!!

cee cee

The first year of marriage is very hard because you and your husband are trying to make adjustments with your new life together. You both need to sit down with each other and talk about things. Tell him that you want your marriage to work but, you are upset about the constant fighting. You are tired of him making threats and comments about your weight. When he married you, he knew what you weighed so, this shouldn't be an issue, if you gained weight after your marriage, then he should still love you for who you are. If you are unhappy with your weight, then it is time to do something about it. Tell him you are unhappy and want to find a way to work things out. If he continues to threaten you about ending the marriage, it puts a bigger strain on the marriage. A marriage is between two people and both people need to give 150% to make it work. It's something that has to be worked on everyday. Ask him if there is anything you are doing, that will help you both get along better. Don't nag him but, try to find out if anything is bothering him. If this doesn't work, then maybe try to plan a special dinner for him with candles and try to make it romantic. I think couples who still date each other even though they are married, usually are happier. You may want to try that too. Good luck!

presleygirl

Get yourselves to church. Keep yourself busy, don't look to one another for all your needs, relax. Sometimes analyzing things too much drives us crazy too. By now you two know one another. Mabey you focus too much on each other. How about doing something that's light, like bowling. Don't argue about family, they aren't worth trouble in your marraige..

Raven

It takes two to argue. Nowadays with my husband I just get real quiet if he gets pissed off...sometimes I even hug him. Re your weight, try walking together. The exercise relieves stress and will benefit YOU. It's great he always apologizes. I know when you're angry you don't feel romantic but tenderness and passion in the bedroom builds love. A friend from India said one time "smile at your husband a lot"...it sounded simplistic to me at the time but it does create a pleasant atmosphere. Don't forget romantic kissing too. It's hard for him to get mad if you turn yourself into a really sweet person. And may I echo the advice of the others. Counselling, taking compatibility tests and asking him how you can make things better.
I usually don't like Dr. Laura and when I first heard of her book, The Care and Feeding of Husbands(?)" I immediately said, what about wives! But when I realized I loved my husband more than myself her advice made sense. Blessings on your marriage.

i have the same problem but i notice i couldn't do much about it so i said fine.. He talks i listen, He yells i talk soft, my husband calls me fat **** cause he knows it pisses me off but once he saw that i stoped doing things around the house. he asked me why isn't anything done i tell him cause i'm trying to get a my body to match my **** so then you can just call me fatso.... then he begins to feel bad 2 days later he brought me a bunch of roses !!!! but it didn't last everytime we fight it got worst so i left with the kids a day later he called and called and called till finally i gave in i moved back home and we haven't had a fight for awhile

i began to lose all my fat and now he can't calll me anything hahaha

i'm not saying leave him!!!!
just stand up to him......................HE knows how to push ur buttons thats why it hurts so much push back tell him to stop talk to him if it don't work mayb his not the one...

riteon

Next time he threatens you with divorce, call his bluff. Its childish and he thinks that is going to make you scared to death. Next time he says it, tell him, "no problem, you want a divorce, go for it. Because I am sick of being threatened with it every time things don't go your way." I'll bet that will make hin stop and think. If it doesn't, do you really want to be married to him anyhow?

Tweety

The first year of marriage is the toughest. And even though you have been together for five years and also lived together, the relationship took on a higher, more serious note when you got married. Now it's the actual performance, no longer the dress rehearsal, and you both want and expect it to be perfect. But the fact of the matter is, there will be mistakes and missteps--and you need to be patient, understanding, and forgiving with each other.

Try to sit down together and calmly discuss everything that's going on. Establish a fair way of arguing or disagreeing so that you can discuss the issues and not attack each other. Some suggestions: no yelling or screaming, no attacking each other, no name calling, no cursing, and no divorce threats. Your discussions should always be about the topic at hand. And once it's been discussed and resolved, it shouldn't be brought up again.

There are many books on the market you can buy to help you better understand and deal with marital disagreements. So long as you two have chemistry, compatibility, and a commitment to the relationship, you'll get through the tough times. Years to come, you'll look back and laugh about all this.

thats me

Looks like you may need to talk to a councilor both you and your husband..........and let him know that this is bugging you

who_owned_a_PS2_V3

Finghts is a very common thing in a marriage. In the first place, the two of you never have experience in dealing with things TOGETHER. and at times once a couple got marry, they tend to take advantage on each other and also make a lot assumptions which again tend to be simple mater but when emotional kicks in, these unecessary fights will start.

1. Make sure you have a one-to-one talk with him (when he is in the right mood to talk);

2. List down and plan what you want to achieve and expected end result of it;

3. Let him know that you love him and you want to make things right;

4. Seek for compromise and moving forward.

5. Repeat the above in your next after fighthing.

I have been married for 6 years, talked about divorce for 3 times and having a lots fights. But, deep down we love each other and still wanted to be together. Enjoy.

daljack -a girl

You should both go to marriage counseling....if he won't go then you go...it can make a difference.

This sometimes happens when people first get married....it's the "getting used to things" phase.

victoria o

either marriage counselor or divorce him...next time he threatens u with a divorce, then say FINE and end the marriage..u don't deserve to be with a guy like that!

Little Miss Sunshine

The first year of marriage is the hardest. Obviously you two know each other well so rushing into things isn't a possibility for your problems. Try a romantic getaway to smooth things over. He probably just has a very short temper if he says mean things then apologizes soon after. Kindly recommend anger management classes. If all else fails go to marriage counseling. It helped my parents a ton. They were very close to divorce but now they get along fine. Good luck!

cfoster001

Stop your fighting with one another. If fighting has not fixed your problems, then what is the use of continuing?

Your family is your husband now. Time to stop talking or putting other family in your lives especially when they are just causing problems in your marriage.

I really don't know what to say but do consider on reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

So, if you want to keep your marriage, stop acting like unmarried people and start acting like you are married as husband and wife.

itme

Talk it out of see a counsel-er

Carey L

Seek marriage counseling. We found a marriage encounter, which offers a weekend course for married couples - working on common issues and educating you on the fundamentals of marriage. Look it up on the Internet for your area. Don't worry, it's common. Something about the change of "status" I think we somewhat test the waters, and maybe even scare ourselves thinking of the forever commitment.

'tisJustMe

Time to go get some counseling. Sounds as if there's something else bothering him and he's taking it out in other ways. I went through the SAME THING with my 5 year relationship after we got married. Counseling really did help open the communication back between us. I think we would have gotten divorced if we hadn't sought out a 3rd party to mediate for us. We only went for a few months and have been fine since. Good luck to you!

KerryAnn

go to counseling

Alfie333

Get yourself to a Marriage Counselor as soon as possible. You are both on a collision course, and need some help in changing your behavior .

Emily :)

I've been married 5 yrs now, together 7 yrs. My husband and I fought the most in the first years. From my experience it gets better. There are so many ups and downs. One day is just perfect, the next I'm ready to go nuts. I guess that's marriage. One thing I have learned is.....the saying hurtful things you don't mean is the worst you can do. You never forget the words. But I think it happens to us all. Sit down and talk about how the words have to stop....he can't say he wants to walk out every time things get bad. Tell him....you are either in or out. Marriage takes work. It's not 50/50 it's 100/100. No matter what, there will be bad days. My favorite saying that I always tell myself....The grass is not greener on the other side....it's only green where you water it!
Good luck!

SillierKimmie!

What's his side of the story? I'm sure you say mean things too!

That's beside the point. If he starts in on you, be cordial and listen, don't assume, or get defensive. You can turn your fight into a learning experience, and a positive thing. If you are positive, then he won't be mean, or have a nasty tone. Get it? Try it...We can all control our behavior, just control yours. If you want to start in on him, think before you speak! Change your tone and listen! We need to pick our battles, and it's not you being a doormat, it's you being mature, and being a grown up.

chris

sounds like he has some insecurities.the key to happiness in your situation in my oppinion is try to find out what the root cause of what his insecurities are and that may help end the fighting.if he has any dependencies like alchohol or other things.this sometimes causes people to act a certain way then be sorry for them later.but then continue to do them. not saying this is your case but his insecurities are your key to the problem.try to find the cause and disect each one individually it may be a childhood matter and very diffucult to change.but if he loves you as much as you love him,that power alone will pull you through this. avoid negative people that may blame him for his issues,and steer you in a negative direction.

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