Boyfriend seperated, but not divorced from wife.?

lez k

He has a girlfriend and a wife, why would he want to change that?

gemini

He can get a divorce with or without her signing anything. If they have kids together, she'll get some $. If he really wants a divorce, he'll get it. Are you sure he really wants it?

Julie H

You started dating him when he was in a weakened state still reeling from the separation. It wasn't his idea. He is not done with his wife and you need to realize that it is likely he will go back to her. That is why he hasn't filed for the divorce papers. In the future, stay away from men just getting out of a divorce. They are not good boyfriend material.

Momto2inFL

My opinion, separated or not...he's still married and you shouldn't be involved with him. I think what he's telling you is a copout and that he's filling your head with lies. You're too blinded by him to know that....

You realize he hasn't served her with divorce papers because he doesn't plan to divorce her? Because he can file for divorce and have it go to court and a judge can grant it if the wife won't sign. People do it all the time.

I'd watch myself if I were you...I think you're being played.

Roy

Well dating a married man is risky business

aa889d

If he's not divorced - then WHY are you dating him ?

You are asking (and getting) a heartbreak situation out of this. Tell him you love him, you want to be with him, and as soon as he finalizes his divorce, he knows where to find you...

Period.

springchic

You need to give him an ultimatum, get the divorce or leave him. If he really wanted to be divorced, he would be. I hate to tell you that, but right now he is having his cake and eating it too. I would give him a time limit, if he has not done it by that day, then leave. He is screwing emotinally with you and the ex. How "awesome" is that?

fatguyonalittlebike

Time for you to set a personal boundry. If this is important to you, it should be important to him. Let him know this and let him know if there will be consequences for his lack of action.

I got answers!

Be done with him, he won't even get the divorce and that makes you a bad person for being with someone who is stil married (even if he's seperated)!!!!

BabeHeart

Give him an ultimatum and tell him he either files for divorce by <date> or you're walking. There's no reason to piddle around and tread water when they both could be moving on with their lives.

It's up to you to decide how long you're willing to tolerate the situation.

itsjustme

Too much information missing here. Are there children involved? Is there substantial property to be settled? Otherwise if you're in the USA, he's probably gonna have to come up with 50% of assets for her, in addition to child support, if there are children. Since he's putting off the divorce, I feel he still has feelings for his estranged wife. Be careful. You could get hurt very badly!

Nikki

I am not going to be negative like most probably will, but you need to tell him to piss or get off the pot! You can't put yourself in this situation any longer. If he wants you and doesn't want to go back with her, then why hasn't he followed through with the divorce? Sure she may want money, but that's what a lawyer is for. I would give him an ultimatum. You can't wait around forever. It could get nasty between you two if he doesn't file. Best of luck.

Steve is cool

Sounds like you're his rebound that his wife, and yes she is still his wife, will laugh about to there friends.

judithia

Technically, your 'boyfriend' is still married and there is the chance that he will remain that way. All you can do is decide whether or not you wish to invest any more in the relationship. If he truly wants out, he should consult a lawyer as no one can prevent someone from obtaining a divorce if they want one.
Good luck!

Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess)

If you're not worth the expense to him of going through a divorce, that should tell you something.

If the money matters more than being able to be with you, tell him "Call me when you're divorced" and WALK AWAY.

nonameblonde

This is what is wrong with dating "separated" people. Divorced is divorced and married is married. He may be separated but he is still married any way you slice it. Either he gets the divorce or you should move on. You probably shouldn't have dated him in the first place.

BUNNY

There's not anything you can do but leave is there. After all if you push the issue you'll wreck your relationship. I would just ask him why not go for it and get it over with, so what if she wants $$$ if they weren't together that long and hve no kids she probably won't get anything anyway. Then if you don't like what he does you only have 2 choices..Like it / or / lump it!

gio'sgirl

same situation here. a lot the wife can get away with , so yeah, its scarey for the man. men still dont have as many rights as women, wich is weird.

R. W

You definately have a problem! If he does not file for divorce, there is only one answer: He doesnt really want a divorce. You can draw the line in the sand, and tell him you will not see or talk to him until it is final, or you can go on as is, and in another year you will be in the same situation, or worse. My first suggestion, is to not involve yourself with married or seperated men.

coach.ricky

He needs to go ahead and file for the divorce and serve her . If it ends up a nasty divorce , then he needs to just deal with it . He's not the one that wanted the seperation . So in all honesty he needs to stop worrying about how she will react and about the money and get it done . If they have kids , he will have know choice but to have to pay . But he needs to really get this divorce started if that's what he really wants

daisee1203

He's not fully available to you. I would worry about protecting myself, not what he's doing or NOT doing. (That is really hard though) Maybe stop seeing him until he's fully available to you. Fully available means no messy business...All loose ends are tied up and he's available to you and your needs 100 percent.

Douglas D

Well then HE'S STILL MARRIED!

You can rationalize all you want about the quality of the relationship with his wife, but the fact is, you are with a married man, and that makes you THE OTHER WOMAN.

If your bf is staying married for economic reasons, then that doesn't make it any more OK because that makes him a selfish, manipulative SOB. Sure he's nice to you now, but take a hard look at how he treats his wife, because that may be your future with him.

Are there children involved?
If that's the case, then he should be paying out child support now under the separation agreement. If he is making plans to duck out of his obligations to his kids then AGAIN, what does that say about his character?

You seem to be counting chickens before they've hatched here. This guy is giving you plenty of just cause to back off.
Separated or divorced, he still has a relationship with his wife, & if there are kids involved then his relationship is going to continue long into the future.

If there are no kids, the relationship is still continuing because she is trying to get him back.

Now that is where you cross the line from being a suportive girlfriend, to an INTERLOPER.
How will you EVER know that he is actually done with this woman as long as YOU are in the picture fogging his vision, and judgement?
I am not trying to paint you as a bad person here, but I am trying to give you something to think about.
How do you know that he isn't just gravitating to you just because you are (for the moment) a safe harbour in a storm?
How do you know he isn't pushing things along because he is undecided?

I strongly recommend that you back off from him, and tell him to give you a call when his divorce is final, and he has all of the issues between him and his wife COMPLETELY resolved. Right now, it isn't even close.

destiny t

okay girl if he is not handing over the papers then. you need to have a talk with him and ask him do he want to be with his wife or you because i think it stuip. it your choice. if it was be i will break up with him because he still have feelings for his wife and he will end up leaving you for him.

Flaca_in_Az

Depending on what state you are . He can summit the divorce with the local court house.There is also a fee court charges. Unless there are some common property to be split, then it can take a little longer. The court will grant him the what they call it ." Default ".That's when the other party doesn't want to or refuse to sign the divorce papers. I did and it was easy when he didn't reply to the court papers :)
The judge checked into how much money she makes and decide if she really needs any support from him and if there are any kids from his marriage that's something he'll be stuck for a very long time.
Again find out about what the laws are in the state you live in and take it from there.

M-420

In my opinion, IF you have a LEGAL separation, which you have indicated, you are morally o.k. to date this person. But the deciding factor is if reconciliation is possible. Beware of the consequences.

pitchingcoach

He doesn't want it. If he really did he'd talk to an attorney and know what his options are. Whether she wants it or not will not determine whether he gets it.

dark angel

HI girl;You are in a really tough spot.I think that you should keep on him about getting those divorce papers.He now will have to move those papers through now that she wants him back.Keep reminding him of the bad things that she done to him.If you don't then she will get him back.Good luck.

jimmy.parker06

its time for him to consult a lawyer and move forward with the divorce.

e.b.

One party can initiate the process and push it through. It doesn't require the consent of the other. He's either too weak to get it going, or he's poor at taking action. It's not going to go away on its own.

He should have taken care of this earlier. No reason to wait. Now that he's in another relationship (with you), she has no reason to sugarcoat the divorce.

As for money, he doesn't need to let that be his excuse. She was married to him, and the court will provide her with what she is due. Who ever said getting divorced was cheap and easy? Does he think he's special in this regard?

As for what can you do? Not much. It wasn't your marriage, and it's not your divorce. If you're really doubting his intention and feel uncomfortable with his lack of action, the most you can do is communicate your concerns and possibly take a break from the relationship until he can make it happen. Maybe that's what it will take for him to show some courage.

I don't know why a decent guy would get involved in a relationship without getting his divorce filed first. Maybe he's not that awesome afterall.

schizzle

You can hang in there with him or you can move on. If she refuses to sign the papers, then he probably has to wait on her. I really don't know that goes.

shaunie

Maybe he is scared that a nasty divorce will cause stress to your relationship? Sometimes it's easier to keep things as they are than rock the boat, I think is what he's thinking.

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