Can I make it with 5 kids by myself?

MICHELE C

yes

anoldmick

Let's see - you have a supportive man who comes home to you every night and who feels trapped and abused when you hound him about "do you really love me" and you're surprised he's a touch resentful? Honey, get your head out of your behind, get some counseling in anger management and count your fu(c)king blessings!

Black_passion98

That may prove to be hard but I wouldn't leave your husband. If he's not verbally, physically or mentally abusive then what you have is a rut. You feel guilty because you feel like you don't contribute anything but kids.

Find out what you can do to help out. If you think that will solve things.

Just know that there is something deeper there. So even if you got a job and helped out things just maybe wouldn't get better.

Do your best to keep those lines of communication open even if he doesn't talk. Show him he can and that you'll understand his language when he does.

You cannot take your frustration out on your children because it's not fair and it's not their fault. Your actions effect everyone in that house so think about what you do.

Maybe the thing for you to do is some introspection.

Look at you. Take some time and figure out what caused this issue. Was it gradual? Was it always like this? Have I changed? In the situation right now, what can I do to make this better.

Vivita

I suggest you look into counseling before deciding to start over. You say you don't feel the love from your husband but it sounds like you still love him and although it's not all that matters, he is still coming home and supporting you....that counts for something. You should give your marriage a shot! Your husband could be depressed or going through a mid-life crisis. It sounds like you too maybe suffering from low self-esteem or depression and let me tell you, even if you try to start over...the problem will not help itself and you will be acting selfishly if you make a hasty decision, especially since children are involved. Don't be so quick to throw in the towel.

jaded

you are so fortunate you have gotten a number of true answers here, not just the 'you can make it' nonsense that many write. if i were you i would read the ones that tell you that your children will suffer and you need to grow up and be more supportive of your husband, and you can do so much more to be helpful and happy. he is not responsible for your happiness. you are. if you really want to be better, read the book by dr laura called ' the proper care and feeding of husbands' and it can change your life. you are truly in a rut and feeling unappreciated. dear, these things are normal !!! when you have little kids, all of whom are taking so much from you. but you get to be home with them and you can do so much to create a happy life for them and your man, it is up to you. but leaving? are you really that selfish and stupid? dooming your innocent kids to poverty and anger, they will be the odd ones out at school and will struggle with everything they do. you think you have problems now? let me introduce you to your problems in 10 years, no money, rebellious out of control kids, you at a job all day and have no idea what they are doing, yes, do leave your husband, life will be so much better!! and, this lashing out at your kids cause you are mad that you are home with them, cut it out. just cut it out. grow up, pray each day for patience, learn what you can do to be a better mom and wife, yes, you. start with you. i and some others have given you generous advice today. and the truth. when you have one child, much less 5, it is not about you anymore, it is about the life and the sacrifices you must make for your childrens welfare and security. that is the truth. and two more words for you you desperately need: birth control.

I think raising 5 kids with 2 parents is hard enough, I can't see how it would be better alone, financially or emotionally.

As a teacher, I see a profound difference in the children who have 2 caregivers vs. 1, and also between kids who have someone as a stay at home parent and those who don't.

Unless there is abuse (emotional or physical), you should try to repair things. If there is abuse get out immediately.

Maybe you haven't given enough information, but so far what you've said is:
He acted responsibly when you became pregnant
He supports you financially
You don't have to work
He says he shows his love by supporting you. (That was his answer, btw...)
He's emotionally unavailable

What you haven't told us is:
does he love the kids? help with them when he's home? does he come home late a lot and avoid you?

I think the problem is that:
1. You feel dependent and a burden
2. You are not receiving enough emotional support from your husband - sounds like he's not very demonstrative.

Both of these are curable if you both want to keep things going, and seems like your husband does if he keeps coming home...

(Changed my name)

I think you have to ask yourself, whats best for you, and whats best for your kids.

once you know then you should act upon it.

I am sure that this is hard on your husband as well. but if the way he speaks and interacts with you hurts then just try to work it out..
I don't think that is a reason for depriving your 5 children of a mother and father together..

and you are not forced to accept this life.. it is you obligation to your family to try your best.. you can walk away anytime but that doesn't always make it the right thing to do ..

best of luck, your in my prayers

Why ask me?

Check into becoming a daycare center. Really if you already have kids you could do that and take in several more at 500-600.00 a piece a month and stay home and raise your kids. I am a single father I raised three children with the youngest being 2 months when I started. It was hard but a rewarding experience. Also, start getting child support and boot the un-feeling bum to the curb.

wtpllc

Yes, you can make it by yourself with 5 kids. However, I would strongly suggest looking into a reliable method of birth control. Five babies in 8 years. Wow. Childbirth can take a toll on the body, especially with pregnancies so close together. Do yourself a favor, and go see a doctor, get a good checkup for yourself, so you'll be around to care for the 5 you've got now. Good luck to you.

William C

Your not going to like my reply so "fore warned" here it is: Quit your crying and start to do something to make his life better, Your so worried about how you feel and what your going through you don't have the time to think of anyone else. I'm surprised you took time to mention that you had children.

I asked him last night what was it that he loved about me, and what made him come home to me everytime....he didnt give me a answer. he said that he supprts me and that shows his love right there.
We have gone through this so many times, I have 5 kids and I cant handle the way he makes me feel.

Read what you wrote! "ME" and "I" are written seven times!!

Aida

STAY STRONG- Stay strong for your kids set a good example. You should never settle. I don't know your whole situation, but if you and your husband are unhappy with the marriage, then it will affect your kids. I would worry about # 1 (if you plan on separating) which are you and your kids and let everything follow naturally afterwards. If you stay strong and all is well, I bet you will find someone who respects you and treats you well and makes you happy-

Envysybol

i'm very sorry about your situation. i don't have any kids, but i know its hard. i mean, if you and your husband splits up, take him to court for c/s. there is women who have raised kids on their own that are in terrible situations, with more kids. as women we can take anything, we are the strongest of creatures.
and who says you'll be alone? married couples have problems all the time, doesn't mean its over. people that have been together for 30 and 40 yrs went through hell to get there. keep God first and everything will fall into place.

use 2 b lost

that's true. he is showing his love right there. think about how many men that won't even do that...everybody is different and show emotions different. yes, i know you can make it on your own. but you're going to get stressed by yourself. i think you should encourage yourself. if he doesn't make you feel good...make yourself feel good. you have the ability to make decisions...don't include others in your decision making because you're the one that has to live with the results. if there is no abuse there...then you're alright. anger only comes when you can't control something or someone. if you can calm down and breathe, you'll be able to make sound decisions. in all things acknowledge God and He will direct your paths.

andyjohanny

Hi, i can only imagine how hard it is to be on your shoes =( , but u know kids really notice what goes around them, and its not good for them to live hard situations like those. everything in this world has a solution :) the thing is with 5 kids its a lot harder to find, maybe u could not be all on your own, try to get help from family, like your mom or dad or a aunt something like that, like let them in your moms and in that time going to work, your gonna need a routine, But i strongly recommend you plan very well everything before you do something. whats main right now its to make sure you get help from your family an then find a job. hope i can help you.. =) bye

BAD BOY

U CAN DO IT JUST BELIEVE IN UR SELF SORRY TO ASK BUT HOW OLD WHERE U WHEN U GOT UR FIRST CHILD ND HOW OLD IS UR YOUNGGEST

MS TANYA 313

first of all stay focused on the big picture, your kids. they really need you right now. yes you can do it alone! it will be a challenge. this is where everybody in your circle comes together to assist you in this difficult time without pitty parties and negative male bashing conversations. everytime you feel down and sad, you hug everyone of those kids and tell them you love them and thats it not their fault. it's not fair to them and they could be scarred for life. also you can star by getting a part time job to get you out of the house to gain some perspective on the world. maybe your husband is tired of pulling all the weight for the family. do something with those certififcates you earned. your kids would be very proud of you. maybe things will turn around if you start to focus on getting YOU together. everyone is responsible for their own actions or lack there of. men love takin care of their wives and they love us more when we take care of them too. try not to have any more kids since the ones you have are so young. please hug your kids more than you have before and talk to them in a soft kind voice and tell them "we will be alright no matter what" and not to worry. hope i helped you a little bit.

mrtalkuk

Life is a kick up the ***, but you can get through it. Just believe in your self, and donâ€™t take your angry out on anyone else, (kids) doesnâ€™t look good.

You shouldnâ€™t put yourself on someone elseâ€™s level, so donâ€™t try.

Just keep trying

lisa2176

I am so sorry you have that to go through this but you can do it alone. There is other help available, don't feel trapped. If you are not happy, your kids will not be happy. Do what you think is best for yourself and them. My guess is that you still really love your husband or really want to but he is making it near impossible with his distant behaviors to you. That's not a life, I have been dealing with the same issues for the past four years, when you are ready you wil know and then you will find the strength to make it happen for you and your Kids. Good Luck

kaitlin&matt<3.

You can make it if you try. Don't give up.

latinabebe43

Dear confused,

You're not the only one struggling to sort through whether it makes sense to stay in a relationship. It's often a big step to acknowledge to others that you're having relationship troubles, so it's brave of you to write in. Hopefully, some reflection and conversation with your partner can help you decide what to do.

Have you talked with your boyfriend about the situation? It'd be helpful to know whether you're on the same page about whether you want to keep the relationship going, whether you see that there are problems, and whether you're both willing to try to make changes in your behavior to work things out.

If you're both dedicated to making changes, you might start by practicing your listening skills. Take turns listening to each other describe what's important to you in a relationship and a partner and what you value about the relationship you have. Rather than focusing on your own feelings, take time to probe and understand what the other person thinks and feels. If you practice this skill when the topic's upbeat, it may help you be more empathetic and considerate when the going gets tough.

If you can figure out what you both want from your relationship, it may be time to move on to talking about how you want your relationship to change. Conflict isn't always negative, but it's important to find healthy ways to address it. Here are some ideas:

Express your feelings, and take time to listen to the other person's. If you let frustration fester for a long time, things usually get ugly.
Be specific about what you want, and be willing to compromise.
Stick to one topic at a time â€” it's not fair or realistic to bombard your partner with a whole laundry list of complaints.
Avoid accusations. Instead, focus on certain actions and how they made you feel.
Including an outside person (like a counselor or mediator) might help you reconcile some of your differences or offer a neutral perspective. It's really hard to change behavior patterns in general, and probably impossible for you to change your boyfriend's behavior if he's not motivated to change himself. If you aren't both invested, it may be time to move on.

You are alway's asking about the same thing over and over again..And I honestly can say that you are not listening or believe in yourself.Just have faith in you.And everything will fall into place.

I'm a single parent and I have 1 child and I don't make a excuse of standing still I just move forward,And you should to.This is last time I touch on this issue.

Izabel

Nikki

Yes you can make it. You don't have to stay in a relationship that you basically explain is over. Find a job and if possible you can get some help from the state if necessary. Ask family to babysit while you work so you can save money on day care. It will be okay. You don't have to settle for something you no longer want. Good luck to you and hang in there.

oh_jo123

wow ok first you deserve better than this and you deserve a man that is going to find everything wonderful about you ... until you can get on your feet bvy yourself you will need to have some support but go job hunting and then go to your DSS office and see if they can help you with daycare and a place to live for now and then get on with your life

Iris R

It would be hart but I think you could do it. Tough with so many young children. They really do need their mommy.

I gather he is not the type to go into marriage counseling? Man sometimes feel left out after children come into the picture. Perhaps he is craving more of your attention and would like to hear a thank you from time to time. We all need that. It is easy to take someone you love for granted.

If you are not happy, work on a plan to become independent. If you don't have work experience see if you can start working part time. Perhaps that would also ease the tension on your relationship. It would make you feel more indecent and secure.

Start saving money so you have a cushion if all falls apart. Make sure your DH is not aware of this savings. He could freeze the account if he does know about the money.

Good Luck

navy28

You can make it on your own! believe in yourself, ok? It works

Kat

You can make it. Just stay strong for your children and remind yourself of why you are doing this- because he makes you feel bad and it's not a healthy, strong relationship. Do it for your children- it will be worse for them if you stay and they are surrounded by tension and anger. Good luck and stay strong.

PS. my aunt did it alone with 7 kids with no one there to help except for her best friend (my mom).

Messianic Jew

I minister to many women in your position, and the answer is you don't have to try to do it by yourself. Ask God to help you. After years of watching The Lord put shattered lives back together, I can assure you that God is FOR you, with plans to give a hope and a future. Open up to Him, pour your heart out the way David did in the Psalms. In the bible God promises " Cry out to me, and I WILL ANSWER YOU, and show you great and mighty things which you knowest not". He has done it for me REPEATEDLY through the years, as well as countless others He has brought across my path. So I encourage you to do the same... and He will answer!!

*~** gp **~*

FOCUS, dear... don't dwell on something u cannot have. dwell on something that you could do for yourself. you're he only person who could help yourself. just focus and do what you gotta do so you could help your husband. dont lose hope. there's still a life ahead of you.

tracy

yes

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