Can I save my marriage.?

Lady E

I couldn't go on reading all the answers you received!! What is wrong with you people??? I personally believe in LOVE! If you love her (which I think you do) talk to her. Make her understand and try your best to convince her that those e-mails were nothing! Don't forget that being pregnant can change you behaviour and you get very emotional. I think your wife needs support and love. Give it a chance, you have a baby on the way. Other people would kill for that. Cheating in the past is in the PAST. Get real!! People do make mistakes and marriages are filled with problems. If you REALLY love each other you will get over this. I hope 2008 will be filled with love for you. God bless you!! x x x

Jo W

If your wife's pregnant and the baby is yours, how about the pair of you thinking about the child you've conceived and perhaps seeing that as a good enough reason to get some professional help (marriage guidance, not divorce lawyers!) if you can't sort things out between you?

Good luck.

HiddenBarb

There's more to this than the emails. If there hasn't been any other problems in your marriage, perhaps her emotional health due to the fluctuations in hormones is to blame. Make an appointment and speak honestly to her doctor..... now! Time to get your marriage straightened out before this child arrives.

Billie Longfellow

Both of u should grow up!!! theres a kid on the way and he/she didnt ask to be ur kid...i sure as hell wouldnt so stop thinking of who slept with who and start thinking of this child!!!

eugene65ca

You are immature and that's proven by your actions .You can't live in the past nor bring back the past.Seek counselling if you can't see this.
.

meghannicole_11

im very sorry. if she cheated on you, your both to blame. i wouldnt keep emailing old girlfriends in secret though, its not a good idea, if you want to stay married.
Hope it works out. congratulations on the baby.

m p

As you say your wife is pregnant, she has her hormones all over the place. Are you out of your mind, emailing your ex-gfs? It's not an appropriate gesture for a married man. Have you thought that your wife needs your company? But why bring up the past? That way, you're just digging the skeletons in the closet. Peace to you both!

shajones41

It sounds like you all have many underlying problems. your issues are with trust. but you can save your marriage if you figure out what you need to work on. and both are willi to work hard to stay married

Julie S

I am in the middle of a divorce for some very similar reasons. She probably believes that you are not cheating, as did I, but it is more a matter of respect. If she tells you it hurts her for you to talk to them then you should respect that. She probably trusts you but not them. If she asks you to stop talking to an ex... then DO IT!!! Is the convo with the ex really worth it? Just let her know you are listening and you want her there and stop wiith the exes.

Why ask me?

sounds like a marriage made in hell

fgdsg L

i think you should talk to her about it and try it out one more time but her getting a divorce for a email to a ex...is kind of harsh...you two should just talk and try to work it out for your unborn baby sake=]

wendy.bryan

she's hormonal and your marriage needs help if you're to trust each other -- she needs to trust you to be faithful (and that includes not talking with female friends online), you need to trust her not to overreact and you both need to trust each other to tell the truth. she need to work on listening to you and being your best friend, and you need to stop looking outside the marriage for this type of support.

you both have issues and need to work on the marriage, but it is well worth the effort so you can have a solid and loving relationship and the type of home that every child needs.

I know you can both do this, even if it seems impossibly difficult. Very best of luck.

Clays mom

well sounds to me as if there are alot of problems... First you should have addressed the issue about not being able to talk to her about things before you an emailed an old gf second you both cheated while dating... If you couldnt stay fathful then,, i wqouldnt blame her for being jealous. she is preg most likely things are very emotional for her. and scarey.... there are prob more things to this as why she wants a divorce... most women want the perfect atmo for their child to be born in. The father there if they are going to be a good one. or completely out of the pic...

skgiegerich

I think you were wrong. You should have talked to her. Even now it is not her fault it is yours. You made those choices not her. You choose to email old girlfriends, you choose not to tell your wife at the time and you choose to talk to "friends" instead of your wife. Neither of you should be trusted honestly b/c you are both liars. You both cheated. But in this one I think you are both at fault and maybe you need to look at it that way instead of blameing her. Remember it takes two to fight and two to reslove it.

à®âˆ‚Î±Ñâ„“Î¹Î·gâ™ªÃŸÎ±ÃŸyà®

I want to Lord's Will to be done in my life and I want to fullfill his purpose.
are you? these are your words.
tell her sorry and make it right.prove it in action.

Alba the Scot

Come on ... you both know the truth .. you are not meant for each other. Neither of you have any trust left.

Sadly ... there is a child on the way. If I were you, get its parentage sorted out as soon as.

The emails are nothing to do with your breakdown ... they are just a symptom of it.

C W

TRY TO GAVE EACH OTHER A BREAK FOR A FEW DAYS.THAT WAY YOU WILL BOTH HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE THINGS ABIT CLEARER. EMOTIONS MAKE US ALL SAY THINGS WE REGRET LATER.
GOODLUCK

rebel_angel031

I Believe that You are In the wrong in this case here, You chose to Be Dishonest You chose to email old girlfriends You Chose to Lie to her about it You Chose to talk to other people and not your wife

You Chose to treat your wife like she doesnt' Matter Not Her.

So Dont' Blame her for your Choices

You saying you found out she cheated on you while you were dating that's wrong but you can't say anything cause You did it too

You Both Need to Grow up Take Responsibility for your actions

There is More to it than the emails

Why not for Once stop thinking about yourself here and think of the child that you concieved together

I mean you can save your marriage yes go to counselling and stop bieng so selfish

You Have a child

solomon

I'm going to be brutally honest with you.. When I read your paragraph.. The first thing I said was'How on earth did these two people ever decide to get married'.. You both cheated on each other, you have both lied to each other,and both of you are guilty of the major destroyers of a marriage, selfishness, and jealousy..If for some crazy reason, you both love each other, then what you need to do is attend marriage conselling.. Thats right, conselling..Marriage is a wonderful institution, however,in order to make it work,,both parties,have to pull together and want the same things, and make SACRIFICIES,to and for each other..When you find yourself in a situation where you feel something is lacking in your marriage, you'll never find a solution, unless you deal with the problem, IN your marriage..To contact ex-girlfriends is to say, I don't care about MAKING my wife a friend that I will have to talk to,, I'd rather just GIVE UP on my wife, and go talk to my ex-girlfriends.. Do you realize how insulting to your wife.that is,. And also, do you understand what an image of your marriage that projects through your ex-girlfriends?? And don't think that won't get around to all of your friends..because it will.. Then, when your friends or worst ,your wifes friends ,say ",GEE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS WERE HAVING TROUBLE" The stage is set for an almost impossible way to resolve your marriage..I think if your marriage means anything to you both, you need to seriously sit down and talk to each other.. And decide what you both really want.. I wish you both the success it will take to make your marriage work.. Believe me its worth it!!
SOLOMON

soniamarix

wow thats a tricky one, look if you really love her and want to work things out, you guys should have a chat about it, maybe she met someone and just blaming you for the emails, it could be just an excuse.. maybe try a trial seperation and see what happens, but if you both continue to argue and disagree it will only build up anger and hate for one another, try and be calm and understanding at all times and be honest with each other. good luck, i hope it works out xo

ferochira

this is what secrecy does, it makes the situation look like more than it is, like there maybe something to hide. They were not just friends but old "girlfriends". She might also have taken offence to the fact you felt she was never a friend, that you could not talk to her, that would hurt like hell, she might have felt very differently about that. And although she spoke with these old girlfriends, the one thing women distrust more than men, is women. She knows nothing of these women, nor do you really, ppl do change. Things can always happen that were not originally intended. But it was a bad mistake anyway one looks at it. You also picked the worst of times, a woman has little control over her hormones during pregnancy, hormones have a huge effect on moods and emotions. What others think account for didilly squat, the same goes for trying to make it her fault. You need to let things calm, request an honest heart to heart talk, before she decides on divorce, offer to do the walking if she still feels the same after. For some women, the net has it's line of no return, i hope you have not crossed it! Good luck

diquarry

what a prize you are! you are the only one to blame for your actions. you both cheated when you were dating, but she's the liar? you need to grow up & accept some responsibility, pal! how old are you, 5? i would have thought the emails were the last straw for her; by the sound of it she's had to put up with all sorts of crap from you. i think she's better off out of it. diane.

coolnerdpopular

There is always time to save a marriage. Show her the emails, because its really stupid to break up a relationship over emails. I also think its not just the emails and its something else and she is finding a way to divorce you. If I was u I would talk to her and find out whats going on.

lil G from tha bay 510

sit down and talk to her she feels ugly and insecure and you talking to other girl makes her feel more insecure sit down and tell her how much you love her

Doris L

I am sorry; I do not know if you can save your marriage or not.....
However, it sounds like you would prefer to find a way to remain married.....
If so, each of you has some work to do....which is really the crux of the matter--relationships take work. It is not healthy for any relationship when we decide to take our time, energy, and
care and turn it toward someone other than our spouse.

If you felt she was never your friend and you could not talk to her, why did you marry her?

Why do you recount her cheating on you while you were dating.....and consider her a liar.....when you admit to having done the same?

I don't think anyone really divorces someone else over emails.....however, there is more to it than simply friendly
emails. She is most likely hurt, feels betrayed and unloved.
Rather than loving and supporting her while she is pregnant....which is a very emotional time for a woman, by the way....you go back to writing old girlfriends! What are
you thinking?

No, you should not have turned around and made it her fault, because it isn't her fault. One big issue for you at this point is to take responsibility for your own choices and to be
accountable for your poor behavior.

If the tables were turned, and you were going through major
physical and emotional changes, and you found out that
your spouse--the one who has vowed to love you above all
others....and be there for you through sickness, health,
wealth, or poverty---is now writing to men she knew before
she married you----how would you feel? Be honest.

Our world would be a far better place if we all learned how to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person....to consider
the consequence of our actions, and how we would feel if
someone were to do the same to us......

She is NOT to blame for your actions. You are. That is part of being a grown up....taking responsibility for our own choices.

In my own humble opinion, you owe this woman who is carrying your child a huge apology.....and a lot of kindness,
love, and respect for the gift of life she is helping to create
right now......

As your wife, she deserves your love and devotion. She
deserves every good thing you would want for yourself.....
treat her like you want to be treated. Love her like you want to be loved. Share with her the way you want her to share
with you---and you will see remarkable results.

If you want her, then act like you do. Interact with her, talk to her, go out on "dates" even though you are married---put the same energy and more into time with her, and stop wasting your time on the internet with former girlfriends. I cannot
conceive of any reason an adult male would think that
re-connecting with old girlfriends is a good idea.....no matter how innocent you may make it sound. That is not what you do to improve a marital relationship.

Why does she want to leave you? Because you have hurt
her. You are giving attention to other women. You are saying unkind things about her (that you think of her as a liar now)---
then you try to blame her for your own bad decisions and
behavior.

Why wouldn't she want to just pack up and leave?

This lady is the mother of your child. She is your wife. Where is your honor, love and compassion for her? It is time to
put childish, selfish needs aside and mature quickly for
the sake of your marriage and your child.

If the two of you need help to start over on a more honest
and loving foundation, get some counseling---it can only
help.

You have every good reason on earth to save this marriage,
this family---as baby will make it three---step up, be a man,
and do the right thing. Apologize, make amends, and
begin anew.

All the best,
Doris

Jenalissa >:P

maybe she cant trust u or she is getiing worried taht u like someone else just tell her that u wont email them anymore or she could check them
but if she cant it means she doesnt trust u thats not a gd relationship
im srry 4 u :(
figure out something

ridoy2k

You have to learn the true meaning of sacrifice, its a synnonyms for marriage. If she hadnt been a friend why didnt you tell her that before starting to email ex-girlfriends.

If you both cheated on each other while you were dating you should call it even and not think of her as a liar as you're a liar yourself same way she is.

If you want to be honest then the best thing to do is to communicate with her and express your feelings to her and also hear what she has to say and why does she want the devorce even when you think there are not enough issues.

If you think there is more to it, then try to find out what it is. Is it really about the emails or is there somebody else and shes just using the emails as an excuse. Asking her might help, might not.

Before asking can You save your marriage, ask your self a more important question - do u WANT to save this marriage? do you really love your wife? Is she worth it? If the answer to your question is yes then go tell her everything, lose some pride, forgive yourself, forgive her and ask her to forgive you. Make a new beginning, start fresh, think of the baby, and forget everything that has happened.

alex-mommy

Why would you e-mail old girlfriends!!? Is there something missing with your wife? It doesn't matter if you said anything inappropriate or not ( you still are trying to contact other women and to make things worse old girlfriends!) She has a right to be highly pissed. What does her cheating on you before you were married have to do with anything? That was before you and her decided to make a commitment to be faithful to eachother as long as you both shall live. And she is pregnant with your child now, you shouldn't be stressing her out and she is probably very emotional (being prego and all) and her feelings are hurt and she feels she can't trust you now.
I think you were very wrong for doing this and you shouldn't have tried to make it her fault you are responsible for your own actions. Divorce is awful especially if you are expected a child. If you want to make you marriage work, first thing stop bringing up the past and all of yours and her mistakes!
Tell her exactly your reason for e-mailing them. And be truthful. Tell her what she is doing wrong now and ask her what you are doing that she doesn't like. Talk through everything and really listen to her. Honesty is the key to a healthy marriage if you'll notice I didn't say happy because no marriage is happy all of the time everyone has the ups and downs. Do what ever it takes to keep your marriage. What ever it takes. Be nice to her do all of the things you know make her happy. Oh yeah and I really wish I new why you were e-mailing those old girlfriends. So I hope everything works out (its all up to you) And I am so sorry your wife is hurt like this.

CARAMAC

E-mails from past girlfriends, yes would cause anxiety from a woman that's pregnant, as she's feeling all the emotions that go with pregnancy, the body harmones are working overtime, and with that comes insecurities, the inability to reason behind any small disputes, that normally she would be able to handle, and the lack of self esteem, feeling 'bloated' probably and unattractive, (although this certainly won't be true !)

All of which is quite normal, but to talk of 'divorce' well that's a deeper conflict between you both and that needs addressing.

You have already stated the obvious by saying that, in the 'heat of the moment' (or not) your thoughts about her, came across during this conflict, and because you've 'voiced' these, this is why she is so angry.

You're both blaming each other for times long gone, before you were married...but yet, you for some reason are holding onto this past in your computer... let it go.. start from this New Year, to appreciate what's in front of you both, a whole new future, a new life, and when your 'little one', arrives, a wonderful beginning.

best of luck to you both, I really hope you can sort this..

a friend x

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