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MummaKins
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It sounds like a perfect solution doesn't it?
How does it work if your ex-wife meets someone new, or you yourself find a new love interest? Or would that be against house rules? I would have say separate homes, your child will adjust (kids are pretty adaptable), you will have to do the same. |
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Monster
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admit it you still love your wife |
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oh my!
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probably not or else you would stay married........ |
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gashlycrumbt1ny
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It's not unheard of, but usually one parent moves out. If you guys aren't violent with each other, verbally, physically or otherwise, I suppose you could come up with such an arrangement. Another good thing could be to move somewhere very close by. |
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Lisa Marie
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After a divorce you are most likely to have joint custody. This would mean you would have her 50% of the time at most. I would assume the two of you would start dating and create a new love life. I see your concerns and willingness to share living arrangements with your estranged wife.
Personally I think it's a fantastic idea. Only if you and your wife can remain cheerful and friendly toward each other. Who knows, once the pressure is off to 'get back together' you may find yourselves rekindling your love.
Good luck! I hope things work out well. |
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kimikokate
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I guess you could live like that, so as not to cause trauma for your child. You could get a divorce and live together but I don't see the point you would still be living together, seeing each other every day and being a family so it wouldn't be that much different. You might have a hard time getting custody of the child if you and your wife do not have a friendly divorce. However, if you and your wife have a mutual divorce you may be able to get more custody of the child. |
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Joe
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Don't divorce and try to learn how to deal with you wife. |
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Douglas B
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If you say you are thinking of doing it for your daughter's sake, then how would you explain to her how her role models that she is supposed to learn from never kiss, never hold each other tenderly, or sleep in the same room? You would be sending so many mixed messages to your daughter and screwing up her life with those messages I don't see how you can say you are doing any of it for her benefit. What you would be doing is putting your life and your wife's life on a holding pattern, both afraid to date again because you have the other person to think about and your daughter again. It sounds like a screwed up affair to me. |
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ツMaryyy
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if you two have been married for a long time and have a 5 year old together then you two should be able to work things out for the sake of the kid. can u really imagine your life without your wife?and your kid? i think you two should work things out, i think you can do iit =)
goodluckk |
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Me
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I don't think that would work lol |
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petey
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It probably would not work out once you both start dating other people. Then your daughter might get confused. How do you know your wife would want to live with you once you are divorced? She may not you know. Try a marriage consular |
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susie12345
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I think it is great the you don't yell and fight in front of your child. But I'm wondering - if you don't yell or fight, how are things so bad? Sounds pretty good to me.
Anyhow, what kind of a life is it for you to live with a woman but have no relationship with? I'm guessing you realize this as well because you are seriously considering divorce.
I've heard that in the US, fathers are likely to be granted joint custody. But a male friend of mine is getting a divorce and he was told to not even bother to file for joint custody. Didn't have a prayer. So you may be right.
Talk to some lawyers before you do anything. As well, is there a reason that you don't want her to have your child? Mental issues, drugs, etc. If so, you should be documenting everything.
Yes, if you divorce, you risk losing your child. You may get the biweekly visitations, but your ex may make this difficult. This happened to my husband. His ex wife just didn't want him to see the kids anymore, and he hasn't seen them now in 6 years. The courts won't do anything about it.
Any chance the two of you could work it out? |
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Shannon
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Long-term, I don't see how that could possibly work.
How will either of you move on with your lives?
I don't know for certain but a split at age 5 is probably easier than a split at age 15.
If your wife is not competent to raise the child... you need evidence and you can can get full custody if you can demonstrate you can care for the child (e.g. day care and compatible work-schedule).
If you're not hating each other yet there is a great deal of hope for you marriage if you both decide to make it a priority.
You don't have to give up. |
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Heather R
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well the short answer is yes they can.
However I really challenge you... Is there no way to resurrect your Marriage? Most of the time in these situations one parent still wants to be married to the other and still wants to work things out. Even if it seems like a good Idea now think about what happens when the other begins dating. How will it be to know your wife is out with another man and vice versa? |
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Silenceâ„¢
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What's the reason for the divorce? You both don't even yell at each other? Do you communicate with her?
I've seen worse situations on here... I think you should work very hard on your marriage and try to fall back in love with your wife.... seriously.
I don't think it's best you both raise her in the same household if you two aren't together. What happens when you both meet other people? You don't want to confuse your child.
If you are seriously considering a divorce, buy home near to one another. Living in the same household will only cause more tension - especially if someone is still in love.
That's just my P.O. |
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lorisam7879
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Living together after divorce is very common, especially these days with the way the economy is. However its not always the best idea. I can totally understand why you'd want to do it, in regards to your daughter, however what if one or both of you were to move on, date, etc? That would make things difficult for you two and confusing for the child.
It is true, fathers do get rocked with horrible visitation, however if you request joint custody and you're a fit father the judge cannot and will not deny it. Show the judge what a close relationship you have with your daughter and request joint custody. You may get more visitation/time than you think.... |
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Crocodile Dundee
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This is a precarious situation. I understand what you're saying but you have to look at it from a few different angles. If you divorce your wife and move out then it will certainly be traumatic for your daughter. But if you divorce your wife and stay there then your daughter will be more confused and this could lead to her having serious issues later. For me it would seem like it would do her more harm to remain in the same house hold because she will see her father and mother going out with other people (eventually) and at the same time you will be giving her false hopes that you and her mother will get back together. (That's how a child would see it). And not to even mention it would be teaching your daughter bad morals from an early age. And it would be traumatic for her to see you two sleeping in separate rooms. Kids are more observant than we give them credit for and she knows by now that "mommy and daddy' share a bed.
If you and your wife don't yell or have loud altercations then you should count yourself lucky. If you married her on the pretense that you would have a fairy tale happily ever after life then you must have been truly disappointed. The feeling that people call "love" is something that only lasts for a couple of years at most. After that, those feelings fade and it turns into a mutual respect.
What attracted you to her in the first place? Do those qualities no longer exist? If she's gained more weight than you like then enroll in a family gym with her and the three of you can spend quality time together AND get healthy while doing it. If it's her attitude then perhaps a marriage counselor could offer some insight about the way you feel. The chances are that if you feel that way about her she probably feels the same way about you. If infidelity is the problem then you need to address the situation head on because the longer you put that off, the harder it will be to address it.
Don't forget that it has been proven that children who grow up in broken/divorced homes are less secure as adults and are likely to have a failed marriage as well. It's not always the case, but it's more often than not.
I myself am not happy in my marriage but I could have it a lot worse. And we also have a small child to worry over.
However, if you can't resolve the situation and you feel divorce is the last option then you can ask for joint custody. If she can't prove you an unfit parent then there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get joint custody as opposed to her getting sole custody. Because children NEED both parents but girls especially need their mothers. |
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Haley
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I think you should follow your heart is your happiness worth your daughter, if she is (she should be)than stay till atleast till your ready to tell her or if shes old enough to understand. But if you are serious about the divorce than talk to her in her level than do what ever you can to stay closer to her, the worst thing about divorces is that one parent is left out. |
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Pampered mommy
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if you want to get a divorce then why are you even considering living in the same household? if you dont fight then why do you want a divorce? When you too married you made a covenant to each other... go get marriage help and stay together for the sake of the girl as a married and in love couple. not to mention a five year old wont understand why daddy lives in one half the house while mommy and me live in the other half. especially if you all lived together as a family before hand |
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cassmac
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It may work as long she or you don't to start a new life with someone else think if your wife bought home a friend to stay how would you and your daughter handle that |
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Jack
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Um this is something you need to discuss with your wife. but eventually your daughter will grow up and be able to live with one or the other. if you will constantly be fighting with your wife it will probably end up being worse off for your daughter |
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â™ilyfaz
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that would depend on the level of animosity between you and your wife. it it is something you can both live with then fine. keep in mind things are different in the us now, father's can get joint or sole custody. |
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Crys.tal.
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I think if that's what you'd like to do and you think everything would be better for your daughter's sake, then I'd do whatever I wanted. It's nice that your considering your daughter. I think it's totally up to you. As long as you both know up front what the boundaries are and such. I'm not sure how well you'd be able to find a new girlfriend, once you tell them that you live with your ex wife, lol. |
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sheeka
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well i think u two can live together but ur gonna have soem complications tho but ur wife seems like an ok lady so u two can work it out if u reallly care for ur daughter |
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Mz.Vonna
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WELL I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR SAYING..FOR YOUR CHILD..BUT IN THE END SHE WILL BE HURT..SO I FEEL IF THAT U SHOULD DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU..AND JUST ALWAYS BE THE BEST DAD YOU CAN BE TO HER...
GOOD LUCK... |
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Jenna
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Well I don't think you should do that to your daughter. Kids know when somethings up and she is going to be able to scene unconsciously what you guys are doing which in later years will affect her views on what a relationship should be like. I think you have to make a choice now. Are you sure you can not make this marriage work? I mean there is a reason you fell in love with her and started a family. Sometimes there will be rough patches and sometimes you may think you may not make it through but also sometimes there is a great light at the end of a dark time and life tests you to see if you can get through it. Perhaps it is just not meant to be though. There truly is a soul mate and you will know if you are with them or not. But please please please don't move into a house together and do your separate thing and think that you are helping her. That would make it worse...Trust me. I know you want the best for her not now but always and I am sure you want her to have good values in how she should be treated by a man someday and I don't think you want her growing up with the mindset of love being something where 2 people live but font laugh and love together. Good luck |
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Alex P
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Do you think she will go for it? i dont see the point of divorcing her if you are gonna still seing each other at home, is it that you want to bring someone else over or in any case give a bad example to your kid? A priest told me that you should never keep a marriage for the kids solely, its gotta be for the man a wife only, kids can get help and counseling too, dont get me wrong but you dont explain why you want to divorce, if you dont yell or have altecations, then why? if you dont love her why do you still wanna see her face everyday, and again dont make it about the kid, you either keep it all or let her go and you two find someone else that can give more and more love to your kid. I dont agree with your idea (you think? lol) |
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serina
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If they can handle it it's no problem. |
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Plum
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I think in the long run that would cause more problems for your little girl. You're giving her an image of a Mommy & Daddy living in separate rooms, I think it would give her a distorted family image. |
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cavecock305
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have you tried any kind of counseling? i know people say that wont work, but its worth a shot, and if you think about it, it would be possible if you both sit back and look at what you created, think of your daughter first then your answer will come. |
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