Can an abusive man still love you?

Anson W

Sure, but when it really boils down to it, he loves to hurt you, not to love you!

tfblechris

An abuser never hits less. The violence always escalates. You need to run and never go back. Change your phone number and your locks. Get a restraining order put on him and call the police and if he violates the order. Get out while you are still alive.

Empathy

If you're only dating (even if you were married) you HAVE to leave him. You absolutely have to. An abusive man can "think" he loves you, but it's not true love; if you really love someone, you don't abuse them. Also, he doesn't know how not to, because he has serious issues and he will only work on himself if serious consequences happen, like people leave him, he gets fired, etc. otherwise he has too much pride to get help. As long as people put up with it he will keep blaming others and will not take responsibility. You are worth more than that. You should not be abused. Get out and forget him. Gain some self-respect and find a man who loves you with his words AND his actions. Good luck, and get out safe; make sure he doens't get angry and find you.

Rebekah K

Maybe he does love you, but that doesn't mean you have to stay and let him ruin your life. Like the song says, "sometimes love just ain't enough." Get out and get out quick. Get help from your family or the police if you need it. He needs psychiatric help, but you are not in a position to give it to him.

L. S

Send him to the curb, hunny. He should have no choice on whether you leave him or not. He is not your keeper. He may say that he love you, but loves does not equal abuse. Saying that he loves you sounds like emotional blackmail. You deserve better. If you want to stay with him, seek counselling for the both of you. If I were you, I would get out before the abuse lands you in the hospital, or worse yet, the morgue.

â™¥Spiders Squirting Sweetheartâ™¥

If you're dating leave him. No one can make you do something you don't want to do.

Angie

I think you should find a way to leave him before he kills you. Either he'll kill you or he'll do some permanent damage to you. My aunt now has hearing loss, head problems from head trauma, her hair doesn't grow right because he ripped it out. He almost killed her a few times. It never stopped. It went on with my aunt for 19 years. The police need to be involved. If I knew where you lived I'd call the police right now for you.

*Cara*

Get as far away from him as possible. Abusers don't love, they only continue the cycle of abuse. Sorry, but the only way is to leave.

M S

He loves you, but he loves his abusive tendencies MORE.

So, on one hand, don't call him a liar but, on the other, do tell him his abusive behavior makes him more of a pain than he is worth (and you would not tolerate any man who abuses you like he does no matter how great he was otherwise). And, of course, leave him.

bmom

You are not dating a man if he is abusing you. No real man would abuse a woman. You need to get out of the relationship now. There is no reason for putting up with abuse. A year and a half of dating is not a reason to stick around someone who is hurting you.

naughtynurse917

Been there....trust me, it only gets worse!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with the first guy though....he just loves to control and hurt you.....real love never raises his hands against you

Kwitzerbitchen Bear

I tell you what you need to do if he lays his hands on you is to send him my way. So I can put my hands on him. I UTTERLY CANNOT STAND FOR A MAN TO PUT HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN. ILL SHOW HIM WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE HIT, AND THEN WE'LL SEE HOW HE LIKES IT. Im sorry for yelling it just upsets me greatly when a man hits a woman. You know there are some things that bring out the worst most evil person in you, .....well thats mine. People harming women or children. So I live in Texas, and you can send him to me when ever you need!

Sarah

It won't get any better. If you enjoy being smacked around, by all means, stay with him. If you value yourself, leave. If he doesn't "let" you leave, allow the police to coerce him to do so.
He doesn't love you. He loves to control you.

Mrs.BeenThereTwice

Yes he can still love you BUT WHO CARES!!! He is abusive...end of story. There are plenty of psycho's who LOVED the person that they ended up murdering, so what's your point. The two have no relation to one another.

The two of you need counseling...him for being abusive, and you for allowing yourself to be a victim.

...you're just DATING?

An abusive man will never love you and never has. Abuse is not love. Get out and get yourself professional help because it's clear you don't understand the love you deserve.

Witchay Woman

What should you do? Leave him. An abusive person loves only himself. That's why they hurt you..because they only think about themselves. Whatever you do, don't marry him. Then you'll never be able to get out. He doens't love you. Leave him.

lynnette r

unfortunately, he can't love you, simply because he does not know how to love himself - for you to say he wont let you leave him, how could he love you? this also say alot about how you love yourself, to let another person dictate if you go or not - please get out of this relationship, so that you can clear your mind and see that this is not how a real relationship works.....good luck to you - this just doesn't sound safe for you.

Jas B

Abuse nearly always escalates the longer the relationship lasts and will likely end with you being seriously hurt or even murdered.

Do you really want to bring up children in an abusive relationship, there is a good chance he will abuse them as well especially when they become old enough to try and protect you.

Abusers don't love their victims it is all about power and control and the longer you stay in this relationship the more your confidence will be destroyed.

You need to leave, either by getting the police involved or moving out to a refuge. There are organizations which will help you.

claire c

In his mind yes ,but it is not the healthy kind of love that keeps 2 people growing together in a happy marriage . Inside yourself you will die a little more each day and that is if he doesn't kill you first . Words like", I hate you " never go away .I would say Good-Bye . You don't want to hurt somebody you love EVER. When you are in love , you avoid hurting another b/c it hurts YOU to see them hurt . A Abuser is usually a very NARCISSISTIC person. Realize what you are dealing with and then ,it makes it a whole lot easier to leave. A man who truly loves you will avoid hurting you , even if it means he needs to sacrifice some of his desires.

BIG-G

1st thing i was taught. never abuse or hit a woman. you best get the he!! out!

joyful.lady

abusive people do not know how to love in a healthy manner. It's never a good idea to stay in in a relationship like that. Either he needs to get help, or you walk. Have friends or family help you if you are afraid to leave him.

Jewely2951

Leave him. He may say he loves you but if he can't stop beating you he is wrong! Run to the cops rat his *** out. Then stay at an armed relatives house acouple states away. Leave that guy before your chained to him forever (Married or pregnant.) Get out! NOW! RIGHT NOW! GO!!!

fireflykerry

If a man is being abusive to you, don't hang around him!
You deserve a man who will give you respect, love, gentleness and kindness!!
A man who hurts you can't love you.

Letting You Know

Yes, he can. It's probably psychological. It would still be a smart decision to leave him. If you have to, call the police and ask for a police escort. My lunatic mother threatened to take my baby an dput it up for adoption just because I wasn't married. I was livin g with her for a month while my husband was in boot camp. She even tried grabbing my baby from me. I called the police and told them I didn't feel I could safely leave my home. Someone came over and stood outside while my friends helped me move my thign s to make sure nothing happened.

raynestar3

You need to get out NOW!!! How dare he lay his hands on you and call it love!!! No if he really loved you he would not hit you. I don't care how he justifies his actions, but abuse is NEVER okay. And a woman who allows herself to be abused is suffering from the mentality that is instilled from that abuse. I don't care how hard it is on him, you're the one who suffers the most. If he needs to hit something, tell him to get a f*cking punching bag and stop using you for his anger and frustration.

No one deserves to be treated like that. He doesn't love you, not in a healthy way. He needs help and you can NOT be the person to help him, because he will only continue the same behavior.

There are plenty of places you can get help. Shelters, family, friends. The Police. Your relationship is not healthy in any shape way or form. It's not good the life he has planned out for you and his abuse could easily end in your death. Don't believe me? Look at the statistics.

Don't live your life for someone else. Leave him. Go find your real happiness. Life is so much better than the life you live now. Don't keep yourself in lockdown with an abusive a**hole bast*rd piece of sh*t. You deserve happiness. But you have to be willing to go after it. Staying with him, you will never be happy, because he will never let you be. There will always be something else that comes up. He'll get angry no matter how hard you try. There is nothing you can do to make him happy. The fault lies in him.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Wouldn't you rather have happy memories, rather than sad? Leave him and find your self-respect again, honey. Please.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

rpetch007

DUMP HIM QUICK>> get out ...

C J

He can absolutely still love you. But love is not all there is to a relationship. It does not change the world nor does it change his personality of abuse. Honey, leave while you are in one piece.

kasiacz

NO! He doesn't love you. Don't fall for it. He is insecure and manipulates to get what he wants. A very low self esteem if you ask me.

Checkout this link and ask yourself the questions....
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm

Get out of it for your own self respect.

mamabear1957

He doesn't know what love is or thinks that by controlling you that he loves you. The abuse will not stop and you need to get away from him regardless of his threats. Let him go find some chick that likes being abused!

Frank

He loves you, but like he loves his car or his dog. If he loved you in a marital sense, he would sacrifice things like give up the time he abuses you to make you happier. You should break up. I think if he ever pulls a gun on you and says "If he cannot have you, nobody can" so he shoots you then himself, that will be too late for you to leave, so you better leave now.

10SC

You probably don't want to hear this, but it WILL only get worse. Does he hit you? If he doesn't yet, he will one day. Does he control your every move? Ask who's calling on the phone? Freak out if you're 5 minutes late getting home? Tell you things that make you feel inferior to him? It only gets worse, trust me.

Get out. You CAN do it. You can.

AbusiveMan

First of all I would like to say how sorry I am that you're going through a hard time with an abusive partner. I would like to share my opinion on your question as one of the mentally abusive men out there. I honestly believe that some of us do love our partners very much! I was with my partner for 10 years and throughout those years I was controlling, jealous and angry. I said things to really hurt her and I broke one of her closest material possessions. Something I am truly ashmed of. Like a lot of these stories out there, she finally left me. At first I was heartbroken and went throug the usual process of begging, pleading, reasoning, telling her I loved her, she was wrong to leave me, I would change, all of it. The weird thing in my situation was that I didn't get angry, not once from the moment she broke up with me. I'm not saying I went through a miracle transformation at that very moment but it was the first thing that indicated to me that I do love her. I managed to control my anger and I let her go without a scene which I think a lot of abusive men fail at. What came next was a period of sorrow and planning to try and win her back. While I was planning to get her back I researched heavily into abusive nature, got some counselling and really discovered that one part of me was a monster! I do have my lovely romantic side and I have made her happy but I realise that, that part of me isn't the one she leaving. She is leaving the monster! Unfortunately I realised through my research and counselling that an abusive man can never truly change but they CAN control themselves to not actually give off any abuse. The feelings remain because its seeded into us but we can become strong enough to control it. Unfortunately even if we learn control, it doesn't mean we will always HAVE control. There is always a chance that an abusive man even after counselling can slip back just once. When I learned this I realised that I had to let my partner go for her own good. She is a human being and she needs to be free to make her own mistakes in life and needs to be free to find her success story in life. If she ever comes back I am going to tell her that I am not the right man for her, that even though I can control myself, I cannot guarantee that I will not hurt her in the future. I love her far too much to even risk hurting her again. She is strong, beautiful, caring, motivated woman without a bad bone in her body. She deserves one of the men out there that will treat her right and give her what she wants out of life. I am horrified that I am not that person but because I love her so much, I would rather see her happy with someone else than unhappy even for a second with me. So yes, I believe an abusive man can love but you will only know it if he lets you go and doesn't pursue you. Do not settle for abuse! I do not want anyone going through what I put my ex fiance through.

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