Can any mature adult person help me with this situation I have put myself into again?

detroit al

Does somebody need to hit you over the head before you realize something didn't work? Apparently, even that may not work. Your relationship with him was a failure. according to YOU he abused you! AND you want him back? With this attitude, expect the cycle to continue. You need to find some self esteem and respect FAST. If not, be prepared to repeat the same mistakes with the next temporary husband.

Your relationship is over, it didn't work out. Be thankful he wants to be a part of your children's lives. And that he doesn't care to knock you around anymore.

"...his next "victums (SIC)" Let us review this statement: It means one of two things, neither of which are very flattering to you.

1. you are convinced he is still abusive...yet you want him back... good show... Let me guess: you were not a Rhodes Scholar? or;

2. you too are abusive... it comes through in your writing. You are verbally attacking strangers that your abusive ex-husband chose over you.

I could go on and on...there is just so much here...

If you were a little smarter...you'd be embarrassed.

Eat Fish

People in concentration camps were fond of the guards who tortured them. Stop putting yourself through this by not being around him so much. A clean break is always best. Time is a great healer of broken hearts.

Aussiemum

Whats the big deal with the THANK YOU LORD for being out of the relationship???

Can you hear what you are saying?

Its over...move on.....let it go....

flappymcp

Although it is sometimes difficult to let go of your feelings and move on when you share children with someone, you have to.
I assure you that you are only succumbing to loneliness.
You need to get out and to things with friends, and perhaps in the process of learning to enjoy your life without him in it, you will find another, wonderful man to share your life with.
Just remember what your life was like with him, do you want your girls to grow up thinking that is what it means to be loved?

Jye B

My partner was in an abusive relations with this guy, and he done some very wrong things to her. But time and time again I have noticed she will try to contact him, I will see emails from him on her computer, she says she has blocked him, then he comes back up again.. She met up with him one night and invited him into her home. What I'm trying to say here is that I think woman that have had abuse done to them by a partner, will always for some unknown reason go back to this person. Might be unresolved issues or I don't know, I'm really not sure but the whole point is you might think you still have feeling for this man, but it's more something driving you back to him rather than your true feelings towards him, just remember all those things he done to you, he doesn't love you. But it is normal for you to be drawn back to him. Just remember deep down, you don't really love him if you wanted it to end so badly. You went down that road, it didn't work out, don't go down the road again.
Hope I helped out :)

super_shlee

it's perfectly normal to still feel an emotional connection to him regardless of how he treated you. you might be able to find closure in an abuse survivors support group or individual counseling and there are usually free or very cheap resources available. it is so hard to stop caring about someone. if you decide to get some suppport they should be able to help you realize what is holding you back from letting go and finding someone who truly deserves you.
much luck.

mr_gees100_peas

Is not what you want to hear but move on. You say he was abusive so thats strike number one. Then he tells you that he doesn't want anything to do with you ,just with the kids. Thats strike two. At least he didn't take you for a ride. He was pretty honest with you. He could had just as easily slep with you and make you belive everything was ok and then return to his old habbits. However, he didn't. That shows honesty on his side. You got lucky in my opinion.

saturn man

You should just let him be but, having him spend the night! Your motives were in the wrong place from the start if he just wanted to be around his children. you had to have some other plan for the two of you and when they didn't happen you got upset, right?
Maybe you do still love this guy but, don't use your kids to lure him into your bedroom. He saw right through that one.

Jenn

From the things that you have wrote, it sounds like you already know what you should do...so I don't really understand why you are asking this question. You've already answered your own question. 1) You've already admitted that you were in an abusive relationship with that you are sooo grateful to be out of. So you already know deep down inside that you don't need to be with him again.
2) You've admitted that you are lonely and you invited him over in hopes to re-kindle things.
3) You've admitted that he's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, that he's just there for the kids. This means that he doesn't want to be with you. Trying and wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you is a waste of time and emotion.
4) You're speaking of "His next victims"....you already know he's going to do it again.

Do yourself a big favor and save yourself from being hurt again. You already know that it won't work, that he's going to be abusive again. Please...you have to let go of the hope that things could work out with him...you already know that they won't. Please...you have to let go and move on. You can be so much happier with a man who can treat you sooo much better.

J

krzylove

Get over him. He's moved on. You should do the same. Also, you say he was abusive, yet, you want to continue to see him again? Maybe, just maybe, you both did your share of damage. More than likely his was more physical than the damage you did to him. Your damage to him was probably more mental in nature. Either way that is all water under the bridge. Move on and get to the stage where the both of you can focus on the children and be parents.

lilac.

get him the hell out of u house cos u r just asking for another batch of beating. if he wants to see the kids set a date for him to do that.

toxic21

U need some self appreciation, after all he as done towards u u still fell sorry for him?? No-u need to start dating again, start making friends again. Take some u time &concerntrate on moving on!!!

uknowme

You love him. He's the father of your children. Maybe because you know what to expect of him you are willing to put yourself in that situation. BUT you have probably suffered some self-esteem issues due to the fact that you would be in an abusive relationship to begin w/. Work on your self-esteem. Even if it means counseling and realize you deserve a good man. Your children deserve to be happy as well as yourself. He didn't make himself clear either as to why he was there so brush it up to lack of communication. One person will always blame the other. It's classic regardless of who the abuser was the abuser sees himself as the victim. Start over and be happy your out of a bad situation.

hill bill y

get your head out of your butt hold it up high and stay away from him he hurt you onceand he will do it again if you let him you will find someone that is going to treat you right

amramirez1824

you are right your just feeling lonely don't go down that route again be strong because a man that is abusive will never change and no one deserves to be hit especially if you have kids and they see this , they will grow up thinking its OK for a man to hit you because they say sorry later and it's not

wendy p

HELLO,
WELL YOU LOOKING DOWN ON THESE OTHER GIRLS WHEN YOU WANT HIM BACK.....HE MIGHT TREAT THEM BETTER BUT LOOK AT WHAT HE HAS DONE TO YOU HON....I WAS THERE IN YOUR SHOES AND ITS NO FUN...THE DIFFERENCE IS I LET GO AND YOU HAVEN'T YET.....BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR GIRLS....HE MAY NOT DO ANY THING TO HARM THEM BUT THEY ARE VERY SMART AND FIGURE THINGS OUT FOR THEIR SELF MY 11 YR.OLD DID AND NOW I HATE THAT SHE EVEN WITNESSED ANY OF IT.....I WAS MENTALY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED......BUT I WALKED AWAY NOT LOOKING BACK....I DROP MY DAUGHTER OFF AND PICK HER UP...JUST SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE WITH THE FEELINGS...AND I HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION....WHERE HE WAS IN CONROL WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER NOW I HAVE IT....BUT I LOVE HIM AND I KNOW THAT HE HAS NOT CHANGED FOR1 BIT AND I DON'T TRUST HIM AT ALL..GO AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE TO BLOW THE STINK OFF OF YA....GET SOME NEW AZZ AND BE HAPPY.....ITS NOT THE END THERE ARE MEN OUT HERE IN THE WORLD THAT WILL EXCEPT YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU ,YOU JUST GOTTA LOOK IN THE RIGHT PLACES AND THEY WILL BE FOUND.....I AM STILL LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT ONE BUT I DON'T STOP......FOCUS ON YOUR CHILDREN AND WHAT THEY WANT TO DO....THAT HELPS TOO.....DO NOT LET HIM STAY AT YOUR HOUSE PLEASE YOU ARE ONLY HURTING YOUR SELF WHEN YOU DO THAT.....AND MAKE HIM PICK UP THE KIDS INSTEAD OF YOU HOSTING IT AT YOUR HOUSE THAT ALSO HELPS.....ANOTHER THING IS IF YOU HAVE A MIDDLE PLACE TO WHERE HE CAN COME TO PICK THEM UP SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE WORKS TOO...JUST HEAL YOUR SELF AND LOVE YOUR SELF AND EVERY THING ELSE WILL FALL INO PLAY.....YOU MAY LOVE HIM SURE ENOUGH BUT YOU HAVE NOT LET HIM GO YET.....AND WHEN YOU DO LET GO IT GETS EASIER EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM TO DROP YOUR CHILDREN OFF AND JUST GO....NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU UNTILL YOU LEARN O LOVE YOUR SELF ALWAYS REMBER THAT......IT IS A LONG ROAD BUT IT WILL COME VERY SHORT WITH A TURN IN IT AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY SOON IF YOU DO WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU......HE I EVIL AND YOU CAN NOT HELP HIM HE HAS TO HELP HIS SELF BEORE YOU COULD EVER THINK OF HELPING HIM.....ND THATS WHAT YOUR TRYING TO DO IS HELP HIM AND YOUR DRAGING YOUR SELF ESTEEM DOWN FOR HIM.....LOOK UP AT THE SKY AND BE THANKFUL YOUR HERE WITH YOUR CHILDREN WHAT IF HE WAS IGONARANT ENOUGH TO TAKE YOUR LIFE....THATS WHAT I WORRIED ABOUT SO I WOULD SLEEP WITH A BASE BALL BAT UNTER MY SIDE OF THE BED....BECAUSE HE HAD TO SLEEP TOO....AND I DID SOME OF THE ABUSING ONLY BECAUSE HE PROVOKED ME TO DO SO....OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT YOUR CHILDERN SUFFER WITH YOU....GOOD LUCK HONEY

noelle

oh sweetie, the truth hurts but you really need to listen up!.....

Dump his *** and never look back! So if he wants to be a part of the children's lives is ultimately up to you at this point by the sounds of it, don't just leave the door wide open for him to come waltzing in and trample all over your heart again!

What you really NEED to do is gain some self-respect/confidence...if he was abusive no doubt it ran you into the ground mentally, emotionally, etc...but you simply must pick yourself up and move on completely, he's NEVER going to change...if he doesn't have the ability to decline your lonely-minded invitation to spend the weekend, he hasn't accepted any responsibility for his actions yet, and he may not for many years, do you honestly want to spend YEARS of your own valuable life waiting on him to grow up???!!!!

You say after all you have done to him...what does that mean? Are you still feeling guilty after one and a half years? Were you physically abusive to him or was it him to you? You absolutely are lonely, no doubt about it, but never think of yourself as desperate, hun, woman are programmed to be the nurturers who always want to find a way to make a situation right....just don't give him any more freedoms in your life, he never did deserve them...

p/s...if you choose not to take this advice, you are in for a long road paved with heartache and dissapointment....find yourself and be happy as a single mother, the right man is out there, just relax and fill your time with your children and things that you enjoy, I know it sounds easier in type, but you have to do it!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW THIS SICK INDIVIDUAL INTO YOUR HOME AGAIN! IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!!!

Rita

It's not feelings for your abusive ex - it's loneliness, it's fear of being alone, it's sorrow for a relationship you desperately wanted to work, but didn't, it's longing for love. It's a million things but it's isn't love. You can't thank God in one sentence for being out and then suggest you feel something for this guy in the next. Be grateful that you had the courage to break away from this vicious cycle of abuse, and be proud that you are not allowing your little girls to grow up in a home where daddy is mean to mommy and then begin to believe that abuse means love, and when they are older, seek out abusive men for their own relationships. Recognize your courage and celebrate it. Then take some time for you. Learn about yourself - your hopes and dreams. Get back everything about you that living with abuse took away. You can do it. You have already made the first step. Now, make your life so good that the man you include in your life will only make it better. Best of luck to you, sweetie. Be brave. Survive.

zether

yea, don't let him back into your life, thats about the only advice i can give you

free_angel

There was a time in your life when you and him had a life together. But that is over now. Give yourself complete closure and know that this isn't the end of the world. Nor is he the only man for you. In time you will meet other people.

General Knowledge

You mentioned "desperate" and of course, we're hearing your side of the story. Methinks there's a lot more to this than you write because for a bloke to knock back a "freebie" with a woman, something else must be there. And by your own words, everyone else thinks he's a good guy!

Miss Honey

move on. go out and meet new people, you need to get your mind of this guy, he sounds like a real loser, things happen for a reason and you are just not meant to be with him he treat you terribly why do you want him back think of all that time you spent scared, worried, all those tears you cried do you really want to go through all that again, you could always try councelling talking to a professional might help, help you to move forward in life.
sweety you dont need a man to be complete, you must remember you are a beautiful person.

babycrest28

First thing, has he changed his abusive behaviour? If he hasn;t kicked him out. If he has changed and you are ready to accept him again, talked to him. Tell him why you did that to him in the past. Tell him that you are upset just like him and say you are doing it for the children too. Tell him you wanted what is best for him. You guys need to communicate, really good communication and you have to trust that he has changed (i mean if he really has) Give him some confidence and be there for him. Everybody needs a second chance expecially if you still loves him and vice versa and also for the sake of kids.

sholiviks2000

At this point sister (since you mention the Lord), all I will suggest you do is to seek God face and I pray that God will see you through these time.

I have gone through similar things in life and my advice to you is to focus on your children and pray for him too (I know this may be hard). God created you and He knows you better than anyone does, even yourself. So, seek his face and I promise you that He will definitely see you through this time. I will remember you in my prayers

Stay blessed

Delilah

Okay so you took a few steps backward, and you see how that went. You have to let him go. You said, "he made it very clear that after all I have done to him, that he wants nothing to do with me." You managed to do without him for a year and a half. You need to give yourself time. You said that you were in an abusive relationship with him, and that you "felt more rejected now than I ever have." You deserve better than him. Be glad that he's out of your life and that he can't torment you like he used to. Now he'll be some other girls pain in the a**. Eventually, he'll show his true colors to his other unwitting victims. Guys like that never change. Try to make a good life for you and your children. They are counting on you. In time you will see things from a different perspective and know that eliminating him from your life was a wise decision. Good luck!

Curly

Abusive isnt great guy. Are you reading this?

Out of the relationship "thank you Lord" isnt the same as "great guy".

He cant be both.

crash

He said he wants nothing to do with you, you recognize he is an abuser, so you need to move on. Don't try to "rekindle" anything with him. Seek professional counseling if you need to, but stay away from him. Nothing good can come out of it.

Christina

You said it! "His next Victim(s)" That exactly what they are. men like him don't change unless they can seek and stick with professional treatment.

Things have a way of working out, call it God, fate, a miracle or whatever you want, but you guys don't need to be together.

Please use your good judgement and find a real man that will respect you and your children!

Good luck!!

bonesawosu

Unfortunately you're the only one who can choose to get over this person. Its human nature to think things will work out how you want them to no matter how much evidence there is that they wont.
You need to tell yourself that you're making a bad choice and then force yourself to move on. Do you realize how many men there are in this world? I don't see why you're going after some loser who was abusive. Maybe its just me-- but I think its time to find someone else.
-BoneSaw

brwneyedgrl

1st of all.. stop being stupid.. WHYYYYYYYYYYY would u want a man back that was abusive??? do u not remember what it felt like to be scared, to be made to feel like dirt.. treated worse then a dog??? Do u remember possibly ur kids crying from watching it? Or them being to scared to come out of their room??? IVE BEEN THERE.. but i'll be damned if id ever go back to that again..

Remember.. he was controling not only physically but mentally, and he knows just the right buttons to push with u .. he likes knowing he has the power.. be lucky he wants nothing to with u.. You shouldnt even be under the same roof alone with this man.. and u know it..

Maybe u were to gain some self respect for yourself and some confidence in urself u wouldnt need to be so desperate to want someone like him back in your life.. u deserve better, your children deserve better..

Let the abuse stop.. stop torturing urself.. he's still controlling u even if he doesnt want u.. he likes that u want him he likes that he gets to say no, he likes knowing at the snap of his fingers he could have u back any time he wants.. he loves using u , he loves making u miserable, he loves that ur pining for him and he loves screwing around, knowing if all else fails ur his back up plan..

Get away from the same ole crap.. start being confident, u want him to take notice of u.. then be the girl he once knew, confident.. but when he notices u , tell him to kiss ur azz , he had u , he treated u like crap, and now its his turn to pine over u..

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