Can my marriage be saved?

TEA

He needed you by his side to help him through what had to be one of the worst experiences of his life. You chose a business deal over him and he is hurt by this decision. Sadly, it seems that you have chosen your career over you marriage. This may be something that he cannot get over. I don't think I could. You two will need counseling and re-prioritizing before this marriage will be salvageable.

Dally

Wow...all I can say is that I have been on the receiving end of a spouse not caring about my loved one dying...it completely crushed me. You should always put your spouse and their emotions and feelings first above your work. Or at least show more concern to your spouse's emotions. He just lost someone clearly very important to him, why couldn't you be there for him when he was hurting the most?
If I were him I would leave YOU.

btpage0630

Clearly marriage isn't your priority, nor is being there for your husband. I think that the fact that you believe work should have come first indicates you should not be married to someone that doesn't also put marriage as a secondary consideration.

Why are you asking if he should forgive you? You don't love him. You don't. He gets that now, that's why he doesn't look you in the eye.

Your marriage can be saved, but only if YOU make the decision to value it above other things in your life. There is no sign from your question that you have any intention of doing that.

11:11

Let me get this straight. You wouldn't fly home to attend your mother-in-laws funeral, and now you're threatening to leave your husband because he doesn't understand why you put business ahead of family so no one else would get credit for your work.

You say he got through his mother's death just fine without you. People grieve for loved ones for years. His grief has only just begun. Amazingly enough, you still aren't concerned about him or what he's going through.

You are one unfeeling cold hearted *****. Can your marriage be saved? Saved for what? You don't want a marriage, you want a home base. You want unconditional support with no responsibility or reciprocation on your part. Its all about you, all the time.

When you're on your death bed, do you want to be surrounded by people who love you, or the people you put one over on in business?

You deserve your husband's anger. He is in pain caused by your cold hearted decision to let him go through his mother's death alone, as well as your betrayal of your vows.

Shame on you.

momseekinganswers

I don't believe you going to get the answer you are looking for. You're husband needed you and you turned your back on him. Sure he "survived" but he had to, he had no one to lean on. You must face the fact he may never forgive you.

Carlitos

First question, is your mother still alive? If she is than you have no idea what its like to have your mother die. Depending on his relationship with his mother, it can be devastating. Shame on you for putting your stupid deal before the man you are supposed to love. He needed you and you chose to stat behind to close a deal that could have been done by someone else. And so what if that person blew the deal, would you have survived that ! Is that what life is about to you? Money? Life is about love, money comes and goes . How much money does a person need? Do you have a roof over your head, do you have food to eat? Can you pay your bills? Yes , money is nice to have, but shouldnt be placed ahead of family. Hopefully you havent screwed up your marraige for the sake of a "deal". Now his mother is dead, theres no changing that. You chose not to be there, there's no changing that. There is always another deal to make. You made the wrong choice, not him.

mary texas

your marriage is basically over. The problem is your selfish self - centered thinking. How Horrid you consider a business deal way more than a grieving husband. If I were him I would have told you to stay in the UK.

Tracy

First off this is your HUSBAND you should have been there for him, no matter what you were doing.. If someone else could have closed the deal then you should have been on your way home the second you got the phone call from your husband..Marriage is a two way street..he needed you at this horrible sad time in his life.. It's very hard to lose your mother.. When you got married I'm sure you promised to be there in sickness and in health, better or worse.. Your husband needed you and you wasnt there for him.. SHAME ON YOU!!!! If you want to save your marriage you need to apologize to him and tell him you were wrong for not being there like you should have been..

sick-ovit-all

You did what you wanted to do, not what you had to do. You refused to be there for him when he needed you. I think you have as the center of your life your work, which is probably not the best center to have. It is obviously more important to your than your husband. Maybe consider becoming principle centered instead. You can read about it in a book called 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. If you don't start giving more consideration to your husband, you stand a good chance of losing him.

flagger

Well it seems you have finally figured out that you are the wrong one here.

You have one chance to stay married.
That is go to him and tell him you were selfish, stupid, sorry and ask for his forgiveness.
Then act like it.

You really better take a hard look about your attitude about life.
You slighted the person most important in your life so that someone else would not get credit for your work.
How stupid do you think your employers are that they do not know what's happening here.
I do know that your employers are probably thanking you openly and questioning your decision making in private. Contrary to popular opinion, business people understand the priorities in life.

Marriage is not about letting your mate "survive" trials without you.
It is about being there in times of emotional need.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UNDERSTAND?

You have but one chance to unlock his heart and it is total remorse. Its past time for it to be about his needs not yours.

I would have hung up on you too. The man was hurting, he needed you, but business was more important than being there for your spouse. You didnâ€™t do what you HAD to do, you did what you WANTED to do with no concern for him. If you were my spouse you were come home to divorce papers.

Blood

It's a spouse like yourself that make the rest of us look better. Can you actually believe that you need someones help to understand what you did?

The real sad part of the choices you made is your company will dump you in a heartbeat when you falter one bit! You should either marry your company and let this poor guy go on with life, or divorce your company and get some serious counseling to save your marriage. A lot of heart felt repentance would also be in line. Shame on you!!!

Doll

I'm sorry to say this but you sound a little insenstive. Your husband lost a very dear person and wanted another dear person (you) next to him to help him through this. You could have flown in for a couple of days and gone back to complete your work. That would have shown to him that you care about him and it was necessary for him to know that, at that time.

Do you really want to save this marraige? Seems to me like you want your career more than your marraige. Cant you think of a way to balance both?

You cant ask him to forgive you for not being there when you were needed most. And now, you're continueing to not be around much. So, its not like things have changed for him to forgive you. If you want him, show him you care and tell him you would be there for him and do it!

gorjis gal

you put your job befor your husband??? thats not right. he needed you. and you failed him.

Evil Genius

We've already answered the question overwhelmingly that you were wrong. It seems now like you're just fishing for answers that you want to hear. You aren't going to.

I hope it works out for you, but I don't know that you are going to find much emotional support here.

olderbutwiser

He feels you "deserted" him at a time he needed you the most he ever has, in his entire married life no doubt. I don't want to sound mean, but it seems you care more about your career than you do your husband. If I can sense that in a few paragraphs, do you not think he does? You need to make a choice.....your marriage, or your career. You COULD have both, but not with the attitude you have now. He has to feel like he comes first, or the marriage is doomed! Good Luck!!

fungirl

are you serious? it's only been 2 months since his mother died. he has not survived it yet. he may have gotten through the funeral without you, but you don't just stop grieving because the funeral is over.

you are acting like he is the one with the problem, but he's not. YOU ARE. his mother died and you chose to finish a business deal rather than fly back to home support and help your husband through this horrible ordeal. you seem to me to be a very selfish person. you obviously care more about your life and career and personal accomplishments that you do about your husband or your marriage.

you want to know why he won't forgive you? it's because you don't deserve to be forgiven. you don't even feel like you did anything wrong.part of asking for forgiveness is to be sorry for what you've done. (why would you ask to be forgiven for something if you don't think there was anything wrong with it).

maybe your husband is finally seeing you for the person you really are and he doesn't like what he sees. can this marriage be saved? anything is possible. but until you understand what you did, how you hurt him, are truly sorry and sincerely ask for forgiveness i really don't think it has a chance. personally, i hope he leaves your selfish behind and finds someone that will truly love and respect him.

fiestyredhead

You should have come home. Even if it was for a few days to help him through the funeral services. This was a time that he needed you big time and you turned your back on him. You may not see it that way but you did. It might have been a little different if his mother was sick for some time and that she would be passing soon. I think your husband might have been okay with you staying to close some work deal. But you were wrong to not come home and be there for him in this situation. What a tragic loss for him and the entire family to lose someone that way. And he has every right to be upset about it. I'm upset with you and I don't know you at all. Have you apologized to him? Have you done anything to go out of your way to be comforting to him? I'm guessing no. It seems that you're more concerned about yourself and your feelings. And you feel that you did what you had to do. Maybe he's doing what he needs to do right now. Not only is he dealing with his mother's death, but he's dealing with it alone even though you are there. Seriously wake up!!! Life is too damn short to worry about work so much. You know deep down you still would have gotten the credit on that deal even though you weren't there for a few days. As a matter of fact I think the people around you would have thought more highly of you for being there for your husband and closing the deal. But no, you just didn't want to leave. Don't be surprised if your husband has already made up his mind about you. He's seen a side of you that he's clearly not happy with. If you want to save your marriage you have got to straighten up your act. And you have some work to do. The sooner the better. Sorry I couldn't sugar coat it for you.

average_guy_1271970

You value money and "credit" from other people more than you value him. That's pretty rotten on your part. For a successful marraige, each partner needs to value the other more than anything else in this world. You let him down in his greatest time of need. That sounds messed up to me.

If you value money and work more than him, you need to look at yourself and figure out why you got married in the first place.

In answer to your question, if he hasn't given up on you (which it seems to me he has the right to do), then you can still save your marraige. But you need to put him ahead of money and your "career". Remeber when it's all said and done - when hard times fall on you, no amount of money is going to comfort you - only loving people. Nobody wishes they spent more time earning money, but many people regret not giving more of themselves to loved ones.

tnmtngirl

I can see why your husband is upset. Losing a parent is a big deal and you should have been there for him. Jobs are important, but your spouse should be your number one priority. You chose your job over him and that had to hurt. Hopefully, with time, he will get past the hurt and forgive you. If he can't then you may need to seek marriage counseling.

joshua t

well maybe you should have been there for him and now your paying for it...

momof3

There is no help for selfish people like yourself..Your husband needed you, and u failed

nivek191

Family first, you screwed up by not being there for him, no deal is bigger than your husband or your family.

Where are your priorities? Surely it is not with your marriage. Shame on you.

Jewel

He feels you deserted him when he needed you the most and you thought your work was more important than him. I can see both points of view, you both need to seek counseling to work through this, it can be saved with help. Good luck!

Maureen B

WOW..You were soo wrong to put your job before your husband..I don't know that he will beable to find it in his heart to forgive you because you really let him down when he needed you the most.How would you have felt if the situation had been reversed??Not only that he lost his mother in a tragic accident very suddenly it is not like she was sick and he had time to prepare for her upcomming death.You are a very selfish person you really don't need to be married it sure sound's like all you want to do is think about yourself so you should atleast have the respect for your husband to let him go.He deserves to be with someone that is going to be there for him and your not it..MY sympathy goes out to your husband for the loss of his mother and for having to face it without the support of his so-called wife.Please give him all of our sympathy and I am sure I am speaking for everyone here at yahoo answers...

Bradley's MoM

Selfish Selfish Selfish. I bet he regrets the day he married you. Keep up this attitude and see who shows for your funeral.

Shy Girl S

You are a very cold person. You deserted your husband in his time of need. I'm surprised he hasn't left you yet!

Putting your career before your husband is just cold, cold, cold. You do not deserve him. Do all men a favour in the future and don't marry again....clearly you are married to your career. I hope you never have children!

You asked and so, I'm just giving you my opinion.

merrpet

ive read your other questions on here... and your answer in "how to marry a millionaire" (sayng that you did!!)....

and quite honestly... you are a heartless b***h.. you dont deserve to be married to this man or any man... you put work that you admit someone else could do over supporting him in his time of need, and you last sentance about him "surviving" his mothers death without you just fine, sums you up really dosnt it, of course he "survived" ... but he was asking for your love and support when he needed you..

you obviously dont need anyone in your life to care about you enough to be there when you need them... i hope you "survive" ALONE when one of your loved ones leaves,,,,

infact.... get on with this on your own, you dont deserve ANY advice on how to save a marriage you have absolutly no respect for..

you are a cold calous money grabbing witch... if it all goes belly up then you deserve it ALL!

to anyone else answering this question.. READ all her other questions and answers before you do.... she is NO victim here

tonibananaz

yes it can. but from reading your question seems like your mind is made up. the guy lost his mother and you his partner to be with him were not there. my name may say bananaz but im the opposite. seems like you want to call it quits. talk to him if you care to save it. explain be a typical woman with details but please be rational...good luck

roxanne

Put yourself in his position. How would you feel if he had done this to you? Who cares if someone else would have gotten the credit for your work, there was a death in your family. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM!

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