Can you advice me please?

shellshell

LEAVE HIM he disrespected you in one of the worse ways and is still disrespecting you by not allowing you to vent and not allowing you to heal he is telling you that your feelings are not worth the effort by telling you he is not going to tell you anything that happened in the past

yes i could understand saying that if it happened 10 year ago but with in the last 2 years fess up to it all or get out

Crystal R

Trust is earned and he will have to earn it back. He needs to answer all your questions until your heart has time to heal. If he won't do that ask her.

JAZY

u 2 need counseling
so u can see whther u can make this relationship work or not

julielove327

I seperated from my husband who's a cheater. I tried to take him back after previous times he's cheated, but I never trusted him again, and every time I walked out the door, I thought he was cheating. Every time I got a call that came up private on my caller ID, I was convinced it was a girlfriend. I was already insecure to a point, but it made my insecurities go through the roof, and it affect how I treated him. I stayed and was miserable for years, trying to make it work "for the kids." All that it did for the kids is subject them to two very unhappy parents. He left me finally in 9/04 and although it hurt my ego, I am much better for it.

Any man who is worth your tears will never make you cry.

Take care of you. Make your decisions for you and be sensitive to your children. :-)

chillilyn

Oh I feel your hurt, and trust me when I say to you it will not go away... When your spouse does that it tears out your insides, and your heart feels like he ripped it out of your chest and stepped on it and then tried to put it back in and pretend everything is ok. Even if he were to answer all your questions it isn't going to make things better, trust me on that. I wanted all the details and I was given them, and I had nightmares. I am sorry to say but the only way to get over the hurt and the depression is to move forward. I stayed with my ex for a long time after I found out he cheated and I never trusted him,(with reason he never stopped cheating but lied) I felt like I was worthless, I was depressed, and miserable. Then all of a sudden I woke up and said I am not doing this anymore...Now I am married to the love of my life. You need to be in a relationship with someone you can trust, and you can't trust your husband... Good Luck

Ontheotherhand

Tell you the whole truth? What can you need to know? Details? Why do they matter? He cheated. Exactly how, why, or with whom is immaterial. End it.

lhee

if you really want to start all over again you should try to avoid asking the questions for now. yes, you are hurt and depress about it but if you are trying to work it out asking about his past relationships will not help. give him time. the right time comes when everything will be normal again and you could safely ask these questions. maybe he feel guilty about it. and by asking these questions reminds him of his faults.

LENORE P

for give him and move on their will be another time where you both will be able to talk about the past but not right now.
you both have to learn to work on this and to trust each other again if not it will not work. i know you are hurt but you have to let go for your own health and saniy so let it lay for now okay. go for a walk and clear your head look at the lake or the ocean or get a candle to watch it will help you.

Angel sent from heaven

Sweetie you need to go you're separate ways.if hes going to act like that.he should be open and honest with you about what happend in the past.I'd call Dr. Phil if I were you to get this out in the open.

Canyonfly

I may be way off base hear but it seems to me that he might still have feelings for this person or not completely over her so he does want to discuss it because it hurts him and if that is the case maybe you should move on. It just seems to me that if he was being upfront with you he would want to talk about it knowing that he hurt you. He owes you that.

amarylis

If I were you I would get counseling to help you to get over this.Because,no matter how you slice it it will take time to heal your emotional wounds.Also, along with everything else the element of trust has to be built up again.

NyteWing

Counseling is a good start. In order for the two of you to move forward, it needs to be discussed. What I learned from my experience a year ago, is that the guilty never want what they did to be spoken out loud. That makes it all too real. They don't want to face the hurt they've caused you or why they did it. If you like to chat plz IM me. It sounds like you need a friend or at least someone who can relate to what you are going through. I have been where you are.

deanaclk

I have no answer's for you there, I just found out my husband has been on the singles sights looking for the right women for the past four years, and we have only been married four. I have no words to make you feel better, just that things change for a reason. And I am sorry and if you can work threw this togeather then it can only make you stronger.

myocean

I know your curious, you want to know what she had that you didn't have. That's natural, put if you get all the details you want, your only torcher yourself. Everything that he tells you will stick to mind, you'll keep thinking about it and that will only make things worst!! If your going to stay with him your going to have to forgave him. God can help you with that! If you keep trying to drill him your only going to drive him away.

writerboy69

In a perfect setting, you should be afforded the opportunity to ask questions and get answers. The trust between you has been violated and just because it's uncomfortable for him doesn't remove the fact that you are entitled to closure and the chance to process this. On the flip side, though, once you have your questions answered and have talked it through, there needs to come a point where the past is the past. Once you've attained closure and are able to forgive him, this topic can't be used as argument fodder or thrown back in his face. Set some rules about it.

julie

Onces they due it onces and u forgive them there gonna due again

basketcase88

You need therapy, you need to forgive him if your marriage is going to work, period. I know it's hard to trust him again, but for your marriage to work out, you must trust him. You may also be dealing with depression, get help for that, medication if need be. I don't want to sound horrible to you, because what he did was wrong, pure and simple, but you really need to forgive him for your marriage to survive. Good luck.

misydoll

It would be hard to trust someone like that. I would leave him and move on.

shy_gal2

trust me I know how you feel. And I know what youre feeling because that's how I feel right now. My husband cheated on me before we got married. I found out right after. Every time I ask him about it he tells me the same thing your husband tells you. I wondered if he slept w her but he still tell no and he's saying anything elsle. But in your situation he cheated on you when were married already. Your never going to trust him again and you're definately not trusting him now. so why hurt yourself even more. youre going to be wonder where he is, if he's actually working, if he really did go to the store, if he did work overtime or if did he talk to that women today on the phone. first of all you should get some marriage counseling. It'll help if he doesn't want to go maybe it's because he is still seeing that other women and doesn't want to work things out. itll be hard if you leave him but it'll do you good later on in the future. good luck to you

brian k

He sent you a message. Something was wrong in the marriage. It's not the affair, it's your marriage.

Which is exactly what the counselor you should see is going to say.

Your turn.

A_WWE_FAN_4LYFE

Please don't be mad at what i'm about to say, but you want advice and i'm going to give you mine. You have every right, to want to talk about his affairs and if he was truly going to stop communication with these other "women", he should have no problem talking about it openly with you, that's the only way, you'll be able to start the healing process. How dare him act like this is no big deal, if the situation were reversed, he would'nt let you live it down. Considering that you put "women" and not "woman", it's obvious he's cheated on you more than once and I would be willing to bet, his womanizing will start right back up, the minute he has you believing, that the cheating has stopped. You deserve so much more, why would you want a man, who is sharing his body with other women and then coming home and getting in bed with you, that alone, should be a turn off. It seems like you love him, but does he love you enough, to stop this cheating or are you just a wife, that's there to clean and cook for him? You are not a rug, that he can just walk all over, but if you allow him to treat you like one, he will. Listen to me, there are too many diseases out there, this is your life he's toying with, all it takes, is for him to have an affair, with the wrong individual and he could end up catching something, that he can't get rid of and pass it to you! In my opinion, I would do 2 things, I would get myself tested and I would leave him! Once a cheater, always a cheater, if he has'nt changed now, he's not going to! Stop worrying about him, take control of your life, you deserve so much better, I wish you all the luck!

to_retarded_4_u

i dont know if your that depressed go your seperate ways.

jean22005

I totally understand how you feel. If he can't sit down and talk openly about this and what you want to know then I wouldn't stay. Why so you can continue to feel depressed. I know you love him but why hurt yourself. Once a cheater always a cheater. It may not happen so soon after this affair but it may happen a year down the road again. don't go through the heartbreak again. And if you are the one who found out and confronted him then who knows he may have never told you on his own. If he told you himself and that's how u found out then he should be willing to sit down and talk to you. I mean it's a lot to think about and i hope your hear twill stop hurting. If u ever need to talk my Email is jean22005@yahoo.com. Just know that if he won't tell you and wants to go seperate ways then go because he didn't have respect for you in the first place for being with another woman.

Jazzy Faye

Either forgive him or leave him. No one wants to keep hearing or talking about they messed up especially if they hurt someone they love.

Rivelle W

because he is still cheating and you need to let him go and move on he will always not be truthful he will not tell you of the past because he is hiding something if he had stop he would of told you the truth and if he wants the two of you to get past this he needs to get everything out in the open so you can move on with your lives

Kenn

Once a cheater, always a cheater. And once trust is gone, so is the marriage.

Get the divorce and move on with the rest of your life. It will be the best decision for both of you.

toni stark

Speaking from experience things are not as he says they are. If you can't let this go then there is a reason for it. Follow your first mind. Listen to that little voice at the back of your head. If things are over then he shouldn't have any problem telling you what went on with the other woman. But if you are being a nag about the whole thing then he has a reason for being so cold. If you are going to stay in the relationship then give him some space and in his own time he will come around and tell you himself what went on. May be days, weeks or even years you should give it time. I know its hard because your trust has completely destroyed. This is something you should tell your husband. Let him know that he isn't the victim in this horror story, you are. Yes, he owned up to the affair but for him to try to make you feel that you are the villain this is not right. Get over the hurt and GET MAD!!!! Ask how he would feel if you did it to him. I can reassure you, you would be in divorce court instead of writing this question on the net.

Candy

You are hurt and deserve and explanation. If you stay in that relationship, you'll be showing him that he can do "whatever," but you will stay there for him. If you stay, you are going to regret it later. He doesn't show any remorse because he is not sorry. Just imagine your future feeling that heaviness in your heart when you can just go ahead and find somebody else. Don't do like me that kept waiting and thinking, "Things will get better." Now I realized that I wasted my time and the best years of my life.

roo

I think that until he says something or does something that makes you feel like he really is sorry or like he really does love you and wants to move ahead positive, you are going to hurt and not get over it.
A lot of why he will not talk about it is because of the guilt he feels over it maybe. Maybe he is still a little confused too.
I do know marriages that have gotten through and past issues similar. I admire you for giving it another chance. That is not easy. I hope it works.

Jenintn

OK, that depends on how much time has passed since his affair. If it's been a year--then YOU need to get over it, or move on! If only a few months, then he should be open and honest and willing to talk about anything you want. Whatever it is you need to know to get on with it, he should discuss with you. If he's going to be cold about it and refuse to communicate with you, then he doesn't care enough about your relationship to maintain it, anyway. That's a sign that it's not worth trying to work out. By him telling you he's not going to discuss it; He's basically saying, "OK I'm allowed to screw up and betray you, and I don't want to have to answer for it". My advice: Move on and find someone worth your time if he can't give you more respect than that!!! Good luck

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