Can you ever really trust someone whos cheated on you and should you?

hot_italian_empress

Oh, God, I honestly don't know....I've been through this just recently with someone i love very much; he's going through such a tough time and turned outside our relationship for the opportunity to "be someone different" for a little while with strangers---and although he didn't actually sleep with others, he did betray my trust through emails, dinners, phone conversations late at night, etc. And truthfully, it feels just like he went all the way. I've had to really search my soul and my heart for the answer to your question......which is...I hope so. My life (and apparently yours too) is gambling on it---on the chance that a partner who truly loves you, despite their mistake, can make you feel loved enough to trust them again. Here's what I think: I suspect that it will take me (and you) a good while not to wonder where they are when they are a little late, not to worry who they're on the phone with during the day at work; not to wonder just a little when they suddently decide to run to the store in the evening (that's when he made his phone calls), or when you see that they've been on messenger or that their computer is password protected. I've had to decide that I'm not afraid to lose my love---I think unless you get to that place, where you're not afraid to chuck it all if they can't make you feel secure, then you can't start to put the piece back together. If they're not willing to make this about YOU, and not them, then you're going to have to forget trying to do the work by yourself---because in that case, they aren't going to be able to go to the trouble of doing all the things that it will take to make you feel loved again, and to trust. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need---if they say no, they don't really want this as much as you do. You have to show confidence that you don't really feel right now. If your love isn't willing to do the work of gaining back your trust, you can't manufacture it out of thin air. Respect yourself, but also don't be afraid to love that person as an imperfect individual who is capable of being sorry for a mistake. Good luck to you both.

Heather

Yes you can. People do change and they can. It all depends on the person.
My marriage is proof..

Just Surfin

Gonna break from the crowd here and say "it depends". It depends on why the cheating happened in the first place, and if the cheater is truly remorseful for what happened. It's possible to do something even though you know it's wrong, to be truly remorseful afterwards, and to never do it again.

The trust may take years to rebuild, but if both parties are willing to work at it and repair the relationship, then it can be done.

Once.

Once can be a mistake. Twice isn't.

deenie

First of all, you can't trust anyone not to cheat in the first place. You just have to pay close attention and do your best to keep the relationship working. If you find that your mate has cheated on you, they have to be willing to do EVERYTHING you want them to do such as counseling or moving to another job if it was one of those situations or be willing to explain any and everything you want explanations for. And then if you decide to stay with them, you have to move on with the relationship with the knowledge that it could happen again. This is not being cynical, it's just the truth.

Trace

I think you can but it will take time,i forgave my fiance after he cheated,as i believe everyone deserves a second chance,but if they do it more than once then i would'nt trust them.

sweetgranny06

i could never trust again my husband cheated and i could never believe him again afraid he would cheat again and lie like a low down ******* dog

shonnie b

If married--Trust God to help you forgive this person. It's called unconditional love.

If unmarried- You have the choice to keep them around or let them go. No strings attached , hopefully

Good Luck

Lynn

The bottom line is no you probably never will be able to trust that person totally again....but if the relationship is worth saving I would give that person another chance. Sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes people learn from their mistakes. If the person's good qualities outweighs the bad then maybe the relationship is worth saving. But on the other hand if this person is always making you feel suspicious then you have to ask yourself do I really deserve being treated this way? Sometimes it's best to just move on..... the only one that can truly answer your question is you.

rkilburn410

no, if you let them get away with it this time they will take that is a given that you can be talked in it again,

Bexs

Of course not - you need to be able to take some things forgranted - your boyfriend not sleeping with other women is one of them.

bonnie

no you should not you know what they say ....once a cheater always a cheater

Why not me

Depends on the person. People are really animals with a conscience and the ability to make decisions. I believe a person is capable of making a mistake, learning from it, and becoming a better person as a result.
On the other hand, some people are just liars and cheaters, no matter how apologetic they are you need to find out if they've EVER done it before. If they have, they are prone to repeat their behaviors.. hey, they had a chance already to learn from a mistake

Away With The Fairies

Maybe. I have been married for ten years and have two beautiful children because I gave him a chance.

well, even if your man had never cheated on you, you should always bear in mind that it's something that could happen and think about what you would do about it.
Of course it's not the same when it actually does happen. But it could help.
That's why some women don't give up on their marriage that easily.
But nobody is the same. You can only take so much.
So if you think that you are not able to forget and forgive, I suggest that you walk out of the relationship.
There is no point in punishing someone and yourself forever.
Good luck.xx

greenbean

Trust is something a person has to earn! If the person who loves you the most in the whole wide world cheats on you then what would they do to the people they think lesser of??

cats_fender

No, there had to be temptation there in the first place to go and cheat. The temptation would just eat away at them until they got that excitment from cheating again. I say no, find someone new.

lizard

i think it depends on the person, do you think you can get past this? or do you think every time he/shes on the phone or out without you that you will be sitting at home wondering if they are with someone else.

shellysnapz

well i would never trust anyone again if they cheated on me (even if it's just the one time) it breaks the trust and gives you the feeling of betrayal and yes i have been cheated on in the past, so he is now an ex

Paul

I was cheated on many years ago. It was the most difficult time of my life. We are still together now a full decade after the affair. I do trust her, but it takes time to understand how this happened and to accept a little responsibility for it. In a bizarre way, it was a huge wake up call and had some positive effects, but it also hurt like hell.

Hanaaka

The answer to this depends entirely on the people involved and the reason why the person cheated. Some of the answers here give a blanket unequivocal no, don't ever trust again and yet surely we all deserve a second chance especially if there was a good reason for the cheating in the first place. Some say cheating is cheating and there is NEVER a good enough reason for it, but I think we should all ask ourselves why he/she cheated, and did we do something for it to happen in the 1st place. Before we make a blanket decision to reject someone we owe it to the relationship to at least find out why it happened and what are the chances it might happen again. Was it one time only or had it been going on for sometime and if so why. We are all so often ready to blame outright the other person, but there are many reasons why someone cheats. I am not saying that any reason is right, just that sometimes the reason is justified. It happened to me and thankfully I was strong enough and loved him enough to work it out. In my case I blame myself as I was ignoring him and was not around much so he turned to someone else. As soon as I realised how much I had rejected him I changed so that we spent more time together and he stopped seeing the other woman. This was 10 years ago, and I truly believe he has not cheated on me again. So yes, you can forgive, but, forget no because if you forget, YOU might make the same mistake again and next time you might actually loose him/her.

Bobalong

noi no no no no .let them go.

babydolluk25

yeah if your really gullable you could just turn a blind eye when he does it for the 4 and 5th time.

cheesenbanana

people rarely change. you may be lucky and find the 1 person who will. just go with gut instinct

jes1brian

they say that cat.s have nine lives.but us we have one.i guess what I'm saying is ;no.

melimel

They say "once a cheater, always a cheater". I don't think there is any excuse for cheating so I don't think I could trust that person ever again.

annaramsey1977

Went through it and instead of writing it, i will tell you i fully agree with Tirya!!!!

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