Can you get divorced and remain friends?

littleangelfire81

Judging by the other responses here, mine isn't going to be very popular, but since it's a free forum...and you did ask :)..Here goes. The reigning theme I got from everything you said is this: why on earth are you even contemplating divorce? Is there some bigger issue there like cheating, abuse of some sort, unsupportiveness? You are best friends (always the best foundation for a marriage), business partners (so the fights concerning money might be less dramatic), you share 3 children who were created by the two of you...being together. You don't fight much (so you must agree on the big stuff), and you enjoy each other's company. And yet you say you're not in love with each other. Hmph. Love is something you DO not something you FEEL.

I find it HORRIBLE that everyone here is so upbeat and positive about a divorce in this situation. It is not acceptable to divorce someone just b/c you're not in love with them anymore. I say you're wrong. You love this person very much, otherwise you would not share a strong friendship and years of companionship. Don't give up so easy. You're chasing that new lusty feeling you get when you first meet someone, and no, you're not likely to get that back with your partner, but there's something much better: the trust of a longstanding relationship. The comfort of knowing what you're going home to. The security of knowing you are undeniably loved. Being 'in love' doesn't last very long. And if you expect it to you will find yourself divorced every few years. Love is something you have to work at. Ever heard that song 'Love is a Verb'? It's totally true. Love is something you work at. That blossomy, heartbusting thing you feel in the beginning isn't a lasting feeling, so you're chasing a temporary emotion.

If everything you say is true, this is love, and I don't understand how you can say it's not, just cuz maybe you don't quite have the hots 24/7 for your partner the way you used to. Work at it. Put some spark back into it. You're in a rut, work at getting out of it, b/c there's nothing better out there than what you have already. And to damage your kids and the life you've already built with this person just b/c neither of you is 'feeling' in love at the moment is a bad idea. Yeah, I'm sure you could stay friends if you got divorced. At least for a while, till one of you started seeing someone else. But if you can stay friends...than why not stay married? I've heard people say Friends Make The BestLovers, but not Friends Make The Best Exes! LOL

It is a myth that there is one person out there that will completely fulfill and satisfy you for the rest of your life. Love is more than a feeling, it's your decisions and actions every day. You have to choose to love this person. Most divorces now are a result of being disappointed. Being disappointed is a choice you make.

Niecy

yes you can. people break up and stay friends afterwards. i know marriage is a little more complicated than that but it can still work. my parents got divorced, but when my dad comes to visit, they are very friendly and they even still talk on the phone.

Lilly K

yes my parents did they even re married and became friends with the new spouses.It was nice for us kids.

kernel_sanders

Probably you can. I guess married life is not for you.

wfgrg15001

my ex filed for divorce in 96 . . although things were weird at first, we still talk to each other to this day . . . in your case, staying married just because of the kids is not right . . . some people have better relationships not being married . . . this sounds like you . . . you can still do what is best for the children and have what you need to . . . in your case, I think getting it paper would probably be a better thing since you already feel it inside . . .

{the heronie's secret}

yes you can and thast would be VERY good for your kids

but it would be even better to wait until your kids are older.

yums

yes of course you can. for more advice on relationships, this article has more

Tina H

hi,i just want to tell you yes you can remain friends.my first husband and i are best friends.we have a daughter together.she is 26 years.we still love each although we have both moved no with our lives.like you said you both deserve to be happy and to be loved.so yes you can do it.i have remarried and he is to.we have a good relationship with each others familys we do things together as if we were never married.we go places together the 4 of us.we go out to eat,we go camping .we just have a good friendship with each other no more than friends.its a good feeling when you can remain friends,god has bless us and our friendship.good luck and god bless you both.

GoodGuy

Yes you can get divorced and remain friends. My and my wife's relationship fell through 3 years ago and we have since separated our ways. We are very good friends and still consult on stuff. We were having occasional fights and squabbles when we were married still. Now we don't. We both have different life partners and we are both happy.

Completly in love...

it sounds like you've already divorced in spirit, it's just not legalized and if things are ok now then they should be later too

Goodspeed

For you to have developed such a relationship might mean that there isn't what you may imagine out there for you...what makes you think there is something better than what you have right now if your search ruins the dynamics of your current situation...your friends, you rarely fight, you have children that I can only imagine feel loved by mom and dad and feel they have a loving family life...you enjoy each others company...were out there do you think you can find better for this situation...because were ever you look for it , this situation will remain until you find it...and chances are when you find someone else...this situation will only get worse...it as a family definitely will and then you will come to realize what you truly had is what was really important...be carefull for what your wishing for.

acmeraven

Yes. My first wife and I have been divorced since 1968 and she still has me do her income tax returns; and we consult with each other on a variety of subjects. Reached a point where we could not stand being under the same roof together so we divorced and remarried others. She and my wife even talk with each other. I have found others that are in similar boats; usually means you are more mature and have some wisdom.

Happy

sometime you can do better when you get a divorce and be friends.

gravelgertiesgems

You surely can. Do not get caught up in material things, but mutually decide up front:

1) how you would be willing to divide property;

2) how you will deal with custody issues;

3) keep attitude amenable and

4) don't let your lawyers get greedy.

goldwing

Absolutely...and good parent. Make sure you remain united in a front to the kids...what one says, the other says too. I did, my ex and I are still good friends after being apart for 35 years...we both raised our sons, and they are very good men. Stay friends, stay goooooood friends. You will need eachother. Doesn't sound like much will change to me. Good luck

alyssaangel01

YES you can...if the want is mutual and you can decide on the things that cause the hatred to start in the first place then you can remain close friends...you need to sit and talk about custody, splitting up property and any limitations on what future person in your life with have with your kids and how you will feel about the person your ex will eventually be dating...bring it all out in the open and move on from there...dont get mean with eachother just talk it through and be reasonable

ladydeb

Yes. It takes maturity, but you both seem to have that.

jokerscard692000

Sure you can, you both sound like very reasonable people. Just talk about it with the spouse: "We're not in love anymore, and it's more of a partnership feeling to me, we can make this work." Now, if you're going to throw a curveball and make a messy divorce (Either of you) that's the totally wrong way to go about it. But like I said, you both sound like smart reasonable people and yes, I think you can pull it off. Just figure out how you're going to plan out the children's futures. Good luck and hope it goes well for you.

NVgirl

Of course. In fact since you have children, that would be big of you to remain friends.
I know of many couples who have remained friends after divorcing. Their children are mindfully healthier cause they aren't always in the crossfire of in-fighting among the parents. And the children learn a lot for when they are adults. My aunt remained friends with her husband after divorcing. Then when their daughter was married and she divorced, she followed their example and even helped her ex find a new girl. And their kids, including the ones for other relationships accept everything like it's normal. Even the grandparents are accepting of all the children, including those that aren't their blood and treat them with the same love and respect as their own.

illprayforyou

I think it's an exellent Idea for you guys to be friends after the divorce that way no love is really lost and the kids can still see their dad. me and my exwife were married tio eachother for 9 yrs and 11 mos. but who's counting after the divorce we both agreed to be friends because we just grew apart and my daughter who is now 17 still loves the fact that her and I can still visit with eachother we can go to B.K. an wolf down a burger and chit chat about school.as a matter of fact her moms boyfriend and I are good friends and we workout at the same gym.no hsrd feelings or anything and my g/f don't mind it at all she's cool with it.

CTMEDS

I think its wonderful that 2 people can have such a great friendship and still make the ultimate decision to split up and remain friends. Not too many people can do this, trust me. I think that so many marriages are ruined by things said and done that cannot be taken back. There is usually alot of hurt and pain especially because most couples remain together until the very bitter end instead of seeing the relationship for what it really was. You and your spouse sound like you have such a special relationship to be able to move on, but in a way that you both can agree instead of fight. I believe the two of you will be fine. Lots of luck!

BOOTS!

absolutly. My boyfriend has a child that he loves deeply. He never wanted to leave his x-wife becasue of the child. He finaly did. She is a very nice lady and I get along with her just fine. (shes invited to my babyshower even) If you both agree that its best for the children to not see you fight, and you are both fair with costody and $$$ than everything works out. Just be open minded that he may get a new girlfriend and your kids will have to adjust to that and visaversa!!!!

wittbelle

ABSOLUTELY!!! But, you have to put your childrens' needs before your own. I suspect that living together "as friends" is going to get old and, eventually, one of you will stray outside the marriage to have your intimate needs met. That is when the sh!t will hit the fan. You may want to try marriage counseling to see if your marriage can be saved, if you can re-ignite that spark. If not, seek the help of a mediator to amicably dissolve the marriage. Share joint legal custody of the children and stay in close proximity to one another. My ex and I have been divorced since '98. We've both re-married and are all friends. We were just at their daughter's second birthday party! It can be done, but you have to remember the children are the priority. Save the marriage if you can. If you can't, try to end it kindly.

Shawna

My ex-husband and I still get along. It makes it a lot easier. Our situation was similar to yours in that we just weren't in love with each other anymore. I had to think what was best for our son and us being happy apart from each other was better than us being together and unhappy. We actually get along better now that we aren't married.

shrinkyou

Nope!!!!
You can think that you will remain friends and you just might until...... one of you finds another lover and then thats when it starts to get ugly. That is not cool for the kids..

powderjusblazin

Yes it is possible for ya'll to divorce and be friends because ya'll already have an agreement that ya'll r not in love with each other so since itz not happening on a bad note ya'll probably can remain friends. ya'll r technically divorced now anyway

nknicolek

You can yes... but it would have to be agreed upon for the kids not to fight... why hold onto something that is not there ? Besides.. what guy do you know that will want to marry you or date you knowing that your ex is your best friend... um weird... You will have to eventually just be friends for the kids... unless your both just the most perfect ppl ever... and apparently since your not in love and you both agree to that.. your still together that is not so.... what is that teaching your children ? To live in a loveless marriage and just to settle for whatever... I say just trust your own judgement on this if it is right or not.. go with your gut..

dlwill76

I treally depends how long the marriage terms of the divorce and the ability to keep the rlationship at the friend level and not above it. The best thing first is space then work on the friendship>keep smiling life gets better it usually takes 1 week for every year to feel better after a divorce been there.

tina18

Of course you can, just after you get a divorce remember to stay committed parents and friends, spend a lot of time with your children together. It would make them happy to see you're not fighting,but still remain close. Good luck!

michael g

The kids are the driving force behind remaining friends. Our two best friends divorced over 10 years ago, and remain good friends both having remarried over time. They share concerns over the kids, work out schedules where the kids always get the benefit of both parents and attend events together for the kids sake. They do maintain their own lives but seem to look after each other when needed. Even the new spouses have a friendly relationship with the others. That's the friendship kicking in. You can do it and be happy!

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