Cheating Husband?

akcasha

I had a similar experience with my husband. About 11 yrs ago when I first got the internet. I was the surfer of the 2 of us and more knowledgeable in computers as far as internet went, which I did mostly for business. But, I knew the ins and out of the internet. Anyway, my husband decided to start surfing and joined Yahoo chat. One day while I was on the computer an IM popped up and it was a girl requesting my husband. IMMEDITLY I went to him about it and let me tell u I blasted him, ripped him to pieces about his contact. First of all he did lie to her. I made him sit down in front of me and tell this girl all the truth about himself, married, kids and all. His not knowing about how things worked With IM is what got him caught. I search out this girl and monitored her in the chat room. Seeing how she was nothing but a player herself, I informed my Husband that he meant nothing to her. Also, that this girl could be know older than our own daughter and how would he like it if someone was chatting to her and talking all the bull. In those days there really was no way to tell who anyone was. I know this can happen today, just more likely then. I had him so scared to use a computer it was a very long time before he did. Men think that they can't get caught, for that fact people think they can't get caught. They will say anything not to get caught. You did the right thing in checking things out the way you did. Learn more about computer programs, there are programs that you can get to monitor a persons tracks. Stand your ground with him. He does sound a little controlling. People should not have to put up with spouses' like that. Internet or face to face it is cheating. Why are you scared to leave? If you are controlled by him enough to put fear, then you should seek some professional help, ASAP. Join forums on these specific problems....Marital..... use search engines....type in the search ( marital forums) add other words ,like marital problems and the like till you find one to get you through, There out there. The pain you are having with this person will be worse and longer than the pain you will have leaving him. If you don't get help ASAP then I guarantee that you will take it till you can't take it no more which could be a long time. Think out your choices carefully, It will mean the different between a good life or no life at all. I really sympathize with your problem. Please get help.
akcasha

*queenfairy1*Antioch California

First of all if he said he was single and lonely then he did know what he was doing, you don't say that when you are looking for FRIENDS. You need to get a job and get out. he is a liar and a sneak. 2 most unattractive traits in a person. Unless you want to live like this forever. What do you mean he won't "let" you get a job. Get some backbone he has kept you this way so you have no way of making it without him. usually a man that keeps am woman at home and not working is so he can do just what he did to you. thinking you can't live without him.

S K

He's cheating.

Blot

call a lawyer

Deprie

get a second e-mail address
put up a fake ID
and respond to him on his dating site
and see what happens.

this is a virtual world,
you can be who ever you want to be !

Eat Fish

"He won't let me work"???????
Get your head out of the clouds and your @ss out of that relationship.

bacardi b

honey let me tell you something, a line like that is just a lie. he is not stupid, and he doesnt think its just for friends or he would have put that hes "married and lonely, needs friends" instead of SINGLE AND LONELY hes definately trying to get attention outside his marriage. that doesnt mean he has gone through with it but you really need to do some research. find out if he really is where he claims to be! as a wife you have the pass to spy on your own husband, do it for yourself and your marriage. dont let him make you look like the idiot by playing dumb and using a lame excuse!! ur smarter then that. as women we have brains!! use it honey!

LIZA

I won't believe him either. You read the proof. If he was looking for friends he could it post it on the Internet not by saying he is single. He won't let you work because that's a way for him to control you so you won't find out his infidelity.

Oil-Sheen

moving on i will say

karespromise

You need to get to the bottom of this and find out why he felt the need to go to a dating site. What is the issue? The only way to fix your relationship is to be open with each other and communicate. Tell him, "I know that you weren't on that website looking for "friends" - tell me what you think needs to improve in our relationship so we can work on us."

desertblue62

HE WON'T LET YOU WORK is a ridiculous statement you are codependent and when you realize that you do not need anyone else to make you happy you will move on. You must have low self esteem too so working would help your self esteem..He sounds controlling and manipulative get out now!

DEBI M

ok- you know that he was lying about his confusion over the website. he is intent on roaming.has he yet? maybe not.will he continue to persue the possibility? probably. something is so wrong here. you can let him know that you are intelligent enough not to buy his story,and ask him to come clean so that you both can work on whatever is bothering him. if he wont, then there is nothing you can do to make him want to save the marriage,HOWEVER_ you CAN do something about getting a job and developing the ability to take care of yourself.dont be played for a fool. either do it, or stay stuck at home ,constantly wondering why your husband is gone so much, and why he is paying you less and less attention. and where is all the money going???

lady1lovely

When trust in a marriage is damaged, it is hard to move forward. Your husband could be cheating and then again he could be a faithful husband. Investigate further before you end your marriage, to set the record straight, having proof is so much better then going off a feeling you might be having. The Internet is a open field for infidelity in any manner verbal or physical. You also stated that you still love him, now you need to ask yourself do he love you. If you feel and believe that he does love you working it out might be an option for you. It's worth thinking about if there are children involve. You mention that he does not want you to work this could be an control issue, (think about it if you are home all day he know where you are (no need to worry) if someone is giving you any attention. whether it's an listening ear or a compliment ever now and then. I wish you the best.

shine

i don't believe him either! but force him to delete that profile...you're his wife, how much more friends does he need for support, comfort, converstaion etc. that's a start and find out if he's linked to any more sites out there for 'friendship.'

jusbizness403

Ask yourself, Do you really believe your husband? And if he is cheating can you forgive him for it? This is something only you can figure out.

Dennis

Why won't he let you work? I can never understand that..but ANYWAY, well, if you want to find out if he doesn't even log onto the site anymore, then why not get someone he doesn't know to flirt with him on there? And then you'll find out if he lied or not.

BUT..i mean i've been on quite a few dating sites, old *ss ones, and when i met my fiance i pretty much threw them away so to speak, now i only check my myspace account, but the old dating sites still have my profile in the 'looking for love' mode....so in essence he probably just forgot them or just left them as is cause they're useless and of no concern to him.

Other than that...if you don't really believe him that's a trust issue, you need to sit down and talk and get that straightened out...but other than that , like i said, if you seriously want the truth then get someone to email his account flirting to see if he bites the bait, and then you can deal with him accordingly.

jorluke

scary situation. I would get ready to move out and file a divorce and meet a nicer more genuine man. I feel scared for you honestly here and I think you need to prepare yourself to leave him ASAP.

NO! do not forgive this BS!! Get the HELL OUT esp if he doesnt let you work? what is that? do you have kids together? one thing I hate in this world are liars. COWARDS!!
He has you right where he wants you! Scared! Now when you discover something like this you reconsider your options and dont know if you have any but there are places for you to go. Just dont make things up. Don't go into battered womans shelter or whtever if he wasnt hitting you. Don't lie.
This is how the rest of your life will be with him...he gets his way and you get what he wants you to get! This is your life then.
You really need to start making preparations now. and when you have a way to go...suddenly you are gone. Give him no physical way to track you down. For a while until he can truly cool off, if he is a controlling backwards freak then there is physical violence potential. That is why when you leave you need to start filing and take initiative to your claims.

candleinthewind7579

He "won't let you work" because that is a way to control what you do and where you go, and limits your abilities to leave him should you ever decide to do so. As your husband he is supposed to be your partner...not your dictator. Tell him to remove the profile "since he no longer uses it" and if you find out he's continuing to do this, you may have a few profiles of your own posted. This may stop him

Bryan

He's lying to you and he would not let you work. What kind of man is that? I always say "fight fire with fire" but that would worsen the situation. I would not believe him on his frequency involving the web site. Well, if is was my girlfriend, I would never speak to her for a long time. Ask him why he's sooooo lonely. Doesn't he realize that he has a wonderful wife like you. I strongly dislike cheating in any form!

reinhart_fagel

if you have a car and he does also,when he goes out say your going out somewhere to,but instead follow him but try not to get caught.if he goes to a restaurant,movie theater,or a place where a persone can have a date you'll know he's cheating.other than that check the site name,then ask him why he would mark in SINGLE or LONELY i mean he lives with you and if he has friends tell him why he would need to go to a site if he could just get some at work.if it leads to an argument im really sorry.

bsufanforlife

Well dont leave him over a website. If your unhappy then leave. But first be certain hes cheating. You think hes happy with you now?

BCMEDIC

You need to leave. Firstly so you can get some counselling. You need to find out why you have such low self esteem. Put your marriage on hold for awhile and don't worry about him at this point. Get a job and get out and live. If he loves you he will wait. When you are ready then it would be a good time for counselling for both of you. He is basically doing whatever he pleases because you are allowing him. Life is short. Don't waste it worrying and scared.

atbkkj

if he put he is single that has got to tell you something you can be a strong woman and take care of yourself

Jennifer D

I would be very worried...

kitkatish1962

I would have created a profile and tried to hook up with him on the site before I confronted him,, then you would have known if he indeed was cheating.. The bottom line is if he is lonely TALK TO HIM,,

texasbar

LOSER, I MEAN LOSE HIM, GOOD BYE..... ANYBODY THAT DOESNT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DATING SITE AND A WIFE AT HOME DOESNT MAKE THE CUT, GET AHOLD OF THE CHECK BOOK CLEAN THE ACCOUNT OUT CALL A LAWYER AND GO FIND A JOB SLASH CAREER AND BE HAPPY YOU FOUND OUT NOW AND NOT IN A FEW YEARS WHEN HE WAS TO HAVE THE TALK WERE IT ENDS WITH I MET SOMEONE IT WAS HARMLESS AT FIRST BUT NOW I LOVE HER AND I WANT A DIVORCE FROM YOU TALK, GO MAKE YOUR OWN JOY IN LIFE AND BE PROUD YOU DID.....

HAND have anice day!!!

spud

Get a job.

E-Male

He's crippled you and got you just where he wants you, put your profile on the same site and let him know it is there for fun just to see how many guys think you are hot. list yourself as single and extremely horny and very aggressive in bed. if you stay weak, he will only beat you down more than you are.passivity only breeds disrespect.

fire_inur_eyes

Scared to leave??? That sounds like the reason he probably went on the site---you need to toughen up--tell him nicely and only once--how you feel about the issue---and if he has no intention of letting you work--you want to know whyor you are going to go and get a job--HE DOES NOT OWN YOU>> he is worried you'll find someone else--but it is alright for him to do. ???? Tell him that you trust him to remove the name from the site, and put in more time with you. Is something about you driving him away??? Stop with the drama and the scared act---you need to speak up

amanda

So He's Getting Onto A Dating Site Claiming He's Single? Wow, Well To Me, I Find That Wrong, On His Profile Or Whatever, Does It Not Say When The Last Time He Logged In Was? If So, Check It, And If It's Recent, I'd Say He Is One Lying Man! Lol I'd You Ask Him, What Makes Him Feel So ''Lonely" And Why He Feels That Way..Hope This Helps!

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