Cheating husband (has been)?

Winston Smith loved Big Brother

Yes. See a counselor.

We are mostly amateurs and volunteers here. You need professional help. You get what you pay for; you pay for what you get.

oldmarine08

I wish i cold answer it but I can't. I was cheated on by my still current wife after 14 year of marriage...I felt the same as you, it lasts a long time.....it really never goes away because once the trust ids broken, it doesn't come back totlaly like it was...you either keep him and live with it and try or let him go...I chose the first, so far so good, now married 17 years

azzurri

its like me and my girlfirend... she cheated on me.. but i love her so much that im still with her. and we dont have kids or anything so i think you should work it out with him

Iryna

You two should absolutely take Marriage Counseling. If you want to move forward together and accept the infidelity. You wont be able to do this on your own, you really will benefit from the help of a professional. You might want to also look into counseling for yourself on your own to deal with those inner feelings that he just may not understand

Dr Love

it's been 8 months since he cheated and he says he's sorry. we're all human and make mistakes, some people are genuinely sorry, some don't mean it when they apologize. Only you know if your husband truly means it. please think twice before screwing up your children's lives by divorcing him for ONE mistake.
some couples actually say that after an affair, their marriage is even stronger, we grow and mature as humans, try growing together with him- especially for your kids sakes.

bleh.always

go away for a while give yourself time to think

Platinum xOx

There are a lot of reasons someone cheats so posting why would have helped me answer this. Look, If he is really sorry and loves you he won't do it again. Give him another chance, don't throw away a stable family for your kids due to this mistake. It will take time for the pain to heal but slowly you will heal and start to trust him again. All the best!

This is a tough one. My first impulse would be to leave, but that's not always an easy act. Definitely get counseling, both of you.

PurpleGirl

It's important to be faithful, but it's also important to be forgiving. If this is the first time, and he says he won't do it again, and you beleive him then try to make it work.

CuriousBob

All I can tell you is my own experience with this sort of thing.

What really lingers is the damage to your sense of self worth. What has really happened is you based a huge part of yourself on how he valued you and suddenly you find that he didn't value you as highly as you thought. Deep inside you feel worthless, pathetic and second best and the source of that feeling is him. Him being sorry may help you rationalize it all but it doesn't restore the lost sense of self worth.

A couple of years ago I went through a similar emotional experience with my wife. She didn't, according to her, actually sleep with anybody, but it was made painfully clear that all those years things weren't as I'd been led to believe. I was in tears off and on for months and with words and actions sharp as daggers she day after day cut me down to two inches tall. Finally one day I figured out that the only person who was ever going to be truly on my side was myself and I had to gain a sense of self worth that came from me, and not from anybody else. I began working on myself and my life. I've gotten in shape improved my looks and worked on lots of other areas of my life. When I think of the things she did and said I still get angry but I've learned to turn that anger into motivation. Funny thing is, the day I decided I didn't need her love to respect myself is the day she stopped pushing me away. Fine, but she'll never see me vulnerable again. I will never be weak again.

So, it will take time, but I think the best thing you can do is to first realize that what he did was about him and his ego and strange as it sounds really had nothing to do with you. You are no less of a person or woman because he needed his ego stroked and couldn't resist. Then become your own person and adopt an attitude that if he wants to stay in your life that's fine, you can enjoy the good things about that. You may want him, but you don't need him. Hit the gym and do other things to build your self image and confidence and come from a can-do attitude and a position of strength. Then you'll find this hurt, and all the other hurts and insecurities that life has built up in you start to fade away. You may not want to get yourself physically free, but you need to become emotionally free.

And here's a thought. Draw yourself out a "get out of jail free" card like in monopoly and have him sign it. You forgave him, he owes you one free pass. Then hang on to it and some time in the future if you screw up, pull it out and hand it to him. It may sound silly but having that free pass will I think give you the felling that you didn't totaly get used. You got something of value for it.

((HUG)) ((High 5)) and good luck.

Real Talk....Ya dig

You need to LET IT GO!!! If you gone forgive your man, FORGIVE HIM!! And keep it moving

ManBeast

Marriage counseling can help you in this, especially if you want to salvage your marriage.

Backhoe

Leave Him

raegnar31

If you can forgive him, then forgive him and move on with him.
If you cannot forgive him it's best to move on without him.

mrs

you can't go on until you forgive him. my best friend's husband cheated on her 3 years ago, and she's miserable b/c she doesn't want to work on the relationship and forgive him. counseling can help with this.

caaaad

Number one is to go to counseling. Reach a decision as to whether or not you can accept a sincere apology and move on. If you don't get counseling then you have decided to keep your pain thereby keeping control of the relationship. If you decide to forgive him then forget it ever happened. Eventually the relationship will break up unless you completely resolve the issue. You have put a serious label on him which he earned. However he needs to reach equal status again or all is doomed. You have a lot of power now and are a victim. Give it up if you want a healthy marriage.

â™¥Ti Amoâ™¥

Maybe you and him should go see a counsellor and talk about it there and see if you are able to work through the issues in a session it may make things better

hot_stuff_244

Try to make it work for the children get past that he cheated and concentrate on what you love about him and try not to focus on what happened.

He must have released how good he has it with you see it as he wondered then came back a better husband, father even lover as he knows your his world. I would at least try and if you still feel the same way in 6 months then either seek counseling or have a break from one another.

MeanMax61

y would u want to be with a cheater for just 7 years and the kids so they can see the pain everyday him trying to kiss your butt to make it right and to keep up a lie come on my dad did it 45 years ago iam reminded almost everyday the pain my mother went through give me a break u want someone to tell u to say stay or leave be a big girl and decide if its worth it to live with a cheater and will the kids be happy

Orla C

You don't trust him anymore, and you are right.

KayKay

you can only answer that one for yourself
first of all can you trust him not? If not it is time to let it go
do you want your kids to live in a battle zone? Can you get along just for their sake? I don't think that will make either of you happy ...you or the kids
tried marriage counseling? Sounds like that is about the last resort for you at this point
sit yourself down and honestly answer those questions and you can come up with the right answer
good luck

Alexis C

in my opinion if this is causing you pain and/or any regret what so ever you should maybe see a marriage consalter.
but what ever you do not let him make it feel like its your faut for anything.
guys have a specialty with that.

Laura G

check out this website, www.snoopbuddy.com If you decide to stay you will know if he ever cheats again. and it's people who are going thru the same thing as you.

melinda p

Well honey that is awful I am sorry. But anyways, did he cheat only once. Or was it an affair? Anyways, I do believe you should try to work through it. Of course why did he cheat, is a big concern. This is really a hard one if you don't know all the facts. If he did it for fun, that is a problem. I really feel for you. And I would be glad to talk if you needed you can feel free to message me. God bless you and your family. That is the only way to get through anything.

"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"The Lord raiseth them that are bowed down." Psalm 146:8

"I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee." Isaiah 41;10

mrgmrls

Look girl i would bit the **** out off him,because ones a cheater always a cheater i now it's going to hurt a lot but it's all up to you what you really want to do. Yes you're thinking about you're kids but they are going to grow up and if you think your not going to forgive him then its better if you live him because you going to be really unhappy. Girl i been through this and i have a little girl. So you can do it. Good luck.

redhead27

well..., you say you do not want to throw away 7 years of marriage and also change you kids lives...

Look... your husband made a mistake, and everybody makes mistakes... I am sure you have, I know I have, and I also know my husband has... but when I took my vows, I took my husband for better and worse, not saying that is an excuse to deal with anything he does... but that means you made a committment because you love him and you want to be married to him. I know how difficult it is, trust me.. I know, I have been through it also.

From what you say, he is very sorry and he understands what he did was a mistake... its time to be a grown up and be a forgiving person, for the sake of your marriage and the sake of your children. Is divorce and separating your family really worth one mistake he made? Ask yourself... do you believe he is sorry? If you truly believe, you have it in yourself that you can forgive and be happy with him... then go forth with your life and see this as a hump in the road that you got through.

If you do not have it in your heart to forgive, then split with him and split the family. But think about it, you would be throwing away a loving marriage and a family... just for 1 mistake... he is sorry and I think you should find it in your heart to forgive him. He is truly sorry... forgive him and make him love you that much more for it...

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: