Confused and worried about my marriage. Can't figure it out.?

My wife and I have been married for six years. During January and February things seem to be fine. We say we love each other no major problems. To be honest we have coexisted for six years. Spats here and there but good times also. During the month of March my wife has been going out coming home at 2:30 am and stopped talking to me. I haven't cheated, I don't drink, and I don't' abuse her. She remained tight lipped for a month until I asked her was she seeing someone three times. Each time she said no. One time while talking she mentioned feeling smothered and lonely. I realize I haven't paid her any attention because of selfish reasons. I expressed to her I would like to go to counseling because I have trouble expressing love and we have always had problems communicating.She says she wanted to separate form me because she isn't feeling it anymore. I suggested counseling and she states she is not there yet with me. But she wants me to leave the house. That is crazy I am not the one wanting to separate I want to get help. I love my wife and want to save my marriage and work on my problems. It is hard to understand because I didn't do anything to precipitate the sudden 360 of her emotions. I feel she is seeing someone. She denies it. She still wears her wedding band. One night she went out and left it. Is this a spell or what. I can't read her. I reached out verbally and email and no response. One night I tried to hold her and she got upset and went through the separation speech again. She said she had seen an attorney. I told her I would not agree to anything until we have exhausted every resource to save and strengthen our marriage. I have a step-son very disrespectful and manipulative who has been a problem for 6 years and she defends him - single mom. Women especially unique child help me figure this out. Is this a spell or should I prepare legally and can I get a court order for counseling. Help Please!!

shy2008

Sorry to say, she's already checked out of the relationship. Although you are still together...her heart isn't there. It doesn't mean she's cheating, but it wouldn't take much to go in that direction. If she doesn't want to talk to anyone, maybe she's tried talking to you...and you tuned her out. Could that be possible? This is one of those questions that I would love to hear the other side. Only you know what kind of husband you've been. You yourself stated you haven't paid her any attention due to selfish reasons. Maybe she's having some selfishness setting in herself. Remember the old saying....You get what you give...think about it. Does she have valid reasons for feeling the way she does? Hope this helps...

Lisa Marie

Watch the movie Fireproof

bethyboo

Go out and buy the movie Fireproof and the book "Five Love Languages".

luvtochasecows

She is cheating. Sorry for being short, but she is.

Bozema

I can't say for certain what she is doing with her time or what she is thinking but it does seem she's made her mind up that she's leaving and that she is not interested in reconciling with you or going to counseling. I would start preparing yourself for that situation.

ynyr_yeng

she might be cheating for your selfish reasons. may be you made her feels lonely?

MarriageHelp

One of the questions I'm most frequently asked is, â€œHow do you know when it's time to quit?â€

Hi. Iâ€™m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness, and in terms of when to give up on your marriage, here's what I recommend.

If divorcing is a consideration for you from a moral perspective, then before you go that route, try first for at least one year.

Did you hear that?

Try for at least one year!

And I mean REALLY try. You can always call it quits. You always have that option. But once you pull that trigger, it's over. No more chances. Your life will never be the same. Do you have kids? If you do, their life will never be the same.

If you end your marriage, you don't want there to be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don't ever want to look back and wonder if things could have been different. You don't want to ask yourself, â€œWhat if thisâ€¦and what if thatâ€¦what if I tried thisâ€¦what if I did that?â€

If you have to end your marriage, you want to know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything you could to make it work.

If you have to end it, you want to be able to move on with your life and into another relationship with a clear head. You want to come to a place of healthy â€œcompletion.â€ THIS IS CRUCIAL! And to accomplish this, in my experience, it takes at least one year. I know it probably seems like a long time, but it's an investment in the rest of your life.

Here's the key point. Listen carefully. It's a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it's a good investment if you turn your marriage around. But if you don't, it will NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of your life AND YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.

I have seen too many cases of spouses ending their marriage prematurely, and as result of not reaching â€œcompletionâ€ in one relationship, they find themselves in the same situation a few years later with someone else.

The work I do with marriage coaching clients sometimes turns out to be more beneficial for them in their next relationship than in their current one.

I remember once when the marriage of someone who registered for the Lone Ranger track of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp ended in the middle of the program. This man asked me if he should continue with the final 3 weeks of the program. I said, â€œAbsolutely.â€

He responded, â€œWhy? What's the point? My marriage is over.â€

â€œYou're not doing it for this marriage,â€ I explained. â€œYou're doing it for the benefit of your next one.â€

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that your intention while you're working on your marriage should be for the benefit of your life after your marriage. Your intention needs to be to restore your CURRENT relationship. But if you fail, your effort will NOT have been for naught.

Bottom line is this. If you're asking, â€œWhen is it time to call it quits?â€ The answer is: one year after you think you're done. If after one year of trying everything in your power to make your marriage work you're still miserable, then you should consider moving on. Until then, hang in there and don't give up.

This topic reminds me of my situation many years ago. I remember learning late one night that my wife had an appointment with a divorce attorney the next morning. We were hours from â€œdone.â€ Who would have ever thought that we could turn things around at that point?

It's NEVER too late! In fact (and here's real food for thought), very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. Sometimes it's not until things couldn't get worse that they can get better.

I wish you and your spouse the best. If youâ€™d like further information to help with your marriage, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report "7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage" and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, http://www.MortFertel.com/cmd.asp?af=957945. Itâ€™s FREE.

Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach

Audrey S

Marriage is a commitment first and foremost. If I were you I would fight tooth and nail for my wife. Any marriage will have obstacles, problems, and road blocks, but it's what you do with those things that matter. If she says she doesn't want to be with you figure out why and change it. Only change if it's really something you should change-but don't stop being yourself. There is this book called the Love Dare...buy it and use it! It will save your marriage. If you can give your marriage six months with this book and at the end still want out, then I have no advice....but I can guarantee that this book will change your relationship with her. Please, please, do this to save your marriage!

Carmy

Totally cheating.

m h

you can ask the court and sometimes they will make you do what you can but in this case just let her go for awhile and see what happens do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you

Sue C

Sorry to say, but by all you've said she's showing every sign of cheating regardless of what she tells you. Just her aloofness twds. you, asking you to leave, wants nothing to do w/counseling etc etc. She is showing you every sign in the book that she is having an affair of some kind. The fact she still wears her wedding band means absolutely nothing, unfortunately. My ex use to take his off & put it in his pocket. He use to sit in the sun to "tan", BUT take off his wedding band to tan??!! I've been there & back again. Know every single sign of a cheating spouse who came in all hrs. of the nite, sometimes not at all! Took off for whole wk. ends & left me home alone. Yes, we DID go to counseling, I was told it would NOT work...how rite the counselor was. I'm sorry to say she is lying to you & not being a bit fair about it. You're going to have to make up your mind if you want to stay there w/her & see all her "goings on", or get out for awhile & not be forced to have to know what she's doing. This IS a big choice for you. I DO wish YOU the very best...:)

Im just answering your question!

To be honest I think that she has simply fallen out of love with you and that you both need to accept that.

Dr. D

Can't say for sure, but what you're explaining are pretty obvious signs that she's seeing other people. She probably wants to get legal action to separate before you find out so it won't be as messy of a breakup for her. Get the facts before you sign any documents dude.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: