Constant fighting between my fiance and I over my ex fiance! ADVICE MATURE ANSWERS?
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Constant fighting between my fiance and I over my ex fiance! ADVICE MATURE ANSWERS?
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I am 26 and am engaged to a guy i am head over heels with, we are engaged and have been together for 5yrs. The year before i met him i was engaged to my teenage partner who i started dating when i was 12, We had a daughter together when i was 17 and she is now 9yrs old and the apple of her dads eye. My ex is in a traveling band and we broke up because i could take it that he was never here but always wanted us to go on the road with him & i couldn't do that with my job, He told me that he never got over me leaving him and it completely broke his heart, He still always tells me he loves me. When he is in our city he always makes sure he sees our daughter every chance he can,and treats her like a princess nothing is ever good enough for her , but my now fiance hates when he is around. My fiance has become distant with me since last week, it feels like he doesn't talk to me that much and when i talk to him his answers are short. He finally told me what was bothering him, when he went to see my ex-fiances band play as my fiance, my friends & my fiances friends love there music, everyone noticed that my ex kept looking up at me with a smile or the band would dedicate a song to us, Then my fiance told me that my ex told him that if he ever had a chance with me again that he would take it was im the love of his life and i should be with him, thank god no fight started as my fiance walked away from him but didn't at the time tell me what was said. My ex and i are on friendly terms for our daughters sake and my fiance doesn't like that i have anything to do with him, They thing is we have many mutual friends and i know that a part of me will always love him as he was my first love and breaking up with him was the hardest thing i ever done. How can i make this tension between my fiance and i go away? Advice?
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love&enjoylife
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Its good to hear that you and your ex and your daughter can have a civil relationship with each other, most cases it's drama for most women. Your fiance might be jealous for a lot reasons, for one you and your ex are childhood sweethearts and second your ex and you share a daughter and on top of that he still loves you. You and your fiance might want to seek counseling before you get married - don't want to go into a marriage with a jealous groom. Jealousy is ugly and it can turn a man violent if he feels threaten by someone who might destroy his future or family. If you love your fiance maybe you should stay away from the concerts your ex plays at. |
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Jennifer
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Its not something you can do. Its an issue your FIANCE has with your ex. You can't change that even if you tried.
Its up to your fiance if he wants to get into a 'life long' thing with a girl who has so much baggage. |
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Mark H
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You can't. He is jealous, justifiably so, of the connection you have with your ex. You could just choose your fiance and cut ties with the ex except for one little thing, you have a kid with him. That means your fiance is stuck with this and he obviously can't handle it. You should break up with your fiance and either go back to your ex or find someone that can handle the fact you have a kid and you are close to your ex. The guy you are with just isn't up to the challenge. Unless you live for drama like some people do, it's time to move on. You shouldn't be in a relationship and planning to marry someone you argue with frequently. |
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Jessica
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You already asked this today.
Tell your ex that it's over and to leave you alone. |
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orla
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First thing you should do is stop calling him 'my ex fiance' HE IS YOUR EX. Stop being so friendly with him too. |
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Renee
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You need to tell your ex to back off. I would feel uncomfortable if my fiances ex were doing those things too. He can still be a part of your daughters life but you need to make it clear that to your ex that he is your daughters father and nothing more. |
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AmBeautiful
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Stop going to see his band play. Other than that you cant do anything. Your fiance' will have to deal with his insecurities on his own. |
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Garnet Glitter's No BS Zone
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It will only go away when your fiance grows up......
When he's adult enough to realise that...
1) It doesn;t matter how your ex feels about you...all that matters is how YOU feel about your ex and your fiance...if your ex will never have a chance with you, then your fiance has nothing to worry about...his insecurity comes rom immaturity...and do NOT marry him while he's so immature. Let hin grow up some.
2) he needs to understand that ex partners NEED to be amicable for the sake of their shared child....if he thinks for one minute his feelings should outweigh the feelings/welfare of your child then Honey, he is NOT the man for you and it does not matter how you feel about him....your daughter's welfare comes FIRST over any man...while she is a child and unable to be responsible for her own well being.
I strongly suggest couples counseling...your fiance needs to hear this from a professional. |
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MamaLuna
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Are you sure that you are really over and done with your ex? I think you need to seriously figure out what you want I have a sneaking suspicion that you have more feeling for him then you are admitting too.
Not everyone is able to deal with a relationship that has an extra person in it fighting for your attention. This may not be the right relationship for your fiance. |
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sheloves_dablues
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You already asked this today. |
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Marilyn
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i think you are g.f. material but not wife material.
you enjoy this, and i believe your 'fiancee' will find another who is devoted to only him.
i agree with the other poster you have too much drama. |
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