Could you forgive your partner for a drunken one night stand?

ashok_sahu1953

Yes, one should forgive which alone can help in cementing the relationship.

kat_luvr2003

being drunk is no excuse for cheating!

ark

It is betrayal, but it's up to you to decide to forgive him and no one else's decision. And while you may forgive, you'll never forget and the burden of you not holding it over his head forever IF you decide to forgive him, is monumental. I don;t think I could do it, myself but then again, I don't have kids.

mikey

Hard to say.
I do not accept drunk as an excuse for anything.
Sorry.

janne5011

yes, but only after a careful examin why I should trust that partner in the future.

You have no ideaâ™¥

Being "drunk" isn't an excuse! You don't deserve a cheater... No one does. Yea he may have been "drunk" but that doesn't take the fact that he threw your trust down the sh*tter. I wouldn't put up with it. Find someone who will be faithful to you and not make excuses!

funkychunky7000

hmmm been there. This is where the cheater has to show that they are truely sorry. My ex said she was BUT her actions proved otherwise. It takes two to make things right after a betrayel. If he isnt 150% devoted to gaining your forgiveness then he is not worth it. It will take a long long time for your trust to be reestablished. If he thinks you should get over it 1 year afterwards and your not, lose him. Everyone is different in how long they need to get past something like this. Since he didnt confess this too you I'm thinking he isnt that serious about it. My instincts say leave him but in the end its your choice

Mr. Just Julie

Drunk has nothing to do with it. People don't do things that they don't want to do when they are drunk. They do things they want to but are less inhibited.

BUT, you've reproduced with him which removes some of your options. Get over the hurt for the sake of your child.

Dee

I couldn't forgive him or forget it - drunkeness is not an excuse for cheating and so many people use it......he obviously is still attracted to this girl - I would dump him and just ask him to be a stand up Dad for your daughter.

Woopyalecris

I wouldn't! if he got drunk and cheated on you and you forgive him, he will use it as an excuse to do it again, and you would have to forgive him bcs, poor little thing was drunk.

Quest

To forgive him is to put all of that behind you and move on. if you can do this because you want to do it for yourself then -- by all means do it. It will take time -- but you have to make the choice to not use this against him and leave it alone, or will this thing just continually eat you up inside. It is not about your daughter right now -- she will be fine as she will always have the two of you as her parents.

He was wrong, and he has to prove himself to you all over again -- no matter how long it takes -- but you have to help the process -- not hinder it, if you choose to keep this relationship.

Can you learn to trust him again? big question, that you have to answer.

Is he willing to prove himself to you? Has he apologized? How did you find out? did he tell you or what? these question play a big part in making your decision to stay or go.

I am not going to tell you what to do -- simply because I can't -- but I am here if you need to talk.

Don't rush your decision, and follow your first instinct, follow your heart and I pray things work out for you and your baby.

shelly63795

It might be really hard but with a little counceling and talking it through, you might be able to salvage your marriage but it would definetely take time.

Cinta

If he REALLY shows remorse, Yes I would at least give him ONE chance to win my trust back which would take a really long time. I could forgive but forgetting would be the really difficult part.

kinkybootsno1

Right, this is the problem as it stands.......He's gone in a drunken stupor, so HE says..............& fukced his ex.....this Honey isn't about whether or not you can forgive him, it's about whether or not you can put this out of your mind.....this is about whether or not you'll be able to trust him again & if so...when.
This is about whether or not you can trust yourself anymore.

Answer to No.1 is NO! you'll never be able to put this out of your mind, you'll NEVER forget what he did. Unfortunately some seem to think that if they can just forgive then they'll forget.....not so. you may not throw it in his face [which is part of forgiving] you may not as time goes by be constantly thinking of what he did, but you will have to live with this thought, yes, it gets easier to live with but once trust has been destroyed it takes simply ages to build up again...if it ever really does....

Answer to question No.2 is.....that depends......trust as I've already said...once destroyed is really difficult to build up again......you will ask yourself questions such as.....has he done it before that I don't know of? has he told me all the truth? why didn't he come clean, why did I have to find out by chance? If I hadn't found out by chance would he have ever told me? has he ever done this with her before that I don't know about? has he ever done this with someone else that I don't know about, what makes me think I can believe him now?

Can you see where I'm going with this babe? I'm not trying to make things worse here, that's not possible....you asked the question & I'm being totally honest about the answer......this trust isn't about him, it's about YOU....can you live with the churning in the pit of your stomach, can you live with the knowledge & images that will go round & round in your mind every day for God knows how long?
Trust can only be built up if your partner is prepared to really put some work into this....it isn't just going to come because he says you have to trust him.......will he be prepared to be patient with you as you try to work through all this crap? it'll take an exceptional person & it can only be done by one that's genuinely sorry for what he's done......because trust me Babe, you will both go to hell & back before things even begin to improve......

Now as to whether you'll be able to trust yourself again.....well clearly you can't....because if you could, without a pang of doubt, you wouldn't even be asking us on YA what we think....you'd know what to do & how to do it....you are now in the worst place you can be in regarding a relationship & that's a place called self doubt....that could well be the hardest place to get out from.........you'll only be able to trust yourself when you can do what's right for you, when you know how to make yourself happy & go out there & do it....at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who you talk to, what you read, or who talks to you....until you realise that you're the one that has to carry you through all this crap & bring you out the other side, until you realise that you're worth more than all of this you're being put through........you will always have self doubt.....that doesn't mean you have to leave him, it means you won't settle for anything less than you deserve.....

The fact is your relationship is now officially DEAD. that doesn't mean you can't build another one with him, but what you had is gone now, it will never be the same. You can build another one, but that's entirely up to him really....
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry for you right now & for all you're having to go through, I really hope everything turns out well,

You could agree to try & forgive & help your partner to work through things together, however you won't know if it's working or even viable until at least 18 months goes by.....
if after that time you really feel as though it's not working then opt to end things there for the sake of your sanity & his & of course for your baby....
Good luck Honey. Take care ((hugs)) Kinky x â™¥

XoAngieXo

yes BUT DON'T LET HIM NO YOU GAVE IN MAKE HIM JEALOUS AND MAKE HIM KISS YOUR FEET THAN TELL HIM IF HE EVER DOES SOMETHING SO STUPID AGIN YOUR OUT OF HERE.

gsxr650

He shouldnt be drunk with his ex. There should be no contact with an ex if this is a "committed" relationship. You may be committed but it sounds like he isnt. Sometimes you will ignore the reality, but ask your self.
Does he make a better father by not being there for your child? No child should be raised by a man who cheats on mom.

Find someone out there with enough balls to raise a healthy child and love the mother whole heartedly.

delboy

its not about us forgiving your partner its about you and only you know how you feel. If the hurt and miss trust is to deep then you will have to move on I know there is a baby involved but dont stay together for the sake of the baby or resentment will set you. best of luck

sophie0811

a leopard never changes its spots! even if he was 'drunk' he would have still known what was going on! sorry darling... it's never easy!

Esther S

forgive him if you love him but let him plead for a long time or else he will think that you are cheep and can do it again think about it

Spartaness

why forgive him? cause you have a child together? Throw his *** to the curb while you are still young! MOVE ON! You'll be wondering from now untill you two part what happened, did it happen again, was this the first time or tenth time it happened and who else is it happening with!

derek

Yes you should . Every one is entitled to make a mistake no ones perfect and lifes to short. Put it behind you and enjoy the rest of your life. Good luck.

Sammy

well, It really depends. do you think he did it by accident or on purpose?

When I get drunk I make sure I don't do anything I wouldnt do sober, and anything I wouldn't regret.

You can try asking him if he still has feelings for his ex, and asking him if this will happen again. If he really is truely sorry and is begging you and trying to win you back, I say forgive him for the sake of your daughter- but only if you still love him

Tally

Nope. Never.

fat momma

everyone is different. some people even claim that these things have helped their marriage. for myself, i demand and give total faithfulness. if you can sort it out then try to. but don't sacrifice your whole life over this kind of behaviour

Bugs

I'd forgive because it's is ex and he's already been there and done that and people do slip up but I wouldn't believe the drunken excuse. 'Being drunk' is never a valid excuse.

This won't just go away overnight but concentrate on your daughter for now and if necessary have counselling.

Emzi L

No i wouldn't forgive him even if i did have a kid with him! once a cheat always a cheat no matter what they say, i dont know why men blame it on booze they know what they doin is wrong! please get rid of him and find someone who respects u!! good luck

chrissie

I really feel for you. Personally I couldn't. I know myself and I would keep bringing it up all the time. Whatever you decide GOOD LUCK for the future. I think you'll know deep in you gut what to do.x.

Arthur Q

You may be able to forgive...forgetting and not holding it over his head for the rest of his life is another story...if you say you forgive him...you can never bring it up again in another fight or argument...you must truly forgive and forget.

It is very hard to forget what he did...you will never be able to trust him again...and why should you???

Sonya K

hi,
you need to talk to him, you need to let him know just how you feel, how you feel about betrayal and about who he betrayed you with, this seems to be the problem i think.

sweetgranny06

it can happen again

Dino

Did he tell you, or did you learn from someone else? That's an important piece. Did he tell you of his mistake, or did you learn it another way? And when you learned it, did he admit his mistake and vow to NEVER do it again?

I feel a couple of ways about this one. First, we all make mistakes, therefore I think there is room for forgiveness. However, we MUST learn from these mistakes. If you are certain that this will NEVER happen again, then I think there is a chance here, but I think you two need some sessions with a counselor and he needs someone that will keep him accountable. Someone that will MAKE SURE that he never does this to his family again. It's best if this objective person is not related to either of you, but is trusted by both of you.

Secondly, there's something else that bothers me in this story. Why were the two things together? Why was there an ex and alcohol in the same vicinity? There's something fishy there I think. He needs to keep those two elements apart from one another for the rest of his married life. And if he has a problem keeping things "tucked away" when the alcohol starts flowing, then he doesn't need to be doing any drinking without his wife present. You should be his only lay!!

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