Divorce or not???

sweetie

Go to counseling and see if it is possible to work it out. If not, file for a divorce.

Elaine J

If your not in love with him you are only hurting both of you. You can not stay in a relationship for the kids it will hurt them in the long run. They can sense tension.

new love in tx

I have been in the same situation and decided on the divorce and I have been so much happier. The children have been happier too. You might think you are helping the kids by staying but they know you are not happy and they know alot more than you think they do. So it may be hard at first but the grass is greener on the other side.

C.A.T.â„¢13

You think the grass is greener until you get over there and find it is growing over a leaky septic tank! Don't look at it like that. Divorce may be inevitable. Don't stay together only for the kids or you will make it miserable for them. I feel that you should file for divorce only after you have exhausted every last option. Love him but not in-love with him? You have heard that so many times you actually think that. That is so untrue. You love him and you always will. You married the man, had children, and spent 10 yrs. of your life with him but for your on piece of mind you cannot live beside him unless things change. Its called sacrifice. maybe a drastic move on your part may straighten him up and help the situation, if not, you free yourself of the turmoil.

sumaspikey

Why not try a trial separation? I wouldn't want to suggest divorce as you've been together for 10 years so there must have been something special between you at some point. Concentrate on trying to get that back, remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

Obviously if that doesn't work and you really don't want to be with him, divorce is the next step. In my opinion, staying together for the children is more detrimental to everyone, especially the kids, than divorce could ever be.

But at the end of the day, you know what's best, you know what you want to do deep down.

Amber

Divorce. You have realized that you are not IN LOVE with him anymore and its just going to hurt you and your kids more if you hold on to a relationship thats not going to get any better for the simple fact that you are not in love with him anymore....if you ever were, which im sure you were.

tinydancer42001

The only thing that can be offered here is advice. So with the clear note that this is opinion, I'll offer mine. What you need to think most of is your children. Even though you and your spouse might be keeping your troubles hidden, believe me your kids know something isn't right. I can understand that the love you share for him doesn't seem the same. My question to you is, Do you think counseling will help? If nothing else you have 10 years under your belt, and you owe it to yourself to explore if you think this is worth saving. Honestly, if you're questioning what to do, then you probably still have strong feelings for this man. Try finding a marriage counselor in your area, then if it doesn't work, at least you know you gave everything you had to give. With some professional help, you'll see what decision is right for you. Hope everything goes well!

Shebaby

There is a saying that goes you never get away...you just get somewhere else. So in my opinion the grass so to speak isn't necessarily greener. Maybe to begin with, but it won't stay that way. Nothing does.

It seems complicated and there are many questions I would like to know the answers to...like what type of problems and how old your children are.

Based on the information you provided I would say that if he is not abusing you physically or mentally and if you feel that you have nothing to loose PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

Tell him that you have had thoughts of leaving him. You are miserable but, you are willing to give it another shot IF he takes his medication again. You have nothing to loose by doing this and everything to gain. Divorce is always a last ditch resort.

sokrvolleyhoopsmom

Hi!
I know this is hard. I have been married 13 years, and have the same problem. I to have 3 children and feel that we are in a lull period. More brother and sister then husband and wife. I do love him, as you love yours, but because I think I have to, or should because I am his wife. Sometimes I make myself believe that, and sometimes I do believe it. You are in such a similar situation emotionally, but there are times, I look at mine and think WOW, I know why I am here with him, not physically, but more a concious love feeling, and other times, I wonder what the hell I am doing here, besides the kids ofcourse. I do not leave out of fear of the unknown, what will poeple think, what will they say, what about the kids, will their grades in school decline, then all that what if stuff, gets to much, and I never say or do anything.
If I could tell someone else what to do, then I should be able to do it, so I am not telling you what to do.....I am only here to tell you, you are NOT alone! Its everywhere, and sadly enough, some of these marraiges need to be stroked and saved, and some really dont. How do we know if ours is a good one.......is he a good Dad? Why did you fall in love with him? does he still do that to you? I mean, make you smile for no reason,etc. If their is a tiny bit of something there, it can start a whole new fire in you.....but if you cannot start a fire, then it may be time to throw away the matches....if you need to chat, Im here, as usual, being a MOM! I have IM, same name!
Good Luck!!! and if anything, I am glad to know I am NOT alone also!

shania

The grass is NOT greener on the other side.
it's definitely NOT easy. Stay while your kids need you BOTH. through sickness and in health.. you made that commitment.. keep it. You will only suffer trying to get by on your own. It also does not change the way he is when you divorce, it only magnifies it, it's still the same, only you are doing things alone, your problems will be many.

sissy

no the grass isn't greener on the other side, getting to the soars of the problem would be a start. maybe some consoling would play a factor here, children shouldn't be involved, this should be between the adults don't stay anywhere because of the kids the environment cant be healthy for them,

outspokenone

only u can answer this question for yourself..none of our opinions are really going to matter since we are not in the marriage with you nor are we living with you everyday........all i know is when a person is TRULY FED UP with their situation , nothing and no one can stop them from getting out of it........

u can honestly put the children through more hell if you keep them in an unhealthy family setting.........just some food for thought...

PeachPie

if you know you're unhappy, if there isn't a shadow of doubt, then i would most definitely get out. there are so many men out there, men that want to get to know you. even with three kids. don't sweat one guy. we all make mistakes.

boo

it wasn't for me even though i thought it would be. however divorce was still better than the marriage i was in.

Nobody

well if you want the marriage to work then i suggest u go into marriage counseling. My mother and father don't even love each other, they fight constantly and can't agree on one thing. When i was like 5 i remember them saying they hated each other and they kept making fun of each other. It made me feel guilty to love one parent when the other was mad at them. For us teens its hard it hurts to see your parents staying together only for us. Its come to a point where you have to decide whether or not ur marriage can be saved. If your kids are old enough to understand then i suggest you talk to them about. so they know what is going on. If you think that your marriage cannot be saved then i think it would be unhealthy for you to stay in a FALSE marriage.

Love Peace

It seems your husband wants more of your love and pursuance. Try to understand him and Be with him. Use Your common sense. Your is a full house, dont disturb its environment, with hasty decisions. You both should also undergo a psycho therapy, if necessary.

Ups and downs are common in human life. Take problems as testing times of God, paving the way for green pastures in life. Life is not always a bed of rose flowers. So dont take the extreme step, as the distant hill may not be that beautiful.

kelly

Don't divorce. Just make sure you get your husband the help he needs. After all you said better or for worse right? He hasn't cheated or hurt you. So why do you want to divorce?

sinderala

get some help dont divorce fast my family divorced and it was bad growing up

foursquaremommy

The answer is no. And yes, the grass is usually greener on the other side, the question is whether you can stay on the side you are on and water it so that it matches up. Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly and with 10 years I think you know that. Try to remember what brought you together 10 years ago and think on these things, I guarantee that can bring you back to place where you can honestly say love is what you have for your husband. Be his helpmate, be his partner, and most importantly pray! Prayer changes things, it can change him and it can change you. Are you ready? I sure am praying you are! Best wishes!

msacup

I would suggest you go to counseling together!
then take some time apart (5 months or so); during this time your true feelings should come out. If you are happier not being with him, then divorce, but if you are not happy not being with him you should try harder to make it work....you shouldn't even consider divorce .. as i recall ... it's 'till death to us part" is the oak you took.

Jet

I'm going through it myself right now. I just got an apartment down the street and we're getting along OK. We will probably end up splitting though

wancarol

The grass may not be greener but at least you could be in a different pasture!! Not the same old bull----

ducksixty8

Sorry to hear about your problem. Divorce isnt always the answer. Maybe the two of you should try some kinda counseling and maybe that can help ya decide whether or not to split.

princswarrior

Nope. Try to just continue being patient and talk about getting some family counseling. Try to make a plan to go out (just you two) once or twice a month so you can have one on one time. I have 3 kids too so I know it's hard to have the grown-up time where you can really relate to each other, but it's pertinent to maintain a healthy marriage to have some alone grown up time. Good luck!

I want my Â¡OLD! mtv

Divorce in your case can get really complicated. I'd say if he were to start taking his depression medications again things would be much better for both the 2 of you and your kids. But should you divorce, here's what you'd have to go through:
-Tons and tons of paperwork. I saw it from when my own mom and dad got divorced and even though I was really young I knew that it was going to take a while to get it all filed in court in the form of legal documents.
-Lots of time in court since the actual divorce case could take a while to get sorted out, especially if either of you have misfiled or have not filed at all any of your paperwork since this could mess up the whole thing.
-Depression yourself since you'll have doubts about getting divorced. Thoughts from when your husband was good to you will flash through your mind and as my mom said sometimes she would wake up in the night hearing voices saying "Until death do you part."
-Child support for after you get divorced. This can get really complicated plus it depends on the state that you live in on how much to pay the other parent per child. Plus the amount of time you pay for may vary but normally it's about a month you pay for. But not paying it can lead to a warrent for your's or your husband's arrest should either of you not pay it.
-Splitting your average costs of stuff like college, braces if the kids need them, clothes, basic shopping stuff, daily needs, food, and a lot more.
-Deciding who will have custody of the children can be brutal. The divorce courts really don't like it when the children are split between the parents since children need all the support they can get and sometimes the best support for them is from their own sibblings. Plus depending on how far away you live from each other you'll have to somehow work out visitation rights since legal parents must have visiting rights no matter how far away they live but this can get really technical if the parents live in other countires but I won't get into that.

joani282003

It sounds like you have some major problems. Try counseling together. If you 2 are not happy maybe a trial seperation would be best. Try to work things through before divorcing-your 3 children should be the most concern to both of you-do what is best for them.

Georgia

Love is more of a choice, rather than a feeling. Lust is a feeling, and fades all to quickly when the reality of a relationship sets in.
You choose to love someone and commit to them. If you truly love your husband, go to counseling to work through the problems. If you weren't getting along with one of your children, you wouldn't just leave them or divorce them because there were problems. Your husband isn't disposable either. Every relationship has its issues, and the grass is not greener on the other side. Unless he is abusive, stick with him and communicate with each other to work out the kinks.

Uncle Tim

Take a step back and think on it a second. You say you love him but are not in love with him. What about him? Does he feel that same way or is he still in love with you? Discuss it with him. Find out where you both are emotionally. Then either agree to go into counseling to make things better and give you a chance to fall back in love. Or agree to split amicably. Can the grass be greener after your divorce? Certainly yes, they can be. They can also be allot harder. Depends on so many variables though, can't really cover them all in one simple answer. Good luck to you!!

dockb58

hi holli m i when though the samething you 18 year ago with my (x) now iam not mariey now so if you what to talk get back ok

cathcoug

I was in your situation a few years back. Please, please please, go to counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. Do this not just for your children but for yourself as well. If you have a church you attend, they probably have a counselor there that can help you. The grass is not any greener on the other side and there is a lot more bull**** in it. I divorced my husband and took my 4 year old son with me. I spent a year alone before I realized what a mistake I had made. We went to counseling and got back together and we married again last year.

Remember, the absence of a raging desire does not mean that you are not in love anymore. It is often enough just to have enough coals left to keep you warm at night!

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