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Erica, AKA Stretch
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He not only didn't stop when you asked him to, he also MOCKED you for taking self-defense classes.
I think it's excellent that you are taking these classes and being proactive on your safety.
I don't think you were over-reacting! When things calm down, I would encourage you to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know how important these classes are to you.
He may be feeling insecure, but he needs to find a way to be more encouraging and supportive. He was not acting like a real man, he was acting like a bully. |
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that judi
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I would be very angry..and hurt., It's almost like he is making fun of your self-defense classes and challenging you on what you have learned. Bottom line..it was unnecessary and mean-spirited. |
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Catherine E: VT
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That was uncalled for on his part, because he needs to understand that while you wanted to practice some of the moves you learned on him, you weren't going to fight him full-force the way you would a real attacker, because you wouldn't want to hurt him. With a real attacker, you would be more likely to break his kneecap or gouge his eyes out. You're obviously not going to do that to your husband. What would he expect you to do...elbow him across the bridge of his nose as hard as you could? He probably wouldn't have been so amused with himself if you *had* shown him what you were really capable of.
He definitely should have stopped when you told him to. However, don't brew about it, have a talk with him, and explain to him that practicing some moves with him is not an invitiation for him to hurt you, and it was not OK for him to not stop when you told him to. |
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Katie W
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Wow... personally I'd be both angry and scared. He hurt you. (And no, you didn't "ask for it" ... you asked for him to MOCK attack you, not REALLY attack you; leaving red marks from placing hands around someone's throat is no mock attack.) He physically dominated you. He refused to honor your asking him to stop. He then taunted you in the guise of "helping" you. "How would you get out if someone ELSE did that?" is NOT a valid reason to do what he did... unless he is actually TEACHING you. And he certainly didn't offer to help show you what to do, and practise that move on him, did he? You are not overreacting. He went out of bounds, and I'd be very worried as to WHY and if he would do it again, given another excuse... or none at all. |
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hushnowjustplayit
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I think you analyzed the situation perfectly. He took the opportunity to lash out at you for his own reasons. That's scary. It makes me wonder what he would do if he was truly provoked? |
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Marina
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You are not over-reacting at all. I'd be angry too, and fearful of him. He didn't respect your boundaries, and he hurt you. |
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tyler
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he just wanted to show and remind u that hes stronger and let u know he's still boss.
some guys like showing women how much more stronger they are to there g/f or wives. |
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JB
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I would be a little pissed, I mean you wanted him to help you out with some moves you are trying to learn, you are definitely no kung-foo master! He should have known better. |
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mommie
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he should have stopped when u asked its call respect |
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Don't Blame me
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Thats like me when my boyfriend hits me with a stupid dish towel (then they twist it up a whip you with it) I get very mad and when I first say stop he keeps doing it until I finally turn my ***** switch on and tell him to knock it the fk off. You have every right to be mad, make him say sorry. |
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True
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You aren't overreacting. His ego was bruised because you were successful in taking him down and he needed to show you up. Explain to him that he hurt you and ask him to apologize to you because he needs to. |
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DeltaForce
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You have a "right" to whatever feeling you have.
My sense of this is that you two were not communicating clearly. One idea is to establish a "safe word" for any future sessions. If either partner decides things need to stop, just say the safe word and that's that. |
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chato
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Yes you have every right and a very valid reason to be angry at him.
But try to look at from his point of view (Just to clarify I'm not jsutifying or defending him just trying to help you understand waht happened). As man he most have a bif ego (like all us of men) and when you were able to free yourself from him, you hurted his ego (yes he was supposed to help you) so he became a little more agrresive with the choke hold and since you were also able to free from it you hurted even more his ego. Cause at this point in his mind and ego he was thinking how can this be.... I'm supposed to be stronger and faster, I should be able to dominate her really easilly. So that made heom go a little crazy on you. Since his ego was really hurted he din't apologize inmediatley or admitted he was beign to agrressive and using to much force
This not justify or means he was wright and you were wrong but. Ego's are a real big deal with us so take it in consideration to forgive him faster. |
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*Lauren
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I dont think you are overreacting. |
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chucknorris
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If it only happened once, I think you're over-reacting. If you feel angry, tell him that the incident made you angry, talk about it, communicate your feelings - and lay it to rest. But if he does stuff like this all the time, it's disrespectful, and I would wonder why he is still your husband. |
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ml
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you have to look at it in his eyes, maybe he did it to show you that different strengths and techniques only work at certain times, so you don't think your a bad *** and get your *** kicked! you think a stranger is going to choke you lightly!! if he has been abusive in the past i would say uh oh, but other than that he needed to knock you back to reality! and show you 9 times out of 10 the man will over power you!! |
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Txgirl23
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I think you do have a right to be angry. He held you against your own will. Make him apologize and forget the whole thing UNLESS it happens again. |
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Need money
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Being a Man I can tell you that he probably had his pride hurt a little by you being able to get out of the choke hold. Sometimes men have to be men. But no he was not right in trying to show you that he was still a man and could still choke you. It's not right that he went that far. I would say that spouses are not good partners for this because of this exact situation. Plus if one of you gets hurt then you will feel really bad for hurting your spouse. Maybe a freind would be a better practice partner. |
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Lisa
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I'll just say this; when you strangle him in his sleep, drag the body into the hallway or somewhere other than the bedroom. Because most homicides that are committed by a spouse are done so in the bedroom. The police will take you in on the spot if he's found in the bedroom. lmao
I'm just sayin'..............
Oh, I guess I should answer your question. I think you have a right to react! Ya might be teetering on the overreacting. But, you definitely have the right to react to what he did.
ETA: Btw, for some reason I've had to give the following advice to someone else, today; I think it would be in Michael's best interest to sleep with one eye open. You might want to suggest that to him. LOL |
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Cassie
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I don't think you are overreacting at all. He used way too much force if he left marks. That is unacceptable behavior from him. You have every right to be angry. |
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Aspen Dreamer
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I think he went overboard with you...
He should have done as instructed only and not tried to make it real...
Like you said it was practice, not the real thing...
He was way too forceful with you and I would ask for an apology right now...
And it better sound real and sincere... |
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MaeRae07
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Are you really mad at your husband, or at the fact he caught you off guard and made you feel like a "meek" woman? If you know your husband, you know when he's angry and what his habits are. Does he have a reason for him to lash out at you? If he does, and he did it through physical force, that alone is unhealthy nevermind what he does when he's actually mad.
As for the situation at hand, I would be irritated he didn't respect my boundaries as well so I understand your frustration. Does he understand why your mad? Did you sit down and calmly explain why what he did made you mad? I know it seems painfully obvious but guys wrestle with their buddies and hit each other for fun all the time so he might not get the big picture. Overall I think he took it farther to catch you off guard, kind of a way of testing just how valuable is this self-defense class you're taking. Sure, you can get out of a chokehold when you're prepared for it, but what about when you're under pressure? Maybe that's the point he was trying to make. Either way he should have let you know what his intentions were before disrespecting you like that. Why don't you ask him why he did that? |
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Tffyren
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no i don't think your overreacting at all...he knows your limits and didn't stop when you asked him to....plus you said he left marks on you...that's definitely something to be upset about....he was only supposed to pretend to do those things not actually do them...maybe for a moment he felt weak because you did get out of his grip...and so when you walked away he tried to regain his manliness back(wrong way to do it)by actually choking you....i don't know....but should be a little upset i would... |
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MiaMonique
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Sometimes men are such idiots... You're not overreacting, but he's just being a "boy" (a very stupid one). He was trying to prove a point: No matter how many defense training classes you take or for how long you take them, he'll always be stronger... So childish... and to have hurt you to prove that... If you were my sister I'd be over there so the two of us could kick his ..a..s..s.. for being such brute. Sorry if I'm being a bit blunt (and rude). It makes me really mad when men act like immature little boys. |
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Daddyskaggs
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Umm, I don't think you are for the moment. I would be pissed at my hubby till he apologized, then I'd drop it... One thing is if you got out of two holds he had you in, his manly instints might have took over and had to prove he was manly enough to hold you down. It doesn't seem like he wanted to hurt you but you know how guys get carried away with that stuff, they just don't know when to stop.
-Daddyskaggs's wife |
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tccd81
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you have every right to be mad! it also seems to me like he took advantage of the opportunity. i would talk to him about it. who knows why he did it. do you think he was arroused by it? maybe to show you that you aren't as tough as you think? certainly needs to be addressed! |
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tlp
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Nope, you have every right to be mad. You asked him to PRACTICE. Some people aren't seeing this here. You had 1 day of classes, so of course you're not going to know how to deal with every situation that may occur. Male ego is just an excuse for him to get away with it. If a man really loves his woman, he will put his ego aside when he is hurting her and she is asking him to stop. I can see showing you another scenario and asking you how to get out of it, but only if he told you about it first and didn't use full force. In the classes I'm sure they don't use full force on the first day when you're still learning, so why should he? He was very wrong to do what he did, and then to not stop when he knew you wanted him to was even worse. I say spit on his ego, if he does it again punch him in the nuts. He owes you an apology. |
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