Do I leave my husband who I feel is emotionally abusive?

Grandma B

NO I wouldn't suggest divorce based on your description. Go to your doctor to be checked for post partum depression,

Your statement reflects only your feelings and perceptions of how you are treated. Yes, some may be valid, some may be exagerated yet repairable. Too many people say "See you later" When they need to remember "Lets make worse or better as we vowed to God" You may have a touch or post partum depression.

Read books that will help you, such as Joyce Meyer, Beauty for ashes and "Me and my big mouth" it give you the upper edge of how to detour of how the conversation is directed toward you.

Another good book is, "Love life for every married couple" by Dr. Ed Wheat. Wow. Don't run from everything, conquer them and live the next 50 years+ with 1 person as you intended.

lily

And how long has this been going on? If it has just started then he is probably wanting you to leave. If this is the way he has always acted, then why is it bothering you now and not before.
Just because a husband does not:
"say anything nice or complimentary" and "doesn't appreciate anything I do" does not justify a divorce. Rarely do husbands do these things (only lovers).

When he lies and shouts at you, he is only making himself look bad. (Is he on steroids) Quietly say "you are embarrassing yourself, stop having a temper tantrum like a baby" and go on with your business. When he yells on the phone at you, quietly hang up with a "good bye dear"

He won't help or load the groceries? Then you sit your bum down in the car first and wait for him to load them (leave out the laughing part and when he is done look at his sweetly and say "thank you dear") He is not going to drive off without them, and if he does... his problem. Hey at least he goes grocery shopping with you.. what guy does that now days.

Last of all.. sorry honey, but I have to tell you that from the start you did not command respect from this guy, so why should he give it to you. Having a a baby and then getting married when she is old enough to be the flower girl is not the way a lady acts.

Buffy Summers

He isn't going to get any better but you can. Leave now, and get some counseling to see why you picked him. Your daughter needs a healthy mother.

Just2Candid

Yes, and soon.

SubJ

Why does he feel so insecure? Was his behaviour same before marriage also?

deevoonay

Ask yourself ? Do not ask strangers to answer your personal questions. Even if well intended, their perspectives will be entirely different and not necessarily a good one. The option is to physically speak to a counsellor, your doctor, friends. People who know you and see you on a regular basis....

Tomorrowalwaysbetter!

you should leave him NOW......

rattagous70

my advice is to pack your bags, take the child and go to your nearest family members or friend's place make sure you are surrounded by a saftey net, let him think about the consequences of the abuse he puts you through, you do not have to take this from anyone in your life. stand up for yourself and the child and keep going to councelling. it is going to be hard but do you want to be treated this way for the rest of your married life.when you do leave do not try to find comfort in another man, take comfort being with family and friends, take it day by day, but you have to make the decision to leave yourself, noone will make it for you, good luck and take care of the lil one first, you do realize the abuse has just as much as an effect on the child as it does on you!!!

If he is not willing to go to counseling, you should leave. Not only for your benefit but for your daughter's as well. She is cut in a terrible situation and you both deserve better. Good Luck.

sweetie it is so sad but only you can put a stop to that,good for you if you decide to leave your daughter if not for your self deserve better, she will only grow up thinking this is normal and one day be in the same abusive relationship because mama went thru it. prove to her its not normal are right for another human being to treat other like crap and deal with it even if it hurt . love does not hurt it protect, the two of you deserve better and we all knows hes not the better half, been there 3 years gone 2years and 8 months i prayed every day for strenght to leave one day i was strong enough to leave and never to become weak to go back, you can do it my prays are with you and your baby. hold your head up and dont look back there is a good man waiting for yall and you will wonder what was i thinking best wishes

Iggy

You should be leaving contrails behind you. Yes, you and your daughter deserve better. Have the courage to follow what you know is right.

Why Not!

why did you marry this guy?????

1 kidney boy

Your daughter will grow up thinking the type of relationship you have is normal. I don't think you want her thinking emotionally abusive men are the norm.

JAN

See an attorney, have him put out of the home. Your daughter needs to see you stand up for yourself so she will learn how to be a strong woman. She has seen four years of a weak one. No person should put up with this kind of treatment, man or woman. Since you have tried to get him to counseling you have done all you can to save the relationship, he has failed you, move on!

sharmel

You said the magic phrase...."It's almost becoming normal" Sadly that is often at the root of all these abuse situations. The abused person has over time, lost all ability to recognise what "normal" is any more. My most serious advice to you is to NOT let yourself become just another "abused woman" statistic. It's a very big club, and you don't want to become a member.
Men who act this way are virtually ALWAYS so messed up and insecure themselves, that they are actually afraid of a "normal" relationship, in which they have to live by "democratic compromise" rather than be In Control. They are so afraid of LOSING control that they have to dominate. The only kind of person they ever manage to hook up with is the kind of woman who is, herself, not assertive enough to "square off" against this sort of emotionally unbalanced individual, recognises the problem, and will not allow that relationship to go any further.
You absolutely do not deserve this sort of treatment. Verbal abuse is just as much abuse as the physical kind, and believe me, it ain't difficult for the one to degenerate into the other with time. You have a small child to think of, and you have to r emember that even though this man may not be directing any of his behaviour at her, she is witnessing it between the two of YOU, and this is getting hardwired into her brain. She sees you being trodden down, and in her child's mind it will register with her, too, that somehow this behaviour is normal, and that it is also normal for the woman in the relationship to "cower in a corner" That can, and often does, have the exact same effect on the female child, when she herself is old enough to get into a relationship of her own. Believe me, if you stay with this man, you will be continuing to model this dangerous behaviour and it WILL become imprinted into her memory. Do yourself, and her, the only wise thing..... cut your losses, get out, and get out now. It only g ets worse, as he gets bolder in his domination, and you sink further into this awful place where you totally lose your own sense of self worth and identity.

InMyOpinion

Leave him, and don't look back! I'd suggest making a list of pros and cons, but what pros could there possibly be?! What reason could you possibly have to stay? This is completely unacceptable. I applaud you for trying to get counseling, however he has shown he's not willing to change by not wanting to go.

Also, this is not a "poor quality of a relationship" your daughter is witnessing, she is witnessing abuse. Let me say that again for added affect: YOU ARE ALLOWING YOUR CHILD TO WITNESS ABUSE, TO LIVE IN AN ABUSIVE HOME.

If you stay, your daughter will surely grow up thinking this is normal and will allow men to treat her like that.

silly billy

Get out ASAP... if not for you, then for your daughter! If he is acting like this now, it could escalate and he could start getting physical. Behavior like this can be permanently damaging to your daughter....She needs to know that it isn't ok EVER to treat anyone the way he treats you....

la_southern_femme

From someone who grew up in an abusive house, you need to get out for you and your daughter's sake. Your daughter might grow up to think that it is ok for a man to be this way. I would have thought that, but I had friends who's families were normal and I knew that it was wrong. My mother stayed until I was 21, because he had her scared she couldn't make it without him. Like she was worthless. Me myself, he always told me, that I was fat, stupid and ugly. It has taken me a long time to get past that, but I still have tendencies to this day to think that of myself. You need to get your baby out of there before he starts doing it to her. Please get out, I know how it feels and I watched my mom in it and it made me unhappy not only for me, but for her. You will be much better off and happier, we were. Good luck and keep that baby safe.

blonde_*****_norris

Oh hon, so leave him already!!!! No one should be abused--no matter what sort of abuse it is!! And think of your daughter. Please leave now.

orange_babe

I can understand what you feel like.
I could have just said to you to just leave him and move on with your life because it is not right that that you feel that he is emotionally abusing you.

It is good that you have tried to do something about this but it really shouldn't have come to this.

Of course you have your daughter to think about. even though she is young she will still be torn apart if you leave your husband, although if things get any worse you have to do something about it.

If i was you i would explain to your husband about the situation and tell him that you are not happy with the way that he is treating you. try to get him to say that he will be more respective of your feelings and get him to do something about it.

If he tells you that he thinks that what you are saying is a load of rubbish then i would deffinatly just leave him. even though your daughter is young u still have to break the news to her. i would ask her who she would liek to be with more. i know it would be a tough decission but she may have to make it.

Be prepared she meay have to choose you or she may have to choose your husband. just remeber it doesnt matter who she chooses-she still loves you both!!!

i hope that this has helped

:)

runzwsizorz

Honey, I know the thought of a divorce hurts your heart. You need to do what is best for your baby. This is unhealthy!! She is going to think this is the way she should be treated and you dont want her to find a man that makes her feel less than a priceless work of art!!! You need to have a serious last chance talk with him, NO to him!!! You be sure he knows you mean it!! Not only does it have to be stopped for your baby but you as well. You do not deserve this!! I know it is a scarry thought to break up a family, but you are not the one doing the breaking. It is him and I dont care what his dad did to his mom. (If so) He is an adult and prob. knows the scares it can leave. He should be better than this!! And you and your baby deserve better than this. I think you could still have a chance to help him change. Its only been a year but you need to be firm. As storng as you pos. can girl!!! Good luck!!

misydoll

Yes, you should leave him and take your daughter and yourself away from this abusive relationship. You deserve to be happy as much as he does. God bless.

seanachie60

first plane train or automobile, skateboard or roller skates is what you should take. away and far, and fast too.

inlovewow

I had an ex just like that.....notice i say ex. I grew a brain and left the loser. Pretty soon he'll be hitting you.....you don't want that in front of your child do yoU? come on. Leave him.

sapphire_tear_z

Very sad situation..... as i can see from what you have written that your husband has very low self esteem and that's why he feels the need to constantly show you down.as he knows you to be Superior to him.

See, this guy is not going to change and i feel that this may become worse with time. You better move on for your sake as well as for your daughter's sake. She definitely deserves better and so do you. May God give you the strength, peace of mind and happiness which you deserve so much.

october g

If that is what he is doing to you, then yes, try to get in a position to leave as soon as possible and don't look back. It sounds like he isn't even acknowledging the problem and doesn't want to get help or change his behavior. Your daughter is at the age where she knows what's going on around her and she doesn't need to be put through that. I know it's going to be a hard road to travel and you are probably thinking you're better off with him than without him, but you have to look out for the interest of yourself and your daughter. Good luck and please don't blame yourself for his behavior. It is very sad that there are men out there like that who get a kick out of belittling someone else for their own satisfaction.

Kevin B

I think you SHOULD leave him. He does not appreciate what he has- and he probably never will, considering how he treats you. And your daughter does not need a father who is abusive to his wife- he may(and most likely will), become abusive to her,as well. You, though, most especially, do not and should not need to go on this way. I would not have stayed so long with him. From the first week of abuse, I'd have left him already. Get this: His behavior is not your fault. So don't begin to think that.

kenshi

yes! and u dont need others opinion, u should huv done that long time ago!

mari

wow woman you have a little girl sorry but you need to get out of there as soon as you can .every time this man yells at you its saying its OK to be treated this way to your little girl do you want a man to treat her like that ?i have two girls and there father was a real nice example of emotional abuser i left it alone letting it become normal just like you are and guess what ?from emotional it went to physical don't let that happen i finally am free from that life its been 6 years now that i got away but the hurt he left by calling me names and stuff still wonders in my brain and some times it causes me to have low self esteem don't wait till you start believing him and end up making your daughter the next to be abused.................................l... girl and don't look back they don't change ..................good luck and be happy ...............find a new life for you and your kid .............

Jessica S

You shouldn't deal with this anymore, it's not fair to you at all. And your daughter is just going to see how he treats you and she will grow up thinking that's how men should treat women.My father was very abusive to my mother and I grew up thinking that's how it should be until I met my husband and learned that's not how it should be.

dudettejj

What do you think? Your daughter is growing up in a very negative environment. You should leave that sorry excuse for a man. You should love yourself and not let him abuse you like that. That is just like he was physically abusing you. At the end that will cause you to love yourself less and less because you are going to start believing the things he says. Be smart and leave him.

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