Do you need to be in your childrens life forever?

The son is 50, have tried everything to get him off drugs. We don't have this around our other grandkids. But do we need to visit him and have him in our life?
The daughter is 42, starts gossip, trouble since I married their dad over 20 years ago. I wasn't in the picture when his x divorced him. But the x is still commenting nasty remarks thru these two adult kids. I am so tired of it all. Should we just get them out of our life. I have kept my mouth shut and out of it and it doesn't help.
Additional Details
They are his kids. I don't want anyone on drugs around the other children. I don't go around them they send me nasty emails that I have come between their father and them. He can go see them I don't think it fair to even continue any kind of relationship with them/ My husband doesn't want to either he takes up for me and they hate that. But should we just get them out of our life?

IslandArtiste

For the sake of your and your husband's emotional well being I would think that it's high time for you to cut them out of your lives COMPLETELY.
You and your husband have earned some peace of mind.

alexander w

.Sadly people grow up and make choices.Sometimes these are bad choices,Look you'll never wish them harm but it's time to quit being a mom and enjoy peace and quiet

Lock

I think 20 years is long enough to put up with the nasty remarks. If your husband is happy to leave the situation and start somewhere, do it. You deserve some peace in your old age.

Sheniquah Trois

your husband need to put the smack down on these brats

you been married over 20 years to him, who do he lay down with every night?
new wife wins over adult kids any day

kim h

You do not have to put up with people because they are family. Life is too short for all that drama.

Marilyn

no they don't need to be in your lives
there's no law

Mimmi

They are old enough to know better.
If may be time to voice your opinion rather that keep tight lipped and suffer they anxiety you are by being surrounded by these issues.
It's time your husband knows how you feel.
Good luck.

Cathy

Wow...and I thought MY family put the funk in dis-functional!

I'm really sorry there - your kids being the age that they are (50 and 42) there's not much to get people to turn these people around.

I guess I would put my boundaries up with them of what you find acceptable and unacceptable if they want you to continue to visit and/or be a regular member of their immediate family circle. And you go and tell them what you'll accept - like the son's kids - tell them to stop tell them about all the traits about their dad that piss her off or you are going to have to limit your time with them. They need to realize that he is YOUR son and not just some outsider. You gave birth to him and no matter what, he's still you son.

Now, obviously as your stated, you son has his demons he's dealing with. And, until he wants to do something about them - he will continue to be the elephant in the room. So, however you wish to deal with your livingroom elephant, than that's how you'll have to survive. I'm not saying he's right, but at 50, sometime of intervention is probably very pointless huh?

I'd limit my visits to holidays, seriously, with them. And when they ask why - you tell them straight up that it's about all you can stand to be around them. They are not going to like it but you know what they stay in Russia...

Tough Shitski..(PS you can quote me!)

Good luck.

The daughter, tell her if she's not part of the solution, then she's part of the problem and if you continue to experiencing her crap, you're going to have to limit your time with her to holidays and at that time, it will only be brief.

amythababii

Are they your real children? if not, you shouldnt be worrying about it as much as you are.
Your husband in the other hand should be because they are his children, and they will be for life.
You do not play a part in this if they are not your children... you are not who to say what your husband should or should not do.

On the other hand what you can do is give him all the advice in the world...
heartfull meaning advices..
and he will take the decisions as to what he wants to do.
Respect his decisions...
they are his children no matter what habbits they have... what they have become..or who they are.

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