Do you think I deserve to be treated this way, or do you think he's being cruel?

I just graduated college, and I am ready for the next step in life, I want to find my lifelong partner and get married. There are a lot of things that I want to do in my life, but I don't want to do them alone, I want to do them with a partner. Someone who loves me for the things that make me, me, gets along with my family, will be a strong provider, a good man, will be a good father, etc.

I have my weaknesses, and I have been off/on with this guy for 3 years now. He has been trying to win me back for about 10 months now, but I've been so hesitant. Sometimes I think that I'm being ridiculous and I should just be with him, but other times I think I do deserve better, but what if I never find that? Sometimes I am immature, and I guess it does bother me sometimes if he goes out to the bar without me. It happened recently and I wasn't able to go, and so I started asking him if his friend's girlfriend was pretty and all of this stuff. He ended up hanging up the phone on me, and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. He told me I was being retarded and it was a waste of his time. I know it was dumb, but I guess I've never felt very secure with him, nor have I felt like we had a good foundation. This sort of thing happens consistently, where he ends up hanging up the phone on me and won't talk to me, I would say almost on a daily basis. Even if he does something wrong, he will never apologize for it, it's mostly me that ends up apologizing, and trying to compromise, but he is so defensive all the time. I guess I just want so much more out of a relationship then what he was able to give me, and I do have a lot of insecurities. I guess I want someone that will help ease my insecurities instead of telling me how stupid I am all the time. I can admit that I can be demanding sometimes. I'm an idealist so I don't know if what I'm looking for exists. My question is, do you think he has a right to behave that way towards me, or do you think it's wrong of him? What should I do?
Additional Details
Lastly, I guess we did used to have something good, but I didn't let it grow as much because I was doubting his love for me a lot. He says he wants to be with me, but I don't know, I feel so confused.. I feel like he doesn't respect me very well. AT the same time, I wasn't very respectful of him.

55 and trying

Find someone new!

Wicked Ways

Why are you wasting your time on this little-boy-pretending-to-be-a-man? Next time he calls, tell him you're looking for a real man to share your life with and it's painfully obvious that he doesn't fit the bill. Then hang up on HIM and block his number. Never let him contact you again and get on with your life.

stupendous

So what is love? You ask around, and you will find that everyone has his or her own definition for it. I'm thinking here that the attraction might have been a physical one, and that is all right. The key is that a physical attraction will not sustain a relationship over a long period of time. You have to get to know each other, become friends, and then you have a more secure feeling.

Date around a little, give yourself the opportunity to develop some self-confidence, some self-esteem. You obviously are intelligent enough to graduate college, now be intelligent enough to study Life, and remember this. Patience is a virtue.

Carol

New life starting, starting with someone new will get you over the ex. You'll find that special someone that your looking for and sounds to me that the ex isn't the one. Too young, mistakes made and some of them will never be forgotten, just find someone new and all the new experiences that goes along with it. As for you, New life means growing up and being respectful, truthful, and responsible for your actions to everyone.

Jane Marple

First congratulations on your College degree!
You have given yourself a bright future. Before jumping into marriage and babies you should concentrate on establishing yourself into a company. Put some money aside for yourself, get what you need to be totally independent, do you have your own car for example.

I don't need to know more about this man, as soon as you said you don't feel respected it's enough for you to be moving on. Happens a lot when a young woman gets out of college, she's more mature, she knows exactly what she wants out of life and the boyfriend often is still acting like an immature teenager.

There are plenty of young men for you out there. It's not true we are meant to be with someone in particular. You have changed into someone more mature and you need a man that is at your level.

Send this guy on vacation. Tell him you need a break from him to think things through. Good luck

obonilla24

First of all you should feel proud that you have achieved a goal that most people do not. Yes you are in-secured. The reason is him and yours. You cannot control people. He treats you in the way he does simply because he feels inferior and wants to control you as well. The fact that you are not able to attend to an event does not means that he has to take off.

in my personal opinion it will never work. stay alone for a while. Explore the options out there and most importantly meet a lot of guys and learn how we are. You will know when someone is compatible with you. Remember simply because a guy is good looking it does not means that he is something that will be a compatible individual.

amyhpete

If you do not have a relationship of mutual respect, you feel insecure with him, and you don't feel that's likely to change, then you need to leave the relationship, take some steps to deal with your insecurities (you probably have some trauma that's caused you to be insecure in general, not just with him) then get back out there and find someone you can share real love and mutual respect with.

Molly F

Don't settle for less than you deserve. You know what that standard is. Move on and leave him in your past. Trust me, you will find someone else, and as far as flaws, we've all got them. The difference in a good relationship is that both parties realize that neither are perfect but respect each other anyway.

Nice guy

It seems to me that you are clearly not ready for a serious relationship, much less for a marriage. Trust me, I have been there and made the same error. Our society has changed much and gives us many more options how to live our lives and what to make of our career, and that also required more time to be able to settle down. It sounds that you have a modern view of your career and life but an old-fashioned view of marriage: marry with 18 and be happy for the rest of your life. That's illusional and the many divorces are proof. You are young and you will get to know many other people within just the next five years. Maybe not Mr. Right, but maybe someone that fits you better than what you have already experienced. So why settle now? Give your self a few years more. It might be a good investment into the rest of your life.

sparkwing_dimond

You need to move on from this man. Be single for a little while. Enjoy being young. You will meet someone, don't settle. That's what you are doing right now. Find someone who will grow with you and help you mature. Also look deep down inside and learn to let go of these childish games. Good luck.

Homewrecker

did you write that you graduated from college or 3rd grade? Sounds more like 3rd grade stuff to me.
Look what you wrote here;
I did this . . .I want that... I don't want him but I don't have anything better going on, I... I... I..I.IIIIIIIII!!!! Until something goes wrong then HE, HE , HE!
Do NOT go out with him anymore is what I advise, do NOT date period. Instead see a counselor on a regular basis until you learn how to be a decent human being.

Lastly, How can he respect YOU? Respect is not automatic, nor is it EARNED, you get respect by GIVING it.

Valerie X Account #20! At Last!

Sorry, but I agree with "thick".....the world doesn't revolve around you, and the sooner you really realize that, the better off you will be.

I have never read so much "I, I, I, I, I, I" in my life!

Nazar J

You need some serious help. Try a psychologist.

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