Do you think i have done wrong?

HI there,

I have been married for nearly 2 and half years and also have a baby, me and my husband recently separated for a while due to tensions and stress in our marriage because my husband didn't have a job we were always fighting about money issues and family problems.

So we got into a fight and it got physical and controlling he started to hit me he wasn't like that before, so i got fed up and my family got involved and took me away from him, they actually moved me out of the house fully and i went into refuge where i was given temporary accommodation and now i have been given a new house to live in.

During this period me and my husband came to our senses and got back together and are very happy together, we are compromising with each other and understanding one another like we did before everything got out of control.

So the question is my family is no talking to me because i went back to my husband, at the end of the day i was happy with that decision and i feel happy with my husband it's been two weeks since iv got back with him, but i feel im back to my normal life and we both have come out to be stronger, this marriage was at breaking point.

Now the problem is about the housing, the house i have now is near my parents house and my husband does not want to live there, and my husbands house is near his families house, he says we will eventually move into a area where there is none of our families but for now come back to where i was living with my husband, but my family wanted me to be near them so they feel happy that im safe and sound and there is no problem, my husband is telling me to give up the house and live with him i don't know what to do please can some one be bothered to answer my long question thank you very very much.

Eggy

No,

Can I be best answer? Plz

i_ate_sponge_bob

Why don't you both keep your houses until you have one away from both your families.

Also your family are disappointed in you because they went to all the trouble of getting you out of that house and away from someone who physically hurt you and you go running straight back, don't expect them to be there when he hits you again.

midnight2197

delicata411 has it right. He wants to get you away from your family so that if he decides to get physical with you again, you have no support.

And your family is reacting the way they are because now they have to sit around wondering when he's going to do it again andhow much worse it's going to be.

Abusers are great at sounding like normal people and pretending to work on relationships, but they have real issues. I would give him no less than a year to prove he's changed. Any signs of him getting pushy about wanting to move, then don't. Any signs that he is changing back into that person, don't go.

Honestly, he could probably keep the act up for that long.

I personally don't think you should trust him. He has great potential to put you through a lot of misery and your family knows this. I would skip all that and divorce him. He has already shown you things about himself that no one should tolerate. I also don't like how you seem to think you equally share the blame for his actions. That's not good.

delicata411

I can see both sides here. Let me shed some light on something for you if i may..Why isn't your husband comfortable living so close to your family? It doesn't mean he has to see them, talk to them or have anything to do with them if he doesn't want to (although i must say that's a bit odd). Have you asked yourself, or even better yet him that question? I have been in a VERY abusive relationship before and the abusers goal is to move his family as far away from ppl they know as possable. That is so when they inflict harm on them they have no where to go, and ppl wont know anything is wrong. If you are happy being back with your hubby, and your sure that he wont hurt you or your baby, then that's great. I would stick close to the family still though. I don't want to scare you but ppl who have an act of violence usually don't have it just once. If hes doesn't want to live there then continue your relationship as if your dating until he feels comfortable with it. One more thing, i certanily hope he was taken some form of anger managment before you let him come back into the home. If you havn't make that a must as well, and don't wait on that. I wish you the best hun!

Anamaria

If he was violent once he will be again . My advice is to stay near your family and to convince him to get professional help for anger control.

Snoopy24

before you make any decisions to move away from your family you and your husband should get counseling. yes maybe him hitting you was a spur of the moment type thing but at the end of the day he abused you and if you want to stay with him he needs to get help and you should be there to help him to. don't move away from your family yet when you've only been back together for 2 weeks, you two need to settle now and see if things can go back to normal and make sure his abuse doesn't continue

David H

Your man see's how your parents 'rescued' you from him the last time - so he's making sure they can't do that again - the 'further away' from your parents the better for him.

Any man that 'hits a women' is a very 'dangerous' person - they will do it again - as 1000's of women have found out to their cost over the years - although life is now good for you both - always be on your guard - next time you might not be so lucky in being able to get away from him.

The moving thing is ofcourse up to you - but you'd be 'safer' being near your parents incase 'trouble' flares up again - and you would be able to get to them quicker. Its alright people saying - well he's changed now and everything will be alright - people 'never change' they just 'hide' their faults until the next time arguments and rows happen again - be very careful with this guy - and remember your 'getting back together' is in its very early days - your parents see him as a danger to you - thats why the have reacted the way they have.

Boo

If someone hits you they do not love you and they will do it again.

John R

Well you could just flip a coin and decide that way, or you could move back with him in the old house, it seems that your husband is worried that by being close to your family, it could be bad for him should you two have another fight in the future, since they will be close by unlike last time where they had to come get you and the baby, but your not too crazy to be far away, so your want the peace of mind in knowing they are closer than the last time, but if you two don't find a place to live that is in a sort of neutral zone between the two families, then the stress will be back and then things could get bad again, if he did it once before, that shows that he is somewhat lacking in self control, while he has it under control right now, it is lurking inside him. Why can't the both of you find a place and move away from both houses? If it is in the plans now, then it can be done now.

ricksterl2003

Guys dont all of a sudden start beating on their partners to then never do it again. A classic sign of a man who wants to control a woman in that way is to try and seperate her from her family. He will isolate you until you feel you have no one left to turn to and then when he does start hitting you again you wont leave him because you will think that you are alone. If I was one of your family members then i would be pretty upset too but you need to try and open the lines of conversation with them again. Dont lose them whatever you do.

carolinakitten1961

To tell you the truth, I think that you should stay where your at. If things are going smoothly for you guys there, then keep staying there. Why would you want to go back to where the bad memories started. You have a new house and a new life that started in you new home why jinx it. Beside you family may not be talking to you right now, and that's okay. They have a right to be angry, especially for him hitting you. But people can change if they want to. And if they see how happy you guys are and the baby, and they see that he has really changed and is trying, then I believe that they'll come around to. Just give it a try and give them some time. But no way would I go back to the house that started us off on the wrong foot. Good-Luck

Crush

Your parents are obviously worried and looking out for you and want you and your baby to be safe. If your husband has changed then only you can decide if you should move back in with him. As it has not been very long since you got back together, what happens when the next crisis happens - which it usually does? You will probably need the love and support of your family.
My advice to you would be to stay where you are for now and see how the relationship develops - if all is well then it may be time to move forward.
Good luck.

First of all never put your family in your stories because no matter what you have a child together and he'll always be a part of you. And he'll always be the bad guy in your family's eyes and it never changes cause they never know to forgive. NEVER EVER tell your family about your disputes or anything!!! I've learned that myself. Only you know the answer to your question. If you feel deep down that you guys will stay together then get the hell out of that neighborhood and start fresh. It's normal to get into fights but maybe you should tell him to go see someone about anger management so that never again will he hit you. And maybe you should too if you hit him!! See his response and since you guys are better together then he should be able to listen to your concerns and do the step of talking to someone. He'll only be better for doing it. it doesn't mean that he's controlling but just that he needs help controlling his emotions since he's never done that before. And any couple after 2 years or so get into that bad phase of fights anyway. Tell him all this like that and you'll see what he says! And please don't fight again because of money cause it's not wrth it. Money comes and goes but family is much stronger ad never goes anywhere! Good luck

isabelle

hmmm i think you did the best thing.
as long as you know he will not do something like that again
dont let your family control you, yes they probably love you, doesnt mean they know best.

im sorry but i dont know what u should do about that though

do what you prefer
if you want to be near your family, tell your husband if they can just stay there for a bit longer until you guys find something more stable

im not sure, sorry

x

well you cant completely blame him

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