Do you think it's selfish to not want to have children?

~I hate myself for loving you~

I think it's selfish to have a baby you don't want. It's not fair for the kid. So do what you want.

blacksails86

It's not selfish. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting a child. Plus, there's no point in having one to just make other people happy because yeah you might love the kid but a little part of you will resent it because you never wanted one to begin with.

jersey girl in exile

No, I think it is more selfish to have children and then to not care for them properly. Any a*s can have a child but it takes a special person to raise a child successfully! Congratulations on knowing yourself!

paganmom

I think that you and your husband are making the best decision for you. The problem of people in this society is that they don't really want kids, but have them anyways because of societal pressure.

Good for you...

George

if you don't want children then you should not have them, they would suffer for it if you did

Penny Lane

It's up to you totallly!

yackycritter

Its selfish to HAVE kids and NOT spend the time to raise them properly. We've all seen that!

You GO GIRL and enjoy your childlessness! I made the decision years ago and am totally happy while my friends who had kids are miserable....only the honest will admit it.

If the parents want kids around, tell them to volunteer at daycare centers.

No explanations are required. "We chose NOT to have children". thats it, end of discussion.

Lucas

no, i think you should do what ever you want to do

mudslide_23511

I have met numerous people that have opted not to have kids. It is a personal decision. Some people who have kids aren't the best parents anyways. Too many people are to busy trying to make ends meet to raise kids, therefore many kids are being raised by TV and Myspace.
Besides you are still young, you may change your mind and even if you don't that is fine too. Only you know what is best for you.

TAT

If you and your spouse do not want the responsibility of children, then don't have them. It would be much more selfish to have children you don't want just to get people off your back. I am sure that his parents would like to be grandparents but you are not his brood mare and he is not their stud. Having said this, having a child of yoru own does seem to bring out the more nurturing parts of us.

Luftwacko

It's your rights whether you want a kid or not. If they pressure you to have kids, THEY'RE selfish!

bic

it's your desicion stop being insecure about it. he's showing the pictures because he's proud not to hurt you. it's not all about you.

Ms Pollyanna

Sweetheart i have three sons, 26, 25, 18, and i tell them i am not in any hurry to be called Grandmother! I love my boys, and i would not give them up for the world, but if i had a choice i would have never had children myself. feel guilt free to brag to people that you, and your husband are happy the way things and all the free time you have to your selfs, plus there was a statistic done from England last year that says; couples that don't have children live happier lives, and most children are the course of divorce. so say by not having children i am saving my marriage!

naughty_mattress_monkey

This decision is completely up to you and your husband! I am a parent and it is or will be my child's decision. I will respect their decision. Don't worry about what other ppl think hun!

Honestly, I love my children more than anything, but hind sight being 20/20, did my husband and I do them justice by bringing them into the world as it is today?

Quit beating yourself up and allowing others to do it as well.

â™«

Just because your a woman, and married, doesnt mean you should have kids. If you and your husband are happier without kids, then more power to ya. =)

Ms. GTO

It's better to KNOW that you aren't cut out to be a parent...than it is to have kids and be ill equipped to raise them. (Exhibit A-Britney Spears).

I applaud your decision. Kids aren't for everyone. As long as you are doing what's right for YOU that's all that matters.

Iwillalwaysloveyou

No not at all , its a personal choice.

wilz16

don't put your self down it's your body and you can control it and make your own decisions not somebody else's decision. whatever makes you happy :)

That was the big ambition all my girl friends had in High School and most in College. I choose not to have children either. It doesn't make you a bad person. I think having a child to please your parents is one of the worst ideas in the world! You can live for yourself not others, just as others can not live for you. I adore small children, as long as they are someone Else's. I am 27 and single. And it is a joint decision between you and your husband.

Collinsville Cookie

You aren't selfish at all! Sometimes people HAVE children for very selfish reasons. You & your hubby have made a mutual decision that you are both happy about. You have made peace with it. It is everyone else's problem, not yours, if they haven't accepted it. You can't have them to please your in-laws or anyone else. Stay strong.

Finally Spring

It's not at all selfish to choose not to have children. It would be much more selfish to have children and resent them.

As a parent, I would support my children and their spouses if they made the decision not to have children.

Keine Kinder

No you are not!

How can sparing the earth the burden of one more child be considered selfish? People make "high maintenance" vanity items, called babies, to satisfy their own needs to control another human. Ignore them.

My second reference below will explain that.

Colleen O

No you're not selfish. It is your life. I am a parent and my daughter doesn't want to have children which is fine with me. It is HER life, HER body so it is HER decision. My not being a "grandma" is not going to kill me.

Shanna56

No. You are not being selfish. Some people just don't want to be parents, and they function better by just focusing on you and your husbands life. That is just your decision. It's better than having a couple of kids that you don't want because that would be a bad situation for the kids. You are being smart in your decision.

tiffany

that is a personal choice and one that you should'nt have to feel bad about.

this isn't the 1930's!

i am sure you are going to get some funny looks from older adults but....shrug it off. they don't have to like it.

it wouldn't be fair to bring a child into the world if you already have reservations about it.

alloflifeisacrisis

Not at all.

Not everyone wants to be a parent. Having children is a huge responsibility and changes your life completely. Why should you make those changes if your heart isn't in it? Why do it because someone else thinks that's what you should do?

Society sends a lot of messages, and one of them is that it's not normal for a woman to not want children. I've actually heard someone (who otherwise seemed like a rational person) say that a woman isn't a woman if she hasn't fulfilled her biological purpose. That sort of thing is completely insane. And also, if you haven't noticed, is only aimed at women. You're not going to hear very often that men aren't complete until they've reproduced.

In fact, I notice in your question that you say YOU tell people you don't want children, and YOU get nasty comments. Where's your husband in this? If this is HIS family, tell HIM to tell them that the two of you won't be having children! Let's see if they come up with the same comments. He should be supporting you and jumping to your defence, since as you say, this is a mutual decision.

I know several women in their 20's who have made the decision not to have children (including two who are married), and unfortunately they've also experience pressure and negative comments. It's something that you should unfortunately expect to happen, but if you don't want children then you should stick to that decision.

If nothing else, remember that no one has the right to tell you what to do with your body -- having a child is a pretty big thing to expect someone to put themselves through when they don't even want the end result.

As far as motherly instinct... I personally don't believe there is such a thing. Some people like kids but don't want to be permanently attached to one, some people like kids and want their own, and some people don't like kids at all. It's all a matter of degrees to which you enjoy being around children.

Bottom line... expect people to be idiots about it, but do what YOU want. You'll be more miserable if you have unwanted children, not to mention potentially short-changing them by not having your heart in being their mom.

kim h

It is not selfish to not want children. It is selfish for someone to expect you to have them for their own selfish reasons. I am a parent and even though I someday would like grand kids I would not want them to have them if they do not want them. I think that everyone needs to do what makes them happy regardless of what others think. Other people do not have to live your life. They do not consult you with their life decisions and they should not expect to have a say in yours. I would tell them that they are being rude for acting that way and for not respecting your decisions about your own life. Call them out on it and tell them how you feel.

MoreTisha (((frenzy & daughter))

I don't think it's selfish not to want to have children. I think it is selfish to nag your children into having children when you know that a) they don't want them, or b) they are not ready to have them.

As a parent I would be sad if my children did not have kids, as I would love to be a grandmother and would love to see my children as parents. However, the responsibility that it takes to be a parent is enormous and I could never push something like that on my children. So, although I would be sad that I would not get those grandchildren, I would be proud that I raised a child who is smart enough and brave enough to make the right choice for him/herself.

bjoy

I have 3 kids, I would say that you are not selfish - you know what you want - I think it is rude for ppl to tell you that you have to want something.....Good luck and don't let other ppl make you feel bad for not wanting children. I am look forward to someday having grandkids but I do not want any of my children to feel like they owe this to me - if they don't have them them I guess I will have to adopt some maybe my nieces and nephews will let me spoil there kids.....

Santa

Your parents are not going to raise your kids. They are a lot of responsibility and fun, but if you and husband don't want them, then don't. You have to love them all their lives.

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