Do you think my husband will ever snap out of “mama’s boy” mode?

jessjess0310

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SORRY! My mother in law passed before my husband and i met, so I never knew her, but i would assume that it would go something like that. How miserable.

I'm so sorry you are going through that. You said your husband had some infidelities in his past. Are you afraid that if you stand up to him and say enough is enough, that he will walk away? Because that is freaking ridiculous.

All I keep seeing is this adult man in diapers. All i can do is apologize, cause I couldn't live like that. That's nuts. I would tell him strait out, you have to keep your mother out of our marriage, this ten time daily consultation of every single thing we do in OUR lives has got to stop.

You'll be in my prayers hon, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. A good relationship with parents and parents in law is wonderful but that's insane!

Dr. Deth

if wimpy husband can't grow a spine and detach himself from his Mom - there is nothing you can do - sounds like a major mama's boy - decide now whether you want to stay in that kind of relationship

free_angel

He won't ever snap out of it. His mother has ruined him for life.

miss_sixx

Im sorry but the chances of your husband ever getting out of the "mama's boy" mode are beyond slim and well.... just might not happen!! If anything what you need to do is put your foot down and demand that he stop acting like a child and instead of using up so much time calling his mama to fill her in on every little detail of your lives tell him to instead spend some extra quality time with you!! YOU ARE HIS WIFE!! He got married to be with you and spend all of his life with you... not his momma!!!

Settelbanat

I can't even imagine being in a relationship with a man like yours. It sounds like his habits were instilled in him and that it would be very hard to change them. I think you guys will need to do some counseling and find out if you want to stay in this or not.

John M

I'd give him credit for going ahead and buying the house without her approval, but if he is cheating you are very wise to not have children. Its very hard on kids when their parents split up, and you'll end up divorced if he doesn't stop cheating.

Sounds like you might want to look at that sooner rather than later and find a man who will be true to you.

Dustelightful

You'll have to live with it or leave it. That relationship is not going to change for either of them and you won't be able to do a thing about it.

Blue

No, mama's boys never change.

From all you've said, it sounds to me that you have made a poor choice.

Either learn to live with it (since you've stuck it out three years while he was cheating anyway) or pack up and leave.

filthy_crumb

She will control him from beyond the grave.

It NEVER changes.

Rent the John Candy film, "Only the lonely."

then---

Run for your life.

latrailera2000

Sorry you get what you pay for you are stuck! You prob knew he was like that before you got married huh?

Ponyboy99

Highly unlikely. I was thinking age would factor in, but you didnt mention it. Your mother-in-law will not let up until she is dead, and your husband will forever be seeking that sort of attention. It is all he knows and it is within his comfort zone. I am sorry to say, but you have two choices here. Comply and treat him like the big fat baby he is, or get the hell out of the relationship, NOW!

wizjp

we are what we are; you can only do so much with us.

mjb0915

That is a bit much and I can totally understand your frustrations. If he is like that now, I highly doubt that he will ever grow out of it and it may even get worst. I would definitly try to talk to him and let him know just how you feel about his mother making YOUR decisions for the 2 of you. Tell him that you love his mother, but she needs to quit getting envolved with your and his decision making. If he wants the marriage to work, he will take a step back and tell his mom to back off. Good luck!!!

Delay

Maybe - maybe not. But you can change. Its that simple. Change what you can...yourself. There may be things you do subconsciouesly that enable his behaivor. You list all the symptoms...keep it simple.

This book helped me and lots of other people....

http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=pd_sim_b_shvl_img_1/103-0687347-3548605

Visira977

I hope that he does snap out of it or someone will be getting divorced! Like it or not.

foreverstud

I dont think your husband will ever get over it. This is borderline crazy, I mean I love my mother too but she doesnt need to know what I am doing every waking moment of my life nor would I want her to know. Your husband needs to grow some B*lls otherwise I could only see this getting much worse. You need to let your husband know that this bothers you and explain to him that she is not only controlling his life but yours as well because everything that he does ends up reflecting on you and he needs to understand that.

lady

i don't think ur relationship will last,,u say u love ur mother-n-law,,just wait till some years pass,and ur gonna figure out this woman knows exactly what she's doing,she knows exactly how to keep a leash on her son,,this guy isn't even a real man yet,,he doesn't deserve to have a wife,,if he can't take care of one,,he should be putting ur emotional needs first,,he obviously doesn't value ur marriage,,u should talk to him about this and let him know ur in his life now and he needs to focus on u and stop calling his mom all day long,,and if he doesn't wana do it,,then keep ur options open,,

kjoco9

Get out. Get out now. If it is necessary for you to be in a relationship: find a man. This boy and his protective mother will only drive you crazy. What happens when his mother gets older and moves in with you? It will be hell, trust me. Suddenly she will 'help' balance the checkbook and pay bills, and you will have to 'request' money from your shared account. If you have to work that hard at a relationship, it's so not worth it. I've been there, get out!
I know people say you have to work at marriage, and this is true; but it should be pleasurable to work on it. Don't think he will change, because he will not until she is gone (and then he will be a mess, and will hate you for not having a good relationship with her, and will leave you to fulfill her last wishes anyway). Go! GO!

CLIT_COMMANDER666

why did u marry this guy in the first place, jus cheat on him and get it over with

JustANiceGuyHere

Have you talked to him about it ?

Courtney

He needs to see a counselor to help realize he has some issues with intimacy, growing up. Tell him he needs to see one and you are glad to do some counseling together, as well.
I have never seen a Mama's boy grow out of it, though.

mt75689

NO --- your husband will not stop being a mama's boy unless something rocks his world.

The only way you can rock his world is to leave him ... or ... you can get some marriage counseling, and then the counselor can rock his world.

Does your mother in law have a husband? She needs to start living her own life, but that won't happen until your husband establishes some boundaries with her and begins enforcing them.

undone

Honestly, If that were me and I had no kids with that guy, I would cut my losses and leave. Mamas boys never grow up. NEVER. That is the definition of a mamas boy. Even when she passes on, he will want you to be his mama. Get out while you can.

pureinsomniac

you want a husband not a child , this is plain selfish from your mother in law , she should not be doing this , he is a grown boy , he can dot his i's and cross his t's , this would irritate the hell out of me .
my mrs had the same problem , there is really nothing you can do , but make noise and hope for the best , eventually there may come a time where there is a bit of a beef up , where the in laws , or your other half over step the line , and you will spit it , because rightly so , you can only put up with this crap for so long , why be in a relationship , where you feel that you are renting your other half , my advice would be talk to the mother inlaw , even if she gets upsat and pisses into your other halfs ear , at least you have began to get your point accross , and you husband , tell him straight out .. do you F**K your mum? , because he cant have both , why the hell did he get married , if he wanted to stay in the sheltered life of singlearity , when your married , your parents are advisors , there role of parenting goes to a degree , ultimately you have to view this as selfish from your husband , and foolish from you MIL , as you are missing out , and the MIL is stopping your husband from being independent and growing up , and supporting you .. screw that , I feel for you , I know how it feels .. .. get angry!

squishy

I dont know if you listen to dr laura on the radio or not. but I am an AM Radio talk show listener. And In my immiagination i'm trying to think about what dr larua would say to you.
I think it would be something like "you have married someone who is not a real man he is weak."

dr laura would probally say something like that. Dr laura is very unsympathetic, and can be mean sometimes.

That is not what I would tell you though. I think I would tell you something more like, you gotta talk to him. You gotta tell him how you feel. Show him some scriptures in the bible that show him what jesus had to say about marriage.
First corinthians chapter 7 speaks of marriage, also,
Mark chapter 10 jesus verse: 6,7,8,and 9 speaks and says,
"Bur from the beginning of the creation god made them male and female 7- For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, 8- and they twain shall be 1 flesh, so they are no more twain but one flesh,9-What therefore god hath joined together let not man put asunder.

These verses say specifically that when a man and woman are married, nothing should come inbetween them. He says specifically that you should leave your father and mother.

Now, Does that mean that you have no more contact with your parrents, NO, but it does mean you should be putting your wife first, and that no one else matters as much as her and her needs and feelings.

Show this to your husband, read the scriptures to him,
let him know.
Hope that helps.

Planet

The only way your husband will ever "snap out of his mama's boy mode" is if he wants to work on the problem and gets some serious counseling to help him. It's too deeply ingrained for him to pull away without the kind of coping skills and support a professional can give him. He is dealing, big time, with a mother who can't let go and let him grow up. I feel badly for your husband and you. It can't be easy for either one of you. If you want to save the relationship you might suggest marriage counseling which would probably lead to you both having individual sessions as well.

Susan S

Normally, you can't expect a man to change. However, I see a glimmer of hope because you mention that your husband has avoided his mother because of her negativity.

Run, don't walk, to a marriage counselor. If your husband is reluctant to go, go yourself until you can convince him to join you. Not all marriage counselors are going to be helpful, so go ahead and interview them until you find one who can help both you and your husband without tearing either of you down or taking sides.

I know it's frustrating, but try not to put any more pressure on him with regard to making decisions. The guy is caught between a rock and a hard place - a good deal of it his own making. He will need help to see that.

It would be a shame if his mother "wins" and breaks up his marriage. She has probably convinced him that you are going to leave him anyway. She may even have encouraged him to cheat on you, maybe not in so many words, but still.

The woman sounds toxic and your poor husband may need professional help breaking away.

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