Do you think my wife should get a Job?

b2bMarch2010

Like others have said, it would likely not be worth it if she will make little more than the cost of daycare. Perhaps she could work at a child care center, that would let her bring the kids with her to work. Hospitals also often cover the cost of daycare- perhaps she could find something there.

I would include her in developing a budget and paying the bills. Then she would see how little money is left over, and she would understand that you aren't being stingy.

Miss MeMe - ×ž×™×ž×™

It depends how much money she can make because the day care may end up costing more than her salary.

Lance F

Probably not a good time for her to get a job. From experience 2 kids isn't double the work it's like 5 times the work. Only money for gas seems a little stingy.

misspuppychow

My mom worked part-time at a doctor's office so she could have the best of both worlds. We did preschool and had babysitters, but with the part-time work she was still around a lot. She had her own money and was around her kids a lot. Can't beat it!

rhonda c

It's probably a combination of things bothering her. Maybe she could get a sitter and enjoy a day by herself once in awhile. Bring dinner home and help with the kids that day. She will feel loved and special.

Katze

In my opinion, it is better for the children to stay home with their Mom til they are 2 or 3 years old. Those are the most important years of a child's life. Day care is costly as well and at the end of the day, she might only have a few dollars left to spend and giving up quality time with her kids. Maybe, she can wait a couple more years before she puts the babies in day care. It is very hard to support a family with just one income even with two incomes. You guys should make a budget together and let her pay the bills. This will give her some ideas how much money is left to spend.

I am also a stay at home mother, and it is hard to adjust to being so dependant on another person, or to feel so. But if you and her can sit down and discuss, that just because she is working in the home instead of out of the home does not mean that she is not contributing to the family, and more than likely,(unless she has a degree) if she got a job all of the money would go straight to daycare anyway. If she has the same goals for a family home than I would encourage to keep the family budget tight so the family can benefit later.
good luck to you both

lashenica j

I think that you are within reason here and that you are being totally fairt. Where do you give money when it is none there. Her working would be good, but with her being pregnant she may have a hard time getting a job unless she is newly pregnant. I am a stay at home mom and I understand the frustration on both your parts. My husband works and has a great income and me working is not necessary but I need it for me. Good luck to the both of you.

booda2009

Well, if you don't have the money, don't give it to her. It seems a bit harsh, but it's common sense, really. Now, if she wants to get a job, let her. However, don't try and push her into anything that she doesn't want to do, especially when she's pregnant. Added stress could be harmful for the baby. Also, make sure that she actually wants to get a job and it's not just a hormonally fuelled decision. You don't want her making decisions that she's just going to regret later.

hispregnantwife!

if you cannot afford to give her money (and thats understandable) then you are not being selfish but if you buy yourself things and then say you cannot afford things for her then yes your being a bit selfish. If she is truly unhappy being a housewife then let her work . Maybe after awhile of working she will long to be a housewife again.

~Snizz~

Let her get a job...it'll make both of you happy! a happy wife makes for a happy home!

I39

Would it work out for her to get a job, and you to give up one of your jobs? If you could figure out a way to work different hours from her you could watch your son while she is working to avoid daycare. She is going stir-crazy and needs to make a change and get out of the house. It will only get harder for her when she has two little ones to care for.

Bushrod Isbister

Well, she can get a job, but its, at least, gotta cover the daycare costs. If she can find one that does, let her work. At least that way she can't blame everything on you.

Donna G

I'm almost 53 and I've been a housewife since I was 16. My kids are grown now and I have grandchildren. Unlike alot of women I guess all I wanted to be when I was growing up was a wife,mother, and housewife. I enjoyed it totally! I was never one to want to go alot and I never expected much spending money unless I was buying groceries are clothes, you know the necessities...Your wife sounds like she wants to have excesses of money to run around here and there, if she wants to work yeah tell her too. I just wonder does your wife keep your home,clothes,clean? If she doesnt get a job she needs to babysit your child herself..she sounds spoiled.

AOM

Let me commend you for your courage to ask this question. It takes a lot of character and fortitude to do so. This is a question facing lots of families and there are a number of alternatives.

This is a life value question and it comes down to two things. Who you are and what do you believe as a couple?

New wifes (less than 5 years) struggle with their roles as mothers, wifes, lovers and social beings. Humans are selfish by nature. Wifes have emotional and psycological needs that are in an ever changing stream and social interaction is key to their mental well being. Their state of happiness is almost never reachable. Their ideas or visions of life never truely catches on with reality. They are unhappy with themselves, with their lifes, with their bodies with anything that does not project their image of life at that point in time. This is almost like trying to hit a moving target.

Having said this, a wife's happiness depends on herself and her willingness to be happy. If the premise is that getting a job will make her happy, in my experience this is not the case.
You trade a set of problems for another.

In my family's case, we made a decision for her to stay home and raised our children together. It was very difficult financially, socially, and emotionally for both of us. We made a decision to put our family first. Once we understood this it was a no brainer as long as she understand that her staying home is for the purpose of increasing the family quality of life and to ensure the needs of family are met.

There are also several ways for her to meet her needs to education, social interaction and fill the need for independance as a person. Some wifes decide to go back to school and pursue a career in a field of thier choice in a part time basis (after hours), others become leaders with the community and organize social activities through the school or city that have broder impact in the community. Again it depends on her willingness to be happy.

Our choice was for my wife to stay home and raised our kids. After 25 years of marrige, we are not only happy with our decision, but our hearts are in peace that we made this choice and where able to be there when our kids needed us.
Good luck to you and our best wishes from our family to yours.

Jen Jen

First of all if you put 2 kids in daycare and she gets a job unless she's making good money, she's isn't going to be any better off. 2ND who's going to hire her right now knowing in a few months she's going to have a baby and have to take time off. I do think you are wrong (not selfish) to not give her any money to spend. The money you make is not your money, it belongs to both of you. You do need to pay off your debt and buy a house, but you do not need to hold it over her head that you are the one that works for the money, believe me she works by taking care of your child! I'm a stay at home mom and have been for 9 years now, if my husband controlled all of the money and only gave me gas to go to my mom's house or my sisters house I would be very unhappy. She needs money to at least go out to eat lunch with some friends once a week, to buy herself a new picture frame or something small. I would suggest you put gas in her vehicle, and give her $50.00 a week to start with. Some people are not meant to be stay at home mom's and she may be one of them, I would suggest you try this until after the new baby is born then if she's still unhappy, the let her get a job, as long as her job pays her enough to pay for the daycare expenses, and the extra gas and clothing she will need for that job. That's a good compromise in my opinion!!

simple

Do you think it's more important to have a house with an unhappy wife or an apartment with a happy wife? Money is the number one cause for divorce. I think you should either give her an allowance or let her work at least the few months until she gives birth. If I had a baby with another on the way and no spending money I would feel very resentful of my husband, my life, my situation, my lack of independence - I'd basically be extremely depressed and unhappy to say the least.

Aryeh

Women's job is inside the home. A man's job is outside the home. That's written somewhere in the Bible. Mom needs to stay home and take care of the children, sorry. If done right, it is a full-time job. Maybe she make money on the internet when your child is sleeping. If you are surviving ok on just your income she has to understand what her responsibility is and what you expect from her. (Clean home and clean diapers, etc.) There will be plenty of time for her to work after the children grow up. I'm sorry but this is just my opinion and the way we live at our house. What does she need the extra money for anyway?

Theanswer

I'm sorry but maybe you guys would've discussed that before you got married. but whats done is done. i think yes if you are struggling financially. then yes she should get a job.

versantly

get some credit and marriage counseling. insisting or ordering that she get a job is pointless since your marriage isn't a dictatorship. look at cutting expenses and invest in condoms.

A.C.Cobra

Shes obviosuly in a position where someone needs to stay home for the kids they are just too young to not be with their parents.. daycare is a terrible way to grow up. and she has a lot of options she can get a job where she can take her kids with her.. its wouldnt be very glamorous like maybe she can get certified to drive school buses- but at least she can work. Otherwise maybe she should do something at home. like try to start her own business making personalized gift baskets or something but u need a lot of money to start that up. I hope she isnt trying to make u feel bad that she is at home because as a women she had complete control over whether she wanted to have one baby, let alone two.... the only other option would be for YOU to stay home and for HER to get the 2 jobs to support the family... or like maybe you work during the day and she watches the kids and then she works at night and u watch the kids. it can be figured out fairly easily i think just sit down and have a few conversations about it....

trose2342

Could I suggest she work at a church. Childcare workers are always needed. She will have a place for your one-year-old and the connections with other church members will help her feel she has a purpose in life. One must find their purpose or they become bored.
As for the house purchase, pay yourself first. I know it is hard, I'm doing it right now. I put the minimum I can into a Roth IRA (so the cash will be tax-free when I pull it out) toward the purchase of a new home for my family as well.
All the best and good luck.

phorwanted

The first principle of marriage is..."What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too." ...this can be said by either spouse.

You wrote "She does not understand I can't give her a lot of money..." GIVE HER ??? {see above} You should BOTH be active in your marital financial affairs and there are many reasons for this. The number one thing you need to do is sit together to make a budget and to pay your bills.

If you just "give her" money she has absolutely no idea where your finances stand and since, I assume, she takes care of all matters concerning the home she will never know that sometimes cutting corners is necessary.

Both of you should have a mutually decided set amount of "mad money" to spend or save as you see fit without being told you can't. Your wife should have equal access to all accounts and not have you hold the keys. You don't even let her put gas in the van.

Yo may not like this but IMHO you are a control freak. Let it go...learn to share and allow your wife to SHARE the financial responsibility for your family.

If I were your wife I would want a job to add money to my get out of this marriage fund...but that's just me.

SmartyPants

As a stay-at-home mother of two here are my recommendations: First, realize it is hard for a wife to be given a spending allowance or not to have access to money. She works all day and night but never gets an actual paycheck. You are part of a team so that takes sharing. I'm not saying she should spend hard earned money on this, that and the other thing but the two of you should work out a budget where she can do things she likes now and then AND you can save for your home.
Second, not having access to money or having to ask for it makes a woman feel degraded. You aren't her father and you're not her superior so that arrangement simply won't work in a marriage.
If your wife can get a job she wants and enjoys (even part time) then she should, provided she makes enough to pay for the daycare and still have money leftover. Otherwise it would be pointless- she'd only be working to cover childcare which she can do herself. I hope my perspective helps and it's meant in the best way. Good luck and give your wife extra kisses tonight- she needs them :o)

â™¥BABEâ™¥

Well....let her try to find a job to make her happy, but if ya'll have a kid and she is expecting it probably will be to exhosting, but let her figure that out. I don't think your being selfish though now a days housing and other stuff that you need is expensive. Maybe you should treat her for a day and get some one to look over your son and give her a spa gift card or something relaxing and a candle light dinner for you and her.

Precious1

Gas great, but she needs to be working. However if you can give her 100 dollars whenyou get paid so she has lil extra spending cash would be great for esteem. Only if you can afford to do so. Just until she gets a job.

mi4mi728

Maybe your wife can find a job that she can do from home considering her being pregnant and all she doesn't need the added stress. Will the money she make cover day care and gas to get to work expenses so that the money that you already make doesn't have to pay for extras like this? Or will a family member be able to watch the children for a smaller fee while she works. I think you both need to weigh the pros and cons. If doing more things like buying material things instead of having the opportunity to raise your children is what she wants, I would say it's not worth it. I don't think you're being selfish, I just think you two need to find a way to make this work.

I sure wish I had a husband that will let me be a housewife! I would love to turn my passion into a money maker for me!

judith h

im sorry you are going threw that. but sometimes life is hard and you have to make sacrifices. she is very lucky to be able to stay home and take care of the kids, but if she feels like she has to work to feel better then she should do it . she is going to be extra tired though because she has i child at home waiting for her and another on the way. but maybe once she starts working she will be greatful for what she does have. not everyone has the option to stay home and care for their children 24 hrs a day. let her give it a shot. but daycare is expensive she might be working just to blow all her money on daycare. think about it some more and talk with her.

Ã¢?Â£[YKCIR]Ã¢?Â£

Let her get a job and put your kids in the day care .... and every body should have freedom to do want they want.......

-rick

Chuck

It depends on what you want out of life. i.e. What type of house or car you want. What kind of life you want for your children.

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