Does he have a problem?
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Does he have a problem?
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When I met my boyfriend he had nothing and I took a chance on him thinking he could change, he had no job, no money no where to live but I saw potential.
Fair play to him he has paid off a lot of his debt although a few small skeletons have fallen out of his debt closet along the way and we have delt with them.
At the moment the debt is just about manageable for him to pay off, and I have told him that it is in his best interests to pay what he owes and start from scratch.
I have been filling some paper work today and come across a print out reciept for something ordered online to the total of £166.
Like I said the debt he already has is only JUST managable and he has gone and bought something at this amount.... I don't even know what it is, he hasn't told and it's like some dirty little secret.
It drives me mad as it has taken ages to get to where we are now, and I feel like all my hard work, sitting there doing budgets for him, writing to debt collectors and reclaiming tax for him is all a big waste of time.
I actually feel sick that he has done this as I know neither of us can afford it.
Additional Details
another thing that makes me sick is how he has forked out for this when he has lived on my money the past two weeks.
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SurfingLisa
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You are not his bookkeeper or his mother. Leave the finances to him, if he cannot be trusted with them then you may want to consider if this is the type of man you wish to remain with. This is what you will have to look forward too by not allowing him to take responsibility for his actions or feel the consequences for it.
A real man handles and manages his money. If he had any regard for you as a person instead of his bookkeeper he would not put you in the position to stress out and deal with HIS issues.
Tell him he needs to MAN-UP . You can take the time to show him the proper way to handle his debt, etc..then after that leave him on his own. Otherwise you are enabling him from growing up in this area of his life. My guess is, if he can't manage his money wisely, Iam certain there are other areas in his life that he may be lacking--that you most likely make up for as well.
Be better to yourself than this, what kind of future do you expect to have unless HE takes responsibility. Period. |
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Sacha00
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As long as you can see him trying hard (which it sounds like he has) can you allow him one slip up? Speak to him about it and ask why he felt he could justify this amount of money on something. You never know it might be something for you! I really would tell him exactly what you have said on here - what you have said is completely reasonable and I think you deserve an answer. |
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chelsea19622000
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At the end of the day you are not responsible for him so although you have been supportive and helped him out as much as you can, you cannot control his life for him. Maybe now it's time for you to take a back seat and let him deal with his finances. Time will tell if he will sink or swim. |
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Chi Chi
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Sweetie, he isn't you.... he handles his money differently to you and while you may perceive yourself as being better at doing that, he has a right to use money the way he chooses.
If that doesn't work for you then all you can do is express what it is that you want and if you can't find an agreement then you need to either accept or get out.
You can't date someone on the hope they will "change". YOU can't change anyone, you can only change yourself, change your perspective on this situation or leave. It's up to you.
As far as him not telling you what he has bought, that is a bit of a concern, he might be scared of your reaction too so that could be one explanation.
Chi Chi x. |
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Doc Phil
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i can save him. i know i can. then he will be so grateful and love me forever |
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Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
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