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Does my husband really love me or the other woman? A couple of months ago, I discovered that my husband had?
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Does my husband really love me or the other woman? A couple of months ago, I discovered that my husband had?

been having an affair with a woman from another country that he had met online. Through his emails, I discovered he fell in love with her. I forgave him and gave him a choice either me or her. He told me that he loved me more than he loved her but I'm doubting it. He told me that he needed to keep in touch with her only for a couple of months to make sure she was ok. She had no idea he was married. I agreed only because he was telling me he was going to do this for a couple of months. It's been 6 months. When he's with me he's very dedicated to our relationship but looking at the phone bill, he's the one calling her. Sometimes he'll call her several times in one day. I need for men to come forward who have fallen in love with the other woman but have stayed with their wife to tell me the truth. I was a couple of months pregnant when it happened. i told him not to stay with me bc of baby. he told me that he with me bc he loves me. i don't know if thats the truth. i feel lost!
Additional Details
The same day I confronted this to him, he told her. She knows!!!


If he really loves you, he will break all ties with this woman.

He should have cut her off completely. It seems as though he has stronger feelings for her b/c he is more concerned for her feelings than yours! You need to give him the boot! Good luck. Why are you allowing him to decide what you are going to do with your life?

Not trying to hurt your feelings or anything but if he was dedicated to you and truley loved you he would have never started talking to her in the first place! You are letting him walk all over you....you can't force someonce to love you no matter how much you love them. Get strong and get out of that marriage! Look at it this way would you want your child to be treated the way your being treated when they get older and married!

don't stop the music ♪
You know you don't have to put up with this. He is YOUR husband, if you love him and you want him to say then tell him: either you stop any contact you have with her or you leave for good. He's taking you for a ride, he should have immediately stopped contact with her....don't let him walk all over you!

American Beauty
He's been given enough time. No more games. Stop acting like a child. Show this man the phone bill and tell him to stop calling this woman, or leave. No more feeling lost. Either stop calling the woman, or leave!

He should stop talking to her. The affair was bad enough to find out, but to know he is still talking with her? That is tough. If you wanna talk... IM me....Venting is a great thing

Single Brunette Unleashed
My only question is, Why did you let him have a few extra months. If he loves you, he should have ended the affair period. No extra months, no extra time.
I think you were being way to generous.

If he loved you he wouldn't be having an affair, plain and simple. Count your losses and get rid of him. If he can cheat once, he will probably cheat again. I hate to be a total downer on this, but you and your baby deserve better than him. You guys need someone that is going to be there for you both emotionally and physically....

Rachel J
It sounds more like he has an infatuation with this women. Or maybe he is desperate for attention and is getting from her. You should definitely make it clear that there should be no more contact. Stand up for yourself, you don't have to take being cheat on.

Bethany I
So sorry you are married to such a self centered man.
A married man had no business STARTING this affair and he wants his cake and eat it too!
The only person he really cares about is himself. He lied to both of you and continues to do so because you are allowing it!
The question is...why?
Seek therapy immediately. Good luck hon :)

There are two things you can do after an infidelity: Both people in the marriage need to decide whether or not to stay together, and then make an obvious effort to repair the damage done, OR LEAVE. If your husband has still been talking to this woman, he is not truly sorry for the affair, he is sorry he was caught. it sounds like he is going to continue it behind your back for as long as he can. By you giving him permission to keep speaking to her at all, let him know that he has all the control in the situation. You need to re-evaluate your relationship and see if this is really what you want for yourself.

Why should he stop, he's having his cake and eating it too.

Act like a woman - give him an ultimatum, he stops ALL contact or you consult a divorce lawyer.

Personally, i'd have blown him out months ago.

I'm sorry to say that I dont think your husband loves you at all if he can do that to you and then talk you round to letting him continue the insult towards you, It seems like he is having his cake and eating it!

Dump his dirty ***. He's a PIG!

Honey.., one thing is for sure. He is a 100% your husband and he had no business cheating on you in the first place! This tells me something is missing in the relationship for him. I would not sit by and watch him communicate with this other women AT ALL !!! You deserve better, now go get it !!

He's lied to you (again) so why are you tolerating it? He disrespected you by cheating, then again by continuing contact with the other women well beyond when he said he would (which shouldn't have been acceptable at all, even for 2 mos).

He may love you, but he's still betraying you and you're still allowing it. Do you really feel you need to be in this relationship so bad that you'll tolerate lies and disrespect?

He should have broken it off when you asked him in the 1st place. You were fed a lame excuse, which you unfortunately bought. Cut him off and throw him out. Before he leaves and destroys your emotional stability any further. He is a cheater. Cheaters never change. Period. The fact that he attempted such a lame excuse, shows he DOES care for this woman more than you, or he would have instantly and totally dropped her.


Face it, you're married to an immature person who wants his "cake" and is "eating it too!". He married you, right? He made a committment to you, right? He's broken that committment, and clearly, one can't seek forgiveness until one STOPS the bad behavior he continues on with. Your guy has a BIG problem, and now its compounded by the birth of yours/his child...Is this the kind of guy you want to be with the REST OF YOUR LIFE? -Is this the kind of DAD YOU WANT FOR YOUR CHILD? -And is this the kind of role model YOU want to set for your child, friends and family - for yourself?

Honey, you don't need a man's point of view, you need to develop a BACKBONE and let this guy go. He sure "talks the talk" but can he "walk the walk" ????? HARDLY. What a schmuck!


Please don't stay with him. He doesn't care about your feelings. This makes me sad.

A Landers
Reading your entry, you know what to do. You just want someone to reinforce it.
He tells you he loves you MORE THAN HER. That means he loves her.
Would your husband share you with another man? I seriously doubt it. Why are you sharing him.

Find a good man that will dedicate himself to you and not to himself as your current guy is doing.

Get out now before he fathers more of your children.

Get out for the good of the baby and for yourself and future.

***Why don't you just wait around some more until he decides your life for you.

I feel for you, you dont deserve this. It sounds like your husband is just trying to soothe you over while he "dates" this other girl---he needs to be accountable for his actions....he is also deceiving you by telling you what you want to hear and then doing what he really wants.

Tell him, "shouldnt you be concerned about MY welfare and OUR marriage--other than caring for this girl?" Give him a choice, cut ties with her (but I doubt if he will)---or show him the door.

j.c lavender
Sorry, but when he says that he has to call this other woman to see if "she's ok", that's a lame excuse. He had an affair and he is unable to let her go and he can't be monogamous . If he continues this way, it will drive you crazy until you can't bear to be with him anymore, on top of that, it will make you sick, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Stress= sickness and disease. So if he loves you, like he says he does, you can suggest going to marriage counseling with him. If he refuses counseling, then I don't see this marriage working.

Where the hell is the respect of yourself!

You know, you have to put your feet down!
Give him the choice again, but this time you are telling him that there's no saying good bye or anything.
It stops right now with no good bye or anything or he leaves straight away.
Maybe you should even pack his bag and attach a copy of the phone bill to save you any explanation.
I'm not sure he deserves a second chance to be honest.
He's been totally disrespectful and still shows no respect.
You are so being disrespected. How did he need a couple of months to tell her that he is married period? How come that 6 months down the line he is still doing that to you.
In fact the more i think about it, the more I think that you should throw him away.
He is stamping all over you and on his marriage vows.
He's using your love for him to make you accept his mistress, he's cheating on you with your approval, he's EVIL alright.

That's not right on his part. A relationship/marriage is between two people and two people only. If he really loves you, he would break it off completely with the other woman. I wouldn't feel comfortable if my fiance was talking to this woman online or on the phone at all and would demand he break it off completely (right then and there) or I leave him. Also, you are pregnant- do you really think things are going to change with the baby comes? He will be there for her but will still be going behind your back and communicating with her. He will not be a good role model for your child and it honestly seems like you and the child do not need that in your lives.
You deserve someone who is with you 100% not with you and this other woman.
Also, he said he had to keep talking to her for a couple of months to make sure she's ok? That's a red flag right there. If he cares about you more- he would have broken it off completely since he loves you and cares about your feelings more. Plus it's gone on for another 6 months- you need to confront him about it again and tell him that he broke his promise that it would only be 2 more months (which was pushing it as is). Tell him how it makes you feel that he's been doing this to you and lying about her. If he doesn't stop then- you really need to get out of the marriage because that's not a true marriage.
He is trying to have his cake and eat it too- it just doesn't work that way. You need to talk to him about it and tell him how it's going to be if he doesn't stop talking to her immediately- not tomorrow, not in a couple of months, not in a year- right now.
I know this is a tought situation but you have to stand up for yourself because he seems to think it's easy to walk over you.

I know one question you need to ask yourself is if you do stay with him, will you ever be able to trust him again?
Personally, if I found out my fiance/husband cheated on me, I would break it off right there- I wouldn't be able to look at him again the same way. Ask yourself that question.
Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea (sorry to use that quote but it's true). You need to move on and find a man who will love you and only you!

You might not like my advice but here goes. Start setting money aside for you for a worse case scenario. Give your husband the ultimatum her or you. Do not settle for his excuses to keep in touch with her via phone or Internet. Also keep records of his phone and email contact with her for future divorce proceedings if needed. I hope it doesn't come to that, but you must expect it in any case. I personally as a male don't think he is right and he is not a good husband to you by his actions that you described. You may even want to see a lawyer now to discuss your legal options, even if they are not required.

me, me, and me
i'm sorry that your in that situation. but it seems to me that he is trying to keep you both. there is really no need for him to keep in touch with her. and it seems that he has told her that he is married. and if he has then she's a b**** for continuing their relationship.

He made a commitment to you, make him honor it! Don't allow him to be the one to decide when he's done with her. He needs to be a real man, step up and do what's right.

By the sounds of it, he doesn't really love either one of you or he wouldn't be doing what he is doing.

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