Don’t know what to do? Please help.?

I have been married for nine years and been with my husband for nineteen years. About five months ago my husband discovered I was having an online affair for about 1 year. Since then I have decided I want to fix my relationship and we have started couples counseling. My problem is my husband gets upset when I go to work on my days off and work for free; he lost his job a few weeks after finding out about the affair and has not worked since. I tell him I go to work for free to get some space and to have time to think about us and the future. The question I am asking is, do you think my husband is expecting too much from me and is he just being controlling. He has said he forgives me for the affair and just wants to spend more time with me while we have the chance, he gets very jealous when I go out with my friends and when I go on the internet, and he stays by my side while I am on the computer. I do love him and I know he loves me

jennifersimpson422

Turn off the computer. Give him you password to your email. Spend time with the poor guy. I am not going to be hard on you but he sounds like a really nice man. I wish I could be so lucky.

WKDPIXY

You broke the bond of trust now he questions everything you do. When you choose to go somewhere without him especially 'work for free' that sounds very suspect to me so I am sure he wonders who you are with, what you are doing, if you are on line...I bet it makes him think seriously that the online thing is not the only cheating you were/are doing...Perhaps spending your days off with him until he returns to the work force will prove to him that you LOVE him as much as you claim to and the QUALITY time together will strengthen your relationship. You are away from him (and get plenty of space) while you are WORKING FOR PAY...So get you butt back home and back to the kitchen table and work on your marriage and stop givin' it up for free...

MML

He may say he forgives you, but his actions do not speak that feeling. He still doesn't trust you and that's why you are getting the feeling that he's being controlling, and in a way he is trying to control you. Unfortunately, that won't work in any relationship whether there's been infidelity or not. A good relationship has to be based on love and trust and it has to be nurtured and when that bond is broken, then it does take some time to piece it back together.

If you really want to work on your marriage, then you are going to have to be patient and understand where your husband's feelings are coming from. In the meantime, you may have to make some changes in your social behavior, like going off with him and staying home when you'd rather go out with friends. Now, I'm not saying that you have to do this always. Your couples counselor should be able to give you some guidelines on what to expect and what to do to help fix your relationship.

Good luck!

soozemusic

You sound as though you have a husband who loves you deeply. It also sounds like he is insecure about your going to work "for free." He is probably worried that you may be seeing someone there. It takes time to gain that trust back. He needs to concentrate on his own spirit right now. You have got the poor man crazy. Stay with him or bring him with you on some of those free days so he can see what you are doing. Offer info, don't wait for him to ask.

choirgirl3

It's easier to forgive than forget -at least for me.

I think you should include him in the things you enjoy doing best. He is trying to find out where he fell short, that is why is is looking over your shoulder all the time. Your affair devestated him to the point that he has diminished self esteem which explains his unemployement.

This is going to take time and work to heal.

yoadriannejohnson

he might have forgiven you but having forgotten those are two different things he has to do. it's gonna take some time. if you want to work it out your gonna have to just deal with the consequences of your actions. until you start to build up the bonds of trust this is prob what your gonna have to do.

Kunjamma P

yes

Shannon

No. You breached his trust; he gets to know how you spend all of your time.
Are you really going to do "volunteer" work or going to flirt with more guys while there? Why aren't you spending that time with your husband?

You should give up your night out with the girls. After what's happened it's not appropriate - you /can't/ be trusted with this freedom anymore.

If you had the where-with-all to end the cyber-affair and confess before he discovered it you would be in a better light - strayed but still potentially trustworthy.

You should go to whatever game or site you were using and close the account with him watching or give him the password so he can log in on it whenever he wants to.

Your counselor should have told you these things.
If they are focusing on "communication" fire them and find one that focuses on emotion.

Mike the man

i was listening until you said those stupid asss words i know he loves me. you and him don't know what love is you don't trust each other and you can't be trusted. Grow up and learn what commitment means and what marriage means and what love is.

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