Ex-husband shows no interest in his kids?

melissa g

I'm sorry to hear that not only wasn't he the husband you expected him to be but even more the father. I have a husband just like that i have been divorced since my two boys were ages 3 and 1. Today my kids are 13 and 10 and i can tell you from experience that the kids will make there own judgment about there father. My 13 year old very rarely wants to see his father and my 10 year old realizes that his father is not the Dad he wants. Though this may seem hard i believe that it will make them a better father to there own children. I call me and my children the tree amigo because that is how it has been for so long. we are strong!! At least you get the child support i sometimes go months without payment. But even though this happens we still pull through as a family. If you are hurt by the way he lacks interest now and your kids are only six, I hate to tell you this but it will get worse. Wait till he tell you he is broke and would rather spend the money on himself than help with the Kids. My son turned Thirteen in oct. A big deal to me the beginning of teen years. His father gave him nothing, not even a card. My mother once said and i believe her now, When them move out they move on, regardless if they find someone or not. Don't worry about what he doesn't do but what you do!! Love your children, You three are a family. If he follows great if not his loss. Twenty years from today your children will thank you for the mom you are. And hopefully they will learn how to be a better Dad. best of luck Pray for me and i will pray for you.

real_kiss_fan

You can't make someone be a good parent. All you can do is be the best Mom (and Dad!) that you can be and reassure the kids that it's Dads problem, that's just who he is. It has nothing to do with them. As they get older they'll ask to see & hear from him less and less.

My son hasn't heard from his Dad in almost a year. So sad.

smartdudeforlife

It just seems like he still feels connected to you through the kids. Unfortunately a lot of divorces encounter this problem and there isn't really anything. The divorce could have been hard on him too and he just feels that he wants to start a new life to leave all his hurt feelings. The best thing is to call him up and let him know that he will regret one day trying to distance himself from his sons and that when he does want to be with them it'll be too late. If he just plain doesn't care, I think it may be good to get your kids in a program like big brother or have a brother of yours act as a male figure in their lives. It's hard and unfortunately doesn't always work out but I hope it all goes well with your family.

Bushrod Isbister

He may never get it. My wife's ex has nothing to do with their three sons. No calls, no visits, nothing. He just doesn't care. He started out taking the youngest for awhile on weekends, but then he met a woman and even that stopped. We've been together eight years and we've been married six. The youngest two call me Dad now.

*~Confused~*

my kids dad never sees them. he hasnt for like 3 1/2 years

Haley D

He did'nt want kids, that was your idea.
If you have'nt figured it out yet, that's a big part of why he dumped you.

singstoo

Unfortunately this is a common problem. At least he's paying his support and somehow in his mind he thinks that's all he should have to do; he probably feels that he's "paying" you to do all the rest. He's dead wrong but he probably won't figure that out or figure out how much he's missing until it's too late for him to really re-build the bond between him and his boys. It's a tragedy that's replayed over and over again in this country. Children often end up paying the price for the disagreements between mom and dad -- I wish that all parents would understand that no mater what problems they have with their ex, that the CHILDREN'S best interests are most important and as the adults the parents should be mature enough to set aside their differences in order to communicate with and about their children. Divorcing your spouse doesn't divorce you from your children -- but many men (and sometimes women, too) seem to think that it does. Just remember that you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. The best you can do is to do YOUR very best and to make the kids available when he does try to see them (doesn't seem fair, I know, but remember, we're thinking about what's best for the kids here and that Dad just isn't going to change).
Peace and good luck. I'm a single mother of four and I know how this feels; but there's hope out there - my kids are all doing great now but their hearts were broken many times over the years due to disinterested father... but they know I'm here to pick up the pieces and that will carry them through...

Jersey Boy

Your ex husband's perceived resentment only hurts himself and the children. Never speak ill of the father in front of the children. Continue being a loving parent and volunteer the information to your ex on how they are doing in school, sports etc.

Have a sit down with your ex husband or write him a letter on how the children need him or better yet have your children write the letter.

There may be hope for this man yet, it's not to late.

Good luck.

jessy_bajaj

well if he din't value u how do u expect that he would value ur sons,.....pls stop sending kids to him by doing this u r making ur sons more vulnerable....so for God's sake be very vocal about this to him,,,telll him very clearly that if he cannot spare quality time with children and if he cannot be sensitive to their needs then u have no reason to send them to him....take care..love to ur sons.....

Fred Mac

some men don't have fathering instincts. you need to let it go because it seems like you are using it as an issue to justify your leaving him. be a good mother to your kids and let him worry about his affairs. some fathers that live with thier kids are no better and no more available.

CaseyK

Alot of guys use their children in a divorce and he doesn't see that it actually hurts them and his self more then it hurts you. I mean I know you care, but......Let him go if that what he wants..... I think kids should have both parents in their lives but when parent is cold and uncaring I don't know if that is any benefit to the children anyway. Don't ever talk bad about dad in front of them at all!!!! When they want to know why he is not around, let them ask him, leave a message and don't make excuses for him. In a few more years they will understand. But you need to be the grown up and if he wants to act like that then it is his loss. If it becomes a real problem, take the kids to counseling and invite him or have the counselur invite him. A neutral 3rd party is best some times. Maybe stop it all and let him do the work, calling or picking up and so forth and make sure you document everything in black and white, with witnesses. Make sure you are following the parenting plan to the letter. That way if you end up back in court, you have proof of his actions and you can not be held responsible. He can not blame the kids for your marriage not working and until he accepts that, I don't know of anything that can really be done.

Bridget S

Tell him he can pick them up and drop them off. You don't have to do that. My cousins dad did that, and they hate him now. Just don't bad mouth him. You'll look just as bad.

Vyctym

He's very depressd by the sound of it. Still though, no excuse for neglecting his children. THAT is a fool's way.

Nothing you can do about him, really. Tragic.

denise r

unfortunately for the kids u cant force someone to want to be a good father. i wouldnt even bother with him any more. unless the kids want to see/call him dont do him any favors. dont drop them off anymore or pick them up. if he doesnt begin to miss his kids afte not seeing them for a while then the kids are really better off. because in the end they will think that they did something wrong and that is gonna be really bad for you when they ask u what they did wrong that daddy left.

maryann p

It is his loss I have the same situation with my son's so called father mine dose'nt even pay support.

william c

I'm william c's wife and I went through a similar situation. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change him. My ex even went so far as to move out of state to avoid paying child support. He claimed that he wasn't going to support me! HA!! As if $200 a month was going to take care of his children's needs much less anything I needed or wanted.

I never said (or let anyone else say) anything negative about him in front of the children. I just told them that Daddy was mad and didn't want to see me. Of course he wasn't a very involved dad when we were together and resented me asking him to handle the kids while I cooked or cleaned the kitchen.

Tell your kids that Daddy is a little mad at you because things didn't work out with you and him.

Instead of taking them to see him, when it's obvious that he doesn't want to be bothered, try taking them out for a special treat. It's not your responsibility to deliver them to him and apparently, he's not being responsible if he's sleeping during their visit. I personally wouldn't allow a six year old (much less 2) fend for themselves for hours. I think they'd enjoy a trip to the park or zoo, an afternoon at the movies, dinner at their favorite fast food joint or an ice cream treat with mom a lot more than watching TV while dad sleeps.

As far as his getting mad because you didn't have them call him, tough toenails. Why interrupt their day to call someone who doesn't answer the phone anyway. Instead of them calling him, have them write him a note or make him a card. You can then make the choice to mail it or not.

Talk to your attorney about his behavior, his refusal to call the boys back, not picking them up for their visits, etc. Your ex can't do anything if you refuse to deliver the boys to him, only if you refuse to let him take them IF he shows up.

ali

Just be the best mommy and daddy you can be.

tim2755

He'll figure it out someday hopefully. Maybe when they're older, and then they won't want anything to do with him. Sorry baby.

mcdannells

My ex goes years without talking to his kids. Nothing on holidays, nor there birthdays. Child support is non existent.
You nor I can change these "dads", and I say that word ever so lightly.
I no longer stick up for the boys father. He can email, call or come by if he wishes. However never will I stick up for him again.
Do the same. The children do not understand when little why dad is being this way. BUT when the kids get older they do understand.
If the kids want to call him fine. If not do not make the kids. If there dad is not going to follow through with the plans, do not tell the kids of these plans that might work out (but might not). Just leave that time open just in case. This will not hurt the kids as bad in other words do not set the kids up to be let down.
Never ever, ever talk bad about there father while they are around. Kids look at this as there faults to, they are half there father as well as half you.
Anyhoo our autistic son has not seen his father in so long that when he did see him several years ago he was a stranger therefor would not even talk to him. I could not even get this child of ours to come outside the house!! This was very sad!

I sure do wish you well during the holiday season and beyond.

Zenkai

He will regret it, my father was the same way, he missed out a lot when he settled down.

He might just not be able to deal with kids, some people are like that, not sure how to fix your problem just hoping I can help by you understanding why.

I say once he gets out of freely single mode he might start taking more of an interest

voluntarheel

You are right, he doesn't know what he is missing. That's sad. However it sounds like he's still bitter towards you and that's why he's holding it against the kids. But it sounds like he's an emotionally detatched person and he may never be interested in those kids. Be glad that he's paying his child support and personally, I wouldn't nag him about the kids. If he's happy with a half day then let it be. Either he's blaming you and he'll grow out of that or he'll wake up and realize what a dope he's being and how much he's missing out on.

It also sounds like he may have some problems with depression. That really isn't for you to determine, or for you to bring up. But it sounds as if that could be the case. Good luck.

Godless AM

Sounds a lot like my sister's ex. He sees them as her kids. If he didn't work at ford, she doesn't think she would even get child support (ford automatically deducts it from his paycheck).
In a year or two your kids will probably be asking if they have to go over there. There's not much you can do. Just roll with it.

TyranusXX

"just want him to be an actively involved dad"
You can't make him that , he either is or isn't. Any man can be a Dad but not all make good parents.

Kim

He is fulfilling his legal responsibilities only. My father did the same. He got divorced and moved 15 minutes from the house. We saw him perhaps once or twice a year (usually Christmas) and received very belated cards for our birthdays. He never cared what was going on with us, unless it was convenient for him. He paid money to my mother to keep a roof over our heads. He claimed he was interested in keeping in touch with us, but actions speak volumes compared to words.

I feel so bad for the kids...I know it is hard. But a man like that is only hurting himself. He is missing out on everything in those boys' lives. The worst part is that if he ever realizes that, it will already be too late. I barely speak to my father... he has become a stranger to me... just as their father will become to them.

On a positive note, I believe my sisters and I have become stronger people and we have learned to cope with his absence. I am sure as your sons grow older, they will do the same.

YOUR SCREWED...I FEEL BAD FOR THE KIDS THOUGH!

NYC Sewers

for the sake of the kids, find a way. he must be so full of hate that he cannot see. help him bond with those kids or there will be a bad, bad outcome when they are grown.

kiwi

No, he doesn't get what he's missing. And in the end, he is the one who will get left out of everything. Cat's In The Cradle.

Just do the best you can. Never badmouth him to the kids. Take the kids for those short visits, even if all Daddy does is lay on the sofa. The kids will figure out for themselves that Daddy doesn't take much interest in them.

I see that you're making sure that the kids are aware that Mommy loves them very much. That's great!

If he calls them on Christmas, fine. If he doesn't, that's fine, too. You just make sure the kids have a good Christmas anyway.

straightforward_60

HE PROBABLY DONT WANT THEM OR THINK THEIR HIS

Snorkie

He is an A...hole, why does he bother to see them at all, better no dad than a dad who is not there for them. when they get older they will start to hate him, just watch and see.

Annie

I have two young kids and no husband! The day I had my last baby, my husband walked out of my life. He stayed long enough to make sure I was ok and the baby was ok, and walked out of the delivery room, that was 6 years ago. I got a note in my mail box a few years ago and it said I never will see you and the kids ever again. I'm happy with out you and the kids. The authorities have been looking for him, but its a big world out there. I did meet another man who is interested in me and the kids, but I'am so scared that he will run away from us also. I want him to touch me so bad.

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