For al the ladies who are close to there mothers not here in laws, and both sets of gradparents live nearb?

how did you divide time. How often does you mom see the baby/child, and how often does MIL see the baby/child. Who gets jealous? how do you celebrate holidays and birthdays? Do you trust your mom more? does this cause aruments with hubby? Just want to know how to deal when baby comes!
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Proud Grandma: You sound like a wonderful woman. Now put yourself in my shoes. I am an only child bringing the first grandchild to my mother, and she has 4 sons and daughters all unmarried but us, with 8 grandkids between them and just had a new one a few months back. On top of that she is openly and repeatedly rude, directs all questions and invites to my husband. I do not expect to split time equally with someone who is openly rude and already has there hands full. I have been around for almost 10 years, have thrown her b-day parties when none of her kids thought about her, and tried to do spa days together only to be stabbed in the back. i am not categorizing MIL's but mine has a personality problem that my husband said will probablly never change. If I had one like you I would truly enjoy it. But I amnot going to be ounked or used because she there is a baby involved. I plan on seeing her and talking to her as often as i do now. Which is holidays and birthdays! Not my fault

proud grandma

How about an answer from a mother-in-law with only a son. You can't begin to imagine what it is like to be in my shoes. I am a mother with just as much love to give as my DIL's mother. We are not different women, we are all moms and grandmothers, aunts, sisters and best friends to other women. Just because we gave birth to boys please don't hold that against us.

I have two beautiful grandchildren whom I adore!!! In the beginning I was not trusted to watch them. All of my nieces and nephews love me and I now babysit for their children, It was just a power play on her part and almost tore them apart because my son loves his whole family. Favoritism was always showed toward my DIL's side of the family. Holidays, weekends, whatever. We live an hour away and her parents live 5 minutes away. I welcomed my DIL with open arms into our family but it took her about 5 years to realize I was of no threat and she had nothing but love to gain from my son's side of the family. I love my husband's side of the family so this experience was a first for me.

What I want to say is, please, please, please make the effort to get to know your mother-in-law. I can't begin to tell you how broken hearted I am I lost so much of their very early days. I volunteered for everything under the sun but was always shut down. My son was so broken hearted over her power plays it did nothing but tear them apart.

Luckily I waited patiently and let her come around. Things are wonderful now and I have even gotten an apology from her. Which I thanked her for and said let's just move on from here.

Just remember, we have the same hearts and feelings as your own mother, don't treat us like less.

Mum of1

as much as people say share equally, i would only leave my parents and family take care my child. i wouldnt be at ease not known who is minding him on the other side, i would like know my child be safe and nothing will happen, like know wouldnt be locked up and gets time to play and unwind in my parents and my family. my child gets everything he wants out my family and wants for nothing. so as much as give visits with myself at hand to watch what going on to the other side - my family be the only ones to mind my child if need night out once month and if or when have more the same rule will apply.

Mrs. Heather Schabby

This is probably unfair of me to answer, because my inalws are kind of psycho, LOL. They are not good influences at all, and my mother in law is literally sick in the head.

We do allow our 8 year old to go there unsupervised, only because he's older and knows the difference. We will NEVER allow any additional children we have to go to their house unsupervised -- at least not until they are older.

I definitely trust my mom more, but then again like I said it's unfair because I do not trust my MIL at all -- and I am not being biased or rude either, my husband feels the exact same way as I do.

When it comes to holidays, we split the day. On Thanksgiving we have dinner at our home and we alternate each year which set of parents we invite. Unfortunately because of some horrible things my inlaws have done, we do not invite both my parents and my inlaws to be around each other -- long story.

For Christmas, we spend Christmas day 1 year at 1 house, the next year at the next house (only for about 2-3 hours -- then we spend the rest at home.) For whatever parents we DIDN'T see on Christmas Day, we would see that weekend for a few hours.

Honestly, we have a very bad relationship with my inlaws, though. We ONLY see them for the holidays, that's it. We do not spend any other time with them at all. We do allow our son to sleep at their house about once a month though.

Good luck. Try to be fair, but go with your gut.

Magic 8 Ball (Call me BILF)

I am closer to my Mom than my in laws. They get equal time. I recognize that while I am going to be closer to my family, that my husband is going to be closer to his, and that both sets of parents have much to offer my child. We split holidays (two dinners or a lunch and a dinner) and dinner once a week at each.

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