Forgave, butt having a time with forgetting what my husband did, please help?
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Forgave, butt having a time with forgetting what my husband did, please help?
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I was deployed to Iraq for 15 months. My husband was not supportive, in the sense of, out my entire time gone, I only received 3 letters and 2 boxes. Sadly I received more mail from strangers then I did my husband. This is something I took very personally and it truly hurt me to my heart. I felt abandoned and unloved for a spell. Once I got home, I talked to my husband face to face and explained to him what I felt and why I felt it, he understood and apologized. Mind you, I told him several times over the phone when I was deployed, but he was moving so fast, he either didn't comprehend or care. Now the tables have turned, my husband is gone and he has begun to give me a hard time about mailing him items. Now when I was deployed he told me, he didn't write because we talked everyday, we now talk everyday on the phone. When he started giving me a hard time about the type of batteries I sent him, I got enraged. All the things I thought I let go of, are still there. I am still bitter and still upset and his attitude makes me want to say something rude to him and throw in his face how he treated me, but I forgave him and don't see this as fair. My question is, how can I get over this past hurt, I know it can only show in my relationship, no matter how hard I try to conceal it. Any tips, oh and I am currently seeing someone professionally for this issue and others acquired in Iraq.
Additional Details
I treat him how he should of treated me, but it just pissed me off that he had the nerve to have an attitude because I sent Alkaline batteries instead of Lithum, I honestly couoldn't find them. It just makes me think of all the times I begged and NOTHING was sent. I am not vindictive, that is why I am trying to take care of this without baggering my husband.
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Gabby
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I think with the both of serving your country in Iraq has caused a lot of residual stress in both of your lives. It's good that you are seeking professional help regarding this as they should be able to relate better to you regarding your situation.
Just take one day at a time and do your best to get over the hurt because you holding on to bitterness will hurt you more than your husband.
God bless and thanks for your service in Iraq. |
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Lioness
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It's evident that you haven't completely forgiven him for his self-centered behavior in the past. Now he's still engaging in what you perceive as self-centered behavior. Two things here: (1) It's never healthy to "forget," even when you have truly forgiven. You don't use it to injure the other person, but forgetting sets you up to go through the issues all over again. (2) You can turn this anger-provoking situation into a prime opportunity for you to SHOW your husband what true marital dedication is about. "Kill" him with kindness.... shower him with cards, letters, boxes, little reminders to him that you love him and miss him. Isn't that what YOU wanted when you were deployed? Does he deserve any less? When you do that and he gets home, ask him how it felt to know there would be something there for him almost every day. When he tells you how it felt to him, let him know (while you are hugging him) that you need the same from him when you are away from him. Showing him what complete dedication is about means a great deal more than telling him or throwing anger and guilt into his face. Neither of you can change the past.... but you can do something different right now. I would encourage you to use this as an opportunity to improve your marriage, not damage it further. |
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mosaic
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You have the perfect right to feel the way you do. The way he treated you was inexcuseable.
Are you going to treat him the same way out of revenge?.. or are you truly doing your best to send him things that he needs?
I know what I would do:
I'd send him all the mail and packages that I would have wanted sent to me and I'd deal with the issue when he got home. You never know what could happen and you don't want to have bad feelings.
and I also thank you for your service in Iraq! Your courage and strength will help you find the way through everything else. |
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Candy B
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deal with it, when my husband was away all of 2008 he had an affair with a philipino, i would much rather have the batteries problem, some men are not good about sending pkgs or mail, just accept it and go on, my husband broke my heart, i am sick over it. you'll be o.k. |
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Kiran
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I am ready to solve all the problems of yours. just write me soon.
thanks |
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Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
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