Friend is seeing a married guy?

marie m

My best friend had a relationship with a married man for 13 years. They worked together; they knew each other before he was married; he was her boss at one stage. She held on for years onto the fact that he promised her, "when the kids are older, I'll leave."Yet he and his wife went on to have 5 children over the 13 years. When the fifth child was born, she finally came to the conclusion that he was never going to be hers, and she broke it off. She was then 43, had wasted her fertile years with this *********.had no hope then of having her own child with him, which was all she ever wanted. He suddenly woke up to what he was losing, and plagued her for months to have him back. He again promised her the sun, moon and stars. to her eternal credit, she held firm; bought herself a house and moved away from the area.
She still says he was the only man she ever truly loved; but deeply regrets the years she spent waiting for him.
your friend has a mind of her own; if she is seeing this guy, and people are nagging her to give him up; the chances are she won't. We can't live our friends' lives, much as we'd like to. this guy has the best of both worlds; a home, a family, a loving wife, and a bit on the side. Why would he upset that particular apple cart?

lisa l

sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it, you have to make your friend realise that she is a third wheel and when a man has a good home a woman who looks after him and a child he loves he wont give that up, he probably does fancy your mate and may even love her but men prefer what they know, even if he did leave his wife does your friend uderstand the heart brake she would be causing, tell her to put herself in his wife and daughters shoes then ask her if she still wants him to leave them

angie

ask her how she would feel if she was his wife, ask her how she would feel if he left his wife, would she trust him, tell her she shouldn't do to others what she wouldn't like done to her

lynn18050

The problem with this situation is, she is living in false hope, she is obviously very unhappy even though she is happy if you know what I mean.
No matter what you say to her, she will always have an excuse for him, my advice is to just be there for her, if you keep telling her hes no good, she will eventually start to resent you.
There is nothing you can do for her, except be her friend and a shoulder to cry on.
She will one day, wake up and will have had enough, until then you just have to ride it out with her.
personally, I feel sorry for the child.

dilip a

let her decide

Mephistopheles

Very difficult one - presumably she already knows you do not approve of this relationship because of the complications.

The only thing you can do is be a REAL friend to her and be there if/when this relationship does fall apart as surely it will do in the fullness of time given that he is NOT prepared to commit either way.

waneta g

sooo many wish to play god and judge:
You need not say anything, In her heart, she knowns she playing to be the fool, But he fills some thing in her -thats-missing, and she is willing to be second, then theres not a lot to say, its her choice, any one saying any thing is only, going to make her, too be with him all the more, your a friend, then, just be there, for when he dumps her for the next woman that comes along; He seems to always need that security to go home to his wife and child. Then when he bored again, fines women thats lost all there self respect; caves in to him:

rebel

tell his wife

rwhz199

She needs to tell his wife.

browneyed

she will eventually see sense in time all you can do is be there for her when the time comes

karena k

I would try to give her a reality check and accidentally bump into his wife and daughter while out shopping or even better if you could get the three of them out on a weekend or something. Good luck

giveu2tictacs

Well, she loves him but....she really needs to get out of the relationship . It is best for her, it is best for him, his child and his wife.

Have her think about her future husband and if he were to do that to her, how would she feel? In fact, lets just say she does marry the guy, how faithful will he be to her until some other girl works with him?

This relationship could hurt her more if she doesnt stop now

< Roger That >

Deep down your friend probably already knows what this guy truly is and that there is no future for them.

And, sadly, there is nothing that you will be able to tell her that she doesn't already know. She will have to decide when to call it quits for herself. But, when she does, odds are she is going to be totally devestated, so just be a good friend and help her out with no "I told ya so's", etc.

Maybe now you can encourage her to meet new and better people by inviting her to church, or by joinng a book club or something that will occupy her time and help her get out.

i,m here if you need to talk.

jerry spring says there is no love when your amisstress only pain.so she need to stay out of the hat water. or she,s going to be in pain like living hell.

NIGHTOWL

Why has she got so little regard for herself or other women?Why does she like to go where another woman has been?
Do you trust her around your husband?

ry_in_dubai

It's her choice but this guy is definitely bad news and it'll all end badly

gabriel_demus

Sorry sister, there isn't much you can say to her if she's not willing to listen!! I'd say you have three options to help your friend though - (1) Confront the guy's wife and tell her everything. (2) Confront the guy and tell him to choose, cause it's killing your friend, maybe even threaten to tell his wife.
(3) do nothing, except continue to be her friend, cause when she does eventually "wake up", she's going to need you in a big way!
Good Luck!
Aloha!!

santan_cat

She definitely has intimacy issues... That is why some people date marrieds. She KNOWS deep inside that this guy is "unavailable" yet pursues him anyway. She doesn't understand that she deserves better and needs help seeing that she is worthy of an available man.
When I was in a similar situation, I read the following book to get through it and change this self-destructive habit:
"Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships" by Susan Peabody
http://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Love-Overcoming-Dependency-Relationships/dp/0890877157/ref=sr_1_6/104-2239045-7739907?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174468419&sr=1-6

As a friend, buy her the book and let her know that you'll be there every step of the way.
I can't even begin to tell you how much a friend changed my life by doing the same for me. (A good read for single women!)

Take care of each other,
Mon :-)

mamgu.......

there is nothing you or i can say to your friend, she is in love, The old saying you learn by your mistakes is what comes to my mind here. Your friend will certainly do this, just be there for her and be a shoulder to cry on when needed.

ubon

whatever we say or you big mouth say, she will still stick with him, love is blind,leave her alone and has a broken heart later.

Brad W

Well, your "friend" is wasting her time. This guy is stringing her along and truth be told, she is allowing herself to be strung along.

You need to wake up, smell the coffee, and realize that you're in a relationship that is going nowhere fast and these are years you'll never be able to get back. You need to find someone that will treasure you and appreciate you and make you #1 in their life.

This guy will never do that. I know it's hard but you need to walk away now and be strong, no matter what he says. You'll be glad you did it. Now go, run along and good luck!

EMA

I am ashamed to say hun that I have been in your friends situation when I was a bit younger.......I knew all along that I was never going to be THE ONE but I still stayed because he made me feel like he loved me..........which was probably never the case!

My relationship went on for 2 years! We went on holidays, had Christmas together every thing you would expect in an exclusive relationship - except I was left alone when he went home to his wife!

No-one could tell me I was wrong or stupid at the time I just wouldn't listen......eventually I got sick of being 2nd best and yes the wife did find out ( not through me ). He then wanted me and I turned him down - his wife took him back.

Your friend will come to her senses eventually - you just have to let her go through the motions and be there to pick up the pieces..........I feel sorry for her.

Ema. x

cherry

i am in a similar situation to your friend, my boyfriend isn't married but is in a long relationship though. I'd like to say i wouldn't stay with him if he was married but you know what when love is involved who knows??

my friends know whats going on with me and i really appreciate their support, the girls who have been cheated on are telling me to leave him. the others my closest friends, are wanting me to be happy and are there for me no matter what. good luck to your friend!!

Law

sounds like the man knows what he's doing. done this before.

pattijohughes

She has set herself up for failure - Pure and Simply - Dead End Road - If he is doing this to his wife what does she think he'll do to her -- And she also knows better -- Let her read some of the answers here and if that doesn't help Then you need to back out of it -

Mikey H

Your friend is the type of woman who likes a man that's been tested already: by another woman. Quit bugging her about her low down, dirty, stank, back stabbing ways and protect your man. Now!

silver

Actually, I can't blame her of seeing a married guy if she really loves him. But looked, that guy is already committed to someone else. Girl, if you don't like things to happen the way you do it to that married guy's wife then get off him.Or else things that happen to his wife will happen to you sooner if you'll get married. Its just like that. You do bad things, wether we like it or not it will bounce back to us. Right???

Jude

I feel really strongly about this coming from a broken home -broken by a tart such as your friend. It is completely disgusting of her to be knowingly going out with someone who is married and that poor little child has not done anything to deserve your mate trying to split her parents up! I think you should tell your mate she is out of order- he is not going to leave his wife for her as he is obviously a GIT and what makes her think he will not get her pregnant and then cheat on her too!! Once a cheater always a cheater and never worth the tears.

AdultMale

What more can you do?? You have tried to change her and she wouldn't.

I will tell you where this is going to lead... Your friend is going to be completely disappointed because this married guy is going to drop her like a ton of bricks when he is satisfied and after he is fed up of thiis girl... He will go home to his wife and daughter...Leaving your friend stranded...

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