From close to marriage to mama's boy syndrome.. ?
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From close to marriage to mama's boy syndrome.. ?
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Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for close to 7 years.. I'm 24 and he is 29, 4 years of those while he has been in the Marines and now he is back. A year before he came back we got engaged and when he came back he wanted to get married immediately and move in together but I tried to explain to him that he had no job and without a job it worried me as to how we are going to make it with only me working. So after numerous fighting about that and about how I felt he slightly changed (although we were emotionally close while he was in the Marines, I still felt a change of attitude) we broke up. We got back together after a month, and we decided to work it out but we were no longer engaged just boyfriend and girlfriend.
Now, a year and a half later we are still boyfriend and girlfriend and with no talks about marriage and even moving in together. He is just focused on taking care of his mother and buying her a house.. now come on.. a house is a 30 year commitment! I really feel cheated out of this because while he was in the Marines he said that we wants to get a house for us two (with the help of his VA home loan he has available) and then he switches it up on me and only talks about how he wants to buy his mom a house? His response to me is as follow: "I have seen my mother work all of her life and since when I first got out of the Marines and things didnt work out b/t you and I, I now want to focus on my mom and making sure she is set in life..". This gives me so many mixed feelings, I know he wants to take care of his mother and that's respectable but what about us? The house he used to constantly talk to me about he wanted to get for us is now all about her..? I'm not trying to be selfish here but I feel that he is making it seem like I lost my turn to be first since we broke up and now it's all about her. He has another brother who he bickers with b/c to him, he is not stepping up as he should. His brother moved out when he was 27 and now he is 34, and he said that he loves his mom and he can give her some money monthly but he A. will never move back home... and B. will not want such a commitment such as a house although he loves his mother.
Also his mother is now more than ever babying him, he is a 29 year old man?! Constantly worrying that he eats properly, and worrying what time he gets home, and if he sleeps adequately.. I get frustrated with him and he says "well, you know mothers..". I know he loves me very much, but lately he constantly talks about how he is broke and that he has to give his mom money here and there.. he has told her to stop working and it's really honorable of him to want to take care of her but it has come at our relationship's expense. This is because now we are more farther away to marriage and moving in together than ever before. Before, I didnt think it was a good idea for us to get married yet because he had no job, and now he is cop and makes decent money but it's hard for him to save since he has put so much new responsibility on his shoulders (as you can tell I only mention his mom b/c his dad passed away 11 years ago). Sometimes I feel like she wants to replace a husband figure with her son.
Any comments, or advice will be much appreciated!
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jenny
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RED ALERT...WARNING...WAKE UP
I too appreciate a man who cares for his family. But this is just plain recklessness with you. Did you say mama's boy - yes double that. Its only gonna get worse from here. My husband (soon to be ex) had a similar issue - he was the center of his mother's world. It was almost like she was his first woman. (She has a husband but for her, her son is the man in her life - emotionally I mean). This did disasters to the marriage. She felt jealous of me, discredited me, nagged me, put me down - the man had many further issues too. But before I married hi, he was this strong independent thinking gentleman n all that!! No warning no signals (I keep looking back and wonder where and when did i miss the hints)
He was none of that when he met me. After marriage this mama's boy image unravelled. It scares the hell out of me as to how to spot such a man next time. Though you have, take your bags and run.
run as fast as you can and as far as your legs will take you. |
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Patricia M
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Why are you with this guy? He is playing mind games with you, to PUNISH you for not wanting to get married right away. I would just move on and find a REAL MAN. |
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silly_duck96
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Her son was away from her for several years. No mother likes that. I see why she is smothering him with attention.
You just need to leave this relationship. He sees it as "She had her chance and blew it, so I will take care of the one woman (my mother) who will never leave me."
You were very right not to marry him when he was jobless and just got back. But I think the relationship needs to end. He will be paying her mortgage so won't be able to buy the two of you a house. And he will always be a mama's boy. It will not change if you get married. |
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dellboy36426
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You know, it's a good thing you didn't get married to him. I guess you know that now. All this talk about taking care of his mother because she has worked all her life? I'm quite sure his grandmother did the same, but I don't think his mom stepped in to help her either. Life goes on. He needs to learn that he is here to lead his own life, not his mom's. And that is what he is doing. You are best off not to get anymore committed than you are now, if you even can stand to stay g/f to him. Until he learns what life is all about, he doesn't deserve you.
If his mom is ill, that may make it a little different, but I still don't see that it is his responsibility to buy her a house. Not unless he wants to stay single for the next 3 decades like you said. |
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blueeyed grl
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It's a woman's primal need to know that the man that she is about to marry will be able to provide her security. This is a natural trait that every woman seeks....not because you are a gold digger but because it is important to have matters such as employment laid out BEFORE the marriage and not after.
I just don't think he is the kind of man that you are looking for. I admire his devotion to his mother but obviously he is not prepared to make room for a wife and family.
I would say that the two of you no longer share the same life goals and should go your seperate ways. If you aren't working for the same things in life now...it won't change later. You clearly are not on the same page.
Good Luck |
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