Future Husband Drinks too much.?

mml619

come on...are you kidding. you cant make a man stop drinking. never, no how, no way. been there, done that. i have seen so many women throw away there lives thinking they can change a man. get out now. or you will be sorry in the end.

berry

Don't marry this guy. Your life will be hell.

Star

DO NOT marry this man. If you really want to, remain engaged but do not marry him until he stops drinking AND remains sober for at least 12 months (1 year!) Seriously. And DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT have children with him. Even if you do cave in and marry him - make sure you tie your tubes!
this may sound harsh but it is the best advice someone in your position will ever receive.

rejoiceinthelord

He is an alcoholic! And you cannot help him. He needs to want to help himself. Try going to a meeting for families of Alcoholics and listen and learn. Too often people like you marry guys like this because you think you can fix the problem. You can't! You probalbly don't love him... you just love to be needed. There's a big difference. You may feel sorry for him, and his family... and for your family too. But he is not a good candidate for marriage. An alchoholic makes a horrible father and parent. ...not to mention husband. You deserve better. Insist that if he wants to marry you... that you both must get help... declare that you have problems with alcohol... find out what is causing this problem in your lives... and deal with it. If you can't come to terms with it and change.. don't get married. Go find another partner who does not touch the stuff. Even then, you will need good pastoral counseling before you marry anyone. Your own history of family alcohol problems warrants it. Love yourself. You are special! You want to have a happy family with responsible behavior.

Look for an old movie.
"Days Of Wine And Roses'

Prepare to be alone many, many nights after you're married.

leenabootie

Seek pre-marriage counsling and if things don't change then u really don't need to marry him.

Some women don't realize their mated has a drinking problem and find out to late, you already know so mae the right descision.

nora22000

He already IS an alcoholic--alcoholics are people who drink too much!!!

I think you will have to love this guy from a distance, and as a friend. Find someone who is not self-destructive so that you can have a decent life.

Jayme C

I think you are headed for a dead end road. You say you love him sooo much but the real question is how much do you love yourself? Are you willing to spend the next years waiting for him to get over that or do you want something better for your life.? Dump him now before you have to answer to your kids questions. So many other good and decent men out there.

Zack

Leave him..

Case closed..

If he loved you he would..

:)

Rambo

You do not tell what is "too much" . for some people, having a second beer is too much! so you got everone going on alcoholics here and we don't really know if he is. maybe the fact that your dad/uncles are alcoholics, you are being too critical of hime...more detail is required. I like to call a spade a spade.

Michelle R

Be thankful that he is not your current husband, because you have an "out" right now if you need it. Believe me, drinking RUINS relationships. Let him know that if he doesn't stop, you'll leave him, because your family member has died of it.

BigDanInTX

First off...people don't change... Knowing that, go forward from there.

Lynzee

You can't fix him. Only he can fix himâ€” and if he doesn't think he's broken, he's not going to try.

My mother just divorced my father after 22 years of marriage because she could not put up with his drinking any more.

So you can 1. wait around and hope that he has an epiphany, and changes for himself. or 2. walk away, understanding that you're saving yourself a life full of frustration.

As much as you love him, you have to look out for yourself. Sounds like you know first hand what having an alcoholic in your life can be like. My advice, hold off the wedding until he starts fixing his problem, or (the smarter choice) walk away before it gets any more complicatedâ€” marriage, kids, house etc.

If you guys really love each other, loosing you will be more important to him than the booze and maybe he'll change. And if its not, then you don't want to be with a guy like that anyways.

Tony

After marriage his drinking will only get worse. Do not marry him!! And only marry him if you are willing to live a miserable life and be unhappy forever. He will never meet your expectations or your needs.... the bottle is more important than you. You already know this.

People do not take the time to really get to know someone before marriage. You can't change someone. That's why you need to take the time to find someone truly compatible before marriage.

Don't make the same mistake thousands have made already. Good luck!

nwnativeprincess

IT IS THE CYCLE OF YOUR LIFE. YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE IT IF YOU RECOGNIZE IT.
RECOGNIZE THAT THE ALCHOLISM IS PART OF THIS CYCLE.
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO CHANGE. YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF.

Sandy F

Your problem is : he is already an alcoholic.. and you don't mean enough to him to stop for you.. And why would you get with a man that was a drinker anyway..? you know what they are like and what happens to them.. don't marry him or you will have one that will always disapoint you.. and if you are going to threaten to leave do it that is the only way you will find out if he loves you.. he will either quit drinking to get you back or he won't bother.
there is your 1st clue to if he loves you enough to marry or not..
don't get trapped in this one you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Hope you make the right decisions.

anyoneawake?

It's not about him, it's about you. His drinking, alcohol abuse is his problem, his issue to work through. You need to focus on why you choose to remain a codependent in this relationship. You come from an alcoholic environment, that alone sets you up to find yourself in relationships where you feel you have to help and/or rescue someone from themself. It can't be done. No matter what you say or do, he will not change his ways until he recognizes the problem and then chooses to do something about it. You say you love him soooo much and I can understand where you are coming from because I was already married to an alcohol abuser, trust me it ain't a pretty sight. I ended up putting him out 1 yr ago when I got tired of the excuses, the lost jobs, the arrests for drunk driving and got myself some counseling. My mother was an alcoholic. In counseling is where I learned about codependency. Don't marry him girl. If you do you are setting yourself up for heartache. It's hard and it hurts to walk away from someone you love, but you have to love yourself more in this instance. You deserve so much more from someone who's head and vision is clear. Take care.

~My 1st. Girl~

You need to have a very very serious talk with him if he loves you allot he is going to change and he will do it for himself to. Look don't marry him if he drinks to much that is not good you guys will have very serious problems. I hope everything works out for you.

notyochic

sound more like a future loser you best think twice before going down any aisles with him!

waiting for baby

The man is already an alcoholic

silentnonrev

if you have experience with alcoholics, you know that the only person who can help one is the alcoholic him/herself. Threatening to leave is useless, as you've found out--actually do it, and see if he changes his behavior, or if he loves the booze more than he loves you--either way is better for you than what you have now!

If you decide to stay with him, go to AlAnon and get some ideas as to how to live with this, but if you do, yours will be a rough road.

Nothing is going to get better, until he decides to make it so. You can't solve his problem. Good luck!

mamma bird

if he has not stopped yet he will not. give him a choice drinking or you.if you don't like the drinking get out before you say "I do"

feather girl

Sweetie, I say this with the best intentions possible and I mean no harm what so ever, get out while you can. No one can make an alcoholic stop drinking but the alcoholic themselves. He will not stop for you and it will drain you of all of your energy and love, not to mention money. Also think of your future children. Do you want them exposed to this? Their daddy will always be "gone" even if he is sitting on the couch beside them. You know what I mean, I know you do. And alcoholism runs in families and you are doubling their chances of becoming alcoholics as well. It is a losing battle. Please trust me on this. If you really love him, let him go. I wish you nothing but the best, keep your chin up. It's a rough, lonely road being in love with an alcoholic.

Rachel Bitchface

You will need to think tough love! Leave him because he won't stop drinking if you just whine a little every now and than he needs to know that your serious.

cookie

I know you don't want to hear this, but here goes. Your man loves drinking more than you. I know you think you can help him, but as with any addiction, only they can help themselves. You have stated to him how you feel and he obviously isn't going to stop. Now, if you are ready for nights alone, picking him up at jail, and fights nonstop throughout the night, then marry him. If not, then call it off. If he truely loves you, he will stop drinking. If he doesn't stop drinking, then he doesn't truely love you. Sorry if this sounds so harsh, but hopefully it will prevent you from making a big mistake. Thank you.

Kitty

You can't "make" him stop doing something, if he doesn't want to stop. Period. If you feel that it's so bad it's interfering with your relationship, try your best to have him acknowledge the problem and get help. If he won't do it, not a damn thing you can do, unfortunately. Just go into it with your eyes open, and be realistic about having to deal with it for the rest of your time together if you do marry him. If you don't think you can deal with it long-term - please, re-consider the relationship. It is clear that he will NOT change to accomodate you.

rich2481

I would think long and hard about marrying him, I just got out of a marriage where she drank very heavily,, caused alot of problems through the marriage,, now I am free and breathing a sigh of relief everyday

postal_marg

Even though this is going to be hard leave him. Explain that you do not want to start your new life with this hanging over your head. Tell him that you love him and if he wants to he can have you in his life but not like this.

JustMe

Nobody can help him but him. If he doesn't want to change or stop drinking there is nothing you can do. Realize this before you get married.

Ben M

I hope you listen carefully. If in fact he is your future husband put that on hold as of this minute. With the back ground you have with this disease you of all people should know you will get know where with this. I to suffered from the same affliction and there is no person that can make a difference except the one with the problem. Its OK to love and care about this person but you must remove your self from direct contact or you to will fall into the pit of disfunction. Give the tough love line. You will be there for themn when and if they quit drinking and support that effort. But if they choose not to quit you can not be a part of that action.

spidertiger440

If he doesn't stop drinking now then you really shouldn't commit your whole life to him because the chances of him stopping after marriage are slim to none.

Sad but true

Go ahead marry him but learn to have all your holidays ruined...you'll be alone all the time(unless you like to hang out at the bars alot) Expect him to ignore and set a poor example for the children. And not value anything you like to do unless alcohol is available. I should know ...I've just described my life perfectly! It's hard to match wits with someone who is stewed!

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