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djd
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why would you want to have a baby with somone like that? just think of how he will treat your kids |
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♥ jojo ♥
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Sweetie, if you haven't married him yet, DON"T!! Trust me it only gets worse. Having a baby with an abuser of any kind is asking for trouble for you and that Innocent child. Take care dear. |
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winona e
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Why do you want to have a baby with someone like this??? Someone that abuses you. Do you really want to bring a child into this relationship??? |
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curious
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I love my b/f of over 5 yrs and it wouldnt matter if he gained weight lost all of his hair or became disabled, that is unconditonal love. The fact that you gained the weight by trying to acheive something (a baby) that you BOTH wanted should make him love you all the more and support your weight loss. I am sure that it wouldnt hurt him to diet or go to the gym with you. |
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bjhounsley
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I used to be in the same kind of relationship when I was between the ages of 16 and 20. My fiance constantly pinched my love handles and said "look at that fat"! It hurt terrible and he was not that trim either. Over the period of 4-1/2 years it got worse and worse until one day he hit me.
Mental abuse will usually turn in to physical abuse at some point in the relationship if you don't get out. Thank God, I got out!
I have always had a weight probably, yet I have been happily married now for 30-1/2 years. My husband has Never ridiculed me for my weight and I got up to 283 pounds. The only thing is has said to me is that he is concerned about my health. He has a right to be, as I am now diabetic. I have stuck to my diabetic diet and have lost over 60 pounds so far.
My husband has always loved me for you I am inside, not outside. He supports me in everyway and helps me with my attempt to get my weight off so I can get my blood sugar under conrol.
My suggestion is to either get rid of this guy or sit down with him in a serious conversation and find out exactly what he feels and how much he truly loves you. Ask him if he can and will love you fat or thin, and will he love you when you are old and gray-headed. If he cannot answer with a "yes" within 2 seconds, dump him! |
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teresa d
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first off god is the one who decides when you are ready for a baby not medicine its all in his hands if he thinks you put on weight now how is going to feel when you do become pregnant leave now things aren't going to get better why stay with someone who puts you down all the i love you isnt helping is it |
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sadie
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I agree with everyone.... he's the one with the problem, not you. your significant other should be the last person to judge you and the relationship needs to be a safe place where you love eachother. its ok for him to be concerned with your health and habits, but this is clearly out of your hands. in today's world, gaining weight can be emotionally difficult because the world is so quick to judge you. This is exactly why he needs to be sensitive to this and supportive you rather than tear you down. if he can't understand this, then find someone who can. |
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uncle al
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Leave him. You'll get your confidence back, you'll finish up the shape you want to be. The only downside, is that he will probably make some other poor woman's life a misery?? |
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Samba Queen
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Get OUT of this abusive sham of a relationship while you still have your dignity intact! This guy is a first rate CREEP! There are a million nice guys in this world who would treat you like a princess. Get out there and find one - and don't wait! DO IT NOW!!! |
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jserrano1966@sbcglobal.net
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the way your husband is speaking to you is completely cruel and uncalled for. I think you should tell your husband that if he continues verbally abusing you your going to consider a divorse. He should also be reminded of why you gained the weight. You gained the weight to give him and yourself a child. He is being selfish and really inconsiderate. what would of happened if you would of gotten pregant and gained more weight. You deserve the security of knowing that ur husband will love you endlessly. Your obdviously putting effort into loosing weight by going to the gym so what else does he want. If he cant be supportive then hes only baggage, so if things dont change leave him |
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DieHard
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simple ... eat for yourself dress for others .... |
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damonsbaby
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I know the things your husband says feels cruel and it is, but what we all have to remember is that it is not what is on the outside that counts it is what is in our heart. Love yourself, if he makes you feel bad tell yourself you are a beautiful person, and mean it. Dont believe what he tells you, perhaps the reason he strikes out at you is because somehow deep inside someone has been cruel to him and he is striking out at you. Love yourself and you dont need the love of another to make you feel good. |
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muzicfreak96
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Why the hell are you with someone like that, let alone trying to have a baby with this person? You need to get someone who treats you right no matter how heavy you get. I feel for you honey. |
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boy lover
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no problem I am more than happy to answer your question. if he really feels that way then maybe he is not the right one for you because if he loved you he would be by your side no matter what and you were trying to have a baby that is rude and he should have never said those things to you. You are right to not want to be in a relationship with him my deepest sympathy and goodluck |
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javarick
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I know that love needs to be unconditional and what he is doing is making your love conditional.
At that point, I would be out. I do not want someone who does not want me for me.
You tried to do something for the both of you. But in the process, your body was affected and unfortunately you have not been able to change.
He has to live with that. To be embarrassed is a joke.
You did nothing wrong and should not feel bad.
Go on, find someone who will love you for you.
Good Luck |
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K SHINE
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I was in a very abusive marriage for six years. Even though he is not hitting you like my husband was his words punch you like fist! He is using his critiscm to strip you of your self worth. He is making you feel as if you can't make it without him. He knows how feel about him and he plays on that to keep control over you. Read what im saying to you. Does this make sense to you now. I wouldn't have a baby until you sit back and take a hard look at this relationship. If you don't you could very well end up raising that child alone. |
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Life is Wonderful
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Its not easy to stay in such a relationship but I think its great you want to stay and try to work it out!
Genuine love is more than just affection or sentiment. It consistently acts in the very best interests of others, even if they do not fully appreciate it at the time ....
Do you think he loves you?
Abusive relationship? If this is how you feel .. follow your feeling.
Talk about it with a trusted friend, someone who knows him and can give you their opinion ... this always helps |
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jdavisauto
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He needs to be more understanding of your problem and needs. He needs to remember why he married you for. Making love to a full figure woman can be overtaxing, there is not that many ways that you can "get to it". Also with big women there is the way that it looks, along the inside of the legs is the dis-color of the skin due to the flesh rubbing against each other and the smell that it gives due to being over weight. It is hard to get past these blocks of fat. As for the weight issued, you did not gain it over night so you will not loose it over night. Exercise and a good diet program. Change in your eating habits. Walking is good for a start but you have to grow as you go. Just walking will not work. Increase your exercise over time. The very first thing that you do need to do is see a Doctor before you start any weight management program. Inside every fat person therer is a skinny person that wants to get out. |
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curiousgeorgette
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Robbet03 has the best answer. Its not that easy to just walk away when you're so emotionally involved, but on the same hand - you cannot afford to be this mentally abused and have ANY self assurance left!!! I pray your heart will tell you what to do! |
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shoshidad
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1. From your description he is being mentally abusive. If you think the relationship is worth trying to save, contact a marriage or relationship counselor (your medical insurance may cover it), set an appointment, inform him of the appointment and that he will attend, or else.
If he attends, work on the relationship. If he does not attend, work on getting untangled from him. If untangling will be complicated, consult an attorney.
2. On losing weight. Good for you. Whether you remain in a relationship with him, or move on to a new life, losing the weight will make you feel better about yourself and be healthier.
However, exercise alone is not enough. I would suggest Weight Watchers as that program is more flexible than the others, rewards you for your exercising, and incorporates a lot of positive reinforcement techniques, so that your entire relationship to food changes for the better. |
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charm
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some guys are really like that...you need to accept that sometimes they fall short from your expectations...try to think of this...if he really love you (as what you've said he does) then he will support you all the way...come what may...maybe he just wants to help you but too careless that he doesnt know taht he's already hurting you in the process.better talk to him agaun and tell him again...if he love you, then he will understand. goodluck!!! |
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disamari13
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1st try asking him not to do that, let him know that it hurts your feelings, maybe he thinks that he is motivating you by saying those things, maybe he has herd you complain about it and he is trying to help.once you tell him to stop and he keeps on putting you down, just be strong and leave him because that means he really does not love you or he is not attracted to you.i know it's hard but god might have a different plan for you, a better man or a better life..try not to stress so much, its not good for you.just be strong girl, you deserve better then that. |
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taterpeel
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THAT IS NOT LOVE !!!!!
Love is not hurtful, we all hurt other people by accident but what he is doing is intentional. You do not have the problem, he has a very big problem which he apparently cannot own up to. Run don't walk to the nearest exit and thank God you did not bring a child into that relationship. Dig down inside yourself and realize that you deserve a decent man but Honey you can actually make it on your own. I raised 4 children by myself, no child support from their father and no aid from the state. I did it and I raised 3 wonderful men who are excellent fathers and a woman who is a loving mother. They are all decent hard working and independent people. One last thought, we all have to make our own happiness. It comes from how you feel about yourself Not from how anyone else feels about you. If you need approval or even love from someone else to feel good about yourself then get some help for your own feelings. There are support groups out there, either face to face or on line. God be with you, stay strong and trust your instincts. |
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frog
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Sad as it may be - you are not the woman he married !
Many men want their partners to remain the way they were, but time and gravity take their toll on the body.
If he knows that it was the treatment that caused you to put on weight, can't he understand that stopping, will help you lose weight ?
He is being cruel to you, but you need to understand that not all men like 'fat' women (and vice versa).
I hope it works out for you, but if he's not capable, or willing to understand, then he has fallen out of love with you, and you might as well 'move on' ! |
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lolu1980
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he is mentally abusing you that is worse then his beating you. i went through that and it hurts really bad. i left him for a little while and made him think about what he had and what he lost and it work. he came to me and told me that he cant eat, cant sleep and he would die with out me in his life. and he changed after that. i hope this work out for you. |
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owllady
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Mental abuse is just as hurtful and mean as physical abuse. Why do you want to have a baby with a man like that. If you do get pregnant, he might end up abusing the baby. Think before you put yourself in this situation. PLEASE. |
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Willnotlietoyou
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Whether you want to loss weight or leave him because he is verbally abusive or both.You are going to have to make the decision to loose the weight ,not forr him but fo you.In his own misguided way,he is saying these things to motivate you to loose it.That is abuse and you should not take it.Ask him to stop.Suggestions (eat more fruits and vegetables)(Eat less meats,especially red meat)(Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.(excercise,Walking,running.Get yourself in front of a exercise program on TV.Join a gym.Good luck honey. |
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