Guys, Do any other wives do this? (and ladies if you can admit you do this..)?

nonameblonde

No, I do not do this. I wouldn't dream of asking him to stop for things that I can easily get myself. Especially if they are personal things for myself. If he has an off-day, then he will offer to run to the store. But if I left work before him, I'd certainly be the one to do it.

Donnie P

my ex used to do something like this and i figured it was to tell me she is in charge I guess that is why she is my ex

â™¥ â™¥HONESTY RULESâ™¥â™¥

We love you Sean!!!

I always make my husband get stuff too. It's only because I know he's stopping at the store to get his beer. lol

onederman

dude,my wife does this very same crap to me. She gets off at 2pm and I get off at 5...soo,in 3 hrs,you couldnt get what you wanted???

RachelS

My husband does that to me and I hate it! I come home carrying bags of groceries and he is sitting on the couch playing video games or watching TV because he gets out of work earlier. Then he always says so, what's for dinner? (As he watches me carrying all the bags in) I like to cook but, at least he could go to the store or wash the dishes. I love him but, when I have PMS and he does that, look out!

Bored Now

Other women (and men) do all sorts of annoying things.

My ex-wife did similar things, yes. When she was at home with the kids, she didn't do housework or groceries or most of the laundry or cook or clean. She had me grocery shopping with an infant and a toddler for a year after work because she took years to recover from childbirth. And when she went back to work, same kind of stuff you report.

Why? Who knows. In my ex's case, it was a diagnosed personality disorder. The why may not matter so much as the what, though - you decide what's acceptable and set boundaries, and the rest falls into place.

Mr. Workin' Out

I think i know the answer. I am finally figuring this stuff out, after chatting on YA and thinking about it at home.

She's jagging you around. My wife does the same thing. We need to stop behaving. I am starting to believe that I am not getting action at home because I'm a stupid puppy dog. You may have the same case.

If you're getting action... then forget what i said and just pick the stuff up from the store.

gmoney007

That makes no sense. That would piss me off too.

CindyLu

If you are the designated shopper then why are you complaining. does your wife complain about having to work a job and then come home to cooking and housework. If this is your share of the load stop looking at what she is or is not doing and shoulder your responsibility without complaint. Why is it a problem to pick up the food you are gonna want to eat later?

September

Hmmm... That seems odd. It kind of sounds like laziness. Especially since she gets off 2 hours before you. I would tell her that whoever gets off work first should be responsible for stuff like that. Honesty is the best option here because it seems like she should get this!

friendlyadvice

I agree with you. If she was at home trying to watch a couple of kids and get dinner ready, it would be okay to ask you to pick up a few things on your way home. It makes more sense that she would stop at the store herself because she gets off work earlier than you.

It only makes sense if it's really out of her way to get to a store and it's right on your way home. Gently point out the logic to her. If she gets mad, it's just a control issue with her.

Jess

Well, if im on the road already I will get it. Im not that lazy. And yes, My husband is also the designated grocery shopper only cause he is much better than I. We can spend the same amount of money and he gets double the amount I get. Have a talk with her and let her know it bothers you and if she calls you lazy then ask her why is it when she doesnt do it shes not lazy.

Anji

Hey Sean,

I can understand why you are annoyed. This would irritate me, too.

Think about it - She works less hours than you and has no kids to rush home to.

Just explain to her how you feel and ask WHY she is pushing the responsibility on to you.

Good luck.

Vinyl

You asked for honest answer? Seat belt, please! We as women tend to take our men for granted. The more you comply the more we don't think nothing of it and keep on making these stupid demands. I'm sure I used to be one of them till I read tons of books on self-improvement (yeah I couldn't see what was wrong with me, I needed an external source to tell me but hey at least I was searching!)

Bottom line: If you do NOT speak up, she will keep on treating you like that and you will keep on feeling the resentful doormat. We don't treat you like that to take advantage on purpose, it's unconscious behavior. It's convenient, you complied the first time, we're married to you, we think nothing of it and that's how relationships get stale.

NOW! Do you realize you bear 50% responsibillity here? You're the one who complies, submits and obeys. If you wish for this to change, it's up to you because let's face it, YOU're the one who's bothered. I'm sure your wife loves you and if you would sit down in a non-blaming and non-accusing way, you can get your message across and get her to do what you want, or at the very least get off the hook here.

Use words like "when you______, I feel_________" so that she won't feel on the defensive. Ex: when you get off at 3 and you call me and ask me to pick up stuff for you when you know I work later than you, I feel taken for granted, unappreciated, and I also wonder why you can't do it yourself". "I love doing stuff for you but hear me out, on this one it just doesnt' feel right so could you please give me one valid reason why you keep asking me, instead of doing it yourself? Is it because I've never said no/it is convenient for you/ you assume I'll say yes?"

I promise you if you do it like that non threatening (you might start, "you know I love you and would do anything for you but...") she will come to a realization which up until now she had no clue how you could possibly feel coz you had always complied. Tell her that you don't like to feel taken for granted and ask how she wuold feel if you always had her pick up your dry cleaning when you could do it yourself.

A lot of this behavior again is unconscious because it is preconditioned. I bet her mother treated her like that. My mother was always "get me this", "pick up that", "go get this", we kids were slaves and one day I was like WTF? why can't you do it yourself, I ain't your d_mn slave!" But realization took a while. If I could go back in time I'd use that awareness and treat him a whole lot differently!

Here you go. You ask and it has been answered! Whew we all survived it. Good luck darling and keep us posted if you'll try this and hopefully we can read how it worked out if you try it soon enough.

XXOO's

marypoppins

i do it because i usually don't rememeber until i get home. i look around and realize we need stuff. so rather than me go back out again, i ask my fiance to do it. he gets annoyed too, but since having our son 7 months ago, he's nicer about it now because who wants to drag a 7 month old baby out of the house for some bread crumbs.

ps. i've done it while i was still at work too. and yes, i don't feel like getting it. or i don't want to pay for it, so i ask him to go.

love&kindness

yes i do that to my husband and its because i have 2 boys that i don't feel the need to carry back out the house just to go to the store. and since he has no one but himself i tell him to do it. and he doesn't seem to mind

Valerie X Account #16! MEAN GIRL

That is not how it works in my house.

I am responsible for errands, not my husband.

I DO work, but any monies I earn I am free to spend or save. He is our families provider, and running errands is not his job.

I wouldn't even think to ask him. Seriously.

She's the one to ask about that, not us. It sounds like a unique thing to her, not something you can extend to large numbers of women--after all, women are the ones who do most of the shopping, according to surveys.

Sandy Ego

No, I do the grocery shopping. He works too much.

P.S. He gets to go to Fry's and Home Depot.

~â™¥Truckers Wifeâ™¥~

To tell you the truth! We are lazy at times... plain and simple

It's Jess

i think that's a little weird actually. she should get the stuff herself. you bust your *** all day at work so i think that she could pick it up on the way home. she does get home earlier than you do anyways. My step mom used to do this all the time! She didn't work at all and my dad works from 10-9pm at a car dealership. She calls him like every

My husband is the opposite. He comes home, and instead of stopping on the drive home he asks me to go back out to the store because "he's been driving all day".
It's not a matter of "why do wives do this to their husbands", it is a matter of people being tired after getting off work. Doubtfully, but possibly, she wants to make you get it because you make snide remarks to her like "it's not like she had a hard rough day" when she is out working, regardless of what she is doing for her job.

*EDIT* If you didn't make that remark about your wife TO HER, why would you say it to millions of other people you don't even know? If a man is going to talk down about his wife on the internet, he probably does it to her face too, unless he's spineless. Being honest about how you feel is not "fueling the fire", it is called having an open, trustworthy relationship.

Someone Else

No, I dont do that...I dont think I do that anyway. But I see your point and I agree with you.

Sue C

Sorry, but I'm inclined to agree w/you on that one. That's one thing I would not do to my husband, & I can't see her reasoning for doing that to you. She's getting out of work when there are fewer people in the stores, less traffic to contend with & if she used her head, you'd even get home sooner. And you actually do the grocery shopping to top it off! If she has a sense of humor, I'd ask her if she had an allergic reaction to going into stores or does she break out in hives. I do not see her reasoning on why you have to do it when it honestly makes much more sense for her to do it as I've stated above. Why don't you maybe run that by her & see what her reaction is to the logic of her going instead of you. What would she say if you came home w/o what she wanted & just tell her whoops, I forgot! I totally agree w/you & I'm a female...Good luck to you tho...:)

â™¥â™€eáƒ¦sáƒ¦jâ™‚â™¥

Do you guys have kids? Sometimes I do this with mine but that's bc when i get home its rush to make dinner, feed the dogs and cats, serve dinner, bath time, get ready for bed and then go to bed then clean up the kitchen. If I were to stop at the store for those 10 minutes it would throw off the entire schedule. He on the other hand usually gets off of work earlier than I but works a harder more physical job. That's my only explanation but if you don't have kids then I don't know I would tell her to get it herself.

misty

I just read your reply, if you are the disignated shopper when grocery time comes, that is why she is asking you to do it, maybe she feels like if she gets it, you will not like it.

So she would rather play it safe, and ask you to get it, and that way, you will not be disappointed.

When my husband and I go shopping every Sunday for groceries, he is the designated shopper, we agree on stuff, but he knows the prices that week and when they are good and on sale. If I bought something "different", then it ends up being way too expensive and not the right thing, so I trust my husband on that.

We make out the grocery list together, we shop together, but when it comes down to picking out the groceries, he is the one!!!

Just Some Girl

Are you the designated shopper in your family? That's the only reason that I can think for her to ask you to do it. If not, then there is no reason that she shouldn't do it...unless, of course, there's a guy at the grocery store who continually hits on her. Then you would rather do it for her, right? :-)

Gypsy Red

If that's all you have to gripe about then things aren't so bad. Just talk to her about it. Let her know that she can help out in that area too. That you understand her wanting to get home and relax because that's the same way you feel. Next time she calls, tell her that you're having a bad day and could she just do it.

Aryella and Yannella mom

I sometimes do this to my husband and he likes it cause when i do go i dont come back . lol
seriously I take way too much time shopping , going up and down the aisle . but i am the designated grocerie shopper . i just sometimes forget some things , thought i spent all my time there

sittinprettihere

LOL. I DO THIS TO MY HUSBAND. BUT WHY I DO IT IS PROBS FAR FROM WHY YOUR WIFE DOES. MY HUBBY IS A MANAGER AT THE STORE. HA HA HA. AND MAYBE SHE JUST LIKES HOW YOU SHOP. IM NOT SURE. :)

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