Had a baby and I Hate my husband?

goodgreif40

First off, your husband, like most men, do not know how to act when a new baby comes home. They are either jealous of all the attention mom spends with the baby or he steps back because he feels overwhelmed and confused where he should be. Men do not think the same way women think. He probably thinks that it is most important to get that new house built before winter settles in. Men feel the position of the provider, not the comforter. Also, when building a new structure, the wood must be bricked or painted before the elements(rain, wind, snow, and excessive sun) destroy the wood, so there is a time issue at hand too. Now, on the other hand, it is very normal to have extreme mood changes after giving birth, such as the baby blues. ( I will post some websites to check out. ) I understand how you feel and it 'looks' like he is avoiding your needs, but I am 100% sure that your husband loves you beyond what you think. God did not bring you two together for 3 years, He intended on the rest of your lives. I believe strongly in Prayer and this is a situation where God would love to help. Tell God your fears, anxieties, hopes, and dreams. Give your husband over to God and let God work on your husbands heart. Now, you need to tend to baby and not neglect yourself. I know you are tired and weary, but as baby gets older, it gets easier and then you can focus on what needs to be done to re-establish the componants needed in your marriage.

A Landers

Ask your doctor if you have post pardum depression

Eraserhead

You had a child with him, and he toiled over building a new house for you. And this made you angry? You are not emotionally ready to be married. But since you are, and you have a child, you better find a way to talk about your feelings. You have to stick with it. You've got the responsibilities of a grown up, so act like one.

Oh, and your friends do not have perfect lives. Behind closed doors, no one does.

Michelle<3

I am sorry but I think you need to grow up.

He didn't choose his dad over you, he was most likely trying to help. He was building your house! Plus its his father.

Don't think that everything is bad, sit down with him and talk to him about the minor irritations you have.

I hasn't really been that bad when you think about it, right?
Be optimistic about the situation and think on the bright side, it really will help

Find Your Fangs

i think you are overreacting. you're probably just emotional. give it time.

and hate. hate is a strong word. i doubt you hate him. you are probably just feeling lonely and angry.

ps - ummm he built a house for you! doesn't that count?!!!!

lilmoomoolover86

No one has a perfect life, sorry. You sound like you were going through postpartum depression. Your husband helped build the house for all of you, him, you, and the baby! I think you need to step back and re-evaluate, you seem like you were overreacting. You two should go see a marriage counselor, try thinking about the things you like about him. Good luck.

Lout Rampage

I think you are hormonal. He was building a home for you and your baby to live in. He didn't choose his dad over you. Unless there is more to this story, he hasn't done anything wrong. Your husband probably isn't enjoying your company right now either. If you want to stay married, you might ought to seek marriage counseling.

Edited to say: That's interesting because you said that you were left alone for 3 weeks so he could help build the house. Not that he went once a week and didn't even want to go.

Yes, marriages have ups and downs. If you both truly want to stay married, then you have a shot.

hopefully you will get over these feeling. You maybe so overwhelmed with having a baby and being a new mother and still a wife. You have also has such a change in your hormonal status. maybe you should really try to talk to him and explain how you feel he left you when you brought home the baby and then how things continues to get bad and that you really want to work on rebuilding what you had. Good luck

fifty50

Go to a marriage counselor. If you can't afford one, buy a few $1 marriage counseling books on Amazon and read them. Babies cause hormonal upsets and it may be that your hormones are just out of whack. You might want to visit a psychiatrist.

crysoccergirl

Maybe you've just been in a bad mood lately. Talk to your husband first. I would wait it out for a few months and see if anything changes. If you still feel the same way, than you can consider the divorce.

Hillary 2008

I think what you're feeling is called postpartum depression. Oftentimes it occurs after the birth of a child and is brought opn by the stress of such a drastic change in ones life + all the hormonal changes going on with your body. What you've expressed just sounds unreasonable on your part. Without knowing you or your relationship any further than what you've expressed it dosen't sound like your husband chose his father over you or the baby. It sounds like he chose to help build his family a new home! Try to get some counseling!!

Ol Pete

GO TO COUNSELING!!! You owe that much to your baby. You do not want to go through life miserable but if you had a love for him in the past you BOTH have to work at getting that relationship back!!

Lele G

I suggest that you either try therapy or get a divorce. I went to therapy for problems with my relationship and it help out 100%. It was the best investment ever. They help you work through your issues and it'll give you someone who isn't a friend and doesn't really do anything but listen you. I loved going to my therapist. Also your health insurance might help you.

goodies make the boys jump on it

okay 1st of all it's baby not bub and you sound like a selfish spoiled bych he's building you a house for god sakes at least he's doing something for you i had a baby 2months early so she's a preemie a few days ago and her father knew and never came and hasn't seen her yet

Grabbajabba

He is helping his dad to build the house for you guys!!! it has nothing to do with him choosing his dad. He probably is stress out also cause you tear up when he doesn't return, just let the guy do what he gotta do, and I hope you guys don't get divorce cause he'll be pissed for building a house for nothing. yeah so as a married couple you guys support each other through hardships, and all will be gravy XD!!

SuzyQ

You should talk to your dr.l about post-partum depression. It sounds a lot like what you are going through. Your husband loves you and they baby. He is out there working on building you a new home for your family. It's not like he's out a the bar all the time. Your friends don't understand because they see what he is doing for you and his family and maybe you don't appreciate it. He works late so that he can finish the job and then have time to spend there with you. Talk to him about having time for just the two of you and talk about things. You need reassurance of his love and commitment and you need to communicate that to him.

LYNN

Did you know that there is a very fine line between Love and Hate?
I think you may have Postpartum Depression. Look it up on google and see if it fits.
I think you should make a copy of this question you posted .. and talk to someone you truly respect..like the doctor that delivered the baby, your family physician, your Religious leader but someone. Show them this letter so they read how you are feeling and than help you through this time. It is always advisable for both parents to be there for the baby if possible. So good luck to you..

kbmoose1

When our 2nd child was born my wife kind of turned against everyone. I, in particular, could not do anything without incurring her anger. She treated a few others bad, too.

She got over it - but it took a bit of time (more than a year) and left scars (I eventually defended myself - and if she says any of the mean things she did back then, I immediately and firmly defend myself again. Not physical defense, verbal. And she knows why and stops)

Be careful what you do or say while you're going thru this. Maybe see a Dr or something. Things said and done are remembered - post partum or not, we're human and can only ignore being abused for so long. And we can't forget totally how we were abused or what we were called or accused of.

Good luck

Â«FreyaÂ»

So you say you fell in love
And you're gonna get married
Raise yourself a family
How simple life can be
Somewhere it all went wrong
And your plan just fell apart
And you aint got the heart
to finish what you started

Sorry I was listening to the song and couldn't help it.
Talk to him, communication is the most important thing in any relationship.

Jessica C

ouch...I would definitely talk to him about how you are feeling, I mean other than that I mean I know you don't believe in divorce but if you are unhappy you may not have a choice

hazel g

you should talk to him about your feelings and if you decide to work through things try going to see a marriage consular but if you still think the same and that the marriage is going nowhere you should leave him for your sake and the baby's because you will probably start arguing and then you will be really unhappy and it isn't a really good environment to bring your child up in

Deanna

Did you try talking to him about this? If not then you should. If you have and it didn't help then I think you should take a break from each other to figure things out. Maybe it will all work out. Good luck!

crigjig

The life of a new mother is always frustrating. It seemed to me like my husband did the same thing. But you got to remember he's a new dad also. It's a tough time for him too. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he still seems to be choosing his father over you talk to his father. See if your husband could work not so late in the day. There is one book I would recommend Created to be His Help Meet. By Deb and Micheal Pearl. You'll have to bite your tongue the first week. But after that you won't be able to get rid of him. You'll want him to work all day. and remember one day at a time. and Let go and let God!!!!!!!!!!

aa889d

I don't know of ANY woman that hasn't felt like this.

At least you realize you are going through this stage. You might be having post-partum depression, or it might just be the hormones, but you two need to TALK about this (and any other issues).

Divorce is an easy option and if you love each other, you'd regret splitting up after the fact.

FORCE yourself to think loving thoughts.... your thoughts become your actions and attitudes. Does he help with the baby? You need to share the duties without controlling him.

With both our kids, my wife would complain that I didn't help enough, yet when I tried - she would hover and tell me all the things I was doing "wrong". You have to be able to back off and let him figure it out.

Make time (schedule it if you have to) to get a sitter (or have the grandparents help if possible) and go out as just a couple !!!!

Not doing this is the single BIGGEST mistake new parents make !!!

Its not selfish, it does NOT make you a bad mother, it is fact HEALTHY for you and your husband and provides a better home for the child.

Remember your relationship with your husband is the #1 relationship in your life, the kids come second. Without a solid marriage - there is not a solid home for the child.

Work on being a couple and understand that what you are feeling is more normal than you suspect. However, it does (and will) tear marriages apart without working together to overcome it. Commit to working WITH each other instead of against each other and you will come out of this with a stronger love and in a few years time will realize it as a small bump in the otherwise fun road-trip that is marriage.

Ben

stop acting like a 9 year old

Dansid

There is a holes in your story. First you say he left you alone for 3 weeks helping his da with the house, then you say he only went once a week. But that's not that big a deal.

My take on this. Well, it's time you learn. You did "EVERYTHING" for him once and that didn't result in much yield. It's time you start thinking about yourself a little more. Though you do have a child, and if he's skipping responsibility in the area, I wouldn't know what to do. But you should know that you're never supposed to do EVERYTHING for someone. You need to take of yourself first, before you can take care of someone else. Just my take on the matter.

If you persist to have a bad time, I hope that one day you guys realize you made a mistake, and get the divorce cause it's sily that you will stay married regardless of how good your relationship actually is.

shorty

try to separate give you both some time make some changes..you need to grow up/ my wife says your selfish.

kerryanne1963

nobody has a perfect life , all your friends wont judge you harshly i am sure
it takes time to adjust to having a new baby, your husband is building a house not out drinking and with other women , think carefully before you consider a divorce
speak to your husband about how your relationship has changed since your baby was born . speak to your friends and husband i am sure you will feel better when you explain how you feel and you hear their side too
good luck

Joy

First off, he is NOT ignoring you, he is with his Dad building a house for you and the bub. Your still early in the time after having the baby so your probably experiencing baby blues. That's normal but you need to start thinking differently. You do not hate him, you hate the difference in your life which isn't all that bad. You are a Mother. How many people would love to be in your shoes? Millions! So when your husband comes home, give him a big kiss, ask how his day went and enjoy that new bub. Whip away those tears in the day time and spend the day trying to help make your marriage a success like your hubby is. You'll be feeling better real soon.

Lawyer

You are giving up to quickly. Many women spend a lifetime trying to love their husbands or to get them to straighten up. You have a baby with him and even if you get a divorce you will have a relationship with him and his family for the rest of your life. You promised God that you would not leave him or forsake him, regardless. Put on your big girl panties and do the right thing instead of the selfish thing like everyone else does. Your question is full of evidence that you care so just do what you know is right even though it is tough.

ariel101

i think i know something of what you feel and i'm going thru something similar - bn married 4yrs and for friends and the rest of the world my husband is doing all the right things. i know something of when ppl sound on paper and in front of others as a good husband but in reality you know something is seriously wrong. 4 yrs seem like little but i feel old and very tired and drained of all the identity and hopes i had before i married him. i have tried so so hard but maybe its just not enough or will ever be - to leave when theres a kid involved seems like another nightmare and somehow even bigger. soooo many talks and experiences are hard to really capture in just a paragraph or 2. no-one can really give you insight just support for whatever you decide. but maybe the first thing is to talk to an expert and most likely try and get husband there too - if he'll go. mine wont - we talked to someone ONCE and then that went out the window too.

kam

First of all, you have been through a lot and it is okay to feel this way. Hormones or not. I felt the same way only for different reasons. I had PPD also, but 18 mo later I STILL REMEMBER feeling that way and for good reason. Don't carry your anger and hatred inside you. Let it out to someone that will hear you. Some days I love my husband, and other days he does something to remind me of what an epic let down he was when my child was born and it pisses me off SO BAD. I have come to the conclusion that men are just creatures of selfishness and ignorance. I've greatly lowered my expectations, hun, as you will learn to do. Get some zoloft and a romance novel. And as far as the other advice, don't ever put your husband before the needs of your child. They can wipe their own ass.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: