Had my eyes opened on here?

the other day and now I need some more help. I talked with my friend and told her to just give it time but she doesn't want to. She has been living with her fiance for a year now and he still doesn't want to set a date. They are both divorced from very bad marriages but have been great together. They have fun and get along great. Now with looking at it from a different point of view I see that he will be ready when he is ready. She doesn't want to wait and says that he should be able to marry her if he can live with her but all in all I think it stems from the extremely bad marriage he was in and he needs more time.

I know that one answer the other day was he needed to play the field and is going to break her heart but he already played the field for two years and I don't think that has anything to do with it.

She is thinking of leaving him cause she says she feels that he doesn't want the same thing that she wants. She wants a commitment to the relationship other than just being his gf/fiance. I truly believe that he will marry her and isn't in it just for the time being if she just gives it time.

What are your thoughts and what can I tell her to make her see that it is just something that needs a little time?

marlenekay4

She is pressuring him. He will not do it as long as that is happening. Not only that, but if he does marry her because she gave him an ultimatum, he will resent it and eventually her. If she truly wants to be iwth him, then the piece of paper is not a big deal. She needs to be patient. I lived with my first husband for 4 years before marrying. My second husband for a year, and we had a baby first. This marriage is wonderful. But she needs to really sit down and listen to him, and try to understand where he is coming from.

Ocimom

Its really not your place to get involved in whatever decision they choose to make.

Lprod

Well, and why are YOU soooo interested in her waiting for him and convincing her to stay?? If she's already sooo impatient and her current situation does not satisfy her or makes her happy and wants to leave the guy...... it's HER prerrogative and you have no say in this. I know that we always try to do the best for our friends, but we can't talk them into doing something they don't want to. This is a decision that needs to be talked and made between 2 people, not 3. You shouldn't be uttering your opinion or trying to convince anyone of anything. This is not your relationship. Let them be, if she's happy and loves that man she will stay and wait, or maybe even accept the fact that he doesn't want to marry now (or EVER) and remain happy as it is. If she isn't, she will leave regardless of what you tell her.

Sofia

Well, now. It sounds like your friend is REALLY selfish. If she respected him and actually loved him, she would respect him enough to wait. She wouldn't pressure him.

Myth_Understood

See ... here's the thing:

She trained him that marriage doesn't mean anything because she moved in with him WITHOUT the benefit of marriage. She can't expect him to *zzzap* change his mind just because she changed hers. Why should he suddenly want to get married, when he has everything he needs from her ALREADY.

It's make or break time. She needs to either accept the situation as it is TODAY - not how she wished it was if they were married. If she can't accept things as they are today, then she should move out.

If he wanted to marry her, he would have.

This is my view.

I am amazed at people who want a commitment and are willing to fit just anyone into that spot - what I mean is, I want to be with my man, with him in particular... I'd love to get married but TO HIM... if I cant marry him then I'll have to accept living with him forever, because I want to be with HIM more than I want to get married... I guess your friend isnt that in love with him, or what?

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: