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He doesn't love me...How do I fully accept this?
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He doesn't love me...How do I fully accept this?

I was with the father of my child for 3 years. We broke up about a year ago. Then recently started 'seeing' eachother again. I still love him, always have. I want more than anything to have our family together.
I just had a talk with him last night to find out what his intensions were and where he saw our relationship going. He basically told me that he just wants something physical. He only wants to spend time with me if its physical because he doesnt really enjoy being with me otherwise. We get along great and have fun, so I just don't get it.
Then he went on to tell me that he couldn't be with me because he doesn't see me as a good person, that he doesn't see any good in me and never has. I consider myself a good person, my friends and family think good things about me. I have never done anything wrong to him. He told me that the only reason my friends and family think good things about me is because they're unstable people, they're not good people either, that they're just like me. And the list goes on and on about negative opinions he has of me.
I know I shouldn't let someone tell me who I am. But it has to be partially true right? He really believes that I'm a bad person. Why can't he love me? Everyone else in my life loves/likes me, why does his opinion effect me so deeply?
I've come to realize that he just doesn't love me, and probably never will. I want to learn to let go of the dream of having my family together...How do I do this?


    




TraceyDonatello
Rating
wow do we have the same baby daddy? sounds like my crazi *** ex. well it took me 7 years to see that. Alls it takes is time. Thats the only thing that helped me. And ur not a bad person. its him and hes crazi and insecure.


emilsignia
Just say to him, "Wow, Projection, much??"
Keep repeating that whenever he says or implies that you aren't a good person.
Recommend the number of a good psychologist.
Also, tell him that isolating or putting down someone's support system is a textbook example of an emotional abuser.
Tell him you're on to him and have his "number".
Tell him you cannot start a family with him or even sleep with him until he sees that psychologist.
He will claim he never wanted to start a family/sleep with you.
Tell him he's in denial and give him the name and number of another psychologist.
Then end the conversation by saying "You're scaring me."
Abruptly end the conversation.


Punkcherri
Rating
i think that he is trying to use/ manipulate you. tell him that you are completely comfortable with who you are and that he is the one that is ugly on the inside. thank him for the beautiful child and tell him that the kid is prolly the most beautiful thing that will ever come out of him.


happywjc
He's just making "booty calls", move on!


Otaku
Rating
Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that! First, you should ask him why he thinks you are that way (not that you are, just so maybe to better understand him). Second, tell him how much you enjoy spending time with him and both of your child...that you feel complete. If this doesn't change him or make him want to work on the relationship, than sadly you might have to learn to let go of him. If all he wants is the physical end of the relationship, than he needs to learn what they are all about.
My favorite saying for a situation like this is: "if you love something, let it go...if it comes back keep it. If not...than it was never meant to be".
I wish you the best, and don't let people tell you who to be, be yourself. Remember, there's only one you!
Good luck


S H O U A‚ô•
Rating
ok first you cannot be serious that you are letting some a-hole like that define who you are with words.. unless you are really like then you have no reason asking this, but i think you're just letting love blind yourself.. surely you know that when a man doesn't love you there is nothing you can do to make him.. it's like forcing and you can't cause emotions is not something you can hold on to and shove around.. just like yourself.. you cannot be that dumb that you'd consider letting him use you like a toy.. play when he wants then dump when he's bored.. you have to take care of your child and show him/her the right way a woman should be treated.. when it rains it's going to rain regardless.. all you can do is shield yourself from it.. find friends and stay busy, or go to school and be someone he'll regret leaving and treating so bad.. his ways of dissing you and your family are only excuses to make him feel like a man.. and you should be defending your family.. don't be a doormat..

good luck


Nena S
Listen..You cannot change anyone. We cannot make other people love or accept us. We can, however, demand respect IF WE RESPECT OURSELVES FIRST.

I strongly suggest you go to counseling or therapy. This man is not the real problem....You are. You are your own enemy, and you will have to be strong and determined if you want to feel better and overcome this situation.
Right now, you feel like he has control over you and your life. And you are right...YOU have given him a lot of power over you! You will have to reclaim that power and work on yourself so his words and actions do not affect you so much. (Easier said than done, granted.)

BUT...It can be done. I know it because I had to work through something similar many years ago. Sure, it was hard...and it took a long time for me to recuperate. But I set my mind towards reclaiming my emotional independance from a toxic man, and therapy helped me.

Get professional help. If money is an issue, check out if your church has a support group you could join. Good luck. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND CUT THE TIES THIS MAN HAS OVER YOU.


jude
Rating
does this man see any good in u, except when he is using u in a physical way. don't let him effect how u see yourself. his opinion effects u because u love him, and if u love him u must think he knows what he is talking about. don't bother wasting your time trying to show or tell him your a good person, he obviously thinks what he thinks, and u can't make him see u any other way. he is most likely the unstable one. u need to stop giving in to him, and letting him use u, and then bash u. if he thinks your so bad i would tell him not to come around anymore. how selfish of him to only want what he can get from u, than walk away and bash u. but its your fault if u let him do this to u. some men just can't love no matter how good u are to them. facing reality is always best when your trying to figure it all out.


sparkwing_dimond
No it doesn't have to be partially true. If he always thought you were such a bad person then why did he date you to begin with. He cant love you probably because he cant love him self. All those bad things he is saying about you, he is just projecting. He sees those things in himself. Just tell yourself everyday, you are a good person and you deserve better. Don't sleep with him anymore, he pretty much admitted that he used you.





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